DreamerGirl27 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 So, I'm in love with my friend. I am the girl, he is the guy, and it's actually the guy saying he's not interested in a relationship. He said he can't be there emotionally for a girl. That he's just "all about sex". He said that he keeps multiple girls as friends hoping one day one of them will have sex with him. Apparently that doesn't apply to me? Usually, when a guy says that, doesn't that mean, he'll take anything he can get? I mean, not to box all of you in the "horny, I just want sex from anything that moves" box... but that's pretty much how I took that. Like, he might actually CARE about me and doesn't want to hurt me? Because he said it has to do with how he can't be there emotionally for a girl and she wouldn't get all she deserves. I really don't know where I stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Its absolutely the opposite of what you think it means. It means he does want a relationship with a woman, he just doesnt want one with YOU. He means he wants easy sex, but he isnt attracted to you enough to have something meaningful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Its absolutely the opposite of what you think it means. It means he does want a relationship with a woman, he just doesnt want one with YOU. He means he wants easy sex, but he isnt attracted to you enough to have something meaningful. So you think he'd take me up on cheap sex? Because I can't even get him to hug me... well, I mean, I've never tried, anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
richbad08 Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Its quite simple really. He says that to get you to except what he is saying. By so he would use you and keep you around to have sex. Messed up right. So if you want to be used then be with him. Either wise you are wasting your time when you can meet someone who really cares and respects you. Trust me I know Im really a nice guy but at the same time I know when to stand up for myself.I have a lot of friends ( girls )who have been through hell with theirs ex's and since I know how guys are its not worth the trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I really don't know where I stand. He does. He knows you're 'in love' with him. He wants women who are 'in sex' with him. That's not you. You have woo. EOS. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 Yes, it's a brush off. He's not attracted to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Well that's quite an insult, because if you saw the POS ugly ex he had for 2 weeks, I'm WAY more attractive than her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 He does. He knows you're 'in love' with him. He wants women who are 'in sex' with him. That's not you. You have woo. EOS. I got news for you, you have to be "in love" first to be "in sex" and to have "the best sex" you'll ever have. He's an idiot, in other words. EOS. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 For some psychologies, yes. For other, more hedonistic psychologies, love is irrelevant, at least love for another person. Self-love, and lust, provide the best sex they'll ever have. Everyone is different. Compatibility is key Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 If God exists, which I fully believe He does, it applies to ALL psychologies, whether they know it or not. Everyone needs love. Everyone needs sex to keep the world going. You cannot have sex without love. Period, end of story. and he's not really like that anyway. He had an ex die in a violent car wreck not too long ago, just to give you a bit of background and now I think he's just...I dunno, lookin' for love in all the wrong places? Because what would he do if he actually got another good, steady girlfriend and he lost her. I don't know if he realizes that could possibly be in his head, but it's possibly in his head. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 It seems you are offering him love and gauging his response on the idea of your offering him sex. If you believe in your theories so much, then go ahead and offer him "cheap sex". It will put you near to this object of your affection AND let you gain the means through which to judge him more harshly in the event you need to inspire yourself to drop any further interest in him once the deed is done. So, either you come away from the sex with some semblance of each trying to make something romantic happen with the other, OR you find him to be/seem to big a lout to rate any more of your attention. Here's the rare scenario where offering a guy cheap sex is actually your best move in the interest of either getting what you want out of him (in the long run) or giving yourself reason to get over him more hastily. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 You cannot have sex without love. Period, end of story. Umm. Have you been living under a rock for the last 50 years? Have you never seen an 18 rated movie? Are you not aware of the existence of porn? Many, many people have sex without love every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 So you think he'd take me up on cheap sex? Hard to say... Here's the rare scenario where offering a guy cheap sex is actually your best move in the interest of either getting what you want out of him (in the long run) or giving yourself reason to get over him more hastily. Perhaps, but just be sure you go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN to the possibility of either outcome. If you are "in love" with him and are convinced that the cheap sex will change him, you leave yourself open to being CRUSHED if it turns out that you exposed yourself, but in fact, everything he is telling you (about just being "all about sex" right now) turns out to be closer to the truth. And you're left deflated, with nothing new in your life but the need for a hot shower. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 He does. He knows you're 'in love' with him. He wants women who are 'in sex' with him. That's not you. You have woo. EOS. Yes, he knows that you will become so emotionally attached to him. He isn't going to do anything that will give you hope. He's told you that he isn't interested in relationships, is just about sex. He won't have sex with you, casually because again, he knows how you feel about him and he does not want deal with the 'afterwards' stuff after having sex with you.. Move on, forget him. He isn't into you that way, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 If God exists, which I fully believe He does, it applies to ALL psychologies, whether they know it or not. Everyone needs love. Everyone needs sex to keep the world going. You cannot have sex without love. Period, end of story. and he's not really like that anyway. He had an ex die in a violent car wreck not too long ago, just to give you a bit of background and now I think he's just...I dunno, lookin' for love in all the wrong places? Because what would he do if he actually got another good, steady girlfriend and he lost her. I don't know if he realizes that could possibly be in his head, but it's possibly in his head. Did anybody see this part? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 I'll take the non response as a no? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 If she became an ex by dying that's one thing, but still no alteration of one's basic emotional and relationship style. He'd be grieving her loss, like a widower might, but he wouldn't be looking to bang women and avoid emotional attachments, unless that is his usual and customary style. Disclaimer: My mother died (after I cared for her for eight years) four months ago and my divorce was final three months ago. If my exW died suddenly tomorrow I might be sad for her family but it wouldn't change me in any marked way. My relationship style would remain constant. No changes. I'm not atypical, IME. WWIU and I are older people who have seen a lot of life and offer our perspectives from that experience. YMMV, of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 You need to take his words at face value. Also, there IS sex without love, all the time. Maybe not for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Recommends movie "No Strings Attached". I haven't even seen it, but I can guarantee you, they fall in love. Guys and girls already make crappy friends, it's called "finger printing each other's hearts", but when you get sex involved, that's called "spiritual ghosts". You remember everyone you have sex with. It brings a bond between 2 people that cannot be broken. That's why I choose to not have sex with anyone unless I love that person. Just a little religious knowledge for you poor people who actually believe there is sex without love. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 You remember everyone you have sex with. It brings a bond between 2 people that cannot be broken. That's why I choose to not have sex with anyone unless I love that person. Hey, good for you - you have every right, and a responsibility to yourself, to be true to your own beliefs. I applaud you for that. However it's a mistake to assume that your beliefs and experiences apply to all people when you say: Just a little religious knowledge for you poor people who actually believe there is sex without love. Wow. The condescension of that comment aside, I have to ask: if you have all the answers about the relationship between sex, love, and friendship, then what was your original question again? And finally about this comment: Recommends movie "No Strings Attached". I haven't even seen it, but I can guarantee you, they fall in love. I agree with you that this is almost certainly how this movie ends, but I believe that says less about human nature, and more about the typically vapid scriptwriting found in much of American cinema. Having said that, I do believe that "FWB" probably quite often breaks down due to unanticipated emotional connections on one or both sides. I'm just snickering that you used an Ashton Kutcher movie as your main point of evidence for the intricate workings of relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Hey, good for you - you have every right, and a responsibility to yourself, to be true to your own beliefs. I applaud you for that. However it's a mistake to assume that your beliefs and experiences apply to all people when you say: Wow. The condescension of that comment aside, I have to ask: if you have all the answers about the relationship between sex, love, and friendship, then what was your original question again? And finally about this comment: I agree with you that this is almost certainly how this movie ends, but I believe that says less about human nature, and more about the typically vapid scriptwriting found in much of American cinema. Having said that, I do believe that "FWB" probably quite often breaks down due to unanticipated emotional connections on one or both sides. I'm just snickering that you used an Ashton Kutcher movie as your main point of evidence for the intricate workings of relationships. Snicker all day long, but whoever wrote it is pretty smart. Guys and girls make terrible "friends". Even the guy I'm so infatuated with busted himself. He's friends with multiple girls in hopes one of them will screw him. That's not a guy looking for "platonic" friendship. From any girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 oh and if God exists, it applies to everyone and the people who don't believe it are basically going to Hell. One way or the other there is a God or there isn't and 1) if there is, there aint a dang thing ANYONE can do a bout it and vice versa. So, if you don't believe all this religious nonsense, you better hope God doesn't exist. 'Cause if He does, you can't stop Him. Just like you can't stop yourself from getting emotionally, physically and spiritually attached to someone you sleep with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 There is your problem, stop putting faith in God and start putting a lot more faith in your own senses. Pretty sure common sense is telling us that if he likes ugly chicks, but won't sleep you with...must mean you are not attractive to him. Period. Love? Child please! I will pray for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted February 25, 2011 Share Posted February 25, 2011 Even the guy I'm so infatuated with busted himself. He's friends with multiple girls in hopes one of them will screw him. That's not a guy looking for "platonic" friendship. From any girl. So back to the original topic - are you still in love with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted February 25, 2011 Author Share Posted February 25, 2011 So back to the original topic - are you still in love with him? Yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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