unhappynewlywed Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 My husband and I have been together for 10 years. Finally, just after Christmas we got married. Things have not been easy for the past three months, we have had a lot of difficulties but I thought we were coming through them ok. I assumed we were adjusting as we had never lived together before. This morning my husband told me that he never wanted to get married, he only did it to make me happy and now he is miserable. He dreads coming home, doesn't want to see me. We rarely have sex . . . he said he still finds me attractive but he just doesn't have the desire, it is not physical it is in his heart. He said he needs to think about what he wants to do. I am so lost and confused. I do not know what to do. I told him we could work things out, that it would take time, it has only been three months. He said I am trying to push him in the direction I want him to go (well YEAH, you think I want him to leave after three months?) I have been in bed crying all day. I have no idea what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Two critical factors to marital success are that you like each other (love, whatever) and that you live together well. In ten years, you did not test the second. Unfortunately, you've failed that (both of you - him - whoever). See if he'll agree to counselling. If not, there's not much you can do, unfortunately. Very sorry this is happening to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 My heart goes out to you. Try counselling. Try to maybe give yourself more time...a test period to see how things go, and how your husband feels, so that you /he, don't make any rash decisions. It sounds like your husband should have been a little more open BEFORE you married, about his feelings. Hang in there. You'll be OK, whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 o, you poor woman. my heart goes out to you - have you checked the <removed> site that is often recommended here? it has a lot of great articles; it's a site recommended by marriage training as well. i really hope you can get help- the fact that you can express yourselves is sort of a good sign, but i second the idea for counselling, for yourself or your marriage. keep talking about it; we're here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unhappynewlywed Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 Thank you for your words. We were practically living together before. He was always at my apartment, going home one or two nights a week. difference was, now we share the bills. I love him, he says he loves me I thought we got married because he was finally ready. He said he did it because he loves me and thought it would make me happy, but never really wanted to get married (not to me, not to anyone). He said it wasn't fair to make me wait anymore. So why not just end things? Why get married. Oh I can just picture it "I am divorced" "oh gee I am sorry, how long were you married" "three months". how the heck do you explain that to people??? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Happened to my best friend. They went out for something like 7 years but when they finally married, it lasted only a couple of years. It happens to lots of people. Don't worry about what people will think. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 Yes, who cares what others think? Just worry about the here and now, and breathe and give yourselves a little time to work out where to go next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author unhappynewlywed Posted March 21, 2004 Author Share Posted March 21, 2004 He told me this morning that he is leaving me. He said he only married me for our daughter. I just want to die Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted March 21, 2004 Share Posted March 21, 2004 I'm so sorry for your loss. He shouldn't have played with your feelings like this. The man is pond scum. Have a good cry, hug your daughter and fall in the arms of friends and family. When the tears dry, and you begin to pick up the pieces, ask around for a good divorce attorney. We'll see how much he loves his daughter. Be strong for her. We LoveShackers are here for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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