Is it rude if you are out with someone and they talk on the phone?

[paleblue]

I was out a couple weeks ago with a female co-worker. We stopped at a bar to have a quick drink. We used to be friends. There are no romantic feelings involved at all. We have known each other for several years. We used to go out and do everything together as friends, even with her kids, and I knew all her family members. She was like the sister I never had I guess you can say. We had a falling out a couple years ago. I basically got kicked to the curb as a friend, because her boyfriend doesn’t like me. She went with it and didn’t stick up for me. It made me feel meaningless and I stopped talking to her for quite awhile. Now all this time later we have a drink after work to try and lighten things up. So we are sitting there, her phone rings, and she is talking on the phone with a guy friend for several minutes. It wasn’t her daughter or anything important. They were just chatting and laughing. I was sitting there feeling liek a jerk. I feel it was rude. I feel disrespected and I don’t even want to try and be friends now. But I am wondering, am I over reacting?

 

f it were me, I would say, I am out, let me get back to you.

[TaraMaiden]

I agree with you, I'm afraid. I think she takes it a little for granted.

 

It's hard to tell people you're offended, and to be honest, I'm not sure how you would begun to explain it, without coming across as rude.

They might be surprised at your attitude...

 

But there again, I might say (and I'm thinking on the spot here...) "You seem surprised to find out I'm offended. Well, your surprise I'm offended, is equal to the surprise I feel, knowing you'd even do something like that. I'm with you, and I'm spending time with you. Couldn't you have said, I'll call you back?"

 

It reminds me of a time when I was in a store, with a phone by the paydesk. I'm there making enquiries, and the phone keeps ringing. Dealing with me took 4 times as long, because every time the phone rang, they would interrupt what they were saying to me, to answer the damn phone!

 

My elder brother was in a car accessories store. saturday morning, big queue of customers, all waiting to be served, all patiently waiting their turn, while 3 lads dealt with all the queries, requests, questions and purchases.

And every time the 'phone rang, it got answered, and the customers present were delayed. Yet again, and again, and again. And they were getting pretty impatient and fed up.

At one point, the phone rang again, and the assistant nearest the phone obviously picked it up.

He got a shock.

It was my brother, still stood in the queue waiting to be served.

He said, quite loudly:

"Will you guys PLEASE stop answering the bloody phone and have the courtesy, professionalism and decency to serve the customers standing in front of you, who have actually bothered to get off their arses and made the effort to come in in person, please? Thank you!"

 

He received a round of applause from every other guy there.

 

The phone was left off the hook...

 

Yes. It's rude.

Edited January 13, 2011 by TaraMaiden

[denise_xo]

But I am wondering, am I over reacting?

 

No, I think it's really rude, too. I never answer my phone when I socialise in those kind of settings. If I know I'll be receiving a call that I HAVE to answer, I warn the people I'm with in advance, apologise, and try to be as brief as possible.

 

Someone told me the other day that she'd been to a wedding where one of the guests put her mobile phone next to her plate on the dinner table

 

It reminds me of a time when I was in a store, with a phone by the paydesk. I'm there making enquiries, and the phone keeps ringing. Dealing with me took 4 times as long, because every time the phone rang, they would interrupt what they were saying to me, to answer the damn phone!

 

My elder brother was in a car accessories store. saturday morning, big queue of customers, all waiting to be served, all patiently waiting their turn, while 3 lads dealt with all the queries, requests, questions and purchases.

And every time the 'phone rang, it got answered, and the customers present were delayed. Yet again, and again, and again. And they were getting pretty impatient and fed up.

At one point, the phone rang again, and the assistant nearest the phone obviously picked it up.

He got a shock.

It was my brother, still stood in the queue waiting to be served.

He said, quite loudly:

"Will you guys PLEASE stop answering the bloody phone and have the courtesy, professionalism and decency to serve the customers standing in front of you, who have actually bothered to get off their arses and made the effort to come in in person, please? Thank you!"

 

He received a round of applause from every other guy there.

 

The phone was left off the hook...

