To leave my boyfriend or not

[Ber]

I'm writing in this forum, because I'm confused on what I should do with my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. Most of our relationship has been long distance. About 3 years ago I found out that he was cheating on me while I was living in another city. From what I understood that went on, they spent a lot of time hanging out together (she was his neighbor). He had pictures up of me in his apartment, and when she would ask about me he would tell her we were dating but we weren't exclusive. That was not true! Anyway, I found out that they had slept together once when he came home really drunk. We broke up for awhile, and got back together. After we had broken up he had moved apartment locations. It took awhile to begin to trust him again, but I was finally starting to get past it. Well, later in our relationship I moved yet again to another city and we had broken up for awhile. We decided that if we were going to be together we needed to live together and begin our lives together. We both decided that is what we wanted to we moved in together. After about 3 months living together I found an e-mail from him to a girl that lived near him. He basically had written how he remembered what she looked like, and he thought of her often. She knew about me, and was having troubles in her relationship and looked to my boyfriend for advice. I guess they hung out and talked. He said if we didn't get back together when we broke up that he probably would have dated her. I just couldn't understand why he had written her, and why he had told her that he wanted to meet her half way for lunch.

 

Okay, now to the new stuff. We moved to another city due to a career change for me. We lived in our new city for a little over a year when I had a job opportunity overseas. I felt comfortable in my relationship and he urged me to go. I had been gone for about 6 months. I came home for a week during Christmas. I just got back last week, and last night I found some text messages in his phone to another woman. Basically saying he wanted her, and he wanted to talk dirty to her. He's gone on a fishing trip with some of his friends, and I confronted him about it over the phone and told him we would talk when he got back. He told me all he did was flirt with this woman (who is married), and when it got too heated he called it off. I called her and asked her if she had slept with him and she was completely shocked and taken aback that I would think that. I just don't know what to think. I don't know if it is because I keep leaving him to pursue stuff I want to do and he's lonely, or if he is a bastard, and I'm a fool. He told me that when I'm gone he's lonely and acts like a loner. I can understand that. I have probably flirtted with some guys a little too heavily, but I realized that I would be hurting my boyfriend if I continued.

 

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but if you could help me before Sunday night that would be great. Maybe help me with some things I could bring up during our conversation. We have a great relationship, and I love him. But I don't like feeling the way that I do right now.

 

Thanks

[priscilla]

First of all, long distance relationships rarely work. Just because he is lonely or is a loner is no reason for him to email or text message other women. That is just a lame excuse for his horrible behavior. You mentioned you flirt with guys, but stop knowing you may be hurting him. He obviously flirts with other women and doesn't seem to care whether or not it hurts you. Even if you guys could live together for a longer period of time he would still be in touch with other women. Finally, he is a bastard, leave him and find someone who will be faithful to you and not feel the need to emotionally or physically cheat on you. If he really loved you, he wouldn't cheat , even with the distance, and would respect your feelings.