I need coping, it's like a rollercoaster

[alimpo83]

I've been trying to live my life, but it's been hard. Very sad, each day. It's being so hard, I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Xewkija]

I feel you, I'm going through the same thing. We were together for five years, after the breakup she said she doesn't want to get into another relationship and she wants to be back with me.. but she also said I mentally prepared myself for this and which is why she wasn't upset at all. It's been only 2 weeks but it has been the worst 2 weeks of my life. I don't know what to do with my self, I go to college but it is extremely miserable. I don't know if she has some other guy but it just hurts knowing that she maybe with someone new and I pray she's just seeing if it's greener on the other side. However, I haven't been able to get my mind off of her for one second. Even when I'm with my friends I think about her and every memory, she wasn't even a bad person or girlfriend; yeah we had our arguments but I never thought about EVER leaving her and my love for her never changed. I'm trying to motivate myself to go to the gym but it reminds me of her because we went to the gym a lot. I'm also trying to get a new job because I need to be around new people but I'm afraid to start a new job, I don't really have too much of a support system either. So I decided to start seeing a therapist which hopefully will help me out. I may try and get a prescription to prozac to get me up this hill. I just need to find something to do and this long winter is not helping at all.

 

I also really want to say something to her and I want to know if she is going to move on or possibly give me a second chance. I CANT be friends with her. I just can't have a friendship with her, it wont happen. I will give her till my birthday and see what she does but I don't know what to expect.

Edited January 31, 2011 by Xewkija

[alimpo83]

It's hard, but I'm trying. Keep it up, they don't deserve us.

[Xewkija]

It's hard, but I'm trying. Keep it up, they don't deserve us.

 

How are you doing today?

[alimpo83]

Well, I'm standing. Been feeling bad almost all day. I've always been a successful guy, in all aspects of my life. I continue to have success even tough I'm like this, at a fraction of what I can be. Full of work, am working in many places and projects, everyone calls me and wants my work. But I feel lonely, even tough I have a new girlfriend. I enjoy being with her, and when we're together I feel OK, but sometimes my ex pops on my mind. Sometimes I ask myself how could she trade me for GIGS, for other guys or girls, I don't know... I feel she didn't deserve all I did for her, all I was until the last moment, a true gentleman even when she broke up (she admit it, it was easier if I told her to f*** ***).. I didn't deserve any of this. I feel like s*** but one thing I know, and that makes me smile sometimes: she will never find another one like me, and she'll regret this, maybe not now, but in a few years, believe me. She lost everything, more than I did.

 

I'm good, Oh yes I am.

[Xewkija]

Well, I'm standing. Been feeling bad almost all day. I've always been a successful guy, in all aspects of my life. I continue to have success even tough I'm like this, at a fraction of what I can be. Full of work, am working in many places and projects, everyone calls me and wants my work. But I feel lonely, even tough I have a new girlfriend. I enjoy being with her, and when we're together I feel OK, but sometimes my ex pops on my mind. Sometimes I ask myself how could she trade me for GIGS, for other guys or girls, I don't know... I feel she didn't deserve all I did for her, all I was until the last moment, a true gentleman even when she broke up (she admit it, it was easier if I told her to f*** ***).. I didn't deserve any of this. I feel like s*** but one thing I know, and that makes me smile sometimes: she will never find another one like me, and she'll regret this, maybe not now, but in a few years, believe me. She lost everything, more than I did.

 

I'm good, Oh yes I am.

 

At least your keeping your self busy, I don't have too much to do too keep my self busy. I been trying meditation and at the time it works well and my mind just goes blank. However when you say

I didn't deserve any of this. I feel like s*** but one thing I know, and that makes me smile sometimes: she will never find another one like me, and she'll regret this, maybe not now, but in a few years, believe me. She lost everything, more than I did.

 

I say the same exact thing to myself, even though we had our "fights" I was so nice to her I did everything she wanted me to do at any given time. I hate saying this but if she does get a "new boyfriend" (Rebounddd) I hope he's an As$ whole and she's miserable with him, by then I hope I would have moved on and she comes back to me and depending on her pleading will depend if she gets me back or not.

 

OR

 

She may never come back to me. Then I will just have to move on anyways

[alimpo83]

Another day. Yeah, I feel like you said too.

