Sick and tired of always making the first step

[aroma]

Last year I moved to a new apt which is about 40 min drive from my parents', so I only visit them once a week. However, I call my mother about 3-4 times a week to chat. I don't have much of a relationship with my father, but get along well with my mother.

 

The problem is that it is ALWAYS ME that calls her. She never ever calls me to find out how I am, although she has ZERO excuse not to do so. Once I told her that she COULD call me, that I'd be happy if she did so, thinking that maybe she was shy to call or something. She replied that as her daughter, it was my DUTY to always call her first. As a mother she does NOT have to call me, and has never done so. I got sick of this "rule", so started calling her less and less, and when I do call her, she now sounds sarcastic and says "yeah, where have you been hiding?!"....to which I always reply "you know, you can also call ME". Because of her stupid rule, she might be missing me or wanting to talk to me but WON'T do so and she'd rather worry like crazy than call me.

 

Am I being reasonable here? Has anyone else heard of this "rule"? I now only call her about once a week and I make it short and sweet because obviously I'm hurt. She won't change though and our relationship is getting strained.

 

And guess what? My older sister is applying the EXACT same "rule" and she NEVER calls me unless I do, and she already told me that as the OLDER sister she does not HAVE to call me first (and won't). It is my DUTY and blah blah blah. I didn't know about this rule until last year because previously I lived a block away from them.

 

Needless to say that I feel I have not much of a family and if it continues this way pretty soon I won't have any

 

 

Help?

[Allisha]

Last year I moved to a new apt which is about 40 min drive from my parents', so I only visit them once a week. However, I call my mother about 3-4 times a week to chat. I don't have much of a relationship with my father, but get along well with my mother.

 

The problem is that it is ALWAYS ME that calls her. She never ever calls me to find out how I am, although she has ZERO excuse not to do so. Once I told her that she COULD call me, that I'd be happy if she did so, thinking that maybe she was shy to call or something. She replied that as her daughter, it was my DUTY to always call her first. As a mother she does NOT have to call me, and has never done so. I got sick of this "rule", so started calling her less and less, and when I do call her, she now sounds sarcastic and says "yeah, where have you been hiding?!"....to which I always reply "you know, you can also call ME". Because of her stupid rule, she might be missing me or wanting to talk to me but WON'T do so and she'd rather worry like crazy than call me.

 

Am I being reasonable here? Has anyone else heard of this "rule"? I now only call her about once a week and I make it short and sweet because obviously I'm hurt. She won't change though and our relationship is getting strained.

 

And guess what? My older sister is applying the EXACT same "rule" and she NEVER calls me unless I do, and she already told me that as the OLDER sister she does not HAVE to call me first (and won't). It is my DUTY and blah blah blah. I didn't know about this rule until last year because previously I lived a block away from them.

 

Needless to say that I feel I have not much of a family and if it continues this way pretty soon I won't have any

 

 

Help?

 

Look.

 

Everyone has their "thing"... perhaps unreasonable, but sometimes ya just have to learn to accept it. If you get on well with your mother, don't spoil a good thing.

 

Seriously, people in the world have much worse problems than this. This is just creating problems when there doesn't have to be one, surely?

 

I get your point and frustrations, really, I do, but this is quite a petty thing to let come between family.

 

Does she have this rule with your sister, too?