love

[Adore]

I just had a question for everyone:

 

do you think there's a right time to know you're in love? like does there have to be an amount of time before you know you're in love, or can it happen right when you hear that person's voice or see their face? Should it take a long time to fall in love, or can it happen within a matter of days? I would greatly appreciate feedback! thanks!

[Tony T]

You like to ask simple questions, don't you.

 

The answer depends on what kind of love you're talking about. Assuming you refer to romantic love, it really does take a while. You can be incredibly attracted to someone immediately and sort of have a feeling about them. You can be quite smitten and infatuated. But it takes a while to get to know them enough to see if they really have the attributes beyond the physical that lay the foundation for solid love.

 

Deejette made an excellent comment some posts back. She pointed out quite aptly that we have a tendency to project attributes we need in our life onto the people we are attracted to. So you can meet someone and delude the hell out of yourself thinking they are kind, sweet, generous, thoughtful, considerate, understanding, intelligent and all those other things we admire...when in fact that may have few if any of those qualities.

 

Because of the above, you can really fool yourself into thinking you've met the love of your life. Later on, when reality sets in and you find they aren't what you thought or projected onto them...there can be trouble. Of course, sometimes we can luck out too. But to absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are in love with the REAL genuine fully certified person, I would think it would take some months. Before that, call it infatuation.

 

It is particularly easy to project attributes onto very beautiful women. Studies have found that people consider them, as a whole, to be more intelligent, have more class, and to have more pleasing personalities than less attractive women. However, as we all know, that is not true...but that is the perception of people in general. So when we meet a member of the opposite sex that we are particularly attracted to, as Deejette said, we will just think all sorts of things about them right away that may or may not be true. We have absolutely no basis for thinking anything...except our mind just does tricks on us. I think it may be nature's way of ensuring perpetuation of the species. Nature does all kinds of tricks on us to make sure we reproduce.

 

You know you're in love when you really feel very comfortable around someone, you have no doubt they care a great deal for your welfare and vice-versa, and you can walk in on them in the bathroom while they are sitting on the toilet having a bowel movement, look for a minute, and emerge thinking no less of them.

[Nicky]

You like to ask simple questions, don't you.

 

The answer depends on what kind of love you're talking about. Assuming you refer to romantic love, it really does take a while. You can be incredibly attracted to someone immediately and sort of have a feeling about them. You can be quite smitten and infatuated. But it takes a while to get to know them enough to see if they really have the attributes beyond the physical that lay the foundation for solid love. Deejette made an excellent comment some posts back. She pointed out quite aptly that we have a tendency to project attributes we need in our life onto the people we are attracted to. So you can meet someone and delude the hell out of yourself thinking they are kind, sweet, generous, thoughtful, considerate, understanding, intelligent and all those other things we admire...when in fact that may have few if any of those qualities. Because of the above, you can really fool yourself into thinking you've met the love of your life. Later on, when reality sets in and you find they aren't what you thought or projected onto them...there can be trouble. Of course, sometimes we can luck out too. But to absolutely know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are in love with the REAL genuine fully certified person, I would think it would take some months. Before that, call it infatuation. It is particularly easy to project attributes onto very beautiful women. Studies have found that people consider them, as a whole, to be more intelligent, have more class, and to have more pleasing personalities than less attractive women. However, as we all know, that is not true...but that is the perception of people in general. So when we meet a member of the opposite sex that we are particularly attracted to, as Deejette said, we will just think all sorts of things about them right away that may or may not be true. We have absolutely no basis for thinking anything...except our mind just does tricks on us. I think it may be nature's way of ensuring perpetuation of the species. Nature does all kinds of tricks on us to make sure we reproduce. You know you're in love when you really feel very comfortable around someone, you have no doubt they care a great deal for your welfare and vice-versa, and you can walk in on them in the bathroom while they are sitting on the toilet having a bowel movement, look for a minute, and emerge thinking no less of them. I tend to agree with Tony. Basically there are degrees. As time progresses, you will come to appreciate what "love" means to you.

For me, love means the following:I have been in love several times, but when I was TRULY in love, I wanted to commit to spending the rest of my life with this person (and I'm generally quite commitment shy). But more significantly, I was prepared to make great self-sacrifices. I was prepared to sacrifice my safety and wellbeing for his. That is true love for me.

 

Hope that helps!

[Jesaco]

I just had a question for everyone: do you think there's a right time to know you're in love? like does there have to be an amount of time before you know you're in love, or can it happen right when you hear that person's voice or see their face? Should it take a long time to fall in love, or can it happen within a matter of days? I would greatly appreciate feedback! thanks!

Hi There,

 

Yes, you can fall in love in a matter of days. It all depends how often you see that person. And it has nothing to do with anything material. You can say to yourself that you're looking for a specific type of person with certain attributes, when all of a sudden you meet someone totally out of that "realm". You'll feel a certain magnatism toward that person and be very interested in getting to know them. And when you touch them, and feel that chemistry, that is when you know you're in love.

 

the "type" of person they are has nothing to do with it. It's those feelings you have when you're with them. It's almost like you have the feeling that as long as you're together, you can conquer the world. You'll automatically become best friends. And it won't matter how different your lives are. You'll want to learn everything you can about them, and also want them to know who you are.

[Adore]

Ok...I totally understand what you all mean. But I guess what I'm trying to get at is--recently someone came into my life, and I have these feelings for him. And it was like right away, I knew in my heart--without having known him long, that he was someone I wanted to spend my life with. Do you think that's possible? He's since conveyed the same feelings, but I was wondering can you actually feel that strong about someone? When we first talked, I got this emotional wave totally come over me, and it kept saying "this is him". Am I wrong to even think that this early?

For me, love means the following:I have been in love several times, but when I was TRULY in love, I wanted to commit to spending the rest of my life with this person (and I'm generally quite commitment shy). But more significantly, I was prepared to make great self-sacrifices. I was prepared to sacrifice my safety and wellbeing for his. That is true love for me. Hope that helps!

[Tony T]

Everything is possible and I think it's truly great that you feel this wonderful about someone.

 

Hold onto those feelings and persue the relationship with your whole heart.

 

Once you find out he can hold a job, he doesn't pass gas and belch in public, he doesn't have an anger problem, he won't beat you, he doesn't have a lengthy criminal record, he isn't on the verge of bankruptcy, all your friends like him, he doesn't have a girlfriend you don't know about, he isn't using dating services on the Internet, he hasn't gotten anyone pregnant lately, he has no court proceedings currently against him that could result in large judgements, he is clean and neat most of the time, he has good hygeine practices, he doesn't like to target practices with his gun inside his home, he generally enjoys doing the same things you do, he likes to stay up and go to sleep at reasonably the same times you do, etc. etc., then I think you may have something great going here.

 

Just because you are initially mad about someone and want to spend the rest of your life with them, there are just so many things you can learn over the months ahead that may preclude you from doing that. Love him but give the relationship some time to grow. Be patient.