I've realised that time won't cure everything, and you'll never forget, but your mind will try not to remember, which is different.

 

I wish I was that happy guy that used to be three months ago.

[alimpo83]

Another day. I need to post here to let off some steam. I miss her, but as the time passes, I know she'll never come back.

 

Today I had a dream about crashing my car. I've never had an accident in my life, not even a scratch on my car, and then I dreamt being in a balcony, all shut, on the outside there were people dying, with spirits, past lives and such. I tried to understand it, read about it. It means I have to move on with my life, that I don't like where my life is heading and I'm hitting a dead end.

 

I'll get there! I'll keep on!

[alimpo83]

It's been a few months, and I can't seem to forget(not remember that is) her.

I'm feeling like s***, I wanted to be with her ,but that won't happen. Past night I dreamt about her, we having sex.

I feel that with these dreams, I am betraying my new girl and those who supported me when this ended. I feel the worst guy in the world. I can't be 100% in this new relation until these stupid dreams and thoughts go away.

 

My life is now a mess. I'm sad, sad,sad..

[alimpo83]

Past night I didn't dream about her! At least that. Tough when I woke up she was the first to pop my mind, but still. I still find myself thinking about how all ended up and such, even If I wish I could forget.

[alimpo83]

I feel lonely, lost. Don't care how i live, nothing matters to me. It's strange, it's stupid, but that's the way it is. I'm on the bottom.

[alimpo83]

I'm on the verge of losing everything I have because of not being able to let go.

 

Get off, EX! Be with me or be gone, I wish I could forget you!

[alimpo83]

I'm losing the interest in living. Nothing make any sense to me, I'm having a major depression and don't know how to fight it.

I don't want any anti-depressants, that just give numbness and solve nothing. You won't remember, because you are so fed up with chemicals.

I remember my ex a lot of times during the day. I remember the photos I've seen where she is with other guys and girls in places I've never been, always drunk and flirting among either those guys or girls. I want to puke. I want to disappear, I want to go away.

 

I wish I could forget she existed. I'm a sad, destroyed man, not because we broke up, but mainly because she lied to me and left me when we we're the most happy, or so I thought. Destroyed dreams and everything. I can't let go of that, for the first time of my life, and I'm trying to face depression and I am losing. I don't want to be here!

 

[alimpo83]

What do you guys make of this?

 

EX breaks NC and sends a text message:

 

"But What... you took me off Facebook again? Can't believe it..."

 

 

I really don't know why FB erased my ex. Must have been god lolol

I respond:

 

"Last time I went to facebook was to make a security update. Why should I take you out facebook now? Ah, and hello to you too."

 

She responds:

 

"Lol my god! Facebook is full of errors and bugs. But why should it be you? lol Yes, Hello, how are you?"

 

I respond:

 

"It's twilight zone lol. I'm full of work, school work and a design apprenticeship in an animation festival."

 

She continues:

 

" Nice! Much work is a very good sign! You're on a design apprenticeship? good! I hope everything is allright! I hope too your parents all alright! I miss them horribly! If you can send them a kiss from me... kisses."

 

She won't tell if she missed me directly, she wouldn't have the guts. Whatever.

I feel strange, nor happy or sad.She's crazy lol I had a GREAT night out with my new girlfriend yesterday and my day was going good today. My new girl was fundamental on changing my mood yesterday, which was one of my lowest lows. I received the sms, but didn't get very nervous. That's a good sign I guess!

[alimpo83]

She sent another sms.

 

"hi antonio. I just wanted to know if you want to have lunch soon... kiss"

 

Well, I knew she would miss me eventually, but she came at a bad time. I really don't know what to do. whatever.

[loveforever]

She sent another sms.

 

"hi antonio. I just wanted to know if you want to have lunch soon... kiss"

 

Well, I knew she would miss me eventually, but she came at a bad time. I really don't know what to do. whatever.

 

To make her really miss you I would go back to NC !!!!

 

At least for a couple of days !!!!!

 

[alimpo83]

I sent her a text message saying I couldn't be with right now, much work and all.

 

She responded:

 

"OK, no problem! But say something in a while, there's something specific that I want to talk to you and I don't want to be forgotten! Keep up your good work, kiss".

 

Once again, she's stringing me, or she's missing me. I don't get it, really.

