Guys, question. What does this mean?

[DreamerGirl27]

Lol, go ahead! You just look like a complete ass mumbling to yourself.

 

Wow.

[DreamerGirl27]

Yes.

 

Trimmer, yes, I'm still basically in love with him, why?

[DreamerGirl27]

Hard to say...

 

 

Perhaps, but just be sure you go into it with your eyes WIDE OPEN to the possibility of either outcome. If you are "in love" with him and are convinced that the cheap sex will change him, you leave yourself open to being CRUSHED if it turns out that you exposed yourself, but in fact, everything he is telling you (about just being "all about sex" right now) turns out to be closer to the truth. And you're left deflated, with nothing new in your life but the need for a hot shower.

 

 

Trimmer, I wouldn't take him up on "cheap sex". I went to his house at 1am one night and left before he even had the chance to fall asleep or before I even had the chance to fall asleep with him. I'm gonna make him work for me, that's for sure. The more and more he tells me he just wants to get laid, the farther and farther away he pushes me from that. He contradicts himself. He says he wants to get married and have a family and then he says stuff like "I need me a one night stand".

 

Honestly, I think he's just trying to figure out how far he can get with me and what he has to do to get there. I'm a good girl. A very good girl. I kind of want to wait til marriage to have sex and I think he's figuring this out about me. I'm just slowly figuring it out about myself. I definitely know I wanna be in love at least and I can't tell if he is coming off as the player type or the really good guy type. He SEEMS like a good guy, but the stuff he says over IM is contradictory. He is muy confusing.

[kevinpeter12]

Because he said it has to do with how he can't be there emotionally for a girl and she wouldn't get all she deserves.

[DreamerGirl27]

By being friends with me and not taking advantage of me, he's doing just that. The only thing he'd have to do now is call me and start talking to me all the time on the phone. That's really all he has to do to be there for me emotionally. Be my friend. I already have that. I'm the one that wanted more. I am fine being his friend right now, in fact, I have everything I want. I don't want a serious relationship, but I also don't want sex...so, I have a really awesome friend that I'm totally attracted to.

 

What more could I ask for?

 

I think when I'm a little older I may want more again and with who, I don't know, but there aren't any other guys I'm interested in. I'm just gonna let him take the reigns and stop pushing it. I'm not being or acting like a lady when I do that.

 

I've pretty much gotten this figured out.

[LeeBee]

It's not you, he's afraid of getting hurt again. Most guys are relationship and commitment-phobic as it is, even though they really want love. Past hurt=present fear. Anyone with their guard up is not emotionally available and he's aware of that, since he verbalized it to you. His not considering you a prospect shows that he has respect for you, and doesn't want to use you for sex because he doesn't want to hurt you. You deserve all of a person, not just a part. It seems that for now, until his wounds heal, he is capable of being a much better friend to you than a boyfriend.

[LeeBee]

Good for you, continue to hold out on giving him sex no matter how many times he throws those one-night stand comments out there! Love him for what you two have now and in time he'll realize he has a gem right under his nose! BUT! he needs to work on healing that past hurt with a good therapist for a relationship to take off and work. Good luck!

[DreamerGirl27]

Thanks LeeBee

[nunyanunya]

10 buck says that if he was still in a relationship with his ex when she died in a car wreck, the last thing he may want at the moment is to open himself up to that pain. But I must have missed where you spelled this part out.

 

Also, I find it interesting that you describe his behavior about being friends with girls in hopes of sleeping with them. Has he actually slept with any of them yet? I dare you to ask him if he's in love with them. You may make any comments you wish about my character, but what I offer you to think about are things you've told us here. I didn't decide that you're wrong. You've got to rationalize whatever world view you hold against the world you witness, so go ask him.

 

Also, I've been him. Minus the ex dying thing, but what I told my YOU is pretty much what he did. I knew mine wanted more from me than just a physical relationship, and I knew I didn't, and so I broke it off with her. I had that last year been coming off a serious break up, and didn't want to deal with any more massive fallout for the time being.

 

She continued to keep up a friendship in spite of me trying to blow her off. Eventually (I'm not proud of this) we fell into a relationship a few years later, and it recently ended. I never ended up developing strong feelings for her after giving it a good go, and I tried. They just didn't grow.

 

You risk much more by pursuing this guy than you would by risking something with someone new. I say that because if you stick around and he doesn't find anyone, then you allow him to settle for you. You don't really win here. And if he does find someone, you'd better hope that your attraction has gone away, or else you'll be forced to go through this later and more severely than if you were to do it now on your own terms.

 

If you want to see if something will grow between you, you're best and healthiest bet in my opinion is to truly back away. Give him room to realize what hes missing, (but even still, you run the risk of him coming to you to settle), or else you'll learn that he wasn't interested truly.

 

As it stands, you can't be there all the time and expect something to grow. If you're forcing yourself upon him (well, are you? are you always the one to initiate contact and come over?) and hes tolerating your presence, whatever grows will not be permanent, I assure you. This approach will not get you what you want.

