At the point of giving up

[vtbrokenhearted]

So long, so sorry...

 

It's been four months since he left and three months since he told me he had been having an affair. I told him I was done because I couldn't deal with all of the lies and he continued to tell me he didn't want me anymore. I waited for him to file for an annulment and he didn't, so I did. I filed the papers, had him served, and now he's gotten an attorney who is being, the way it's been explained to me, a money grubbing, aggressive attorney. He's demanding things from me and my attorney that just don't make an sense and he's making a bigger deal out of this than it has to be. My attorney said it doesn't have to be this difficult. All my stbx has to do is sign the papers and come to some agreement with me on how to split our stuff.

 

I have two choices according to my attorney.

 

1. continue the way we're going. Prove that my stbx was fraudulent. He married me while having an affair and told me he wanted children for the past nine years and then two weeks after the wedding, he told me he no longer wanted children. My attorney said this will cost a lot of extra money as my stbx is not agreeing to admit to these things in court. I can prove all of these things because I have doctors notes (OBGYN, therapist), phone records, letters from his mom admitting to his affair, but he said it will take time and he said this is where it gets ugly. He also said I will have to repeat all of the horrible things that have happened and it will cause more emotional stress.

 

2. Present that I want to file for divorce rather than anannulment and hope stbx signs.

 

I haven't talked to my attorney about it yet, but what if I just dropped my attorney (pay him what I owe him) and withdraw all of the annulment papers? Can this hurt me? I'm thinking that if he's going to fight like this, and I'm going to have to pay for it, why not withdraw everything and let him do it. Does this sound crazy?

 

I thought stbx could come to some agreement with me. I've tried to set up three meeting times for us just to meet together back out our house. The third time was today. Everyone I talked to about him coming said he wouldn't come. I believed he would, and guess what? Yup, I got an email from him saying, "As much as I'd like to come and sit and talk with you, I'm not feeling well. I won't be coming today. Maybe we could meet sometime during the week or next weekend."

 

His attorney has asked me to sign an agreement to sell the house, something I asked my stbx for two months ago. He's also asked what my wants are in terms of marital property. I can't give him an answer until I talk with stbx, or I feel like I can't.

 

What should I be doing? Why is he being so cowardly and not following through? I don't get it. I'm start to wonder if I made a decision to divorce too soon? Why is he continuing to make this so difficult?

 

I was doing really good, feeling good, making some positive changes, not feeling so stressed out, and now this has just thrown me on the floor again. I feel done, wasted, kicked and I want out. I was starting to make plans to travel, but I'm running into problems with work visas because I don't know if my name is going to be this or that. My attorney said I also really can't going anywhere for a long period of time until this is settled. First he took every piece of my present and threw it in the trash and now it feels like he's stepping on my coat tails and I can't move forward at all. Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

[You Go Girl]

Nobody here can give you legal advice. I suggest that you discuss the situation with a new attorney, as first consulatations are always free. This way you don't have to dump the attorney you currently have, and they don't even have to know that you have interviewed another.

 

Is your H stalling? Is he doing something sneaky financially behind the scenes? I'm just wondering why he is stalling on all this. Maybe he's too busy with the OW to care about the details.

 

Just go for the max that is still fair. I believe the usual advice is to ask for more than what is fair, or more than you want, because then after they knock you down a little, you will still get what you actually want.

 

And put up some pictures of the place you want to travel to. Remind yourself that when this is all over, this is your treat, how you will be kind to yourself. Everytime you look at them, remember that, and perhaps that can help relieve your stress. You do have things to look forward to in your life--this next trip is just one of them.

[firefly12385]

I agree w/the previous poster. Seems as though he's stalling. Maybe try setting up an appointment with him, at a cafe or a public place, and maybe with a new lawyer, one that neither one of you have worked with and try to come to a civil agreement. At this point, I would just be so desperate to get out of that situation. Try not to keep yourself alone in this situation. It's not always good to involve family and a million other people, but a couple friends could really help cushion some of the falls, ya know?

[melchi656]

That is so true that no one in here can give you an advice. Since you already have an attorney, it would be best to discuss with him about that kind of matters. However, if you are still in pursuit for an advice, maybe you can go to this link for a free divorce guide.

[vtbrokenhearted]

Thank you for your advice. I agree that he seems to be stalling, and I have no idea why.

 

After he told me he felt under the weather, I emailed him back asking where his back bone was. I also told him that despite how other people think of him and feel toward him right now, I actually believed that this time he'd come to sit and talk. He eventually did, and it was very, very difficult. He told me that he wasn't seeing the OW anymore, that she had been a huge mistake. Yes, I'm believing him.

 

We talked, meaning he talked too which was amazing. He cried, and said he didn't know how to deal with all of this. I asked if he could please just move back in so that I didn't have the entire burden of keeping up the house and property on my own. He said he wanted too, but he couldn't bring himself to it at this point. He said he wasn't ready. We didn't get too far in the discussion of selling the house or splitting marital assets and property, so I asked him to leave.

 

Immediately after he left, I broke down thinking that I overreacted initially(when he first left and told me about the affair). I kept questioning if I should have stood by him and worked on our relationship. After calling a friend and a very long phone call, she made me recognize why this was happening. Even after all of this, I love him and I think he's so handsome. I know, I'm an idiot. To make it worse, he emailed and said he'd wished he'd stayed longer.

 

I feel like a confused idiot! Ugh. I made arrangements for a trip in April which I'm excited about, so I'm moving forward on that front.

 

Why is he stalling? I have no idea. I wish I knew. I wish he'd just come out and tell me. I do think he's scared, embarrassed, sad, guilty...but I've been so nice to him and tried to show my understanding. Any ideas?