 

 

But at least the calls were work related, right? When I go shopping, I frequently find (judging by their age, these are usually students or pupils in upper secondary with jobs on the side) shop assistants talking on their mobiles with their friends discussing what they did last weekend or who is dating who or something along those lines. THAT annoys me

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, I agree, work-related, but still irritating as phook!

My mother calls the 'phone 'the great interrupter.'

 

If an assistant takes a personal call, I just knock loudly on the counter.

 

I have to say though, that's almost unheard of here...in the UK, many retail premises forbid their staff from having mobile phones on the shop floor....

I'm surprised that a country, such as the USA, with such a strong focus on customer service and the public industry, has such a lax attitude to this....

[carhill]

OP, when such things happen again, just walk off and chat with others. Or, if you're finished with your drink, put down your money and walk out. Actions

[Billy_Boy]

I typically avoid talking on the phone if I am out with someone, I find it inconsiderate, but I try not to be too rigid in enforcing those feelings because people have differing priorities.

[denise_xo]

Yes, I agree, work-related, but still irritating as phook!

My mother calls the 'phone 'the great interrupter.'

 

If an assistant takes a personal call, I just knock loudly on the counter.

 

I have to say though, that's almost unheard of here...in the UK, many retail premises forbid their staff from having mobile phones on the shop floor....

I'm surprised that a country, such as the USA, with such a strong focus on customer service and the public industry, has such a lax attitude to this....

 

I'm not American, based in Europe. I'm sure it wouldn't happen in the US (or the UK)... but general levels of service mindedness are really low where I live. It's annoying to say the least. Due to this, I feel totally perplexed when in the US with the oh-so-over-the-top-extremely-'friendly' waiters/waitresses - I get a bit like 'oh, are you for real??' Something in the middle there would fit my personal style. UK is good, actually. You get the service, but it's kind of low key (a lot of the time, anyway, IME).

[january2011]

I agree, you're not over-reacting. Another bugbear of mine is when I'm on the phone with friends and their children and partners interrupt and start chatting to them resulting in her trying to carry two conversations. I don't mind so much when it's younger children but older teenagers and adults should know better.

 

I blame free minutes (and texts). When each phone/text conversation was expensive and could be calculated individually, people seemed to be a lot more careful in how they used their mobile phones. It used to be a moment of hilarity among my friends when everyone placed their mobile phone on the table. Now it seems the done thing to keep your mobile phone to hand and you can be chatting to someone while having dinner and in the meantime that person has one eye on their phone monitoring their text messages and alerts.

 

/rant

[donnamaybe]

If I were to get a call in that situation from, say, one of my kids or perhaps a friend who I knew had just gone through something and may be in need of some time, I would answer the call just long enough to tell them I was visiting with someone and would get back with them as soon as I was free. You never know what's up when it's your kids calling, and a friend in a high state of emotion sometimes just needs the initial contact to be okay until you can give them some time.

 

Other than that, yes - it's EXTREMELY rude to do what she did.

[carhill]

LOL, I just remembered one of my friends chastising his wife when she was texting someone in front of me while we (she and I) were discussing a kitchen remodel she was interested in my opinion on. I guess texting can be addictive to some. I'll bet they don't even realize they're doing it in a way which affects others. "Put that thing away" were his exact words. Smart man. I'll save them a ton of money

[laRubiaBonita]

she may as well have blatantly told you that HER time and HER attention were too good/ important to just turn all on you.

[paleblue]

Thanks all, I felt like it was rude, but since my guard is up I was worried I was jumping the gun. I see I am not. Someone else said maybe she doesn’t realize what she is doing. and I think since she is 40 something now, she should be well aware what is rude and what is not at this point in her life.

 

I don’t know how I would tell her I think it was rude. Im not sure it’s worth it. Feels like we’ve completely lost touch with each other at this point, with no signs of a genuine resuscitation from her. Just crumbs.

 

Between her, and my exgf at work, its been super frustrating. On the verge of writing them both off for good. We dont talk for awhile, then we do and I am hopeful something has changed. They keep doing this kind of stuff. Nothing changes. You would think after two years, things would lighten up by now and we would be able to treat each other respectfully. Well, I guess some thing just never change. Mind you, these two are the ones approaching me to be their friends again. But Im not interested in being treated like this. I am not the same person I was two and a half years ago. I want them to step up, but I am not getting that. Maybe some relationships are just better off left in the past. Bums me out. But, what can ya do. Dignity and respect have become more important to me now.

