should i break up with her? smoking hookah

[hest812]

I have already adviced my girlfriend (6 months relationship) not to smoke hookah again cause of its dangerous health hazards (MUCH deadlier than cigarettes) and she agreed not to smoke it again.

 

We are both 27 years old, plus, she is a Honours Degree holder, she SHOULD know the dangers of hookah

 

Then one day, I saw in her friend's Facebook photo album, she was smoking a hookah again!! The photo was uploaded just hours back!

My heart really sank, she did not heed my advice.

 

What should I do with her? I really love her so much, should I give her one final chance or demand a breakup?

 

Please advice... :'(

[Billy_Boy]

Jesus... let her smoke the hookah, who cares?

[Jazzari]

Obviously, he cares. That's part of a serious relationship. You care about the health of your partner.

 

Also, you have to consider if there are going to be any children in the future and how her habit might impact that.

 

Besides the health issue, the fact that she lied and is hiding the smoking is something to worry about. I'd talk to her about it. Was it a one time thing or is she smoking regularly?

 

Breaking a habit is hard, so if it was a one time thing, I'd be likely to forgive her and try again. If she's been smoking regularly and lying about it, then I would have a serious problem with that.

 

Oh - one last point. Just because the photo was uploaded recently, doesn't mean it was a recent picture. You might want to check on that if you can.

[Star Gazer]

Are you upset that she smoked again, or are you upset that she didn't heed your advice?

 

And are you sure she smoked since your talk about it? Just because the photo was unloaded a day ago doesn't mean she smoked a day ago.

[Stung]

Most people I know who smoke a hookah do it as a once-in-a-while thing, because it's something different. I used to smoke a hookah myself, maybe once every couple of months. Was your girlfriend smoking it every day?

[Feelin Frisky]

You'll just have to tell her that this is your deal-breaker. No god damn smoking. Period.

[hest812]

No, the first time she told me that she smoked hookah was when she was with her group of friends. Maybe every 2-3 weeks?

 

But still, I would want her to quit it. I am already disappointed she did not heed my advice. She LIED to me. That's the fact.

 

Should I forgive her and give a second chance??

[Woggle]

Just let her be. You are acting like her father. If it is this much of a dealbreaker to you then break up but trying to make her stop will only cause friction.

[Ruby Slippers]

You need to lighten up. Smoking hookah is like drinking a few beers on the danger scale.

 

You sound like a control freak who could use a little hookah yourself.

[kdark]

No, the first time she told me that she smoked hookah was when she was with her group of friends. Maybe every 2-3 weeks?

 

But still, I would want her to quit it. I am already disappointed she did not heed my advice. She LIED to me. That's the fact.

 

Should I forgive her and give a second chance??

 

As a die hard hookah smoker, I personally don't see what the big deal is with her doing it every couple of weeks with her friends.

 

But if this is one of those things that you know you can't be in a relationship with someone if they do it, then it's either you or hookah.

 

What exactly is so bad about it?

[hest812]

As a die hard hookah smoker, I personally don't see what the big deal is with her doing it every couple of weeks with her friends.

 

But if this is one of those things that you know you can't be in a relationship with someone if they do it, then it's either you or hookah.

 

What exactly is so bad about it?

http://www.ucanquit2.org/facts/hookedhookah.aspx

 

If she wants babies in the future, she must quit hookah before its too late.

 

Its either me or hookah. Her choice.

[kdark]

http://www.ucanquit2.org/facts/hookedhookah.aspx

 

If she wants babies in the future, she must quit hookah before its too late.

 

Its either me or hookah. Her choice.

 

Sounds like I gotta find me a hookah smoking girl, since I don't want kids. Increases my chance of finding infertile women. And I've read hundred of little factoids like that about marijuana growing up, and found out that pretty much all of them weren't true.

 

Hey it's your call whether you want to be with a hookah smoker or not, but to be honest, you sound very controlling when you issue ultimatums like that, and assume that she's going to become infertile from smoking hookah every couple of weeks.

[welikeincrowds]

http://www.ucanquit2.org/facts/hookedhookah.aspx

 

If she wants babies in the future, she must quit hookah before its too late.

 

Its either me or hookah. Her choice.

 

The fact, hest812, is that the source you just quoted is a persuasion document financed by the Department of Defense. It's not a study, nor does it cite any.

 

Ask yourself: why would the Department of Defense care about (read: finance) this issue? Do you really think it's out of kindness?

 

We can agree that tobacco is harmful and potentially dangerous.

 

We can agree that driving a car is harmful and potentially dangerous.

 

Of course the answer here is to throw it all away now; I suppose because you're afraid it'll all be thrown away for you later (in a manner not in your control -- I hope you realize that's always a possibility). So don't control her; control your own life. Leave her if you can't reconcile.

 

But I will say this: if you want babies in the future, you must consider allowing your partner some autonomy and some respect by allowing her to make lifestyle decisions that don't make sense to you.

[GooseChaser]

Sounds like I gotta find me a hookah smoking girl, since I don't want kids. Increases my chance of finding infertile women. And I've read hundred of little factoids like that about marijuana growing up, and found out that pretty much all of them weren't true.

 

Hey it's your call whether you want to be with a hookah smoker or not, but to be honest, you sound very controlling when you issue ultimatums like that, and assume that she's going to become infertile from smoking hookah every couple of weeks.

Smoking is a deal-breaker for many people. Why does simply extending that to hookah-smoking make him controlling?

[kdark]

Smoking is a deal-breaker for many people. Why does simply extending that to hookah-smoking make him controlling?

 

If I were in her situation, I would think it was pretty controlling. He reads some blurb from the department of defense about hookah smoking, and now he wants to break up with his girlfriend over it. I need to know more about how he has tried to broach this subject to her than just advising her not to once. He should try to talk to her about it, rather than just preaching to her and then issuing an ultimatum.

