alimpo83 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) Hello dear friends, It's the third thread I've started here. First on the breaking up section, then second chances and now coping. Our story: - Break up and I went NC. - I've been trying to live my life since. After three weeks, I broke NC and we went to lunch, she was thrilled and loved the idea. She loved being together again. I made a move, she told me we needed distance again and we go separate ways. - A month and a half passes, new year's eve and all. 4th January she breaks NC and talks to me on gmail " just wanted to wish a new year to you!" and after a couple of words (I didn't want to continue to chat) she says goodbye "Kiss.(when you want to... please say something)". - Yesterday I talked to her on gmail, broke NC again. We chated and all and she said again she wanted to be friends with me " a beautiful frienship" because all we lived together. RIGHT. Wants to get a cup of coofee soon. - I open my facebook and see her in new year's photos with a guy,on his lap, hugging and such. I go nuts, feel like I want to puke. Can't bear the thought of her having a relation with that guy (he's like the opposite of me). -I don't want to feel terrible, be a pale reflection of myself, and not being able to move on with my life. I'm dating like two months ago a new girl, and have had great times, but yesterday felt like stage one. So I've decided to give this new relation a go, fully commited. I need help from everyone around me, even you guys! I'm a great guy, my ex's girlfriends loved me and always told her she had the best boyfriend in the world! YES SHE HAD What should I do when I feel like I'm in a rollercoaster? Edited January 17, 2011 by alimpo83 Link to post Share on other sites
Jake99 Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Hello dear friends, It's the third thread I've started here. First on the breaking up section, then second chances and now coping. Our story: - Break up and I went NC. - I've been trying to live my life since. After three weeks, I broke NC and we went to lunch, she was thrilled and loved the idea. She loved being together again. I made a move, she told me we needed distance again and we go separate ways. - A month and a half passes, new year's eve and all. 4th January she breaks NC and talks to me on gmail " just wanted to wish a new year to you!" and after a couple of words (I didn't want to continue to chat) she says goodbye "Kiss.(when you want to... please say something)". - Yesterday I talked to her on gmail, broke NC again. We chated and all and she said again she wanted to be friends with me " a beautiful frienship" because all we lived together. RIGHT. Wants to get a cup of coofee soon. - I open my facebook and see her in new year's photos with a guy,on his lap, hugging and such. I go nuts, feel like I want to puke. Can't bear the thought of her having a relation with that guy (he's like the opposite of me). -I don't want to feel terrible, be a pale reflection of myself, and not being able to move on with my life. I'm dating like two months ago a new girl, and have had great times, but yesterday felt like stage one. So I've decided to give this new relation a go, fully commited. I need help from everyone around me, even you guys! I'm a great guy, my ex's girlfriends loved me and always told her she had the best boyfriend in the world! YES SHE HAD What should I do when I feel like I'm in a rollercoaster? Hey alimpo83, You're being a doormat for her and you are her plan B. If things don't work out for her with other guys, she knows she has you waiting in the wings being that "beautful friendship." NC, NC, NC or she will always control you. We all know how tough it is and how much it hurts but you need to get your control back for you. I am a real advocate of NC and working on myself which gives me my control back. Change your ways of life, work out, meet people and yes, give others the chance to see this great guy but your new romance has to be priority without background noise of the ex! NC!! delete her from everything!! Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Use the energy you would be spending on moping about the ex on putting effort into your new relationship. Also, delete ex from all your stuff, like facebook, cell phone, etc. If ex calls don't answer, if ex emails don't respond, if ex IMs ignore it. Ex is throwing you crumbs... what a horrible game to play. Link to post Share on other sites
SimonSerenade Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 Somedays I feel like breaking no contact, I too feel the hurt of being replaced by another but what can you really do?, you have to go full on no contact and let her know you mean business, no matter what the circumstance, there is simply no way you can remain friends with somebody your in love with, stay strong and stick to no contact, it's the only way to heal, if the friendship you had was so special then she should of thought on that before she left, remember when she left she ran the risk of getting nothing from you, yu need to let her know that risk didn't come with the return she was hoping for, never ever settle for something your not happy with, that's one thing no contact taught me, be friends on your terms and in your time but if what you want is more then don't settle, let her know its all or nothing, she put you through hell, don't let her off with it so likely, take care of yourself buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Stilicho Posted January 17, 2011 Share Posted January 17, 2011 