robf1971 Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 She has even folded my underwear! Women are strange creatures, don't even look for an explanation Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 She has even folded my underwear! Her sister mentioned that she thought she was regretting her chioce Never, ever get her family involved in what's going on between you both. Blood is thicker than water--they are not your ally. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 You said in a previous post that you own 100% of the house. Anyways, regardless....she no longer lives there and has her own place. She's just keeping tabs on you. She doesn't want her ego feed to have a life of his own. At the moment she has got the best of both worlds, maybe you are the fall back plan if it doesn't work out?. This is commonly known as cake eating. You will only really know that she wants you back if you give her a dose of life without you. No more friendly chit chats, no more her cleaning (tell her you've hired a cleaner), no more boozy chats, no more trips to IKEa, she looks after the kids in her time, you look after them in yours. You need to tell her (without being a jerk) that she is no longer welcome at your home. She regrets it? sorry I don't believe it. If a woman reallly regrets these things she would walk over broken glass to you. Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 At the moment she has got the best of both worlds, maybe you are the fall back plan if it doesn't work out?. This is commonly known as cake eating. You will only really know that she wants you back if you give her a dose of life without you. No more friendly chit chats, no more her cleaning (tell her you've hired a cleaner), no more boozy chats, no more trips to IKEa, she looks after the kids in her time, you look after them in yours. You need to tell her (without being a jerk) that she is no longer welcome at your home. She regrets it? sorry I don't believe it. If a woman reallly regrets these things she would walk over broken glass to you. Completely agree. It's time, don't you think? Do not be her emotional support anymore. Tough love! It will go one way or the other. Limbo sux!! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 1, 2011 Share Posted February 1, 2011 Shaun let me echo my situation. Not sure whether or not you read my thread, but the long and short, she cheated, I decided I would move out, I got involved with another woman (OK, that was the VERY condensed version). Now, I had paid rent on OUR place and on MY place for 1 month overlapping. However, once I moved out I initially kept my key for a few days, but NEVER EVER entered without my wife being there. Within a few days I turned over the key as I wasn't living there. Even though our child was shared custody I would have NEVER EVER entered without her being there. She crossed a boundary and you should read her the riot act! If you don't have the balls to do that, how about putting some condom packages in with your underwear, be sure to remove a few from the package of course Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Completely agree. It's time, don't you think? Do not be her emotional support anymore. Tough love! It will go one way or the other. Limbo sux!! Sorry I should have explained, she owns 50% of the positive equity in the house., I have offered her this in cash if she was to sign a legally binding seperation which I had written up by a solicitor. She doesn't want to sign this fo reasons I do not know. I legally can't change the locks and she could move back into the maritial home whenever she wanted! I'm bloody confused, don't want to turn her away . Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 Shaun let me echo my situation. Not sure whether or not you read my thread, but the long and short, she cheated, I decided I would move out, I got involved with another woman (OK, that was the VERY condensed version). Now, I had paid rent on OUR place and on MY place for 1 month overlapping. However, once I moved out I initially kept my key for a few days, but NEVER EVER entered without my wife being there. Within a few days I turned over the key as I wasn't living there. Even though our child was shared custody I would have NEVER EVER entered without her being there. She crossed a boundary and you should read her the riot act! If you don't have the balls to do that, how about putting some condom packages in with your underwear, be sure to remove a few from the package of course It's still the marital home and under Btitish Law (not mine) she can come and go as she please's i have a seperation agreement awaiting to be signed, once she has signed taken her money, I will change the locks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 I am a weak man !! i had just put the girls to bed and she comes round armed with two bottles of wine! she said she was ready to help me paint, i painted she spent two hours doing erotic dances for me! I don't drink i don't smoke im a retired personal trainer and she is throwing the drinks down her neck like there's no tomorow! At this point i can see the age gap so clearly, she spent the whole evening talking about herself and was in fact oblivious to the fact that Trinity is struggling at school because of her actions. We ended up Kissing passionatly, which i really regret now.! She doesnt seem to remember that she has two daughters. I know need to calm this down as i'm so confused Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Ok, I have made a huge mistake by kissing her! She asked me out on valentine’s night, I might be going crazy but things seem to be improving. Thoughts and opinions are welcome? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Ok, I have made a huge mistake by kissing her! She asked me out on valentine’s night, I might be going crazy but things seem to be improving. Thoughts and opinions are welcome? I'm a red blooded male, I' d find that hard to turn down, but your being too easy for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 I'm a red blooded male, I' d find that hard to turn down, but your being too easy for her. Rob, What about this going out on Valentines night? Is it to soon? do i back off? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I am a weak man !! i had just put the girls to bed and she comes round armed with two bottles of wine! she said she was ready to help me paint, i painted she spent two hours doing erotic dances for me! I don't drink i don't smoke im a retired personal trainer and she is throwing the drinks down her neck like there's no tomorow! At this point i can see the age gap so clearly, she spent the whole evening talking about herself and was in fact oblivious to the fact that Trinity is struggling at school because of her actions. We ended up Kissing passionatly, which i really regret now.! She doesnt seem to remember that she has two daughters. I know need to calm this down as i'm so confused Lol you should've called her out on this, she really is pursuing you isn't she. I dare you next time she does this "Wife your moving back in right now" If she says "OK" then great, Most likely she will start giving you all that crap about being confused and then you know it's all bs. There is a tiny part of me, I mean tiny that says maybe she's looking for a way back in. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 However, if she comes back it's on your terms... ie marriage counselling, total transparency, (each others facebook email accounts etc) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Rob, What about this going out on Valentines night? Is it to soon? do i back off? Tell her you will think about it Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 However, if she comes back it's on your terms... ie marriage counselling, total transparency, (each others facebook email accounts etc) You would need to start really working on your relationship (THE BOTH OF YOU) and yourselve's. This is the stage I am at with my wife. You do not want to be back again 2 year down the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 You would need to start really working on your relationship (THE BOTH OF YOU) and yourselve's. This is the stage I am at with my wife. You do not want to be back again 2 year down the line. [We are definelty not ready to start living together yet, you are right it will just go pear shaped if we where to start so soon[i do genuinely nee to address some issues I have and she needs to get all of the partying out of her system, as she still feels that she has missed out on the majority of her 20's mothering children and staying at home[[We are where we are for a reason, I need to be sure that I'm not her back up planSo do I continue along the path of waiting for her to contact me? being pleasant but distant? I want her back for the right reasons!![ Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 [quote=russell1968;3226984I have and she needs to get all of the partying out of her system, as she still feels that she has missed out on the majority of her 20's mothering children and staying at home!! [ how do you know she feels this, you can't read minds Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 how do you know she feels this, you can't read minds I don't, She is still drinking heavily and smoking pott. Maybe i'm wrong? What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 Shaun, you know the answer to this. Protect your children. Send this woman adrift. She is lost. Why does she have such a hold on you? You seem to be bantering back and forth then largely ignoring everything that everyone is telling you anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Lol you should've called her out on this, she really is pursuing you isn't she. I dare you next time she does this "Wife your moving back in right now" If she says "OK" then great, Most likely she will start giving you all that crap about being confused and then you know it's all bs. There is a tiny part of me, I mean tiny that says maybe she's looking for a way back in. I Agree, thats exactly what she will do, i know that she is not ready Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Shaun, you know the answer to this. Protect your children. Send this woman adrift. She is lost. Why does she have such a hold on you? You seem to be bantering back and forth then largely ignoring everything that everyone is telling you anyway. Ok, i wanna make this clear my girls are 100% fine! I have had alot of great advice! You are right it;s hard putting into practice. She is lost, but so am i, the diffrence is i don't drink and im a fitness freak. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I don't, She is still drinking heavily and smoking pott. Maybe i'm wrong? What do you think? Maybe, maybe not but if you can get her back and willingly into MC at least you will have a "refereed" forum where you could say to your wife for example. "By drinking and smoking weed (all the time) I feel that (insert wife's name) is totally disrespecting my feelings" Then she could give you an answer that might be "OMG I had no idea, why didn't you say something" It's called communication and I bet you haven't been doing much of it over the years. it's bacause like me and a lot of men we are afraid to rock the boat and become too suplicant to our women. It just isn't attractive to them and breeds resentment in us. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Maybe, maybe not but if you can get her back and willingly into MC at least you will have a "refereed" forum where you could say to your wife for example. "By drinking and smoking weed (all the time) I feel that (insert wife's name) is totally disrespecting my feelings" Then she could give you an answer that might be "OMG I had no idea, why didn't you say something" It's called communication and I bet you haven't been doing much of it over the years. it's bacause like me and a lot of men we are afraid to rock the boat and become too suplicant to our women. It just isn't attractive to them and breeds resentment in us. You are right i never listened. towards the end neither did she! We used to sit in seperate rooms[/FONT] i was under the impression that if you had finally got yourself out of a toxic relationship you should be happy and not drinking yourself to oblivion? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 You are right i never listened. towards the end neither did she! We used to sit in seperate rooms[/FONT] i was under the impression that if you had finally got yourself out of a toxic relationship you should be happy and not drinking yourself to oblivion? Man I bet you did the passive aggresive thing too, that really turns women off. You need to work on your stuff big time., but also be happy and confident. Don't be afraid to stand up to her (respectfully), and tell her your feelings. Here's my example, my wife told me in as many words, my problems Passive Aggresive Too much of a pleaser Misarable, complaining about everything Leaning on her all the time for support I'm willing to bet some of these ring true for you too Over the last five months I tried hard to turn this around and I have. I'm the happiest I've been for 3 years, I'm kicking ass again in my business, I'm laughing and enjoying myself. Guess what, she's interested in me again... She wants to go on dates, she wants kisses, she tell me she loves me. As i said our success is by no means guaranteet but we are thousands of miles on from where we were. I'll tell you something else, as I changed so did she, in big ways too, she cut out a lot of negative crap just like your wife. So take some inspiration.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 Man I bet you did the passive aggresive thing too, that really turns women off. You need to work on your stuff big time., but also be happy and confident. Don't be afraid to stand up to her (respectfully), and tell her your feelings. Here's my example, my wife told me in as many words, my problems Passive Aggresive Too much of a pleaser Misarable, complaining about everything Leaning on her all the time for support I'm willing to bet some of these ring true for you too Over the last five months I tried hard to turn this around and I have. I'm the happiest I've been for 3 years, I'm kicking ass again in my business, I'm laughing and enjoying myself. Guess what, she's interested in me again... She wants to go on dates, she wants kisses, she tell me she loves me. As i said our success is by no means guaranteet but we are thousands of miles on from where we were. I'll tell you something else, as I changed so did she, in big ways too, she cut out a lot of negative crap just like your wife. So take some inspiration.. Yep that sounds just about right! What shall i do now? Link to post Share on other sites
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