Steadfast Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 A recent episode of 'Two And-a-Half Men' showed Alan (the divorced bother) in a battle with his ex over some silly domestic problem. The ex-wife's reaction to him was eerily similar to how my ex acts when angry. In this case, she was forbidding her ex-husband with some sort of unspoken authority that he found difficult to understand. I know it's Hollywood, but... So my question is, do you still expect your ex-husband to listen to your concerns? How 'personal' can you comfortably get without crossing the line? Link to post Share on other sites
Duckduckgoose Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 No, I don't expect him to listen to my concerns as I won't listen to his. Its cold but it's fair. If there is an issue either a neutral third party needs to be involved or nothing will get resolved. He will pretty much just be ignored by me. He made it clear he no longer cared by leaving, so I make it clear I no longer care by... not caring for his concerns or trying to lord over him. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 No, I don't expect him to listen to my concerns as I won't listen to his. Its cold but it's fair. I am not a woman but it's the same for me from the other side. I would not listen to hers and I don't tell her mine because I have no expectation that she would listen. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 A recent episode of 'Two And-a-Half Men' showed Alan (the divorced bother) in a battle with his ex over some silly domestic problem. The ex-wife's reaction to him was eerily similar to how my ex acts when angry. In this case, she was forbidding her ex-husband with some sort of unspoken authority that he found difficult to understand. I know it's Hollywood, but... So my question is, do you still expect your ex-husband to listen to your concerns? How 'personal' can you comfortably get without crossing the line? What's bolded. My 1st exh did the same thing. I had to severely limit his interaction with me because of this. He would still try to treat me like his W even after I got married again. I kept everything about the children and kept him from anything that had to do with my personal life. It drove him nuts and to this day, the kids are now adults, he has been in a LTR for many years, and I am now divorced, again, when we do cross paths he will say something derogatory or bring up the past and if there is no response from me, he would give me the "eye" and say, "You're not listening are you?" Then have a look of disgust on his face when I say, "Sorry, my mind was elsewhere." With my 2nd exh, since we had no children together, I'm in strict NC. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 In my case, absolutely not!! I do not share anything personal with my exH and do not expect him to listen to any of my concerns. The less contact with him the better. Any time my ex is "acting nice", my guard goes up because I know it will be at my expense either financially or to my healing. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Divorced twice here. First H, we don't talk. So that settles that. Second H, we talk. Do I impose my will on him? No, that would be stupid. Do I expect him to listen to my concerns? No. I no longer have the right to expect anything at all. If he expresses an interest, then we talk about it. Some careful walking on eggshells at this point. But we still care for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 In my case, absolutely not!! I do not share anything personal with my exH and do not expect him to listen to any of my concerns. The less contact with him the better. Any time my ex is "acting nice", my guard goes up because I know it will be at my expense either financially or to my healing.[/quote Ditto!:) Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Divorced twice here. First H, we don't talk. So that settles that. Second H, we talk. Do I impose my will on him? No, that would be stupid. Do I expect him to listen to my concerns? No. I no longer have the right to expect anything at all. If he expresses an interest, then we talk about it. Some careful walking on eggshells at this point. But we still care for each other. If you still care about each other then why not get back together? My stbx and I can't stand to be around each other. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Do I still expect my ex husband to listen to my concerns? Yes, but only in regards to my son. I don't have any concerns about what he does that doesn't affect my son. Unfortunately, because he is an alcoholic and prone to "con artist" tactics to get by when he is in the bottle - I have to be more concerned than I'd like. I got full physical and legal custody of my son through the courts. I HAVE to address my concerns with him about this stuff whether I like it or not. When he is not in the bottle, I rarely have to deal with him in a contentious manner. I've gotten to where I can recognize the signs. He hit bottom again and his GF kicked him out so he crawled to his mom and she let him move in. So the last year has been pretty uneventful. He recently met someone and like usual, lickity split, has moved in with her. Its been a couple months now so lets set our watches. I promise, a year or so from now he will be back in the bottle, jobless, and plotting some quick fix scheme to get out of the new mess he's made. Link to post Share on other sites
hitbyatruck Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 In my case, discussing anything personal aside from the topic of our son is crossing the invisible line. On the whole, both of us acknowledge this now, however she still tries to pry into my life every now and again - where I go, if I'm seeing anyone, etc. I get accused of being overly secretive when I don't divulge the info she so desperately wants, but the way I see it, she lost any claims to know anything about my current life (outside our kid) when she made the choice to end our R in such a brutal fashion. Because her affair/rebound R continues, I have no desire to know anything about her day to day life. If she had have had the guts to end the R without betrayal and attempt single-life (there are so many benefits) then I would be interested in her life and would support her. But that's a big "if". But we still care for each other. Same boat. Sure we still care for each other, and it extends beyond shared parenthood. It makes things hard, knowing someone you have loved for a long time could both hurt you but still care for you, but it exists and can't be altered. Put it this way - I am comfortable knowing who's hospital bedside she would be beside if both myself and her boyfriend were simultaneously struck by lightning. Link to post Share on other sites
You Go Girl Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 I am comfortable knowing who's hospital bedside she would be beside if both myself and her boyfriend were simultaneously struck by lightning. ha that's a good one! (even if you did change gender just to get in on this question) Link to post Share on other sites
hitbyatruck Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 ha that's a good one! (even if you did change gender just to get in on this question) Ooop. After reading a few posts I had forgotten that Steadfast had made the question gender specific - but I think it can be applied to guys also. We have concerns too! Link to post Share on other sites
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