from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 I was with my girlfriend for nearly 9 months. when we met I had my own apt. She insisted we move in together, we got a different place, a month into the relationship I found oout she was still married on paper, her ex is in prison. I confronted her on this and she said she would get divorced. The relationship proceeded, she said she wanted to have a baby, and has used the "im pregnant" excuse many times (early in the relationship) as a way to test me, i would later find. I looked past it, after January this year, things started getting strange, we would fight often, she was being very suspicious at her workplace, whenever ger boss would come in, whenever i would call her work, if HE answered, he was rude to me. ....then on my cell phone one day, about 2 mo ago, this guy left a message for her, she maintained that a friend at work had given this "mystery guy" our #. also...I found in her purse a letter to her ex husband, saying how she thinks of him nightly. when myy income tax refund came, i plotted to leave her for good, knoweing all of this and realizing she was definitley lying about things. i withdrew all the $, she ended up getting my wallet from me aafter a shoving match, and took the $, she seemed affectionate later on, but i knew something wasnt right....thats the night she never came home, I suspected she cheated, so I waited till she took a bath, and said a prayer to find ALL or some of the $ that she hid on me. ( ishoulda called the cops i know!), I found 200 bucks, and the the next morning I hopped a train to the west coast. she called the cell phone (*which I left behind) and sounded deeply hurt that i left. but now, she hasnt called or anything, since we both told each other to stay out the others life, do you think she regrets anything, or what s the deal Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Hey ND... It sounds like your girl was a very confused person. Like she loves you, but wants her ex too. Let her figure out the mess in her head and maybe she can give you answers someday. You are very brave to hop on a train and leave. I feel like I just want to leave. But I cant. My life is here in PA. But I should go away on weekends. Hang in there. We can help each other out through these hard times. Are you planning on going back? Link to post Share on other sites
Author from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 see thats the hard part, I wanna go back, or she could move here to seattle, but I need for her to make a decision with her ex, she gotta make it on her own, I guess by me, leaving, either tells her I meant business, about the divorce and the cheating, or else she sees it, that her ex is the answer, I dont know, for me to go back would take some serious open and HONEST discussion with her, I already got a job here and changed my drivers licence and forwarded my mail, so.... I don't know, I just get causght up in "did she really love me", I look at her as confused too, she was always Jealous and insecure, it was like she was afraid to lose me, she always said that, but then she cheated, why?? why ? why? Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 I too was very insecure and that is what tore us apart. He never gave me any reason NOT to trust him. Believe me, If I can go back and change something...that would be it. He always loved me for me and I screwed it up...bad. Well, it looks like youve bad a life for yourself now in Seattle. Give her your new number and address and see whats to come. My boyfriend hasnt even seen my new apartment, and he only lives 10 minutes from me. He broke it off with me 2 weeks before I got my place. Im wondering if this had anything to do with it. A commitment thing or something. Well...Hopefully I cant get answers soon. Because this is very unfair. Ugh.....Well, hang in there ND. Check out Seattle and try to take your mind off things. I KNOW ITS SOOOO HARD TO DO. TRUST ME. I dont know if Im coming or going anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 so you were gonna move on your own before this happened???, I have a suggestion for you, I mean either way you are hurting right? call him tonite and tell him youwant to meet somewhere, you dont get nowhere on the phone, PLUS people can bs you on the phone, if you meet him in person, he will see its the REAL you, and ..if you REALLY want him back, and that dont work, send the guy flowers and a card. sounds cheesy for a guy, but I mean it do it, he will be moved, at least to reflect on things and want to talk to you, anyway if you can meet him somewhere neutral, like coffee, and just tell him you have things to say, and DO it let it out, how you feel, ...at least you are in the same town, , also i wanna know, should i write my chik a letter telliung her everything and that I can understand why she may have lied and cheated, even though it hurt, i wanna forgive her, this is the 1st woman who has wronged me ion so many ways, but yet my heart tells me i love her and to forgive her? what should i do, do you think she is even thinking about me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 invite him for coffe to your apt...no hidden motives, just to talk..say "hey we are adults, at least lets talk about it so i can get some closure, Link to post Share on other sites
