Blue Gardenia Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 I am a woman in her late 30s. Fell in love, and we were talking marriage. We were not fighting but we did break up, causing both of us a lot of heartbreak. There was NC for 3 months, then I contacted him again. He was happy in a new relationship. I was shocked. Both of us are mature adults in our late 30s, professional, neither one of us is the emotionally reckless type and he was never into serial dating. When i contacted him, he said: - he still thinks about me - he still misses me - he still remembers what i smell like - he had gotten rid of my pictures but still had my emails and a few love letters i had written him - he took a trip down memory lane with me - he loved me, albeit in a different way than before - he knew I was hurt by the new relationship, and he still cared for me. - He said he has not closed his heart to me. I told him, yes you have. He said no I haven't, you have selective hearing. Then he said he's moved on and he's happy in a new relationship. He said he did not know what the future holds. He repeated that twice, even though he kept saying "i can't right now" to my plea's that he return to me so we can try again. I got the feeling that he did not want to hurt the girl he was with. At the same time, I got the feeling that he is happy with her and feels that it may work out because the obstacles that he and i had are not there. Is he trying to keep me in his "back pocket" by saying "i don't know what the future holds"? When someone loves you deeply, and you separate for reasons that have nothing to do with feelings (i.e. not falling out of love), does that mean that a part of him will always love me? Its been 3 months since we talked. I remain emotionally hurt by the fact that he was able to replace me in his heart so fast. I haven't heard from him. do you think he still thinks about me from time to time? do you think that if this relationship does not work out, he may think about me again? We truly had a loving, tender relationship. It broke up because there were some practical obstacles that we couldn't get through....but we never really tried to work on those obstacles. We just gave up. Link to post Share on other sites
ASIANRAINFOREST Posted January 14, 2011 Share Posted January 14, 2011 first of all, sorry to hear that...antoher hearbroken story... "do you think he still thinks about me from time to time? -Yes, for sure. "do you think that if this relationship does not work out, he may think about me again?" - yes, he might be. but the qesution is how long its goign to be? how long u are willing to wait? maybe, u should try to move on slowly too? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blue Gardenia Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 does anyone else think he may still think about me? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 does anyone else think he may still think about me? I am in a really simmilar situation. Ex in a relationship with someone new. Sending signals of interest...and signals of no interest. The first thing to realize is that the other person is no more sure about what they feel than you are. He probably still likes you on some level. Most people are not totally full of it when they say they like/love someone. If it's real then it's there and it never totally goes away. He also probably really does like if not love this new person too. He also probably is having a good time with this person. All you or I can do for now is accept that....for now Move on and see who else is out there. At some latter date if their available and your available then something may happen. Also don't belive the folks who say that a second chance at a even latter time is not possible. Google around their are dozen and dozens of stories (and probably millions more that aren't written about) of people hooking back up after years of being apart. My advice may be unduely sunny... just trust me it'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
dng Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) What I want to tell you is I remember years ago someone left me and I took it hard. It was my first real love. There wasnt LS back then but I developed all the methods described here on my own. Developed criterias for what my next relationship would be, how the person would be like, waiting for them to cross my path and enjoyed life in the mean time. Unlike in my current situation, I went NC after about a week of trying to plead with her. At my second or third phone call, she told me "If you keep on calling me I'll just stop answering" and I took it seriously and stopped. She made it easier for me by making it clear it was over for good. I was a wreck, it must not have been easy for her. I respected her for it and still do to this day. We had one lunch that did nothing, and one meeting where I gave her her things back and we had sex. I left her house, told her I would never call her or see her again and never did, albeit for one random meeting. I think she called me a bunch of times but I was back living with my mom at the time and she wasn't telling me about it. After some 12 or 13 years, I still stay away from her. We've been emailing for the past 4 or 5 years maybe once or twice a year. I know she has kids now but she's not giving me her personal email address or adding me on facebook. For some reasons she doesn't want to reconnect with me and I'm fine with that. Eventually the person I was waiting for came along. Extra bonus, she was one of the most georgous woman I had ever seen in my life. We had 9 stormy, passionnate, intense, painful, happy years together. Now she left and we played push-pull together for 6 months and I ended up telling her I had found someone and to burn in hell. Not the ending I was hoping for but I wasn't strong enought to resist her and she kept on coming. Unlike the first one, I lost all respect for her and some for myself. Beginnings and ends. My general point is you will find love again. My focussed point is when he told you "maybe in the futur" realise its probably something you made him say by cornering him. I did the same thing with my first ex