Vince1980 Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I really dont know where to start..I started to work with this woman when i was 18. shes a team leader. I work with all woman. being the youngest, i got alot of office abuse. Even on night outs the girls basically said i wasnt liked and so forth. It was the same in school. i was never mr popular. i always took a liking to the team leader. shes married. but she always seemed to have time for me just to chat for a few mins. In the past two years or so we have really clicked. She has confided in me with stuff. to a stranger shes happy and out going. but been close mates with her she has told me about her troubled past which include horrible stuff that is a nightmare to any girl.....thats all i'll say.in the past year..we have been texting each other. I come from a abusive home which has made me the quite guy. im shy and in a crowd i wont say stuff. I have no trouble with attracting girls. Thats no problem. I wouldnt really tell her my problems. In March of this year i moved out of home. I couldnt take the emotional abuse anymore. I brood on my problems too much. So me and the team leader were always in contact basically the whole day. she said her marriage was like any marriage. had its up and downs. As a girl shes the most beautifullist girl ive ever come across. im now 24 shes 36. Her past has included bad stuff. So i asked her over to my place on a friday to hang out and have drinks and food and watch a dvd....i just wanted to hang out with her and spend time with her. at least when she is with me shes safe and protected. obviousily she cant tell anyone shes coming over.. about the 4th time she came over...we kissed....she said she was attracted to me for a while. i was always attracted her. shes hot as hell. i know it was wrong. but felt right and she agreed too. we always said we'd never get close but it just happened. theres alot of feelings involved. We started texting flirty stuff all day for months..i invited her over a few more times (dangerous i know). but the reason i was inviting her over was not for kiss's. it was becuase i could protect her and keep her safe (not my job i know). those times she came over we kissed and did stuff:D. last time she came over we ended up in bed together. we always wanted to make love to each other. but i just couldnt. i knew it was wrong and that we could never be together. Im not trying to steal her. i love her so much as a person and a friend. im heartbroken she can never be mine. shes knows all this. the fact i work with her shes always on my mind. i cant take the pains that shes promised to another man. it mess's my mind up visualizing her with her husband. a while ago...i got really drunk and i texted her..i said that we shouldnt be friends and that she'd be happier without me. i wasnt rude. she took huge offense to his. i remember waking up the next morning totally regreting wat i had done. i always said as a mate i'd never leave her. the next week it was pretty rough. didnt speak to each other much. i was nothing but civil and polite. i tried to save our friendship...by friday it was saved. she knew i didnt mean it. that weekend i went out with my mates and had a great weekend. i put the photos on facebook. didnt text the girl the whole weekend. monday in work was weird...on monday night she rang me..she said i was a regret.i was a mistake of a friend and such a waste of time. been mates with me was a regret. it killed me and hurt me to the point i broke down. i did so much for her. i loved her the most. im a deep person. im also VERY soft. she was sober and she ment it. i just took it like a man. i never contacted her at all. in work i was civil. 2 weeks ago she rang me...she she was sorry wat she had done..she wasnt thinkin. she wanted to be close again. she said she treats the friendship like we're boy friend and girlfriend. wft. im pretty confused at this point. she said shes still attracted to me..i meet girls every weekend. ive no girlfriend. shes married. things are strange between us now...but i know that she uses me as emotional tampon. im the last on her list..i always was. i got the train home with her the other day and she hugged me and said i was important to her. in my mind this is wat i think.....the fact she cheated on her hubby and the fact i know so much about her life...she has to keep me wraped around her little finger incase i spill the beans about her cheating and secrets. shes always said the taught of me with other girls hurt her .wtf. how do u think i feel? her and the husband in bed everynight. i'd never ask her to leave the hubby. screw that. she has a son and that makes me feel guilty for been intimate with her. i wonder why she cheated on her partner of 10 plus years? is there trouble at home. she told me there sometimes is but i always stay out of it. i get alot of girls. im tall and handsome. . out of all the girls shes the one who ive fallen for. we're still mates. still repairing the damage. it will take time i know. i love her so much. she loves me of course as she says. i dont know if im in love with her. never been in love. last few months have been so hard on me. ive nearly died due to a drug overdose. the first and last time i do drugs!!. i keep a journal so everyday is logged and writen in detail. 100s of thing happened. but i dont know wat to do anymore...i cant get her out of my my head. i have to deal with her in work...i know i should move jobs...but the econony is ****ed and ive rent to pay. i know the above is crazy. im a dumbass for falling for a married woman. inviting her over to my place...been close with her sexually. but shes so endearing. perfect in everyway. i think when ur so infactuated with some one you dont see the flaws.. has anyone been in my shoes ?. wat will i do....seems i cant leave her:( Link to post Share on other sites
Questionis Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 I will start by saying that I did not read your whole post, it was very long and you didn't put any paragraphs in, and no capitals, why???? Anyway, I think the gist of what you are saying is that this married woman is using you. Its not fun to be used and even though what she is doing is better than shagging you and forgetting you, its still not good. She probably doesn't want to leave her husband but needs the love she is missing out on from someone else and is too lazy to break up to find someone new. You shouldn't put up with that! You need to back away from her, if its easier for you to go cold turkey, then do that. If you can only break it off slowly, do that. I find it hard to break off instantly, you could start by delaying your response to her, eg never replying straight away to any texts emails etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 i thinks shes using me too....its always about her problems. you're right wat you're saying. she treats me like crap sometimes. i always put her first but clearly im not on her list of people to care and be concerned about. ive been there for her as a friend when shes depressed and messed up.. this clearly does not run around her head. if i dont reply to a text or if i delay a reply...shes freaks out... gets all abusive almost. shes a tough cookie. Link to post Share on other sites
