Is there anything wrong with a man waiting longer than a year to propose?

[Crimson and Clover]

Wow, I have never watched the show you guys are all talking about, but getting engaged in less than a year sounds a little crazypants to me. No offense to the girl who said she did it, because I'm sure it's working for her, but it would probably FREAK me out. I totally believe in living with someone first though. I want to be married and grow old with somebody so I wouldn't want to be strung along for a really long time, but idk, just one year seems too fast. Two or even three years, at least, seems like enough time to get to know them past just the honeymoon stage, and live together long enough to know all the little quirks.

 

I have gotten burned by letting things move too quickly in the past .

[PeachyPink]

I don't know if I ever want to get married again, I don't feel like I "need" to in order to experience fulfillment in my life.

I LOVE this! It's a very healthy attitude!

 

If you believe that marriage is forever, why wouldn't you take the time to choose wisely?

[dreamingoftigers]

Statistically if a guy takes longer then 18 months to propose, then he becomes less and less likely to propose.

 

As well, the woman often needs to 'close' the deal by making it clear that that is something that she wants in her life. (NO that does not mean being a nagging crazy). Often guys will freeze on the way to get the license or whatever at that point the woman often needs to say something like 'well I hope that I am not wasting my time, it is very important to me.'

 

Read a lot on this in my last relationship, I was with a 'stringer.' A guy that waffles about on marriage and keeps a long-term girlfriend statistically is responsible for an average of two women remaining single. Sad.

 

I am glad that my relationship with him ended in time for me to still be able to have a decent choice in men. (Of course I chose someone completely unhealthy because I was too).

 

My husband and I became engaged after 3 months. Actually we weren't even together the first 3 weeks-month. We got married a year and a day to the day we met. He chased me right off of the bat and wouldn't take no for an answer.

 

Granted the marriage became a trainwreck but we were pretty happy those first few years.

[sally4sara]

I find more wrong in a guy who doesn't wait AT LEAST a year before proposing. The whole point to "its the thought that counts". Well whats a proposal worth with little forethought?

 

I hear of a couple planning to get married after only a year of knowing each other and I immediately wonder what it is the one who is pushing for it the most is hiding that they are so quick to jump on a legal commitment. I know if I'd cooled my ex husband's heels on getting married so quickly, I would have discovered quite a bit that would have stopped me from marrying him at all. And he knew it - thus his urgency for marriage.

[carhill]

OP, you might find this story and its progression to marriage and children to be an interesting read. Is it an exception? Perhaps. Regardless, it can be a path to find similarities with and differences from, all amounting in learning. Good luck

[Tayla]

Just to be clear in my post, marriage does not mean wedding day.

 

And to be even clearer, a relationship doesn't need go down an aisle to be healthy and regarded. Two adults are free to marry or live in bliss as they see fit in the culture they are accustomed to. I lean towards staying away from the "M" word entirely as its not an end goal in this phase of my life. Maybe the goal should be to accept the relationship, value it and be glad you have a significant other then be concerned if a proposal is in the works. Be it a man or a lady, the M word isn't for everyone that establishes a long term commitment. No paper is going to solidify that which the heart has already surrendered too....

(editors notes: I am not attacking the original poster of the thread in this small statement I made above but rather the concept that was presented. IF that makes sense)

[aerogurl87]

Statistically if a guy takes longer then 18 months to propose, then he becomes less and less likely to propose.

 

As well, the woman often needs to 'close' the deal by making it clear that that is something that she wants in her life. (NO that does not mean being a nagging crazy). Often guys will freeze on the way to get the license or whatever at that point the woman often needs to say something like 'well I hope that I am not wasting my time, it is very important to me.'

 

Read a lot on this in my last relationship, I was with a 'stringer.' A guy that waffles about on marriage and keeps a long-term girlfriend statistically is responsible for an average of two women remaining single. Sad.

 

I am glad that my relationship with him ended in time for me to still be able to have a decent choice in men. (Of course I chose someone completely unhealthy because I was too).