and the most I remember being able to get out of her is the same thing, "Who knows what the futur holds". Be happy he's not leading you on and not lying to you. Courage sister. Try to love yourself enought to stay away from him. Edited January 15, 2011 by dng Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blue Gardenia Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 I guess I have to accept that he's moved on. But it seems like he spent no time mourning my absence from his world. He started the new relationship two months after we broke up....two months after he told me I was the love of his live and he would love me forever and that I would always live in his heart forever. I will never contact him again - the ball is in his court if he ever has second thoughts. But, I need to know if he still thinks about me from time to time, and if this is a rebound relationship. He said the girl he is with now helped him feel good about himself again after we broke up. I tend to think that is a rebound. But I know that rebound relationships do work out, and he is a mature guy. However, given that it is a rebound, would he not also miss me from time to time? If he loved me dearly only 6 months ago, is it not possible that he still has loving feelings towards me, and thinks of the memories sometimes? All you men out there - wouldn't you know? Link to post Share on other sites
marigo Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 (edited) I guess I have to accept that he's moved on. But it seems like he spent no time mourning my absence from his world. He started the new relationship two months after we broke up....two months after he told me I was the love of his live and he would love me forever and that I would always live in his heart forever. I will never contact him again - the ball is in his court if he ever has second thoughts. But, I need to know if he still thinks about me from time to time, and if this is a rebound relationship. He said the girl he is with now helped him feel good about himself again after we broke up. I tend to think that is a rebound. But I know that rebound relationships do work out, and he is a mature guy. However, given that it is a rebound, would he not also miss me from time to time? If he loved me dearly only 6 months ago, is it not possible that he still has loving feelings towards me, and thinks of the memories sometimes? All you men out there - wouldn't you know? Hi BlueGardenia, Just like you, i feel that my ex didnt really have time to mourn my absence. After our break up, we were talking everyday and hanging out everyday for about 3 months. But it was hurting me too much and i told him, i need to take him out of my life for now until im ready. This was before summer. Who wouldve known that he would meet someone literally 2 days after i said my "goodbye." In my heart, i feel that he never had the chance to really experience what life is like without me because even though we were broken up for a while, i was still there as his "friend" So I totally understand how you feel. I myself had the exact same questions that you do. I dont know if the new relationship is a rebound or not. It doesn't really matter in a way because most of rebound relationships I know lasted. But for most people it doest. So theres no way that you would know anyway. I know that it would make you feel good to know if this is a rebound relationship for him or not because i gives you a little bit of hope or reassurance that he still cares about you. What i do know for sure is that he still thinks about you. I recently just talked to my ex about this and he said that of course he still thinks about me, just not in that way anymore. But whenever he goes to a place or something and ive been there with him, of course he'll think of me. So im sure it's the same for your ex as well. Im sure he still misses you. My ex has a new girl as well and he seems so happy and in love with her. It breaks my heart so much and everyday, i ask myself the questions you ask here. Why did you guys break up if you dont mind me asking? Edited January 15, 2011 by marigo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blue Gardenia Posted January 15, 2011 Author Share Posted January 15, 2011 We were in different cities and each had careers. We were also of different religions. I made certain choices, but then I did some soul searching and realized that I had regrets. Thats why I contacted him again. I think if he had not met her in the meantime, he may have come back to me. I know I am dwelling on the rebound issue. A lot of people have told me that rebounds just "mask" the pain, and at some point he will have to deal with the pain, and at that point he may realize there were good things between us (and there really were!). But, I'm not sure if I believe that. I tend to think rebounds do last. But this is someone who was heartbroken when we broke up, and he said he could not envision himself with another girl. We had NC right away. In the months before I contacted him, i thought he was missing me. But he fell right into the arms of another woman. When we spoke again a few months ago, I heard the tendernes in his voice. I felt that he still had feelings for me. But, he also had feelings for her, and for him there was no turning back. Its like I have an open wound that just isn't healing. Despite everything I try, I cannot get the wound to stop bleeding. I don't want to contact him again but sometimes I feel that if I only knew if he still cared about me, I would feel better. I know that would be wrong, wrong, wrong, and I won't do it. I know he's happy, and it would be self-torture to inquire further. Link to post Share on other sites
Hhhh Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 i think he still thinks about you from time to time... it is impossible to completely erase someone from your memory... all the good things you guys shared will be forever remembered and it take years to kick those constant reminders if your relationship was good one. the bad memories fade slowly and good ones stay in your memory for good i think Link to post Share on other sites
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