 

But smoking hookah and smoking cigarettes to me are totally different.

[GooseChaser]

If I were in her situation, I would think it was pretty controlling. He reads some blurb from the department of defense about hookah smoking, and now he wants to break up with his girlfriend over it. I need to know more about how he has tried to broach this subject to her than just advising her not to once. He should try to talk to her about it, rather than just preaching to her and then issuing an ultimatum.

 

But smoking hookah and smoking cigarettes to me are totally different.

I agree that since it seems that he would like the relationship to continue, he should talk to her about it and try to work it out. However, I think that he has the right to his opinion about hookah smoking, and he can also break up with someone for any reason he wants. If that's a good reason to him, I think that's fair enough. They need to figure out if they're compatible.

[welikeincrowds]

I agree that since it seems that he would like the relationship to continue, he should talk to her about it and try to work it out. However, I think that he has the right to his opinion about hookah smoking, and he can also break up with someone for any reason he wants. If that's a good reason to him, I think that's fair enough. They need to figure out if they're compatible.

 

Incompatibility is sometimes a wrong label people give to lack of compromise. More importantly for OP: the inverse is also true.

 

It's understandable that smoking/non-smoking is an incompatibility. Ironically, OP views this as a lack of compromise on her part -- but if he wants to frame it that way, then it can be just as easily said that he is also lacking in compromise.

[Hannah86]

Hest,

 

You're really going to have a hard time finding people on LS to empathize with you. Hookah is largely regarded in the US/Western World as a fun, social, once-in-a-while thing people do with friends, particularly PEOPLE IN THEIR TEENS AND TWENTIES. I say US/Western World because I sensed that you are not a native English speaker.

 

So, morals aside, the second issue is you want her to stop before you tell her to. Again, this sounds more like you are telling her not to do something that she enjoys. Would you make her stop watching TV because she could become fat one day? Would you make her stop drinking sodas because they cause cancer?

 

If you would cool down, and accept that she likes to be social with friends and smoke hookah, maybe she would invite you to come out with her more, and you could have fun with her and be in the pictures too.

[Art_Critic]

What exactly is so bad about it?

 

From the MayoClinic

 

While research about hookah smoking is still emerging, evidence shows that it poses many dangers:

 

* Hookah smoke contains high levels of toxic compounds, including tar, carbon monoxide, heavy metals and cancer-causing chemicals (carcinogens). In fact, hookah smokers are exposed to more carbon monoxide and smoke than are cigarette smokers.

* As with cigarette smoking, hookah smoking is linked to lung and oral cancers, heart disease and other serious illnesses.

* Hookah smoking delivers about the same amount of nicotine as cigarette smoking does, possibly leading to tobacco dependence.

* Hookah smoke poses dangers associated with secondhand smoke.

* Hookah smoking by pregnant women can result in low birth weight babies.

* Hookah pipes used in hookah bars and cafes may not be cleaned properly, risking the spread of infectious diseases.

 

The basic risk the way I see it the same basic risks as cigarette smoking..

With cigarette smoking you smoke you die.. or you die of something smoking related.

 

After watching 2 of my parents die from lung cancer from cigarette smoking I can attest that smoking kills.. and it is a horrible death.

 

As far as the deal breaker aspect.. like people who will only date non smokers.. so be it.. we all have our deal breakers...

To each his own I guess...

Edited January 15, 2011 by Art_Critic

[EricaH329]

I smoke out of a hookah occasionally. I smoke flavored tobacco which only contains .2% of nicotine. Smoking anything at all will cause issues.

 

Maybe I missed something here, but I assume if you are against someone smoking out of a hookah, you are against smokers in general?

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree that since it seems that he would like the relationship to continue, he should talk to her about it and try to work it out. However, I think that he has the right to his opinion about hookah smoking, and he can also break up with someone for any reason he wants. If that's a good reason to him, I think that's fair enough. They need to figure out if they're compatible.

I agree. But she should not agree to do something (refrain from smoking hookah) and then go back on that. If it's that important to her, she should refuse to give it up and then let him decide if he's OK with that or not. Making commitments then breaking them is not OK.

 

And I agree that if this is a deal breaker for hest812, he should end it. You're not going to change her. Accept her as is or move on.

[ConflictedGuy27]

this is just one instance, of many that will eventually surface, where it's either your way, or the highway.

 

let bygone's be bygone's, and let her go; as she'll likely begin to resent your attempts to restrict her life, over time, if you don't.

[Stung]

Smoking hookah is a social thing, and not particularly addictive. It's not healthy, no, but in Western culture it's generally something people do only once in a while probably during a phase of their life i.e. for a few years in their 20s, as a fad. In those regards, it's very different from smoking cigarettes, which is addictive and which most smokers do multiple times per day, every day, for many years.

 

It's fine if you decide it's a dealbreaker for you, that's a personal choice. It's not one I would make, but I'm not you. And I wouldn't be happy about being lied to either, but I can understand why she would feel like you made a mountain out of a molehill and were acting like her dad.

 

For what it's worth, trying to control your girlfriend's social activities only six months into your relationship, because you're worried about babies you might have one day...that is a little controlling and odd, in my opinion. But again, I'm not you. And I smoked a hookah probably once every other month for a few years in my late 20s and I now have a beautiful bouncing baby boy.

[northern_sky]

this is a truly retarded reason to break up with someone.

[colliejoanie]

Telling her not to smoke "or else" will make her resent you......AND hide it better.

 

She knows you don't like it, she knows the reasons why. I'm sure she'll quit on her own. But you making a big deal out of it and trying to make her change will not benefit anyone.