Ran Into My Ex . . . No Contact Over 1 Year

[Yellowbug]

So, I saw my ex for the 1st time after no contact for 14 months . . . The story goes like this . . . I secured a new job that requires me to visit store locations, I walk into a required store visit, I sit and wait for the manager, I take notes while waiting, my head is down and I'm writing, I look up and my ex boyfriend is walking towards me as if I'm a customer, we realize who each other is, we make eye contact for 5 seconds, his face and demeanor changes, he turns and walks towards the back room, the manager comes out and we talk for approx 30 mintues, my ex never returns to the floor, and I leave the store.

 

Store visit accomplished with a big surprise! I was completely caught off gaurd and I assume he felt the same. I didn't realize he had changed jobs as well. I felt shock. I felt a headache. I felt stupid that I didn't say hello, but his face told me not to say anything.

 

What do you guys think about this interaction?????

 

(Oh, I broke it off with him after an on again off again relationship for 3 years. He cheated at the beginning of our relationship, and we tried to work through it, but the committment was never there. I loved him very much and would have done anything for him, but I was drained. I hit rock bottom one day in late 2009 and decided to never pick up the phone again. That's how I ended it. I was done talking. I couldn't talk anymore.)

[500daysofsummer]

you broke it off with him? then why are you here posting? do you still have feelings for him? it sounds like it.

 

let the poor guy go. if you don't see yourself getting back together with him then don't lead him on and let him go.

 

maybe he's trying his hardest to NC you

[Yellowbug]

My question is regarding my reaction and his reaction to the situation . . . Not about the break . . . The break is long over . . . I appreciate your post, but you have to realize that we leave people that we love as well . . . I loved my ex very much, but I loved myself more . . . It was shocking to see him "Out of the Blue" with no expectations . . . My issue is that he cheated, he neglected, he didn't committ, but I finally said I'm done . . . That makes me the bad guy?

 

My question is what do you think was going through his head when we realized who each other was?????

[500daysofsummer]

it's hard to say. it could be a lot of things.

 

he might be involved with someone else (maybe even a co-worker) and didn't want you to come back to interfere with his current situation.

 

maybe he really misses you and was looking forward to the next time you came in contact. but he froze up because it was so unexpected.

 

maybe you hurt his pride and ego by breaking up with him and didn't want to give you the time or day.

 

if neither of these sounds like it. what do you think it is?

[Yellowbug]

To be honest . . . I really don't know . . . It could be any of those . . . It was just weird and unexpected . . . I guess this was something that I needed to write on paper because as I state again . . . . I left someone I loved very deeply, but I couldn't fix it . . . I just couldn't fix . . . I wanted to, but didn't know what else to do . . . I stopped answering the phone and wrote a final letter . . . The letter said that I loved him, but I was tired of supporting everyone else and not getting a return on my investment. . . . Oh well . . .

[500daysofsummer]

do you think you're going to ask him about it? are you waiting for him to ask you about it? what do you want to have happen?

[Yellowbug]

I'm not going to do anything . . . That is what my gut tells me, and I reached out to my best friend and she said the same thing . . . She was there during my relationship with him, but of course she didn't know him or love him like I did . . . I thought about writing an email to say, "Hey, congratulations on your new job, and I wanted to say hello, but the look on your face told me otherwise. Anyway, hello and I might see you from time to time for business purposes. Hope all is well."

 

My friend and mother said absolutely NOT.

 

I just don't know . . . What do you think?

[PowerOfOne]

Your friend and Mum are correct. Absolutly not.

 

I don't know what his feelings are. He may still be stewing over the mistakes he made. You saying 'I hope to see you for business purposes' will cut deep if he is. Do you want that? On the other side, if he doesn't give a rats about what he did then he won't give a rats about the email.

 

Either way I think you should just leave it.

[Leandro]

you broke it off with him? then why are you here posting? do you still have feelings for him? it sounds like it.

 

let the poor guy go. if you don't see yourself getting back together with him then don't lead him on and let him go.

 

maybe he's trying his hardest to NC you

Ok, she did nothing wrong.

 

He cheated and she just couldn't do it anymore. She said they tried to work it out, but when someone cheats it's just not the same.

 

Where does she say she's leading him on? All I see is that she was at a job and he came in, simple as that. She didn't say a word to him, just looked at him.