Questionis Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Let her freak out. If she was so tough she wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy she had to cheat on, to get a bit of happiness for herself. She would have broken it off. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 16, 2011 Author Share Posted January 16, 2011 she plays mind games you see....but shes very delicate and its easy to hurt her. i think there was trouble at home. think im just been used to give her attention. shes prob afraid of gettin old too . so clinging to the me makes her feel young Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Vince, The reality of it is, tit for tat on the using of one another. It's an emotional roller coaster and with both knowing that it can only go so far, it comes to a point, you realise you can't get certain needs met, resent it therefore, naturally feel used. Low contact would help you. It will hurt, but, you need time to help yourself to inevitably, do what you know is in your best interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 it really is a emotional roller coaster. we have had fights...but we always seem to make up..i know i have strong feelings for her. today we got on good. its just hard that sometimes she doesnt want to spend time with me even as a mate. go for drinks or cinema. its like as if im a secret friend...no one must know about vince..and that hurts alot. really does. its also hard so soooo attracted to her. and watching her go home to someone else. but theres nothing i can do...i knew that from the start Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Vince, I don't have to tell you that it doesn't get easier the longer you continue. Hopefully, you won't build up alot of resentment when she doesn't spend holidays with you. When she can't celebrate important events with you. It's not any better when you get sick and you don't even so much as recieve a phone call to say, "hi, how are you feeling?" I could go on for days with examples, that I have experienced first hand, but, you get the point. Don't seclude yourself from the important people in your life. You'll be needing them, eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 its funny....like she wanted me to spend xmas with her and her family. i was alone this xmas. but it would of made me uncombfortable..sometimes i think shes gone in the head for saying such crazy ideas she always seem to text me and ask how things are.....but i think thats just to keep me wrapped around her little finger. i have talked to friends about wat to do...they have all said just leave her and move on. ive kinda done that. i can get a girl no problem..just for some reason shes always on my mind.\dont help that i work with her. just some times i just dont think she cares....although she says she does and that im important to her. she'd text me everytime i felt down. but i know nothing can ever come from\ it.. best to stay mates. she gets jealous the fact of me and other girls but hey....she'll have to live with it just like i live with the fact shes unattainable... Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Vince........I think you would get more responses if you posted over in the other woman/man part of the forum. Also.........break it up into paragraphs, please. From what you've said this woman is using you for sex, ego strokes and has little regard for you or your feelings. Your post contradicts itself quite a bit. Sometimes you are saying how great she is, then you are telling us how she is using you and you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 im just finding it hard to withdraw myself....its hard when u like someone. alot of feeling...im just screaming for someone to help me. Link to post Share on other sites
BB07 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 im just finding it hard to withdraw myself....its hard when u like someone. alot of feeling...im just screaming for someone to help me. You have to help yourself Vince.......you got yourself into this and you are the one who can get yourself out. When a relationship brings you more pain that pleasure and obviously you feel that it's morally wrong, then there is only one way and that is OUT. It will hurt like hell but the longer you allow yourself to stay in it, the more it will hurt in the end and the more it will cost you. Your self respect is already on a downward swing. You know........already there is no future in this, unless you want to keep doing what you are doing. So keep at it and know that you are going to get any more or get yourself out of it, which do you choose? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 thank you . im getting myself out of it. i feel guilty for been with a married woman..its obtuse. best to back off and just stay civil. there's plenty of fish in the sea. i meet different girls every weekend. im single i deserve to have a good life. i tried to help the lady by listening and doing the job of her husband...but you know...it was a waste of a year and a year i'll never get back. i dont treat girls like scum like other guys do. im sure someone my own age and someone with no baggage with come along.. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Vince, So she cares, as much as she can, and if that were enough, then you wouldn't feel that you've wasted a year. oh boy, I so understand the trying to withdraw and how the least bit of acknowledgement towards you ,by them sends you back into the A. I've been screaming for help too and at the same time knowing I am my own helper in this matter. I know what's necessary I just have to follow through. It's depressing as hell to think of years going by and still being stuck in the same cycle of emotions. I've told the MM ist's over so many times that I don't believe he takes me serious anymore. Interesting that she wanted you to spend Christmas with her and her family. So, how does she introduce to her family? I keep asking myself why in the world I have put myself in such a situation? So far I can't find an honest answer for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Vince1980 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 ye i get u.........like when it comes to texting...shes always the one to text first....so id be ok for a while and then boom...i get a how are u text which puts me back to the start. some times she can almost stalk me.. she wanted me to go to her house for xmas as i have no family...i live on my own...but it would of being awkard. she would of introduced me as a work colleage but id say they would ask 1000 questions. especially her husband every time i say i met a girl...she gets soooooooo jealous and angry.. like wft. ur married. i work with her...so i see her every day. i dont mind. but it can be upsetting at times. we have being sexual....so that does run in the back of my mind and hers also Link to post Share on other sites
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