Does my boyfriends lack of enthusiasm to spend time with me = He's not that into me??

[carhill]

OP, based on the history you shared, is this man itinerant or is he planning on remaining in his current job and location? I ask because he apparently thought nothing of expecting his last GF to move with him from the UK to the US. Where is he going next?

 

If I was interested in a LTR, in general, this issue would be on my mind, especially in light of his perspective surrounding his job. Given your 'bend' of offering to commute to see him regularly while he's busy, as well as your emotional investment, I think such topics, in general terms, are valid to discuss.

[SarcasticBlonde]

OP, based on the history you shared, is this man itinerant or is he planning on remaining in his current job and location? I ask because he apparently thought nothing of expecting his last GF to move with him from the UK to the US. Where is he going next?

 

If I was interested in a LTR, in general, this issue would be on my mind, especially in light of his perspective surrounding his job. Given your 'bend' of offering to commute to see him regularly while he's busy, as well as your emotional investment, I think such topics, in general terms, are valid to discuss.

 

He is very involved with his current job and the company he works for. This is a question I asked him and he said he doesn't plan on going anywhere as long as the company is doing well and he is working. But I know him being a traveler, that could always change. He had asked me if I would ever consider leaving the US if things progress with us. I told him I wasn't sure. But I wasn't closed off to the idea. Thats pretty far in the future.

 

Its funny you brought this up because he also said something about it last night when we talked. He said it was a concern for him in case he moved again. But that I would cross that bridge when we come to it.

[carhill]

Another aspect of compatibility.

[SarcasticBlonde]

Another aspect of compatibility.

 

Yes I know but its not a deal breaker for me. I have always wanted to see different parts of the world. Again thats very far off.

[SarcasticBlonde]

I agree with conflictedguy. I like the approach of offering how you can help him de-stress first before deciding to drop it entirely. I supposed when you talk to him about this you will be able to gauge where your relationship stands with him.

 

I did forget to mention in my situation that I reduced my phone conversations to every other night with my ex, so if he's talking to you every night, well thats better.

 

I have always tried to here him out on how his day goes and whats going on at work. I know I can do better.

[depplover_1980]

What did he say during the chat then?

[SarcasticBlonde]

What did he say during the chat then?

 

 

On page 8...

[depplover_1980]

On page 8...

Sorry I thought the face to face had also happened since. Boo.

 

I know you think I was being a mean, but I was just being honest with you. I don't think you take criticism very well and you did come for all opinions but that means considering them.

 

Just BE COOL when you see him and listen. It would be lovely if it works out before it's too late.

[SarcasticBlonde]

Sorry I thought the face to face had also happened since. Boo.

 

I know you think I was being a mean, but I was just being honest with you. I don't think you take criticism very well and you did come for all opinions but that means considering them.

 

Just BE COOL when you see him and listen. It would be lovely if it works out before it's too late.

 

 

I was highly sensitive last night. I didn't get any sleep and have had a very unproductive day. I just want to talk to him and get it out of the way. I than plan to get super busy, no matter what the outcome is tonight.

[welikeincrowds]

I was highly sensitive last night. I didn't get any sleep and have had a very unproductive day. I just want to talk to him and get it out of the way. I than plan to get super busy, no matter what the outcome is tonight.

 

Jesus. Good luck!

 

You know, all criticism of your behavior aside: in the end, it's just dating. He's just a man that you met, who was a stranger a few months ago.

 

Take it easy, Blondie.

[SarcasticBlonde]

Jesus. Good luck!

 

You know, all criticism of your behavior aside: in the end, it's just dating. He's just a man that you met, who was a stranger a few months ago.

 

Take it easy, Blondie.

 

Its not just dating to me. But thanks.

[depplover_1980]

Well in the last 24 hours my relationship seems to have mysteriously ended due to a heartfelt email he had sought my opinon on regarding our future living situation, very strange indeed. Not heard from my man since Sunday night now - I am assuming the silent treatment is down to him being afraid to tell me it is over. However I am not going to do a thing about it, as he is a dominant man and if he does want me he will come get me with an apology for spazzing out.

 

In this relationship I have genuinely not put a deliberate foot wrong so I don't feel guilty, nor will I let the pain override me. You have to grab that inner hurt and pull your head up, let it consume you and then visually push it from your fingertips. But then I have had to deal with emotional scenarios I wouldn't wish anyone in the past!!

[SarcasticBlonde]

Well in the last 24 hours my relationship seems to have mysteriously ended due to a heartfelt email he had sought my opinon on regarding our future living situation, very strange indeed. Not heard from my man since Sunday night now - I am assuming the silent treatment is down to him being afraid to tell me it is over. However I am not going to do a thing about it, as he is a dominant man and if he does want me he will come get me with an apology for spazzing out.