[Yellowbug]

Powerofone - I thing you're right

 

Leandro - Thank you for sticking up

 

The past couple days I have gone back and forth with what to do . . . Write an email or not . . . ? I think he knows that I will be in his store from time to time, so that does not need to be written, and the fact that I didn't say, "Hello" was because he turned around and walked into the back room and left me with no other option.

 

If we see each other, then we see each other. I don't think there will ever be a point of being cordial or friends. I kinda wish things could be different, but Powerofone is right by saying that we don't know where his feelings stand about me. I am over the anger and hurt, but he could absolutely hate me because I just cut everything off cold turkey. I know him from the past, and he is not the person to see all angles. If you do him wrong, then you are the enemy. It's just the way he was with friends and past lovers.

[DellPickle]

Leave the situation...dont force anything...if you bump into him again, feel the situation and see if its right to say hi

 

My best advice like I said is dont force anything, even if you see him in person...I tried to force a friendship with an ex I broke up with, whom I still loved very much as a friend, but in terms of a relationship, as we grew and changed, our personalities and needs became much different than what they were when we first started dating 3 years prior and she no longer was they type of person I needed. Any who me trying to force a friendship later down the road once she ended her NC eventually backfired and really caused the only real fight we had ever had, which is funny because it happened long after we broke up...and we both said and did things that neither of us can take back and I regret the things I said and wish I could take them back, even though some things were/are true....so dont force it if you see him again....its not worth it.

[FreeheartLover]

What was going through his mind?

"Oh ****...I'm a douchebag...turn around and walk away and don't be mature and say hi."

[Hhhh]

in situations like this you will never know unless you take actions... i think it is best to send the email because you broke it off with him and ignored his phone calls... since you both ignored the courtesy call to say "hi" you will like the bigger to person to put it out there

 

If your posting here you obviously still curious about his life the worst that can happen is he will ignore your email and your ego will be shot for a week or so.

 

Just read your last post and i am the same way with everyone if you did me wrong you are the enemy, maybe thats the reason my ex hasn't reached out after i told her i don't want to be friends. I'm always going to back and fourth with anger and forgiveness BECAUSE SHE HASN'T REACHED OUT, but if i saw her and she acted as if i was never a part of her life i would be angry and never forgiving

Edited January 15, 2011 by Hhhh

[ginastar]

I dont know. I kind of think I would send the email or make a point to talk to him the next time you see him, if your going to be running into him.

 

but what would you do if you emailed him and he asked for you back and said he learned his lesson?

[Yellowbug]

There are so many good responses here . . . I'm torn . . . Some of you say to respond and some of you say let it be . . . I guess I'm leaning towards reaching out with a "Hello" email . . . If he responds, then I'll take it from there . . . If he doesn't respond, then I'll be okay . . . I think that I already know that he won't respond because of his disgust for me, but it will make me feel better about just saying hello . . . Heck, I was on his turf, in his store, and unannounced . . . I think a small explaination is due . . . I guess I would want one . . . Now, if he responds with a big ****You, then I'll be a little taken back . . . I'll get over it

[Yellowbug]

So, this is what I emailed to my ex . . .

 

"I understand that the circumstances of us seeing each other for the first time were unfavorable, but I wanted to reach out and say, "Hello." I should have said it while I was sitting in your store, but your reaction told me not to say anything. On the other hand, congratulations on your new job and we may see each other from time to time. I'm working for ****, so I visit the **** store locations.

 

I'm not sure if sending this email is the right thing to do, but I don't follow the rules so much anymore and I wanted to say something to address my presence in your store."

 

 

 

What do you all think????

[Yellowbug]

in situations like this you will never know unless you take actions... i think it is best to send the email because you broke it off with him and ignored his phone calls... since you both ignored the courtesy call to say "hi" you will like the bigger to person to put it out there

 

If your posting here you obviously still curious about his life the worst that can happen is he will ignore your email and your ego will be shot for a week or so.

 

Just read your last post and i am the same way with everyone if you did me wrong you are the enemy, maybe thats the reason my ex hasn't reached out after i told her i don't want to be friends. I'm always going to back and fourth with anger and forgiveness BECAUSE SHE HASN'T REACHED OUT, but if i saw her and she acted as if i was never a part of her life i would be angry and never forgiving

 

Love this information and advice . . . Please look at page 2 for the email I sent him . . . Please let me know your thoughts regarding my email . . . Thank you

[Von]

I can tell you from my own experience, after having my heart ripped out of my chest by my ex, then to have her stomp on it but screwing a guy after me and getting prego and having a child with the bastard, that if I ever were to run into her like your situation, the hatred I have for her would cause me to either do what he did or go up to her and let her have an earfull of how I really feel about her sorry ass.

