MEN: Can you tell me why a guy is like this???

[Samson]

LFW's: AND I THOUGH I WAS BAD!!!!

LMFAO!!!!!

 

I'm sure this comment will generate other comments...fire away! LOL Samson?

 

Didn't the Sage DAVE1234 say it best "a turkey leg splay in hand is as good as the BUSH."

 

Befud; Lots of threads about the pros (and cons) of really good BJ's. Believe me, There's been some I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

[Fedup&givingup]

LostForWords,

 

Nope, not saying she (or anyone) is a sucker for a compliment. I'm explaining the reason why these men in her life may have used the compliment. They used it to get what they wanted. Period.

[Fedup&givingup]

In fact, she clearly is NOT a sucker for compliments as she remained adiment and did NOT sleep with either of these guys. She resisted and didn't fall for their temptations, lures, and manipulations.

[lostforwords]

. Believe me, There's been some I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley.

 

well obviously befuddled doesnt give head like a rat gnawing on cheese.....

 

 

befuddled..... sometimes i think guys think women are like a rubiks cube..... its far easier to take em apart and put them back together than it is to constantly twist each piece to figure out the puzzle.... in your case hes wanting to see what buttons he can push before your gonna give in..... youve laid your grounds with him..... something he may see as a challenge

[jenny]

i agree with fedup, except i don't think this guy has too much power - i think he is giving it his best shot, but he's useless, and foolish. if he is a player, he's bad at it. the best players feign not needing it; they maintain control, and that includes not emoting or verbally grasping while drunk.

 

i think this guy's a dude. now, i love dudes, there is no one i would rather go to diners and shoot breezes with, but there is a line in these friendships, and this guy is waaaaay over it. desperately over it.

 

samson: is brightly-lit festooned hallway head better?

[Fedup&givingup]

Right, Jenny. I'm thinking the reason he's not so smooth on his approach is due to the lack of rejection in the past. He's a heart breaker, then LOL.

 

Befuddled has rocked his world.

[moimeme]

Holy armchair psychologists, Batman!!!!!

 

This poor guy, who hasn't even had the opportunity of posting himself, has been thoroughly taken apart, analyzed, and torn to bits in absentia on the barest shred of information - a second-hand report!!!!

 

I really don't get this urge to seek malice in the actions of another. Why can't it just be that he's clueless? Why must everyone try to concoct a scenario that casts this guy in the worst possible light? Cripes. Thank God the courts insist on evidence (not just hearsay) before one gets prosecuted!!!!!!!!!!!!

[befuddled11]

Originally posted by moimeme

Holy armchair psychologists, Batman!!!!!

 

This poor guy, who hasn't even had the opportunity of posting himself, has been thoroughly taken apart, analyzed, and torn to bits in absentia on the barest shred of information - a second-hand report!!!!

 

I really don't get this urge to seek malice in the actions of another. Why can't it just be that he's clueless? Why must everyone try to concoct a scenario that casts this guy in the worst possible light? Cripes. Thank God the courts insist on evidence (not just hearsay) before one gets prosecuted!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I think it's a huge stretch to think of him as "a poor guy." The only poor thing, I'm sure in his mind, is that he's not getting laid by me (and I don't mean that in an arrogant way).

 

What is this deal with him not having the opportunity to post himself? And this crap about second-hand information? (hello, why would I make this crap up? I have nothing to gain from it....if anything, I'm disappointed that for the first time in my life I decide to try and have a friendship with an ex and this is how I get disrespected...I'm certainly not "proud" to share all this)...and stuff supposedly being torn to bits in absentia on the "barest shred of information"? Say what? I have a very sharp memory, particularly when it comes to things done or said to me that I find hurtful or shocking or offensive. You act as though I'm intentionally trying to make him out to be some bad guy. What would I gain by doing that? If anything, revealing all of this makes me look like a pretty big loser for continuing to give him the time of day, and it makes me look like a very poor judge of character.

 

If he were to post here, he would be the first to admit that he's a "perv" and he would be the first to admit that he's begged me for sex for a few months now. (well, maybe he wouldn't say he's "begged").

 

Here's a few excerpts from his most recent emails, to show you for a fact that he'll be the first to admit he's a perv:

 

"Anyway, thanks for thinkin of me today.....in need of a booty call yet? (just me being the perv!)"

