shayan Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Hi guys, I have seen so many men on this site worried about why they are so and so age and haven't had a gf yet. Or they haven't been in a relationship for so and so years. Or they complain about being the guy who always ends up as a friend. The biggest thing I've spotted though is being hurt in a relationship taken advantage of or being emotionally vulnreable. and this post will probably going to be offensive to some but I think of this post as tough love. It's for your own good in other words. Listen I'm going to let you in on a secret women don't want to date someone who acts like one of their girlfriends. Do you blame them honestly? They don't want to be with a pushover but often they will take advantage of them. Look if you want women to start liking you then stop being so damn scared of em, so yielding to them, so sensitive around them. Don't react to their little strange annoying things that they do. Women enjoy men who can handle them and who don't panic over little details like "why isn't she texting me as much as I do her." Learn to be comfortable and confident being yourself, don't try to impress them, or macth them, or anything. Just be your effen self.The most attractive people are the ones who love them selves and frankly don't care much about other peoples opinions they operate on their own principles. and finally get over this bs fear of rejection. Stop being afraid to take things a little further, stop being so damn scarred. Push yourself out of that fearful frame. True confidence isn't expecting certain positive results, it's going forward knowing that whatever happens you're still good. seriously fellas I hate to reinforce cultural stereotypes and all the other shennanigans but I feel that this is an important attitude to have if you want to have more success with women and in life. Peace Edited January 18, 2011 by shayan Link to post Share on other sites
Pfletch83 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Then why don't women stop being so fickle about each and every little thing? I mean honestly it's like an unmarked minefield out there. Edited January 18, 2011 by Pfletch83 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shayan Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry women just are more emotional, or atleast society reinforces it that way, they are allowed to act that way it's more acceptable. Now when a guy does it it seems well wimpy. Double standards what can I say the world isn't exactly perfect. it's not that a man should be this or a woman should be that. This is not the statement I meant to make. Honestly I think both strong men and women would fit the character profile I described above. I've just seen more posts by men lately. Edited January 18, 2011 by shayan Link to post Share on other sites
Nightsky Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Your message probably will insult people who struggle with this. They would like to be that guy who could just walk over and confidently engage a woman but their fear stops them. When posters struggle with something like this they usually know what they are doing wrong. Understanding, compassion, and motivation is what they need. That’s why I don't judge posters problems. I try to motivate them to do the right thing and free them from their cage. Edited January 18, 2011 by Nightsky Link to post Share on other sites
Pfletch83 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I survived being thrown from an ATV and into a 1986 town car at around 85-90 MPH head first (wasn't wearing a helmet at the time). Anything about that sound wimpy? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I've battled depression, anxiety, and several other disorders. And come out a more confident person. I agree, does that sound wimpy? Instead of disrespecting the person, try to put yourself in their shoes for a moment. It's not only guys that fear girls, sometimes girls fear guys. They can't get boyfriends. We're people, not robots, and because of that we have feelings. We can't just "get over it", like you've said; we can work at stripping away the insecurity, and become better people. But we can't just zip on a confidence suit, and suddenly we're the life of the party and have tons of girls after us. It's just not going to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Hules Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Going to have to disagree with your post Shayan. I think that its great that guys come to places like LS to discuss issues like this (despite what you think it is healthy to talk about these things) because from childhood we have been told that we have to be tough, don't cry usual macho man bull****. So when the **** hits the fan in relationships most guys don't talk about it because we have been told we are not allowed to. End up suffering alone developing serious depression and/or other problems. Its really quite sad when you think about it. You wonder why there is so many broken men out there because they don't know how to deal with there emotions because they have been told they are not allowed to (by stupid outdated cultural stereotypes). I've battled depression, anxiety, and several other disorders. And come out a more confident person. I agree, does that sound wimpy? Instead of disrespecting the person, try to put yourself in their shoes for a moment. It's not only guys that fear girls, sometimes girls fear guys. They can't get boyfriends. We're people, not robots, and because of that we have feelings. We can't just "get over it", like you've said; we can work at stripping away the insecurity, and become better people. But we can't just zip on a confidence suit, and suddenly we're the life of the party and have tons of girls after us. It's just not going to happen. Couldn't agree more i have also battled serious depression. Unfortunately for me i took the sort of advice Shayan is handing out and shrugged it off because depression isn't a real illness right only for those wimpy men with feelings yer? Wrong! I put on a fake face for years portraying confidence, happiness on the inside i was dying and miserable and i couldn't understand why. One day i couldn't take it anymore and snapped dropped out of study/work/social life everything hit rock bottom. It took me years to recover but slowly i picked up the pieces of my life. Learned a ton about myself because for the first time in my life listened to what my emotional needs were. Admitted that depression was something i couldn't tackle myself and got help and therapy. Coming out the other end i'm a much stronger person than i was before. It was a lot of blood sweat and tears to get through these issues but i would do it again rather than continuing been a bull**** artist pretending to be someone i wasn't. I have also developed a great sense of empathy for others after going through this period in my life. So my advice to guys out there going through a tough time. Feel like crying, cry nothing to be ashamed about your human you have emotions. Have an issue and need some advice keep posting your not less of a man because you want to talk about something that is bothering you (hell if anything your more in touch with your feelings than most of other guys out there). Cheers all. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So Shayan, you're here why? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So Shayan, you're here why? Maybe she likes giving relationship advice? Even though I'm inexperienced, I love giving relationship advice myself and helping people work through their relationships. However, the key to being a good advice giver is keeping an open mind. This thread is pretty closed minded, if I must say so myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Maybe she likes giving relationship advice? Even though I'm inexperienced, I love giving relationship advice myself and helping people work through their relationships. However, the key to being a good advice giver is keeping an open mind. This thread is pretty closed minded, if I must say so myself. This is why I hate "rather not say". I took Shayan as a guy. Who's right? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I took her as a woman. But that's because I hear this coming mostly from women who are good at relationships. Guys usually don't dish out this kind of "advice" when it comes to fearing beautiful women, because we've all been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 This board is for men and women to come and vent so there is nothing wrong with being weak on here but in the real world men should grow some balls and stop being afraid to say no to a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 In the real world, people can be pretty cruel. Kindness isn't an attribute that everyone has. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 In the real world, people can be pretty cruel. Kindness isn't an attribute that everyone has. Very true and sadly it is not valued in today's world and as looked at as a weakness. Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) Learn to be comfortable and confident being yourself, don't try to impress them, or macth them, or anything. Just be your effen self.The most attractive people are the ones who love them selves and frankly don't care much about other peoples opinions they operate on their own principles. People who don't give a damn and who do their own thing are only attractive if they're talented and successful. If a person comes across as stupid and lazy, the fact that they don't give a damn what anybody else thinks will just add to the overall impression that they're never going to improve. Vast amounts of entirely unwarranted self confidence won't impress anybody other than other lazy individuals who might think "wow, he/she is as unmotivated and lazy as I am and is wholly untroubled by the fact. That's cool. Perhaps I can aspire to that." Essentially, you're encouraging men to puff themselves up for no particular reason other than that idiots might be taken in by so much hot air. I think if a person wants to develop genuine self confidence they should focus not on developing their bravado and bullsh*tting ability, but on improving their performance in worthwhile activities. Whether it's sport, some artistic endeavour, work or physical fitness, putting effort into improving in those areas is a means to earning self confidence - instead of trying to pluck it out of thin air when you haven't earned it. Edited January 18, 2011 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 The thing you have to understand about guys who don't approach girls, is that they were targets of bullying or abuse in their earlier years. This kind of thing can stay with a person for a lifetime. I still feel insecure over the way I look, however I'm not going to let it bother me. I can't change my face, other than by getting plastic surgery, and if people want to make fun of me for it, then so be it. I'm not going to be down on myself, because I know I deserve love and respect, and the people that love and respect me show me that. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Sounds like you're pretty short on kindness, Shayan. Over the past 15 years, I went bankrupt once, lost 4 family members and 6 dear pets, inherited a house while grieving some of said relatives and pets, had to leave 3 writers' groups and start my own, paid off a large debt arising from my late mother's estate, had to get back into woodworking to keep the bills paid, NEVER asked for or got any financial handouts from family or anyone else, lived alone for the past 3 years, cooked my own meals, sewed my own clothes, and did my own laundry. I never got any sex, because I never wanted any. When I finally did start looking for female friendship, ALL the women I met made it clear they weren't interested in me, so after last Thanksgiving, I made up my mind I didn't need them anyways. So now that I've completely lost interest, what... NOW women want to make nice??? I ain't buying it. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) I agree. There are many names you can throw on a dateless guy. Incel, love shy, social anxiety sufferer, whatever. It all comes down to the same thing: sometimes we're just too shy to make a move. Edited January 18, 2011 by LeaningIntoTheMuse Link to post Share on other sites
Author shayan Posted January 18, 2011 Author Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) to inspire, I realized something today, I was wrong for making that post I apoligize. I think there is a lot of right in it but the way I phrased it was wrong. good luck I really am sorry. but I have learned something very important from this post. really I sounded like a pretentious DB I probably was at the moment let my ego get a hold of me. well take care now. Edited January 18, 2011 by shayan Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 It's ok. We all have said things that we've regretted. I've gotten into internet flame wars before, and regretted things that I said. "A cool head is always better than a hot head." Regardless, I hope that you don't feel too upset. It's just that guys like us have all heard it before (Be more confident/grow some testicles/don't be shy/etc.) Some guys are shyer than others, which means that it would take a confident girl to begin the relationship, instead of the guy. And there are plenty of relationships out there like that. My cousin is even shyer than me, and he had a confident girl snag him in his late 20's. It's never too late, and you should never lose hope. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Eh, I'm actually starting to realize that guys who have been single for a very long time, are aware of what they are doing wrong. They just don't have the strength to break out of the mold and change it. While I tried really hard to get a girlfriend last year, I was an idiot for pursuing a girl for six months, who already rejected me twice. Would I have gotten a girlfriend if I went after other girls? Maybe not, but I would have had better odds then going after one girl who has already told me no. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I'd like to ask shayan, how does a guy grow balls then, exactly? It'd be great if I could just snap my fingers and suddenly stop being shy around women, and to be able to start asking them out, left right, and center, with nothing but pure confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
c&l Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) Its girls like you that cause us men to be shy, and worried to approach women. You sit there and judge a man, critisize him, and degrate him, while telling him to approach you. Not to mention that just because YOU dont like sensitive guys, doesnt mean other people wont. I meen no offence, but it just seems very hypocritical of you. EDIT: shayan i saw your latest post, and it is okay. Please for give me for comming across as rude as well, however i thought you meant it as rude, and thought i was being insulted, so please accept my apologie if i did offend you. Edited January 19, 2011 by c&l Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 i agree 100% Link to post Share on other sites
flying Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Its girls like you that cause us men to be shy, and worried to approach women. You sit there and judge a man, critisize him, and degrate him, while telling him to approach you. Not to mention that just because YOU dont like sensitive guys, doesnt mean other people wont. I meen no offence, but it just seems very hypocritical of you. EDIT: shayan i saw your latest post, and it is okay. Please for give me for comming across as rude as well, however i thought you meant it as rude, and thought i was being insulted, so please accept my apologie if i did offend you. You guys know that the OP is a guy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
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