[TaraMaiden]

Dignity and Respect are two primary factors no matter when. This woman obviously has little idea of either, or if she has, it's a pretty funny idea...

 

I wish you well.

 

Don't let the grapes get sour.

Make wine from them, and enjoy your life as if quaffing the very finest champagne....

[Lemontang]

As a rule of thumb when dating or I'm with someone I care about a lot, I've always taken the phone out and turn't it off in front of them and at times sit it down on the table. Especially when dating I make a slight note of it saying that they have my undivided time. I think it shows a lot of respect that your prepared to listen to someone and they often reciprocate as a result.

 

It also points out in a point blank but non confrontational way that if you were to answer the phone then yes you will be causing offense.

[Faded_x]

I think it depends on who you're with, and who's calling. With most people (particularly if it's a date, or with someone I don't know overly well) I will let it go to voicemail unless it's something really important. Usually I'll have it on silent and away in my handbag, but if for some reason I notice a call and it's someone/thing important, I'll apologise, tell them it's important and be brief about it.

 

I also think it's important how many people you're with. If you're in a group, it's not as bad to excuse yourself to go take a call. It's different when you're one on one with someone, and leave them alone to take the call.

 

If I'm with close friends or people I'm really comfortable with, I have no problems with answering my phone/texts if we're just hanging out. However, if we were having an important conversation I'd let it go to voicemail. If it was just me and one other friend, I'd answer a call and find out what they were calling for. If it were important, I'd tell the friend I was with that it was important and I'd just be a minute. If it wasn't, I'd tell them that I'm with my friend at the moment, so I'd call them back later.

 

I do have to say though, that I have a best friend who would answer calls and texts just about anywhere. At the movies, when we'd planned time together, out to dinner. Pretty much anywhere. For the most part I was ok with it, except when she couldn't even put her phone down for a few hours while we watched a movie at the cinemas. It used to frustrate me how she couldn't even go without checking it for the length of one movie! The thing that mainly annoyed me though, was how it was ok for her to answer her phone anytime, anywhere; but once you did it to her it was like how rude! I would never do it excessively. For the most part, I give all my attention to the person I'm with. But sometimes I figured hey, she does it all the time, what harm could it do to return a few texts myself. I just found it very contradictory of her to be ok with doing it herself to others, but not being able to handle having others do it in her presence. Sorry, that was a bit of a major rant. Feel free to ignore haha!

[TaraMaiden]

As a rule of thumb when dating or I'm with someone I care about a lot, I've always taken the phone out and turn't it off in front of them .......

There are other times when it is both wiser and safer to leave your phone left switched on, of course... but one would hope any times containing an element off risk would be few and far between....

[Mme. Chaucer]

When I am in a social situation or otherwise busy, my phone is on silent, unless there is some urgent situation at play. I can return the messages when I'm not occupied with something else.

 

I'm sure I'm not the only person here who can remember the good old days ... the days when the phone was PHYSICALLY ATTACHED to a confined place inside your home or office ... where if you were not in the vicinity, you would not even know it was ringing ... AND, when there was no such thing as voice mail, answering machines, call waiting, etc.

 

If somebody called you and you were not available, for whatever reason, it was a non-event! None of this "hm ... he called me, but did not leave a message" type thing was possible.

 

I am old school ... I often yearn for those days!

[Kiara HUSMC]

I agree with you, paleblue. Your "friend" was rude to have a casual phone conversation in the middle of your outing.

 

It was disrespectful on many levels, but most of all because carrying on a phone conversation when someone sitting in front of you... who wants to talk to you... is tacky. The extra sting is that it was the first time you had been out together in a while.

 

If she is really interested in rekindling your friendship, her attention would have been focused on catching up with you. She could talk to the caller at a later time.

[snuggles302]

Yes, I do think it is quiet rude to do so unless its an emergency or something. Especially in a group of people but often or not it could be that the flow of conversation might not interest them!?