Does my boyfriends lack of enthusiasm to spend time with me = He's not that into me??

[SarcasticBlonde]

 

I would say that your coming off in this thread as an overly emotional, tantrum throwing, constantly needing attention, spoiled little daddys girl..

 

Listen, you don't like the thread, you don't like me, that's totally fine. Don't read it!

[Seamless74]

Am I right or am i right??

[SarcasticBlonde]

Am I right or am i right??

 

What I think you are is a troll.

[Seamless74]

whatever.... your a troll...

[SarcasticBlonde]

whatever.... your a troll...

 

Troll=Internet bully. Some people have nothing better to do I guess.

[ConflictedGuy27]

this is how it's gone on so long, lol.

 

OP: you're a troll.

 

dude: no you're a troll.

 

OP: nuh uh!

 

dude: yuh huh!!

 

awesome. lol.

[SarcasticBlonde]

this is how it's gone on so long, lol.

 

OP: you're a troll.

 

dude: no you're a troll.

 

OP: nuh uh!

 

dude: yuh huh!!

 

awesome. lol.

 

That's Cute...

[sunshinegirl]

He told me he needed this time of a few days to a week to "think". I'm sure it doesn't literally mean 7 days but does there come a point where I'm "allowed" to contact and see whats up? Like maybe say Sunday? It would have been 5 days by than. I think that is plenty of time to decide how he feels about me. And if he needs longer, its pretty much done.

 

Since this was my fault. I'm trying my best to be patient, but I'm not waiting forever. I told him a week, ok, but after that, I have to move on. I know he will contact me, he's not the disappearing type. I have some stuff at his place and he at mine. So contact will have to be made anyway.

 

To be honest, I'd give him at least 2 weeks.

 

He asked for space, didn't he? Five days isn't long AT ALL if someone's confused. You're assuming he's thinking about you 24/7, earnestly trying to sort everything out. Even in the best case scenario, that's not likely to be true. There's work, there's daily life, stuff happens and it can take time to sort everything out. When he *does* figure it out, he will contact you. If you contact him before then, it means he is still confused, and your contacting him will push him further away (probably for good), reinforcing this idea he has that you are clingy. (He called you clingy once, right? Don't reinforce that point of view!!!)

 

Besides, if you want an initiator, you have to give him the chance to initiate.

[SarcasticBlonde]

To be honest, I'd give him at least 2 weeks.

 

He asked for space, didn't he? Five days isn't long AT ALL if someone's confused. You're assuming he's thinking about you 24/7, earnestly trying to sort everything out. Even in the best case scenario, that's not likely to be true. There's work, there's daily life, stuff happens and it can take time to sort everything out. When he *does* figure it out, he will contact you. If you contact him before then, it means he is still confused, and your contacting him will push him further away (probably for good), reinforcing this idea he has that you are clingy. (He called you clingy once, right? Don't reinforce that point of view!!!)

 

Besides, if you want an initiator, you have to give him the chance to initiate.

No I don't think he's thinking of me 24-7. And that would be way past what I agreed to. I told him after what he suggested I was moving on. So yeah he can take as long as he wants, doesn't mean I'm waiting around. I don't have a problem meeting guys and I wanna get back out there if this is over.

Edited January 21, 2011 by SarcasticBlonde

[Mme. Chaucer]

Originally Posted by SarcasticBlonde

He told me he needed this time of a few days to a week to "think". I'm sure it doesn't literally mean 7 days but does there come a point where I'm "allowed" to contact and see whats up? Like maybe say Sunday? It would have been 5 days by than. I think that is plenty of time to decide how he feels about me. And if he needs longer, its pretty much done.

 

Since this was my fault. I'm trying my best to be patient, but I'm not waiting forever. I told him a week, ok, but after that, I have to move on. I know he will contact me, he's not the disappearing type. I have some stuff at his place and he at mine. So contact will have to be made anyway.

 

If you are not willing or able to just chill out and leave it the heck alone, you will give him all the information he needs to decide that you and he are just not compatible.

 

If you "love" him as you said, why must you rush back out into the dating world within FIVE DAYS. That's nuts.

 

If you "love" him, you will, with respect and hope, back WAY off. Let him see that you are indeed capable of giving space and time, and of allowing him to sort things out at his own pace.

