moxie60 Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Is it possible to just be friends with a guy after you have kissed him multiple times and you like him? I had this crazy thought that to save myself from any hurt and disappointment that I should just be friends with him. He has lots of friends that are girls. And he is quite the lady's man. I don't know if his intentions are to eventually date or if I am just another girl to flirt with. I don't know what he wants from me. Is it possible to go from being flirty and cute with a guy to going strictly just friends? I don't think he has any intention of trying to date me, he never has chased me. What should I do. I hate this feeling. And how should I go about this? I think he would make an awesome friend if I can get to that point, and just get over liking him. I just moved to a big city and don't know a lot of people, so any friend would be nice even if it is a guy I like. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 Yep, it's like a switch. Further, without any substantial interaction at all, negative or positive, it can change nearly overnight from friendly to cold. Certain people are wired this way. They really don't make good 'friends' either, so that's probably the instructive part. Link to post Share on other sites
Billy_Boy Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 I think in your case, once you make the decision to be friends only, it will get much easier for you emotionally to handle because you wont ask yourself so many "what if" questions. If he is just playing games with you, he will likely realize this shift and begin to pursue you, if he was never interested, things should remain the same. I wouldn't make a huge to do out of it, like telling him and all that, especially if you are leaning towards "friends" just make your decision and act accordingly. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 13, 2011 Share Posted January 13, 2011 OP, one potential is taking a bit of time 'off' so to break any consistency that you had and 'get over' whatever impulses which caused you to kiss him, then proceed down the friendship path. As a lady's man, it won't bother him as he'll be getting plenty of that attention from other ladies. He might not wish to be a friend, meaning a friend in the true sense of the word, not because of you specifically but because he never was a friend in the first place. You were another lady to flirt with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moxie60 Posted January 13, 2011 Author Share Posted January 13, 2011 Just so you know he was always the one that made the move on me,(Kissing) not the other way around I just followed along. Next time when we hang out and he tries to kiss me should I pull away or what? Just let him know that I am not interested in him that way even though I really am? I don't know. I am not in a position to really be dating, like I said I am a newby in town. Link to post Share on other sites
Alissa84 Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 It hasn't been possible for me. From reading your post, it does sound like you are probably interested enough in the guy for the friends thing to be a problem. I know that everyone's different. But usually when I'd be in those types of situations, I would end up being "friends" with said guy, but in my own mind I would just be hoping whenever I was around him that he'd show signs of liking me even though we were supposed to just be friends. And I have done this with multiple guys in the past. Even though I would treat the guy as a friend, I'd still have feelings for him and therefore my self esteem would take a huge hit when he wouldn't give me as much attention as I'd hoped. In addition to that, my energy was being wasted on wondering how the guy feels about me instead of meeting cool new friends/potential boyfriends who would like me for who I was. If you can be just friends with him, that's great. However, if you find yourself still thinking of him in that way, my opinion is that you deserve to go out and meet nice people who will make you feel good about yourself. I know that it's easier said than done to meet new people, but it's also been my experience that I meet less people if I'm focused too much on a guy. I hope that everything works out well for you! Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 (edited) Yes, I think it's possible. I've done it myself when I've decided he's too much of a flirt or does not seem as interested as I am. I suppose it's a weird kind of friendship because it means I've drawn a line and defined the situation, perhaps because he hasn't. There is also an element of "you're not going to mess me about!". But that seems reasonable to me if someone thinks they can pick and choose whether they want you or not. I think you have to mean it deep down too. By the time, I've felt the need to draw a line like this, I doubt if I'd trust the guy if he did suddenly start seeming serious. It'd all seem too little, too late. It's a matter of self respect really. Oh yes, and that does include pulling away and avoiding physical contact. This guy seems to be picking you up and dropping you at will. I don't like game-players: some of them know exactly what they are doing and are even using pick-up artist techniques. He may not be doing any of this deliberately like that but drawing a line puts things back on your terms again. If he wants you, he has to suddenly start considering your needs and not just his. If someone is continually hurting you, even if they aren't doing it intentionally, you need to ask yourself whether being in that sort of pain is worth it. Also, I'd suggest you google push/pull psychological techniques as they may be relevant in your case. Edited January 14, 2011 by spiderowl Link to post Share on other sites
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