(I had also written him back to wish him a Happy St Patty's Day).

 

here's another, after I very matter of factly told him I was not in need of a booty call:

 

"I'm sorta runnin behind right now so I will write ya later....no booty call eh....hmmm....ya must be gettin some then!!!"

 

He had emailed me late Thursday night, writing the following, but I had gone to bed by the time he'd sent it:

 

"If your up right now you should call me and chat...............gonna hop of to bed and just relax but if you wanna talk dirty to me give me a call :-P "

 

The very reason I broke up with him was because I got extremely tired of listenting to him blurt out graphic, explicit details of past chicks he'd "banged" and "nailed" and play by plays of past threesomes........God there's so many examples I could give. He would diss his ex girlfriend (one he lived with for 4 yrs prior to my relationship with him) and he would say that she didn't want sex for the last few months of their relationship (because she was having some gynecological problems, like that's her fault) and how he was such a great guy for not cheating on her.......because he sure had had plenty of opportunities and it would have been a piece of cake to walk into any bar and have picked up someone who was "willing."

 

I don't see, Moimeme, how you can imply (that's how I'm taking it) that I'm mistating or embellishing or making up the facts.......I would have nothing to gain from it. It's not that I"m some vindictive bitter "ex" who has her panties in a bunch because I want him back and he doesnt' want me.

 

I just wanted a nice simple friendship, as he had suggested we try. It took a lot for me to agree to this because I've never maintained a friendship with an ex before, I just never saw the need...........but somewhere inside, I did see a nice (but lost) guy and we had a 'connection there' and we did have other things in common so I decided to put the past behind us and to take 'sex' out of the equation and it seemed straightforward to me that if we did that, that I wouldn't have to further contend with his crudeness and disrespect. But that wasn't the case, quite evidently.

 

I learned well into our relationship, that he'd had a promiscuous past.......that he had been a self-proclaimed "slut" in his teenage years and early twenties......but he assured me that he'd grown up a lot, had changed, no longer had this burning desire to seek out all these conquests and that he no longer associated having sex with being in demand.......that he learned over the years that just because you (a guy) walk into a bar and some chick comes onto you and wants to take you home and boink your brains out, it doesn't really mean that it's cuz you're so hot.........that if it's not you she wants to boink, it'll be some other guy.

 

He had the analyses of his lessons all down pat, I guess.

 

Anyway, I've devoted enough of my Saturday to him, it's sorta pointless now. I'm puzzled by the fact that you are so quick to defend him and make him out to be some poor chap who's being falsely accused. Why would I make things up? Afterall, I AM the person who's still wanted to see if we could have a friendship.

 

*shrugs*

[Fedup&givingup]

Originally posted by moimeme

Holy armchair psychologists, Batman!!!!!

 

This poor guy, who hasn't even had the opportunity of posting himself, has been thoroughly taken apart, analyzed, and torn to bits in absentia on the barest shred of information - a second-hand report!!!!

 

I really don't get this urge to seek malice in the actions of another. Why can't it just be that he's clueless? Why must everyone try to concoct a scenario that casts this guy in the worst possible light? Cripes. Thank God the courts insist on evidence (not just hearsay) before one gets prosecuted!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I was given enough information to form a logical conclusion. Also, the person that originated this thread (Befuddled) was looking for reason to this man's actions.

 

The only psychological pinpoint I heard was that it looks like he's got ADD. IMO, that sounds like a diagnosis yielding behavior.

[moimeme]

hello, why would I make this crap up

 

I don't see, Moimeme, how you can imply (that's how I'm taking it) that I'm mistating or embellishing or making up the facts.......

 

I'm not, and that's not the intent. This happens everyplace, not just in this thread or on this forum. People have heard one side of a story and only some of the facts (because it would take you as much time to write the entire story as it took to go through it, assuming you remembered everything) and, based on that information, go on to infer masses of information about this man's life, past, motivations, and possible future behaviour - most of it highly pejorative. This is one example of that so this is where I'm posting my overall objection to this sort of thing.