sinkerswim Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 She must be thinking about you. I ask myself the same questions though. If you were with her ALL the time, she must be thinking of you. I was with my boyfriend 8 years straight. No breaks. The longest we had ever been apart was 7 days. That was it. I hope he is thinking about me, even though he is being so cold and distant. Well, in your case...yes...Write her. Just do it. It doesnt hurt. At least she will know. And you will have some peace of mind. Tell her how you feel. Give her the new number and address. I cant call my boyfriend tonite.. But I want to. I cant get up enough courage. I am soo afraid of being shot down again. Apperently, he doesnt want to look at me or talk to me right now. I know there is nobody else...hes just being his old stubborn self. I DO, however, want to send him a basket of his favorite goodies. But, maybe that is wrong too. :-( I wont be on the comp anymore tonite..but I will be back tomorrow. Thanks for chatting with me ND...you are a big help. Hope to talk soon again. Keep the faith. Thats what I am telling myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 sinkorswim...You live life once.....If you call him and do this, he MIGHT come over, youll be kicking your but later because you didnt, the worst that will happen is that he wont come over, do it do it, do it send flowers or call, be brave like i was to hop the train, GO WITH YOUR HEART dont be arfiad, true love knows no limits! Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Originally posted by from ND I was with my girlfriend for nearly 9 months. when we met I had my own apt. She insisted we move in together, we got a different place, a month into the relationship I found oout she was still married on paper, her ex is in prison. I confronted her on this and she said she would get divorced. The relationship proceeded, she said she wanted to have a baby, and has used the "im pregnant" excuse many times (early in the relationship) as a way to test me, i would later find. I looked past it, after January this year, things started getting strange, we would fight often, she was being very suspicious at her workplace, whenever ger boss would come in, whenever i would call her work, if HE answered, he was rude to me. ....then on my cell phone one day, about 2 mo ago, this guy left a message for her, she maintained that a friend at work had given this "mystery guy" our #. also...I found in her purse a letter to her ex husband, saying how she thinks of him nightly. when myy income tax refund came, i plotted to leave her for good, knoweing all of this and realizing she was definitley lying about things. i withdrew all the $, she ended up getting my wallet from me aafter a shoving match, and took the $, she seemed affectionate later on, but i knew something wasnt right....thats the night she never came home, I suspected she cheated, so I waited till she took a bath, and said a prayer to find ALL or some of the $ that she hid on me. ( ishoulda called the cops i know!), I found 200 bucks, and the the next morning I hopped a train to the west coast. she called the cell phone (*which I left behind) and sounded deeply hurt that i left. but now, she hasnt called or anything, since we both told each other to stay out the others life, do you think she regrets anything, or what s the deal Okay, I'm confused. You posted elsewhere that you wanted your stuff back....that you'd had to leave abruptly and obviously couldn't take your stuff.....that you'd taken a train out west. When I responded (think it was in a post by someone named Vampiress) with puzzlement as to why people "leave" relationships, leaving their "stuff" behind, only to end up in a foreseeable predicament, then, on how to get it all back. You responded defensively, that in your case, you had to leave ASAP, because you'd been "threatened" by her. So....nowhere in your posts here do I read anything about you having been threatened by her....or that you were in any personal danger such that you had to make the extreme move of ditching town on the midnight train, leaving all of your belongings behind. So what's up with that? How were you supposedly threatened? And why on earth, after you realize the lying chick has stolen your money (good God!) would you leave and leave behind all your stuff? And if that's not enough, what on earth would possess you to stay involved with someone who: a) you find out is actually still married after you begin seeing them b) has a HUSBAND IN PRISON (oy!) c) wants to move in with you very quickly after starting to date d) pulls the "I'm pregnant" gig on several occasions e) is found to be writing to her convict husband in the pen, telling him she thinks of him nightly? No offense, but what on earth were you thinking here? There were red flags all over this one from the get-go. My guess is that she was looking for a free ride, while hubby was in the pen. Sorry dude, this one had trouble written all over it from the start. Cripes, do you even know what her husband is REALLY in prison for? Did you even look into that? Sorry but it all has the makings of a Jerry Springer episode. I wish you well, though. Forget about your stuff. Forget about her. Learn from your inability to notice huge red flags and do not have contact with her again. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 ROTFLMAO!!! I echo what Befuddled had to say, and I will add WHY in the name of all that is right would you even THINK about wanting this one back in your life??????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author from ND Posted March 20, 2004 Author Share Posted March 20, 2004 the red flags, yeah they are everywhere, I guess I stayed in it because people vow they will change, the chik did love me, but maybe she has multiple personalities, oh and a few of yoiu asked about the threatening behavior...yeah, been beaten punched kicked and bitten on several ocasions, usually when she was drunk, but was stupid enuff to go back, she has mood swings very bad, and was on anti depressants a good duration of the time, maybe im dealing with an emotionally diturbed person, but i mean when you love someone enuff, you tend to not wanna look at that. Link to post Share on other sites
