TG4MJ Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I don't get this. I decided to walk away from a girl who I thought would want to date me but never did despite the fact that I was a good friend and basically took care of her for almost a year. The entire time we were friends, any time I would talk to other women, she'd be very rude and basically make me feel bad or guilty for wanting to date other women. I never got that, and still don't get it. I mean if she just wants to be friends, then she wouldn't be jealous, yet she was, and apparently, seems to feel slighted by the fact that I would rather be with my girlfriend than her. One of the reasons I hung around her so long is because I assumed the jealousy meant she had feelings for me, yet in a weird twist, that wasn't the case. For about the last two weeks this very same girl has been, for lack of a better terms, BUGGING THE CACA OUT OF ME ! She keeps on messaging me both online and on my phone, saying she misses me and wants to hang out and misses the fun times we used to have and things like that. As soon as I rekindled things with an ex I pretty much stopped speaking to her all together. Now all she does is act like a melodramatic cry baby, going around telling people that I'm dating an "ugly old hag" and that I'm the "meanest guy in the world" because I don't talk to her anymore. I swear she won't stop bugging me. She insists that she misses me but I don't really know why. I almost felt bad for her yet I got in on good word that she's still in her little "I don't want a bf, I don't need a bf" mindframe, yet she won't stop crying about how much she misses me and what a big ol jerk I am for not giving her the time of day. What gives ? Has anyone else ever experienced this ? Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Its because she wants to control you. Its pretty twisted. Shes not attracted to you, but gets off on you doing what she wanted. Now that you cut her off, she is turning up the heat, and youre driving her nuts because its not working anymore. Just keep ignoring her. In fact, you need to split ties with her entirely. Theres nothing she can do for you and you cant help her learn to stop this shyt other than ignoring her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TG4MJ Posted January 17, 2011 Author Share Posted January 17, 2011 But why me though ? She's a pretty attractive woman, why not just go and pull this crap with another guy ? No shortage of guys who she can manipulate. I mean she gets hit on by alot of guys at work, why not just control them instead ? Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I know exactly what she is doing, I know exactly why it is confusing and irritating to you, but it is going to be a little difficult to explain it b/c it is something that is very obvious to women, but not to men. She doesn't want to date you, she isn't "into you" as a BF, but she loves the attention, and she loved the way you made her FEEL. That is right, she loved how you made her feel desired, desirable, attractive, and cared for. Felt real nice to have the attention of a nice guy like you, she took it for granted you'd continue the attention like she was "all that" and it pumped up her ego. The entire time we were friends, any time I would talk to other women, she'd be very rude and basically make me feel bad or guilty for wanting to date other women. I never got that, and still don't get it. I mean if she just wants to be friends, then she wouldn't be jealous, yet she was, and apparently, seems to feel slighted by the fact that I would rather be with my girlfriend than her. Right on the money. I had this experience. I dated a guy who was absolutely crazy about me, and one of his "best friends" was a woman. Guess what? She was insanely jealous of me! They were friends, nothing more. But the "friend" feels displaced. The friend is no longer number one. The friend doesn't have the attention any more. You are busy on Saturday night, you are interested in someone WHO WANTS YOU, and it's a strange type of jealousy, but it is jealousy. One of the reasons I hung around her so long is because I assumed the jealousy meant she had feelings for me, yet in a weird twist, that wasn't the case.RIght again. The jealousy is a self-centered ego centric all about them feeling. This proves they are not as much of a friend as you thought. Again, now they don't feel that great --- it's about how they FEEL, not about you at all. As soon as I rekindled things with an ex I pretty much stopped speaking to her all together. Now all she does is act like a melodramatic cry baby, going around telling people that I'm dating an "ugly old hag" and that I'm the "meanest guy in the world" because I don't talk to her anymore. I swear she won't stop bugging me. She insists that she misses me but I don't really know why. Classic. Replace all of the pronouns. She says you are dating an ugly old hag? Translation "I feel like an ugly old hag" ; you are the "meanest guy in the world" translation: I'm not getting the attention any more and I am going to do everything I can to get attention, even if it makes me look like a cry baby and an idiot!!" I don't need a bf" mindframe, yet she won't stop crying about how much she misses me and what a big ol jerk I am for not giving her the time of day. What gives? Let's just put it politely. She's being a twit. She's full of herself. All she cares about is herself. She loves attention. She wants a guy, but on her terms. She wants to feel like she is special to someone, be with him, but again, on her terms. It's all about her. Head case. Stay away. Go NC. Ignore. Hopefully she will take the hint and go away. You're handling it beautifully. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 But why me though ? She's a pretty attractive woman, why not just go and pull this crap with another guy ? No shortage of guys who she can manipulate. I mean she gets hit on by alot of guys at work, why not just control them instead ? I would hazard a guess that you were the only one that her game worked on. It didnt work with anyone else, and now shes at a point where she doesnt want to do the work to start over with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 I would stay clear from her.I got jealous when my guy friend got a girl it meant he had no time for me.Even though I don't want to date him I liked his attention.you can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 This is Hoover behavior. Avoid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TG4MJ Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 This is Hoover behavior. Avoid. What does that mean ? I assume it's some kind of slang and possibly has something to do with vacuums. Well so you all know, I basically decided to stop being a nice guy and just out right told her the truth. This is basically the conversation that took place: Me: *Sigh* yeah Her : Hey mister, long time no see Me: I guess Her : When are we gonna hang out ? I miss you Me : Why ? Her : Because we haven't hung out in a long time, I miss talking to you and going to the movies with you Me : Well I'm dating Nora now and I don't think she'd like me hanging out with other girls, so sorry Her : So you hang out with a gross old lady like that but you don't want to hang out with me ? Me : That's my girlfriend your talking about, I let you say that for the last time, don't say it again. Her : Well why are you being so mean ? I thought you liked me ? Why would you want to be with her anyways ? Me : OK you know what ? You want to know why I want to be with her ? Because she's been there for me, OK ? When you broke my heart, she was there, when I was looking at 3 years in the pinta, she was there, when I was on a self destructive path because YOU wouldn't give me a chance, SHE WAS THERE !!!! That's why OK ? She gave me a second chance, you wouldn't even give me a first chance. That's why I don't want to hang out with you anymore you heartless f***ing ice maiden ! Her : *Uncontrollable sobbing* Oh my God how could you be so mean ! I can't believe this is happening, no guy has ever been so mean to me in my life ! Me : I gotta go girl, bye Her : No wait, don't hang up ! Me : Bye *click* Now YOU WOULD THIIII-IIINK, that would finally settle it, but once again, the constant texting and e-mails continue. Man this is weird. Well at least now she knows how I felt. Frickin swear man, I'm so close to siccing my gf on her, but my chick would make quick work of her. Be kind of hot to watch though. Sorry for digressing. Is kind of weird and annoying that she's so persistant though. Link to post Share on other sites
Ajax Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Wow! I think if you had ever dated her you'd have ended up miserable anyway. Dude... you're so mean Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Hoover - a human who sucks attention/love/emotion/money/favors/whatever out of others without care, concern or thought of those sucked. Link to post Share on other sites
Lemontang Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Dude you haven't just jumped through the window you've come out blazing with explosions following behind you Vin Diesel style. Niiice! You've not just put her in her place but by sticking NC. From hence on your forcing her to review who she is. You'll get the sorry txt or email, followed by the spiteful txt or email and this will follow through in a few cycles too. So the erratic behavior will amp up a few times from her so don't be surprised. Once she's come to term as to whom she is and what she needs to do to fix it only then I'd consider being friends with her, but that will be a long time away if at all ever. Link to post Share on other sites
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