 

I'd stay away from him. I mean seriously I have been traumatized by this woman and I forsee it taking YEARS to get over her. Let the past lay in the past and give that man some peace.

[Hhhh]

So, this is what I emailed to my ex . . .

 

"I understand that the circumstances of us seeing each other for the first time were unfavorable, but I wanted to reach out and say, "Hello." I should have said it while I was sitting in your store, but your reaction told me not to say anything. On the other hand, congratulations on your new job and we may see each other from time to time. I'm working for ****, so I visit the **** store locations.

 

I'm not sure if sending this email is the right thing to do, but I don't follow the rules so much anymore and I wanted to say something to address my presence in your store."

 

 

 

What do you all think????

 

If you sent it already there is nothing i can i really say but i like that its not to sappy and to personal...If you haven't sent it i would have some suggestions for you... Anyways the ball is in court i guess you wait and see where it goes from here

 

Hey, you won't be curious and left with "what if" questions anymore

[Yellowbug]

I can tell you from my own experience, after having my heart ripped out of my chest by my ex, then to have her stomp on it but screwing a guy after me and getting prego and having a child with the bastard, that if I ever were to run into her like your situation, the hatred I have for her would cause me to either do what he did or go up to her and let her have an earfull of how I really feel about her sorry ass.

 

I'd stay away from him. I mean seriously I have been traumatized by this woman and I forsee it taking YEARS to get over her. Let the past lay in the past and give that man some peace.

 

I understand the hurt and anger that you have experienced by her leaving and moving on so quickly, but was there a reason that she left like mine? My heart and emotions were jerked around for a very long time . . . I dealt with it while we were together, and after I left . . . After getting through the storm I'm okay, but I do think about him and care about him . . . I am not trying to argue a good reason for me sending the email other than just being respectful and having good manners

[Yellowbug]

If you sent it already there is nothing i can i really say but i like that its not to sappy and to personal...If you haven't sent it i would have some suggestions for you... Anyways the ball is in court i guess you wait and see where it goes from here

 

Hey, you won't be curious and left with "what if" questions anymore

 

 

I did send the email, and I appreciate your honesty . . . What suggestions would you have added to the message??????

[Hhhh]

I did send the email, and I appreciate your honesty . . . What suggestions would you have added to the message??????

 

Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned that you would be around the store again sooner or later because he might feel obligated to reply to the email and be good terms if your going to be seeing each other again. you want him to reply no strings attached

 

But hey we will take the responses as they come and might not think twice about that.

[Von]

I understand the hurt and anger that you have experienced by her leaving and moving on so quickly, but was there a reason that she left like mine? My heart and emotions were jerked around for a very long time . . . I dealt with it while we were together, and after I left . . . After getting through the storm I'm okay, but I do think about him and care about him . . . I am not trying to argue a good reason for me sending the email other than just being respectful and having good manners

 

She left me due to loss of attraction, because I had turned into a needy desperate clingy wussbag. And she most likely met this other man while getting ready to dump me and since he is probably totally opposite of how I was behaving it just sealed the deal. I had treated her very well throughout till the end when I became desperate. We had some large fights but nothing physical. Everyone tells me I'm better off without her but ya know, they didn't know her like I did. Regardless, I hate her guts now. She can rot in hell for eternity. I know I'll find love again someday because I'm a good man, but it doesn't stop the fact that it will take me quite some time to get over her.

 

Come to think of it, every person I have ever dumped either hated me for good after that or wouldn't give me another chance no matter what. They probably felt I burned my bridges.

[Yellowbug]

Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned that you would be around the store again sooner or later because he might feel obligated to reply to the email and be good terms if your going to be seeing each other again. you want him to reply no strings attached

 

But hey we will take the responses as they come and might not think twice about that.

 

 

I guess my reasoning for mentioning that I would be in his store from time to time is to give him an out if he didn't want to see me on that day . . . If he knows I'm coming, then he can dodge and avoid the weird feelings. . . . If he doesn't care, then he doesn't care when I visit and he'll just go in the back room again . . . I guess I'm putting the ball in his court to decide if he wants to stay or go . . . I'm a good person

[nature]

It really sounds like you care for your ex a lot more than you are letting on here. Maybe you care for him a lot more than you are even letting on to yourself? A person doesn't worry about the fact you may run in to each other from time to time if they don't have deep, strong feelings for their ex still. Let us know if he replies.