befuddled11 Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Originally posted by from ND the red flags, yeah they are everywhere, I guess I stayed in it because people vow they will change, the chik did love me, but maybe she has multiple personalities, oh and a few of yoiu asked about the threatening behavior...yeah, been beaten punched kicked and bitten on several ocasions, usually when she was drunk, but was stupid enuff to go back, she has mood swings very bad, and was on anti depressants a good duration of the time, maybe im dealing with an emotionally diturbed person, but i mean when you love someone enuff, you tend to not wanna look at that. Hey, I'm not trying to make fun of you, so please don't take it that way......most of us here have learned "lessons" the hard way, for sure. And yes, I understand that people can make the decision to stay with someone who is a lying, conniving, game-playing louse because they believe that louse's promises to change.....but what could this dame have promised to change? a) there was no changing the fact that she entered into a relationship with you under a sh*tload of false pretenses: um, her being married b) her hubby being convicted of "god knows what" that landed him in the big house (do you even know what for? Geezus, murder? attempted murder? raping an old lady? I mean, do you even KNOW?). That "fact" isn't something she could promise to change. She lied to you. She stole your money....crap, she shoved you around to steal your wallet, no less. How much lower could it get? Sounds like the behavior of someone with a major addiction......who would do anything to get their hands one some cash to get their "fix." She bit you, beat you, punched you, kicked you, stole your wallet off you and took most of your tax refund money......she was writing to Hubby-the-Prisoner all the while.....you weren't able to trust her for obvious reasons........you were planning to leave her (but of course couldn't because she basically committed a criminal offense and ROBBED YOU BLIND).......you were so distraught that you felt your only choice was to hop on a train and head out west....leaving you in position with no money, and I'm assuming no immediate job.....having to resort to getting a new wardrobe at the local secondhand stores......and you want her back? DUDE. What the hell for? And for God's sake, if that cell phone you left there, the one she called you on after you left, was YOURS, get in touch with the company and CANCEL IT ASAP........or you'll be responsible for all charges on it, and she doesn't exactly strike me as the kind to NOT rack up YOUR phone with charges. Was it your phone, in your name? Link to post Share on other sites
Fedup&givingup Posted March 20, 2004 Share Posted March 20, 2004 Originally posted by from ND the red flags, yeah they are everywhere, I guess I stayed in it because people vow they will change, the chik did love me, but maybe she has multiple personalities, oh and a few of yoiu asked about the threatening behavior...yeah, been beaten punched kicked and bitten on several ocasions, usually when she was drunk, but was stupid enuff to go back, she has mood swings very bad, and was on anti depressants a good duration of the time, maybe im dealing with an emotionally diturbed person, but i mean when you love someone enuff, you tend to not wanna look at that. It was also this behaviour that motivated you to keep your tax refund a secret (I'm assuming you kept it secretive, because you tried to hide it from her) and hop on the next train out. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I guess I stayed in it because people vow they will change, the chik did love me, but maybe she has multiple personalities, oh and a few of yoiu asked about the threatening behavior...yeah, been beaten punched kicked and bitten on several ocasions, usually when she was drunk, but was stupid enuff to go back, she has mood swings very bad, and was on anti depressants a good duration of the time, After everything she has done, you really want her back or are you just lonely? Shucks, let her have the stuff you left, cancel the phone, and never contact her again. There are some nice normal people out there... get yourself back together and enjoy life. Relationships shouldn't hurt you, they should make you happy and allow you both to grow. Someone who loves you does not beat, punch, kick or bite you. She needs therapy, and you need to realize you are worth so much more than she could ever do. Best of luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 from ND Member Registered: Mar 2004 Location: Washington Post: 2 | Quote: dude, my chick cheated on me and i hopped a train to seattle, sounds like your ex is playing games, i wouldnt chase her or call her or nothin, eventually if its real love, she will se the error in her ways, sound like she wants her cake and eat it too, i would at least "act" like she dont matter to you, and blow her off, if she really wants you , shell start contacting you. it may hurt for a while, but at least you ll find out, calling her or chase her will make her want to hurt you more, cause she know youre interested, its a chik thing later! Hey ND, why don't you try out your own advice you are handing out... or perhaps it is ours you are rewording? And NO, it is not a Chik thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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