 

Why do I say 'poor guy'? Because everyone is assuming the worst of him in absentia. It is one thing to say 'that guy behaved badly, if you don't like his behaviour dump him' and quite another to then go forward and make all these assumptions about why he does what he does; most of them making him out to be a horrible person. He could just be a misguided person who's not even slightly horrible, but a whole whack of strangers have decided that he's all manner of awful things based on no evidence. You can't impute motive from facts. If you had a readout of the latest session of mind-reading which proved that he's a scheming, sex-mad person who's been rejected, etc. etc. etc., that would be evidence. All you have to go on is his behaviour. You don't like it, don't put up with it.

 

IMO, that sounds like a diagnosis yielding behavior

 

Which doesn't lead to people hating him or maligning him. At least one hopes it would not.

[Fedup&givingup]

Moi,

 

I haven't read and certainly did not write anything making claim to this man being "horrible." Befuddled was seeking reason for this man's behavior. I feel that was given. It's that simple. He's an attractive man that has used his good looks to conquer woman sexually. Conquering them sexually (PROBABLY) edifies his ego.

 

Befuddled will NOT give into his constant requests for sex since they've broken up and decided to be friends. ALL she wanted to know is WHY he does this (I think that's all Befuddled wanted to know). And, she actually wanted a male perspective as to why this guy is doing what he's doing because one guy knows another guy's tricks.

 

I personally haven't said he's horrible. What I have said is he sounds arrogant and predictable.

[reasontosigh]

Conquering them sexually (PROBABLY) edifies his ego.

 

Nothing on you, fedup, but there is a double meaning in this sentence that I'm getting a kick out of.

 

Considering all his talk, I wonder if he really is conquering anybody.

[moimeme]

Fed

 

Wasn't singling anyone out or even paying attention to who said what. It's just a big issue of mine to avoid imputing intent or motivation. Maybe he's arrogant. Maybe not. The only person who can answer why he's done something is the person himself, no?

[befuddled11]

The facts are the facts.

 

He is the guy who admitted to me, around the time I dumped him, that he was aware of the fact that he WAS very explicit in telling me things I didn't need to know (but still continued to) about his past sexual experiences with exes, etc......and how I could have taken offense.

 

He is the guy who suggested that we be friends, this after a month of not communicating, leading me to believe that he truly did want friendship. I thought about it, I decided that if there was no issue of sex to cloud things, sure, maybe we could have a friendship.

 

He is the one who has obnoxiously asked me, during a nice conversation about day to day things, if he could come over to my house, sit me down on my office chair and "eat me out".....

 

He is the guy who has called me "weird" because I don't sleep around and go to bars to get picked up.

 

He is the guy who comes crawling back each month, leading me to believe he's really wanting to be a friend, yet inevitably, before long, the topic of sex is brought up by him.

 

I've been as clear as a bell that I don't wish to discuss my sex life, my lackthereof, my masturbatory practices, what turns my crank or rings my bell with him......as I don't discuss that kind of things with "friends"...yet he won't let up.

 

If you want to feel sorry for him and call him misguided and lost, that's your prerogative, but I am not so quick to excuse someone's bad, disrespectful behavior. I think in today's society, it's just far too easy to excuse bad behavior.....by attributing it to one of the many hundred disorders out there. As a society, we're slowly losing our belief that people have to be ACCOUNTABLE for their actions and inaction. That people need to be held accountable for acting like jerks to those who show them kindness and friendship.

 

This is not some rangy 13 yr old guy who's socially inept due to lack of life and relationship experience. This is a grown man, who at the end of the day, is responsible for his behavior. If he was that sadly out of control and socially inept, then I'd wonder strongly why he's able to "behave" himself in the presence of his family, which I've witnessed myself. Or my family. If he was that out of control, he wouldn't know when to stop......but he does, I've seen it.

 

I am convinced that he's simply not used to being rejected. He's told me, for heavens sake, that there's basically never been a woman that's turned him down in the past. That walking into a bar for him has been like being a kid going into a candy store. I'm surprised I didn't figure this out sooner. I am a challenge and a blow to his ego.......maybe I'm his 8th wonder of the world, I don't know.......but I do know that by continuing to have contact with him, I've been guilty of enabling his pr*ckishness, and sending a loud and clear message to him that his behavior is acceptable and tolerable. Shame on me. I will not make that mistake again.

 

I have never said I hated him, I don't hate anyone, never have.

 

I don't despise him, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I will think twice before I ever consider remaining friends with an ex in the future.

