I dont feel anything. Have I lost the plot.

[brenda collins]

To cut a long story short I have had a tough two years. Iv had some crap relationships (If you can call them that) one of the pricks I dated had a girlfriend the whole time I was seeing him which i didn't know about until the end. I then had a fling with my best guy friend and we fell out and he moved away. This hurt me more than anything. Then to top it all off I met a nice guy but it was the same old story he didn't want anything serious. I fell pregnant with his child which he didn't want and I had an abortion. Aside from relationship issues I had problems with my health (I got headaches, bad skin) and have been constantly at the doctors getting checks. They never find anything wrong. I also lost a lot of friends (probably because im no fun to be around anymore) Things are calming down there is no drama in my life right now but i just dont feel anything anymore. I feel num,b and dont have any feelings for anyone or really any feelings at all. I find myself obsessing over little irrelevant things mostly to do with my looks. (I freak out if i get a spot and if my hair isnt he exact colur or sty;le i want it ruins my mood for weeks. I probably spend about 90% of my time in the mirror. I blame a lot of this on my job as I work in an environment where people are constantly judging me on my looks. Sometimes i feel like i am in a goldfish bowl. I love my job but its stressful and Im working six days a week for little money. Although i do get other bonuses like free clothes. I dont know what to do im so unhappy and i hate being obsesed over what i look like.