 

Also, I beg of you to keep in mind that you came here because you didn't know how to handle what you were going through. This is not an insult. Most everyone is here because of this reason. Your world view is lacking a few windows (everyone's is). What I hope you realize sooner than later is that other peoples' experiences can be relevant to you (even painfully so sometimes)

[DreamerGirl27]

nunyanunya;3310473]10 buck says that if he was still in a relationship with his ex when she died in a car wreck, the last thing he may want at the moment is to open himself up to that pain. But I must have missed where you spelled this part out.

they were broken up when it happened....

 

 

Also, I find it interesting that you describe his behavior about being friends with girls in hopes of sleeping with them. Has he actually slept with any of them yet? I dare you to ask him if he's in love with them. You may make any comments you wish about my character, but what I offer you to think about are things you've told us here. I didn't decide that you're wrong. You've got to rationalize whatever world view you hold against the world you witness, so go ask him.

Nope...he had a girlfriend for 2 weeks, to which he was IMing me during their short relationship that she was boring and he broke up with her in class, while sitting next to me, over text. Not exactly the best way to go about it, for her sake, but I found it weird that he did it next to me... and then told me he did it, too. Like, he wanted to make positive I knew he broke up with her... I really didn't know what to say or how to react, kinda how I am with him sometimes. He throws me for a loop.

 

 

 

She continued to keep up a friendship in spite of me trying to blow her off. Eventually (I'm not proud of this) we fell into a relationship a few years later, and it recently ended. I never ended up developing strong feelings for her after giving it a good go, and I tried. They just didn't grow.

He never blows me off. Ever.

 

You risk much more by pursuing this guy than you would by risking something with someone new. I say that because if you stick around and he doesn't find anyone, then you allow him to settle for you. You don't really win here. And if he does find someone, you'd better hope that your attraction has gone away, or else you'll be forced to go through this later and more severely than if you were to do it now on your own terms.

At this point, I don't think my attraction will ever go away...I'm really kinda in love with this guy...

 

 

If you want to see if something will grow between you, you're best and healthiest bet in my opinion is to truly back away. Give him room to realize what hes missing, (but even still, you run the risk of him coming to you to settle), or else you'll learn that he wasn't interested truly.

He stopped texting me, when we first were getting to know each other, he texted me every day and every night for hours on end. Well, there was a short period of time where I didn't log into facebook for 3 weeks. He texted me after 2 weeks just saying "hey". Apparently he couldn't bring himself to say "I miss you".

 

 

As it stands, you can't be there all the time and expect something to grow. If you're forcing yourself upon him (well, are you? are you always the one to initiate contact and come over?) and hes tolerating your presence, whatever grows will not be permanent, I assure you. This approach will not get you what you want.

absolutely not, why do you think I'm so confused? He's very friendly with me in person, other guys don't even approach me when he's around, they approach him. He occasionally will get stuff for me, holds doors open, he's invited me to 4 different things, 1 of which I turned down, 2 other times I accepted and went, the 4th thing, he was sick, so he canceled. Every time we talk, it's him initiating the conversation. He regularly IMs me on facebook...the only he won't do is actually CALL me, because he says he'll only call a girl he's dating. So, he says we're just friends, but more often than not, he acts like a boyfriend (Especially in person, we look like a couple in person). He's grabbed my hand before to show me how to do stuff (with guitar)...I'll playfully "slap" him if he says something dirty, because he says dirty/sexual stuff around me all the time. He's never hugged me, but I'm sure wouldn't mind if I initiated it (I can't, I'm not wired that way, so please don't give me the advice to do so).

 

I NEVER go to him. He always comes to me. Again, why do you think I'm so confused?

[missmac]

Well that's quite an insult, because if you saw the POS ugly ex he had for 2 weeks, I'm WAY more attractive than her...

 

First of all - you are extremely superficial and narcissistic. (doesn't seem very virtuous for someone of faith) And I am baffled, again, as to why you are insulted by someone who doesn't have any interest in having sex with you - when you would not have sex with him if he DID want to sleep with you.

 

If God exists, which I fully believe He does, it applies to ALL psychologies, whether they know it or not. Everyone needs love. Everyone needs sex to keep the world going. You cannot have sex without love. Period, end of story. and he's not really like that anyway. He had an ex die in a violent car wreck not too long ago, just to give you a bit of background and now I think he's just...I dunno, lookin' for love in all the wrong places? Because what would he do if he actually got another good, steady girlfriend and he lost her. I don't know if he realizes that could possibly be in his head, but it's possibly in his head.

 

 

You cannot have sex without love - LOL, oh wow - yes you can. Sex can result from basic attraction (physical or intellectual), finding a connection with someone else, or good old fashion lust.

 

I don't know if he realizes that could possibly be in his head, but it's possibly in his head - ugh, seriously? Nice work Doctor. Do yourself a favor and read "HE'S JUST NOT THAT IN TO YOU" you are spending way too much time over analyzing a simple situation. I know you dont want to dammage your massive ego by admiting that MAYBE there is someone on this planet that does not find you attractive - but that is painfully obviously - so quit making excuses and cowboy-up.

 

he says we're just friends - mystery solved!