 

My husband and I became engaged after 3 months. Actually we weren't even together the first 3 weeks-month. We got married a year and a day to the day we met. He chased me right off of the bat and wouldn't take no for an answer.

 

Granted the marriage became a trainwreck but we were pretty happy those first few years.

 

I think this is true. Honestly like I said before, if you've been dating exclusively for a year and he doesn't at least know if he wants to marry you, then the odds of it ever happening are slim to none. And the longer you wait around, the more comfortable the guy will become with the status quo and keep stringing you on as long as he can.

[alwaysagoodgirl]

no, nothing wrong with a year or even more....

Are you happy with your man? If yes, then leave happy alone and don't worry about it.

 

Do you NEED to be married?

[Taucher]

I waited 8 months to ask my gf to marry me. I knew she would say yes. It felt right. We get married in April. My last 2 relationships lasted about 5 years each and I didnt ask either of them to marry me but I think that after 5 years it felt like it wasn't going to ever happen in both cases. It was partly why my last GF left me.

 

I have read quite a lot of research that suggests that couples who get engaged and married early (within a year) are more likely to stay together (no mention on how happily married they are just that the divorce rate is lower), which goes against received wisdom on the subject. I think that early engagement used to be the norm in a way that it isnt any longer.

 

But who should say whether a couple should even get married? SOme people dont believe that marriage has any point.

 

I dont think there is a right or wrong. Each is different.

 

T

[Spices]

Imo, a couple should be together for at least two years before they get married. That way they can judge if they're compatible enough to be together for an extended amount of time. It's only smart.

[chrissylee]

So after 8 months of dating you proposed? Most of my friends were proposed to within 6months-1 year of dating.

 

 

That seems like a really short time. 6months-1 year is really not that long to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. I don't think that the new relationship feelings had even worn off yet with my relationship. I just don't understand the rush to have a guy propose. You have your whole life to be married. What is wrong with taking an extra year to get there?

[chrissylee]

Because many guys won't propose to you.

 

 

I think if I had a guy propsose tp me after only 6 months of dating I would have to really consider if I even wanted to still date him. You haven't even been with someone long enough to spend every holiday together. If a guy wants to be married to you he will propose. It doesn't matter if it takes 1year or 4. If he really wants to marry you, it will happen at some point.

[ILOVEMYHUSBAND]

You and your boyfriend are taking things at your pace and that is wonderful. Enjoy the courtship period to the fullest! Have fun! Here is a link to an article that may be interesting for you.

 

http://dating.helium.com/how-to/12745-how-to-choose-a-husband

[lovelylove]

People who "believe" in marriage may propose earlier and stay married longer, just because they believe in the institution.

I don't think time matters. It's a personal thing.

For me, I'm sick of being someone's "girlfriend" after about a year. I don't like the label. Shallow? I guess so. I want a life partner, not a "boyfriend". I have lots and lots of friends who are men, not boys, anyway.

But, I'm picky..... really picky.... so I guess I will learn to be happy single

[Whatshername]

Try 4 years, in a 90 mile LD relationship, with obstacles to keep either of you from moving........then the obstacles are gone, you have spent every weekend, holidays, vacations together.........but someone has to move. I had waited 3.5 years to get full time job with my employer, and finally had benefits. No way would I move and lost those without marriage. He had retired from the military and gotten a contract job & made twice what I did, but did not like my location. I could not transfer for a year. How long can you drive? We never had a normal relationship, which for him, was difficult. I was sure of how I felt.

 

There was always something. He never said the word marriage. I did, and wife and he loved me being all in, but I was still an "option". He used excuses, and conflicts to pull away a bit, and backtrack us, all of the time. As someone said, how many "4 year stints" do you have to give someone? He knew I wanted to get married and if he did not, should have been honest. In the end, he broke my trust, bc her was afraid of the commitment and didn't even have the nads to talk about it.

[Macaw]

That would include PMC, merging of finances through a pre-nuptial agreement and the blending of families. This period doesn't have to be of a determinate length and it can end if the parties find irreconcilable incompatibilities. Regardless, it is *progress* to being *married*, if that is what one really *means* by saying the words 'future wife'.