[Fedup&givingup]

Well, Befuddled...that rang clear as a bell in my ears!!!! I think you've learned a lot today, and I hope you have benefitted from posting your situation. It's worked it's own thing out, which is great.

 

Steer clear of him, and GOOD for you for NOT succumbing to his egotistical ways. This guy is inexperienced with trying to woo a woman into the throws of his passions because he's always gotten his way.

 

I agree 100% that in today's world there are all these newfound "disorders". How COVERT is that! That absolutely takes away any accountability and responsibility. It's BS.

[moimeme]

I agree 100% that in today's world there are all these newfound "disorders". How COVERT is that! That absolutely takes away any accountability and responsibility. It's BS.

 

My friend, I am sorry that you have such a closed mind. Until you know a person trying to cope with a disorder; until you live with such a person and understand his/her life from the inside, you won't understand. But what ought I expect? People blame the raped for being too provocative, the abused for the same. Of course blame victims of disorders.

 

Just understand this; a diagnosis of a disorder is NEVER meant to be an excuse. Rather, it points to WHAT needs to be medicated and what sort of therapy might be effective. If you don't understand that your symptoms point to diabetes, you can't be effectively treated. Now we know the symptoms of disorders, they can be treated and their sufferers can lead better lives.

 

Thank heavens some people choose to try to help rather than to condemn. The two men with ADD I knew didn't understand that they had ADD at all and blamed nothing and nobody but themselves. That they could not function socially left them rejected and feeling worthless as shxt. Once the second one knew there were reasons for what he was doing wrong, there was hope that his life could change.

 

Nobody would choose to remain living the way these men lived. Now we have found the reasons, there's hope for them and for everyone like them.

[Fedup&givingup]

I am aware of pshychological disorders. In fact, I am educated about them. There are some newfound disorders, namely ADD. I see how and where people all of a sudden use things like that and make that an excuse for not having to be held accountable for their behavior. It's a cop out.

 

I think Befuddled has CLEARLY depicted this guy and his behavior to amount to nothing more than a lack of respect for her over his own dealing with rejection.

 

Moi, you said that two of the guys you were with had ADD and had social problems...the man Befuddled is talking about hasn't had any problems getting women sexually, nor has he had trouble getting women's acceptance. He brags about how he's never been turned down, and he's not dealing with the rejection from Befuddled. Plain and simple.

 

I don't have a "closed mind." If I did, I would see the same problem with each and every situation. I do not.

[moimeme]

There are some newfound disorders, namely ADD.

 

It is not a 'newfound' disorder. It's been known for 50 years. It's just that it took until the late 1980s to figure out that people don't outgrow it.

 

I see how and where people all of a sudden use things like that and make that an excuse for not having to be held accountable for their behavior.

 

So they have disorders AND are irresponsible. It doesn't mean the disorders don't exist. Might as well get mad at people with MS who don't run marathons.

 

Moi, you said that two of the guys you were with had ADD and had social problems...the man Befuddled is talking about hasn't had any problems getting women sexually, nor has he had trouble getting women's acceptance.

 

He brags about how he's never been turned down

 

Yeah. Both my guys said the exact same things. In fact, they often have many partners in order to try to bolster their self-worth. They also do get turned down and rejected, but they're hardly going to tell you about it. What man will tell you how many times he's offered sex and been rebuffed?

 

The social problems were the same; overtly sexualized behaviour and language used at inappropriate times and despite my objections.

 

Any more questions?

[Fedup&givingup]

Nope, no more questions. Seems like you've already made your mind up that this guy has ADD.

 

I've made my mind up that he has issues with rejection.

[Samson]

Jen-

 

Not wanting to leave any data out of your survey, and because I genuinely like you, I feel obligated to answer the burning question;

 

samson: is brightly-lit festooned hallway head better?

 

However, I'm really not sure what "festooned" means? If it has anything to do with knawing, or rats, or cheese, then the answer is a resounding "NO."

 

But, I'd generally say that better lighting makes for better head, in or outside a hallway.

 

My opinion is really of no consequence. Now, Befud's opinion; that's probably something we could really benefit from knowing. In fact, having read the results of Befud's.......um......."work?", perhaps she would share exactly what type of lighting and venue, as well as some other technical details that may allow us to understand "Dude's" fixation?