uncool Posted February 2, 2011 Share Posted February 2, 2011 I need to have a strategy to help get her interested again, what did you do?? I'm in a similar but more complicated situation and this is what I did and it's awesome: married and happy dot com the down side is it'll cost you about a hundred bucks and take you about a month to do... but this will do what you're asking Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Share Posted February 2, 2011 I decided rightly or wrongly to play it cool, she just called me and asked if I was nearly home, I said no she said was I in a meeting or am I just trying to chatting up some girls, I just said I'm running late. She wanted me to look after my little one for 10 mins.I was pleseant but firm. She ain't going to get me on a plate! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Rob, i have made progress! She is showing interest, what do i do now? Do i just play it cool and be nice? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Man I bet you did the passive aggresive thing too, that really turns women off. You need to work on your stuff big time., but also be happy and confident. Don't be afraid to stand up to her (respectfully), and tell her your feelings. Here's my example, my wife told me in as many words, my problems Passive Aggresive Too much of a pleaser Misarable, complaining about everything Leaning on her all the time for support I'm willing to bet some of these ring true for you too Over the last five months I tried hard to turn this around and I have. I'm the happiest I've been for 3 years, I'm kicking ass again in my business, I'm laughing and enjoying myself. Guess what, she's interested in me again... She wants to go on dates, she wants kisses, she tell me she loves me. As i said our success is by no means guaranteet but we are thousands of miles on from where we were. I'll tell you something else, as I changed so did she, in big ways too, she cut out a lot of negative crap just like your wife. So take some inspiration.. Yep, thats exactly how i was moaning to her about everything in life! Then always buying her what she wanted! That is eaxactly how i was Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I decided rightly or wrongly to play it cool, she just called me and asked if I was nearly home, I said no she said was I in a meeting or am I just trying to chatting up some girls, I just said I'm running late. She wanted me to look after my little one for 10 mins.I was pleseant but firm. She ain't going to get me on a plate! If you didn't give into her and take the kid for 10 mins, and was respectful and calm at the same time I would say you passed her test good and proper. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Yep, thats exactly how i was moaning to her about everything in life It almost cost me my marriage to learn not to do this. It doesn't matter how bad things are, act confident upbeat and happy. Not only that take positive actions to make things better, she will totally notice, even if she doesn't mention it. You will notice her actions change towards you for the better. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Yep, thats exactly how i was moaning to her about everything in life! Then always buying her what she wanted! That is eaxactly how i was I mean here's a classic. Take your IKEA thing last weekend. Face it you didn't really want to be there did you? but you went anyway. I bet you did this for years. OK on some things of course you will go with her, but on that occasion I bet she'd have respected the cr*p out of you if you'd have said, "sorry I've got plans" and handed her the car keys.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Rob, She is showing interest What interest specifically? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I mean here's a classic. Take your IKEA thing last weekend. Face it you didn't really want to be there did you? but you went anyway. I bet you did this for years. OK on some things of course you will go with her, but on that occasion I bet she'd have respected the cr*p out of you if you'd have said, "sorry I've got plans" and handed her the car keys.. Rob, the funny thing is this seperation has taught me a few lessons. I do want her back! But like you said i want it to be for the right reasons and not just for a year or so! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 What interest specifically? The whole valentines night thing. the Kiss! Two moths ago she woudnt piss on me if i was on fire Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Rob, the funny thing is this seperation has taught me a few lessons. I do want her back! But like you said i want it to be for the right reasons and not just for a year or so! See my thinking is this.. You guys need counselling.. because of the resons mentioned in an earlier post. It might be the time to lead here Not "Wife please come back?" But "Wife I want you back here with me if you are willing to commit to marriage counselling?" If she commits to counselling it's a massive step, remember It took 5 months for my wife to agree to this. But tell me more about the interest she's showing you. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 The whole valentines night thing. the Kiss! Two moths ago she woudnt piss on me if i was on fire What did you tell her about valentines night? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 See my thinking is this.. You guys need counselling.. because of the resons mentioned in an earlier post. It might be the time to lead here Not "Wife please come back?" But "Wife I want you back here with me if you are willing to commit to marriage counselling?" If she commits to counselling it's a massive step, remember It took 5 months for my wife to agree to this. But tell me more about the interest she's showing you. She keeps talking about us going on nights out, the kiss! She is touching me, talking about the future, the kiss valentines night Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 As it stands she called me from my house this morning @ 9.00am sounding really cheerful, I think she came round to check and see if I had anyone over last night, I didn’t pick up the call. But she asked me to call her back at (Our House!) I dint I have just switched of my phone! I think counseling is something for the future, but for next say month or so I would like your advice on how to play it? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 As it stands she called me from my house this morning @ 9.00am sounding really cheerful, I think she came round to check and see if I had anyone over last night, I didn’t pick up the call. But she asked me to call her back at (Our House!) I dint I have just switched of my phone! I think counseling is something for the future, but for next say month or so I would like your advice on how to play it? I'm a bit of a hardliner normally, let me think about this. I think your wrong on the counselling though. Have you given her an answer on Valentines night yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 I'm a bit of a hardliner normally, let me think about this. I think your wrong on the counselling though. Have you given her an answer on Valentines night yet? I havent mentioned it! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I havent mentioned it! Ok, lets assume she's not been with anyone else, she is now totally pursuing you. You have both severely f'd up this relationship, it isn't just her. I think it's time to call her at your house.. "Wife I've been thinking, since your at the house already, I want you to stay" then STFU let her speak. Silence from your end, let her do the talking. I think Russell you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You know how do deal with her BS now, you know what changes you need to make. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Ok, lets assume she's not been with anyone else, she is now totally pursuing you. You have both severely f'd up this relationship, it isn't just her. I think it's time to call her at your house.. "Wife I've been thinking, since your at the house already, I want you to stay" then STFU let her speak. Silence from your end, let her do the talking. I think Russell you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You know how do deal with her BS now, you know what changes you need to make. Bear in mind that if she comes back, it's just the beginning!!, she will be testing you just the same. Everything needs to change, both you and her. You need to know you are as much at fault as she. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Ok, lets assume she's not been with anyone else, she is now totally pursuing you. You have both severely f'd up this relationship, it isn't just her. I think it's time to call her at your house.. "Wife I've been thinking, since your at the house already, I want you to stay" then STFU let her speak. Silence from your end, let her do the talking. I think Russell you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You know how do deal with her BS now, you know what changes you need to make. Rob, I think it’s to soon, she has only just started to show a interest in my in the last week, I think I need to continue a bit longer showing her I’m independent and happy? Don’t want to push her to soon, as you have said it’s only been 11 weeks! If I ever found out that there had been someone else involved I would have her served divorce papers within 48 hours, I don’t think there is! I know her and if she thinks I’m not that available to her she will definitely pursue more, Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Bear in mind that if she comes back, it's just the beginning!!, she will be testing you just the same. Everything needs to change, both you and her. You need to know you are as much at fault as she. She still has 5 months of her tenancy agreement left and we are definetly no there yet, her housing benefit is kicking soon. I still think i'm ages away from this, i don't want her back yet anyway as i;m not ready Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Rob,i sent her a text back saying sotty i missed her call i was busy! Do i just carry on focusing on myself for a bit longer? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Do i just carry on focusing on myself for a bit longer? Don't ever stop focusing on yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Don't ever stop focusing on yourself. I won't, but shall i just let her instigate all contact, apear to be busy but caring? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Shall i ask her over tonight to help me decorate, or should i just be cool for a bit longer? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Shall i ask her over tonight to help me decorate, or should i just be cool for a bit longer? Betya she turns up anyway Link to post Share on other sites
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