 

In this relationship I have genuinely not put a deliberate foot wrong so I don't feel guilty, nor will I let the pain override me. You have to grab that inner hurt and pull your head up, let it consume you and then visually push it from your fingertips. But then I have had to deal with emotional scenarios I wouldn't wish anyone in the past!!

 

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I were stronger. After tonight I may be heartbroken. But I'm hoping we can resolve it.

[depplover_1980]

I'm sorry to hear that. I wish I were stronger. After tonight I may be heartbroken. But I'm hoping we can resolve it.

 

I don't want to give you hope but even if he ends it later it doesn't mean forever as he may miss you. What it does mean however is you have to work on yourself and self confidence - read tonnes of stuff. If he does come back then you will be better and ready.

[Nexus One]

Well in the last 24 hours my relationship seems to have mysteriously ended due to a heartfelt email he had sought my opinon on regarding our future living situation, very strange indeed. Not heard from my man since Sunday night now - I am assuming the silent treatment is down to him being afraid to tell me it is over. However I am not going to do a thing about it, as he is a dominant man and if he does want me he will come get me with an apology for spazzing out.

 

In this relationship I have genuinely not put a deliberate foot wrong so I don't feel guilty, nor will I let the pain override me. You have to grab that inner hurt and pull your head up, let it consume you and then visually push it from your fingertips. But then I have had to deal with emotional scenarios I wouldn't wish anyone in the past!!

 

I'm sorry to hear that. You seem like one of the more savvy women on this forum. His loss.

[SarcasticBlonde]

I don't want to give you hope but even if he ends it later it doesn't mean forever as he may miss you. What it does mean however is you have to work on yourself and self confidence - read tonnes of stuff. If he does come back then you will be better and ready.

 

These are things I will work on either way it goes.

[depplover_1980]

So you should blonde, good for you - please take lessons from these things and grow stronger for yourself.

 

I have just had the confirmation mine is over, but he has been wary of getting into a relationship all along and I have remained cautious to that fact but our fun and sex was out of this world so we carried on. I feel he has some heavy scar tissue from his last relationship still and he is either scared or not that into me, but either way I feel ok with it.

 

Thank you for the compliment.

[SarcasticBlonde]

So you should blonde, good for you - please take lessons from these things and grow stronger for yourself.

 

I have just had the confirmation mine is over, but he has been wary of getting into a relationship all along and I have remained cautious to that fact but our fun and sex was out of this world so we carried on. I feel he has some heavy scar tissue from his last relationship still and he is either scared or not that into me, but either way I feel ok with it.

 

Thank you for the compliment.

 

thats pretty amazing that you feel so positive about it. shows what kind of character you have.

[SarcasticBlonde]

So you should blonde, good for you - please take lessons from these things and grow stronger for yourself.

 

I have just had the confirmation mine is over, but he has been wary of getting into a relationship all along and I have remained cautious to that fact but our fun and sex was out of this world so we carried on. I feel he has some heavy scar tissue from his last relationship still and he is either scared or not that into me, but either way I feel ok with it.

 

Thank you for the compliment.

 

I'm so petrified about what may happen. I have never been so gaga over a guy before. I have become "that girl". This situation really makes me realize how much i care for him. And he really put a scare into me.

[depplover_1980]

Oh don't get me wrong my chest hurts and I feel winded but I do have a mind that I have TRAINED to override these things. I have the philosophy that it is a pointless waste of energy to stress over things you have no control over, from men that don't love you, to death or simple traffic jams.

 

I capped the trained as I used to be an alcoholic mess that went at boyfriends with knifes so I have really lived it.

[kdark]

This thread was an enlightening read. It really helped me understand the differences in how men and women think, and how I can help bridge the gap, and be more understanding in my own relationships.

 

I hope things work out for you, OP. You have my best wishes.

[SarcasticBlonde]

This thread was an enlightening read. It really helped me understand the differences in how men and women think, and how I can help bridge the gap, and be more understanding in my own relationships.

 

I hope things work out for you, OP. You have my best wishes.

 

 

Thanks................

[SarcasticBlonde]

So we met. Things started positive. He asked me how my day was etc.. We talked about our regular life stuff, while he was fixing dinner for himself. I had already had dinner.

 

Than we got to it. I told him I was sorry for the way I reacted. I didn't apologize for what I was asking of him, just the way I handled it. I told him I regret very much telling him maybe it wouldn't work, when we argued on Friday. I told him I can and should have been more understanding. He acted surprised I said that and said he appreciated it. He told me he isn't dating me for fun, he was looking for the long term and he wants to be sure about it.