 

Or, just get right back in there; call him tomorrow and badger him about what his decision is. I think you will deal the coup de grace to your relationship with this man if you do this ... and you have given no clue at all in this entire tome of a thread that you have any intention of doing otherwise. So, good luck to you.

 

In the interest of your emotional health, I gently suggest that you quit posting about this and get on with your other parts of life.

[Nexus One]

If you are not willing or able to just chill out and leave it the heck alone, you will give him all the information he needs to decide that you and he are just not compatible.

 

If you "love" him as you said, why must you rush back out into the dating world within FIVE DAYS. That's nuts.

 

My sentiments exactly.

 

Keep this in mind OP. You guys have been together for only 3 months. The first months of being in love is the period where the effect of "love chemicals" is the strongest. In this period you get addicted to the other person and potentially even obsessed. It's in this period that many people throw their rationality out of the window, only to go looking for it again a while later.

 

I think the reason for this is that you guys found each other via a dating website. So you became in love with him when he was already having very close contact with you. In the regular world people fall in love and often keep it quiet for a while, so they go through that period of addiction and obsession silently, without the person they're in love with or infatuated with knowing about it. But you went through that period when you were close with him and that's probably one of the reasons why you had a hard time behaving "chilled out" around him and the reason why you have to try so hard to keep your emotions in check.

 

Another aspect might be you're character. I don't know you, but you do strike me as a hard nut to crack, because you mentioned you came here for positive reactions and not negative ones. I already got the idea earlier on that you came to get your own intentions and opinion emphasized by others. We all do that sometimes, but if you don't absorb any of the honest advice, then don't be surprised people will think you're somewhat stubborn.

 

People here just want to help you. We now know your story and know a little bit about you. We also know your perspective, but many of us have our own perspective on it. C'est la vie.

 

So I'll just repeat that you need to clear your mind. Your biology got the best of you and your emotions got the upper hand, but that's not (necessarily) your fault. Humans are wired by their biology and inner chemistry and sometimes you just can't win that battle. That's when you need to realize you need to chill out and let daily life get the upper hand again until the chemical storm inside you has subsided.

 

Like anyone else, you too are just learning, we're all learning all the time. There's no shame in that.

[zengirl]

Who ever said I needed constant contact and validation. You don't even know me? wtf:mad:

 

I think you need constant contact and validation because

 

1. He changed from seeing you 3x a week to 2x a week, plus calling regularly, for all of two weeks before you got really, truly, very upset about it.

 

2. You cannot chill and give him space and time. You seem truly incapable of it.

 

Plus:

 

No I don't think he's thinking of me 24-7. And that would be way past what I agreed to. I told him after what he suggested I was moving on. So yeah he can take as long as he wants, doesn't mean I'm waiting around. I don't have a problem meeting guys and I wanna get back out there if this is over.

 

You keep talking about other men. If you really cared for THIS relationship, it wouldn't be about getting the (male) attention you need. It would be about doing the healthiest thing for this relationship. Your issues with waiting all seem to center around attention. And this whole thread is about not getting enough of it.

 

And this man did not stop giving you attention. He was still in communication with you. He still called you. He still wanted to see you. But it wasn't enough for you. That's fine, I guess, if it winds up making you happy in the long run, but it's a level of attention that many people won't always be able to give or understand. And they aren't jerks for it. They're just people with their own needs and priorities.

Edited January 21, 2011 by zengirl

[SarcasticBlonde]

Its not about attention, not getting it, or not caring. Its about me making it known to not only him but myself that my life moves on. Its about not waiting around for a man that may not even want me. I'm respecting the time we agreed to. The time he told me it would take. Why the hell should I sit back and hang around? Sure I care, very much. But doesn't it get to a point where enough is enough. Because than 1 week turns to 2 weeks, 3 weeks and so on.

[depplover_1980]

I think you need constant contact and validation because

 

1. He changed from seeing you 3x a week to 2x a week, plus calling regularly, for all of two weeks before you got really, truly, very upset about it.

 

2. You cannot chill and give him space and time. You seem truly incapable of it.

 

Plus:

 

 

 

You keep talking about other men. If you really cared for THIS relationship, it wouldn't be about getting the (male) attention you need. It would be about doing the healthiest thing for this relationship. Your issues with waiting all seem to center around attention. And this whole thread is about not getting enough of it.