stay with NC, at least until you have accepted it. focus on yourself, go to the gym, read a book, give the new girl your all. its hrd, i know, im going through it as well, the rollercoaster and all. for example. yesterday, i felt on top of the world, after hearing some news regarding my ex, im down in the dumps, but i went to the gym just now and am feeling a little better, although im still down due to the news, but in the end, think of it this way, you cant do anything to change what happened, and the more you try to change their mind, the more theyll rebel. because in the end, isnt that what G.I.G.S is about? the S.O reaches a point where they think to themselves, "ok, my partner is great and all, but, im limiting my experiences due to them", and they end up(usually) switching to somebody who represents the opposite of what you do, and truth be told, the new person is usually much below your "level". its like theyre rebelling against you for being you. if they come around, its up to you. you cant let them have the power anymore, and breaking NC gives them the power. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 Thanks everyone, I'll follow your advice. Yes I'm being played I guess. She ALWAYS wanted to continue "friends" because she knows I like her a lot and never treated her in a bad way. I was the very "nice" guy, and now her plan B for life (she even talked about our "future" after we broke up lol). I was the best guy she met, and she wants to keep that option open, even if she now wants "bad boys". For me has to be chapter closed. And everytime I want to break NC, I'll post here! Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Thanks everyone, I'll follow your advice. Yes I'm being played I guess. She ALWAYS wanted to continue "friends" because she knows I like her a lot and never treated her in a bad way. I was the very "nice" guy, and now her plan B for life (she even talked about our "future" after we broke up lol). I was the best guy she met, and she wants to keep that option open, even if she now wants "bad boys". For me has to be chapter closed. And everytime I want to break NC, I'll post here! Don't let her play you like a fiddle. I know its easier said than done but you shouldn't. Now if I can do what I preach.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 I feel like crap today again. Ups and downs, ups and downs. It's been, however, a bit better. I'm finally realising she wants to live her life without me, she wants nothing with me, she doesn't love me, she doesn't give a damn about me. I felt awful when she told me about her plans for the next summer, going with her new friends to the coast, and yadayadayada. Past year we had our cruise, I sacrificed much so that we had a dream vacation(worked my butt off and still helped her with her work and school and such. It was pretty painful knowing that, yet i didn't show it to her, didn't give her that power again. She isn't worth a minute of my time. Got to move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Another day. thoughts of moments together that I hadn't remember before are trying to get through. But I have to continue my struggle! Link to post Share on other sites
Kansas Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Memories will both haunt and torture you. Look forward, not back. Not think about moments together. Not to say that you never can again, but in the place that you're at right now, its not helping you. When thoughts like that creep up on my head, I think - He's not sitting there reminiscing about our good times. He's moving on with his life. If he can do it, so can I. It sounds silly but it helps me to not get all weepy-eyed. Someone wrote on an earlier thread that every time a thought or a memory of your ex pops into your head, you should think the word "blank" and then change your thought. I thought it was a bit silly when I read it, but I tried it one day when I was obsessing, and it actually worked. Mind you, I had to say it a number of times in my head and had to physically distract myself but let me tell you, when I'm about to fall asleep at night and my mind becomes my worst enemy, I often fall asleep to "blank, blank, blank, blank" running through my head! One day at a time alimpo, one day at a time. You can only do your best every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Another day. I'm having trouble dealing with this, but typing here relieves the pain a bit. I wish I could forget it all and not feel her absence! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 21, 2011 Author Share Posted January 21, 2011 Another day, i feel lonely today, even tough i have friends, family and a new girlfriend.. Everyone who has been dumped by a long time girlfriend knows we have days like these. Have to keep on fighting this! She doesn't think about me! She doesn't care and doesn't deserve me! Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted January 21, 2011 Share Posted January 21, 2011 keep going m8, in the same boat and its like a roller-coaster, some days i feel like my head is going to pop off it feels so bad but your doing the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 Almost getting to the three month mark. I cannot believe it's been only three months. It looks like a lot of time, been like a year or so. I feel devastated and still think about her a lot every day. I'm obssessing some days, others almost nothing. But It's like a drug, where you say "just want to chat a little bit, it won't hurt". But it does, It hurts like hell and further destroys me. We've broke NC three times since the break up. And It's like going back to stage one. The first time we had lunch and she told me she had a great time and loved being with me again, just for me to make a move and she saying we needed space. If I let her, my ex will string me forever and ever, until she finds a guy she wants to really date, instead of the occasional flirting and sex. I'm becoming a bit crazy on the last few days, I'm missing her so f****** much and are barely making it concerning NC. She made my life a living hell, and I'm finding very hard to get out of it! Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted January 22, 2011 Share Posted January 22, 2011 Almost getting to the three month mark. But It's like a drug, where you say "just want to chat a little bit, it won't hurt". But it does, It hurts like hell and further destroys me. We've broke NC three times since the break up. And It's like going back to stage one. The first time we had lunch and she told me she had a great time and loved being with me again, just for me to make a move and she saying we needed space. ! same thing happened to me before christmas we broke NC and spent a few nights together only for her to turn around and say she wanted her space again it makes things feel 500 times worse and put you back to square one. try to stay NC if you can i'm trying my hardest i feel your pain it is like a drug and speaking to your ex will give you a quick fix but will never help you fix the problem Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 22, 2011 Author Share Posted January 22, 2011 same thing happened to me before christmas we broke NC and spent a few nights together only for her to turn around and say she wanted her space again it makes things feel 500 times worse and put you back to square one. try to stay NC if you can i'm trying my hardest i feel your pain it is like a drug and speaking to your ex will give you a quick fix but will never help you fix the problem It's really like that, a "quick fix" but won't fix the problem. I'm going through hell right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 23, 2011 Author Share Posted January 23, 2011 Three months! It's been like 3 years! I hope that with time, the rollercoaster ride will be over. I miss her so f***** much that it hurts, but I know she doesn't even care a little bit about me. I bet she doesn't remember it's been three months. I wished she would, but it's a waste of time. She is enjoying her new life, new friends, new guy. I'm not a part of her life anymore! She isn't a part of my life either, must accept that and fight the nostalgia, the sorrow, the desire, must be strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 My understanding of all this is that this was the first woman i've ever really loved. I've had other girlfriends in my life, of course, but none like her. It's because of that that I miss her so. But she doesn't like me, she doesn't miss me, she doesn't give a damn about me. And that's it. One day at a time, one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
broken-and-lost Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 just keep your head held high and keep going each day you do you'll feel like your true self again fella....... it hurts but in time you'll be strong again Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Today I feel bad again. Sometimes It hits me like crazy. Why is it so hard to let go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 27, 2011 Author Share Posted January 27, 2011 I feel like s*** today. Moments I'm deep down in the hole again sometimes, others just going with the flow... I feel I passed from an "active" role on life to a "passive" I became a result rather than the result-maker. I go with the flow now, it's horrible, but still can't go on normally. I feel bad because she could get on with her life, because she prepared all this with time, and to me it was like a bomb (the breakup). I'm a sad man nowadays. Link to post Share on other sites
lululucy Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 I'm right there with you, friend. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks, I need all the help I can get. I never thought I'd be in this situation. Lost everything when I was the happiest man alive!I feel like giving up everything, I feel like letting go, but I can't. I was always the strong one, where everyone came and cried, and I was always there. I can't fail to the people who really care for me, that always cared. I feel like s***, again. Oh, K, why did you do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Yesterday I cried again. The tears started falling without my consent. Since the first days after the breakup that I didn't cry. I shouldn't spare any tears for someone who doesn't love me, who doesn't care for me, who left me when I loved her the most. One day you'll feel lonely too K, and then, you'll remember me. What you give in life, you get back, ten times back, either good or bad. Like the Led Zeppelin song "your time is gonna come..." Link to post Share on other sites
Author alimpo83 Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 I can't take it anymore, I'm out of control and don't know what to do... I'm completely overtaken by all this, it's completely destroying me, I'm on a huge depression... I've never been like this before, I don't know what to do! Just want to go home, be alone and sleep and go to bed... and cry... Link to post Share on other sites
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