 

Than he said he feels he still needs to think about things. And thats when it went down hill. I remained as calm as I could, even thought I could feel myself fall apart internally. I shed a few quiet tears and I asked him how much time he thought he needed. A week? A month? Longer? He hesitated for a little while. And I told him I was going to respect his time but I needed to know what his expectations were of me. Did he still expect us to talk during this time? He said "sure I want you to call me whenever you want". I told him I didn't think it was a good idea that we talked or texted during this time. I told him I thought maybe it would confuse the both of us, so we should refrain from having contact until he gets through his thoughts. He told me I was important to him and he didn't want me to be a stranger (not sure what that means) I don't think he liked the no contact thing for now, but I need to look out for my feelings too.

 

I than asked him what this was a break or break up? He said he didn't really look at it as breaking up. But thats when I started to get a little annoyed. I didn't show it. I did ask him what he needs time to think about. Was he unsure of his feelings for me? He said he doesn't know how he feels about me. Which to me is quite mind boggling. 3 months together, all the holidays he spent with me and my family, the trips and he has no clue how he feels about me! So I said "your telling me you don't know how you feel about me or if you want to keep dating me" so I do consider it a break up, for now. He said he guessed I was right. During most of this he looked down. He did look up at one point and looked like he had tears in his eyes.

 

He made it clear that he felt good about things until our arguement last friday.

 

I told him I haven't felt that way about someone in a long time.

 

I explained that he should take some time he needs to think about things but if its going to be a long time (a month, longer) I can only wait so long. I didn't say that to be manipulative in any way, but I'm not going to wait for him forever. I'm going to want to move eventually. I'm looking out for me too. He asked me if I could give him a week. I told him it was going to be up to him, how long it takes. But I can't wait around for a month or months.

 

I than asked him if he wanted his apartment keys back and he said "ok", like he was surprised. I don't really know why he was surprised but I gave them to him. I asked him something I shouldn't have and said "I' didn't expect you to say ok" he said "well than take them back" but I didn't. If he wanted me to have them he would have told me. It was dumb, I know.

 

He said my question about what he should expect of me during this "break-break up" caught him off guard. He didn't really think about that before. But I think that was a fair question. Because if he was planning on taking a month or more away from me, than I was going to probably start seeing other people (I didn't tell him that). Before you judge me, I do care very much for him and it wouldn't be easy for me to just move on. But I need to keep busy during this time (if he takes a long time) and if it means going out with other guys, so be it.

 

I told him just because he put a hold on things, doesn't mean my life stops. I than got my things and asked him if there was anything else he needed to say to me and he kept looking down and said he didn't think so. During this entire convo we were sitting at the kitchen table across from one another. So I got up, went over kissed him on the cheek, told him I cared very much for him and said goodbye. He looked pretty broke down at this point and than he told me to drive carefully. He didn't walk me to the door.

 

As soon as I left I lost it and broke into tears. I got into my car and started the 45 minute ride home. I went against what I said just for the night and texted him saying " I know we agreed not to text but I just want you to know I felt myself falling for you and that when he decides what he wants, a week or whatever, to please let me know either way. He responded back with "I will, thank you for being so understanding"

 

I than went to get gas and than some idiot hits the back of my car! I hit my head pretty hard. He than textes me "let me know when you get home ok" I responded back "I wish, some idiot just hit me" Police than arrived to fill out report. I was out of the car at this point talking to them. I hit my head pretty hard and decided to go to the hospital. My car has very minor damage but I had a headache and didn't want to drive it. My boyfriend called like 3 times. I texted him back that I hit my head and was going to ER to get looked at. I called my brother, and he brought me to the ER and his girlfriend drove my car home. My boyfriend sent 3 textes one saying "are you ok, where are you" "what hospital are you going to' and "I hope your ok, let me know when you have a chance, I'm available for a ride if you need one" I didn't see the textes until I was in waiting room at ER and than they called me in and I had no signal, to respond. So I was gonna respond when I came out. I was there for about an hour. I just have a bump and headache. I went to contact him and noticed my phone was not in my purse. Called hospital, no one turned it in yet. I don't know his number by heart, so I'm at a loss for now.

 

So here I am, heartbroken, with a headache and bumper damaged car.

Edited January 19, 2011 by SarcasticBlonde

[Star Gazer]

Wow, did that all happen in the past hour?

 

Sounds like quite the crappy chain of events.

[SarcasticBlonde]

All happened since 730 pm Eastern time.