 

Here's an honest question...

Would you ever propose to someone whom you'd need to sign a pre-nuptial agreement just to be safe?

 

Personally, if I can't trust that person enough to not only believe we'll stay married and grow old together, but also to believe that she won't screw me over years later should we divorce, then I clearly don't know her enough to propose yet.

 

It is good advice for people who are trying to jump the gun on marriage, but a better advice would be "get to know them better and take your time, if you spend the rest of your lives together, 1 or 5 years dating each other won't make a difference".

 

Of course, there are those of us who'll turn 180 degrees in the decades to come and we couldn't possibly see it coming back then. But I'd be terribly disappointed if my S.O. didn't get offended if I mentioned any sort of pre-nuptial agreement before we married. I'd rather be backstabbed many years later.

[missmac]

6 months to a year? ha!

 

the time between meeting someone and "puttin a ring on it" can take any number of days, months, years, depending on the couples combined comfort level and openness to making that sort of commitment.

 

You will know when the time is right for your relationship to make that next step - dont make a correlation between time past and readiness for marriage. Everyone is different.

 

Personally I dont think 1 year is enough time for a man or woman to decide whether of not they want to spend the rest of their lives with you. Its not something you want to rush

 

cheers

[Crazy Magnet]

Everybody is different. For people who are younger a few years makes more sense. For those who are older, we have more dating experience, know what we want, and should be able to make a reasonable estimate of whether or not we want to stay with someone a year into things. A year IS actually a long time, especially if you have daily communication, see each other most or all days of the week, etc.

[codycat]

Hey, first off a year isn't that long, but a lot goes into this besides the time frame, like how old are you guys? Are you still in school?

Maybe he just wants to be 100% certain that you two are right for each other, probably so it will last till death do you part.... Maybe he's had long term relationships in the past that went sour, so he doesn't want to make the same mistake again.

Do you have a ring on your finger now?

I dated 2 and a half years before marriage and never thought anything of it..

Edited March 20, 2011 by codycat
spelling error

[aerogurl87]

Everybody is different. For people who are younger a few years makes more sense. For those who are older, we have more dating experience, know what we want, and should be able to make a reasonable estimate of whether or not we want to stay with someone a year into things. A year IS actually a long time, especially if you have daily communication, see each other most or all days of the week, etc.

 

I agree, a year IS a long time no matter what anyone else says. Especially if you move in together for 6 months of that year, then he better damn well know after 6 months or so if he wants to be with you and vice versa. I told my boyfriend when I moved 2,000 miles away to be with him that me moving in with him meant we were going to get engaged in the next two years. The only reason I even gave it that long is because 1) money will be tight for awhile and 2) the first year of our relationship was a LDR. Had he lived near me and we'd been able to see each other all the time then you betcha I'd had a shorter time frame.

 

One year is long enough to know if you want forever, two years is long enough to tie the knot, three years just shouts doubts, and four years or more is just asking for heartache.

[carhill]

Here's an honest question...

Would you ever propose to someone whom you'd need to sign a pre-nuptial agreement just to be safe?

 

Sure. My net worth was about 500 times that of my exW when we got married (without a prenup) and she made out really well. I'll never get married again without one. TBH, it'll take a helluva woman to even get a proposal out of me now. Pre-nup and PMC will be *mandantory*. If she don't like it, move on.

[chrissylee]

A year really is not that long. You are just barely getting to know someone after that amount of time. You probably have not even learned all their faults yet especially if you aren't living together.Whats wrong with taking it slow? If you really believe someone is the one then what is wrong with taking an extra year for a proposal.

[interfuse]

That woman TV show whatever sounds ridiculous. First of all, marriage is a big deal. It may take up to years to be fully committed to a person to marry them. Six months to a year is way too early for getting engaged. You wouldn't have enough time to fully adapt to your partner and living together. It would give me red flags if a guy proposed to me after we've been together for six months to almost a year.