 

And this man did not stop giving you attention. He was still in communication with you. He still called you. He still wanted to see you. But it wasn't enough for you. That's fine, I guess, if it winds up making you happy in the long run, but it's a level of attention that many people won't always be able to give or understand. And they aren't jerks for it. They're just people with their own needs and priorities.

 

It's called 'Princess Syndrome' I believe...

[OceanGirl]

You obviously are pretty much in love with this guy. Yet, you seem to justify not waiting for a week or two because it is VERY important that you start picking up other men within 5 days instead of 7 or 14 days WTF

[SarcasticBlonde]

It's called 'Princess Syndrome' I believe...

 

Can't please some of you people. Sheesh.

[depplover_1980]

Or some of us have given you a chance, even tried to help but you are still repeating the same things over and over. You didn't come here for help you came to try and justify your behaviour and be able to talk about yourself for hours of course...

[sunshinegirl]

I believe in my very first post on your thread I recommended that you treat this as over, stop contacting him, and move on.

 

I stand behind that advice, as whether he 'comes around' is very much beyond your control. I can say that if you reach out to him in 5 or even 7 days, your relationship is virtually guaranteed to be permanently over, per my comments above.

 

I can't tell if you disagree with that assessment, or are too upset to process the likely consequences of taking that action.

[Nexus One]

Its not about attention, not getting it, or not caring. Its about me making it known to not only him but myself that my life moves on. Its about not waiting around for a man that may not even want me. I'm respecting the time we agreed to. The time he told me it would take. Why the hell should I sit back and hang around? Sure I care, very much. But doesn't it get to a point where enough is enough. Because than 1 week turns to 2 weeks, 3 weeks and so on.

 

You've been only with him for 3 months. That's a short, short timespan and yeah there are just busy weeks at work, money doesn't sleep. Besides it's January, things are picking up after the slow holidays.

 

Because than 1 week turns to 2 weeks, 3 weeks and so on.

 

That's a fear on your side, but it doesn't necessarily have to work out that way. A few busy weeks and you're already jumping the barricades.

[SarcasticBlonde]

You've been only with him for 3 months. That's a short, short timespan and yeah there are just busy weeks at work, money doesn't sleep. Besides it's January, things are picking up after the slow holidays.

 

 

 

That's a fear on your side, but it doesn't necessarily have to work out that way. A few busy weeks and you're already jumping the barricades.

 

I'm talking about the 1 week time period where he needs to "think". After that, what? I hang around and wait in limbo? Cmon.

[depplover_1980]

This is where you decide to treat it as over and keep busy. If he wants you he'll have no problem winning you back i'm sure...

[SarcasticBlonde]

I believe in my very first post on your thread I recommended that you treat this as over, stop contacting him, and move on.

 

I stand behind that advice, as whether he 'comes around' is very much beyond your control. I can say that if you reach out to him in 5 or even 7 days, your relationship is virtually guaranteed to be permanently over, per my comments above.

 

From our convo the other night he still considers us still together, while he makes up his mind.

I don't feel like I can consider it over until one of us says it.

[SarcasticBlonde]

I believe in my very first post on your thread I recommended that you treat this as over, stop contacting him, and move on.

 

I stand behind that advice, as whether he 'comes around' is very much beyond your control. I can say that if you reach out to him in 5 or even 7 days, your relationship is virtually guaranteed to be permanently over, per my comments above.

 

From our convo the other night he still considers us still together, while he makes up his mind.

So being in limbo past the time period we both agreed to, isn't fair.

[SarcasticBlonde]

This is where you decide to treat it as over and keep busy. If he wants you he'll have no problem winning you back i'm sure...

 

I take responsibilty for how this started. But Anything more than a week is past what we agreed to. After that he can think as long as he wants, and if he decides he wants so work it out, if I'm still interested and available, maybe we will try. If not, guess that's it.

[Nexus One]

I'm talking about the 1 week time period where he needs to "think". After that, what? I hang around and wait in limbo? Cmon.

 

What are you in such a hurry for if I may ask? Do you feel a biological pressure to have a child before you're too old? Because that would explain the emphasis that you put on time and also the emphasis on the fact that you'd go looking for other men already 5 days after the breakup.

 

Or it could mean that you just want to experience a close loving relationship with a man, but which man that is doesn't necessarily matter to you, as long as the placeholder for your needs gets filled.