[loveforever]

I sent her a text message saying I couldn't be with right now, much work and all.

 

She responded:

 

"OK, no problem! But say something in a while, there's something specific that I want to talk to you and I don't want to be forgotten! Keep up your good work, kiss".

 

Once again, she's stringing me, or she's missing me. I don't get it, really.

 

You shouldn't have answered....really....no contact for a couple of days and she probably would've begged to see you and talk to you !!!!

 

This way she knows you're going to be available for her whenever.....

[timchambo]

just read this whole thread. Hope things are going good for you now. If they are I hope it has nothing to do with your ex contacting you. I am sure its an ego boost at the least. Hopefully that new girl is taking things off your mind and treating you great.

 

Every time I am feeling down I browse this forum. Somehow it makes me feel better seeing others in this sad place I am in. After 7 years my ex left for another guy.

 

So how long has it been since you split with your ex?

[alimpo83]

I answered in a way she should have understood that I was saying " I don't want to be with you right now". I have work to do, much things to worry about.

 

I answered like 7 or 8 hours later of her message. Hadn't I answer, I would've got another message, and another until I got bored and answered.

Now I'm going NC again.

 

She is starting to miss me and I hope, not to be with her, but that she suffers at least a tenth of what I suffered, that she misses me, hoping to get my text messages. It's her time.

 

It's been 4 months, and now she saw I'm selling the paintings I did for our house. She is beginning to see she's on the point of losing me for good and now she makes a move to see how it goes.

Edited February 22, 2011 by alimpo83

[alimpo83]

I wanted to talk to her, but really If she missed me, she would find a way to speak to me again. Now she's waiting for my text message, when "I have the time" to have lunch with her.

 

I'll wait more time. Then I'll see what to do.

[alimpo83]

This NC is being the hardest, since she wants to get together to talk to me about something she specifically didn't told me what it was in the text message.

 

What do you guys think? Is she feeling she's losing me and so she contacted?

 

She knows I'm f***** curious about it.

 

[timchambo]

yup, she's playing games a bit. I am sure she could have told you in the text what she wanted to talk about. Stay strong. She hasn't given up in 4 months, if she's reaching out again, she wont be leaving in the next few days. If you want to reach out to her in the future, maybe its best to just ask what she needs to discuss. Take some of the mystery out of her game. If I was in her shoes it would tell me this person means business, and maybe he has something else going on now.

[alimpo83]

Yes, I'll hold to this NC for some more time. I'm at a crossroads in my life, right now, not just concerning her.

 

Let's see where this road leads.

[alimpo83]

Well, it's been nearly a month since I wrote a post.

 

My ex had text messaged me for us to have lunch and so, she had something special to say "that cannot be forgotten". I've finished my work now and was about to talk to her, just to find out she had assumed a new boyfriend. I sent her a message saying "it didn't make any sense to get together now, that was weird and all. Let's live separate lives."

 

She answered "I still remember you a lot. It's impossible not to remember. And how are you? I hope things between us can still be good. And can we have lunch the same?"

 

I answered that was impossible, since it didn't make any sense! I told her that all was too intense, both the good part (which i liked) and the bad part of our relation. I told her we should live separate lives again, and that I had in my memory some good moments, that I would never forget, and basicly said goodbye for good. I told her that if life would join us for one thing or another, then we would see what to do, if not, then be it.

 

She answered:

 

"Sorry i took a while to answer, but I wanted to answer correctly... I hold much memories of us and I'm always really sad when I realize it's over. it was yes really intense. Without blinking, i thought and lived as you were the love of my life. What I've felt for you, I haven't felt for noone else...not even now. But the truth is that living our relation day to day, I wasn't totally happy. I feel horribly bad about this. I know I am the one to blame for all of this, and I find it hard to realize I couldn't be with you anymore. Because that If I loved you like in the beginning, I would be (for sure) the happiest woman in the world. I'm sorry, it's all I can say. I was really happy with you, really really happy, I think you know that. But I'm inconstant, dumb and selfish... I'm sorry."

 

Well, that's about it. Finally she admitted her fault in all of this, and that she didn't fight for us when It came the moment, because she only thought about her. I think I'll finally be able to move on completely, I hope. It's hard to believe it's been only five months, it's been like a decade to me.