Yasuandio Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 As far as I’m aware she only does coke when she goes out on her mad nights out! She drinks a bottle of white wine a night, and will smoke pot whenever she gets a chance. With regards to my daughters I’m a pillar of strength and if it came to it I’m capable of looking after them full time, I can’t push this at the moment while I’m trying to reconcile! Oh, she only powders her nose on "mad nights" as far as you're aware (Is it possible there may be numerous things you are not aware of?) Where does she get her coke? Does she have to drive to a particular location. Who is her supplier? Is this a safe person? Did she ever do a quick pick up with the kids in the car? As her habit increases, might she take more chances? And what about the product itself - is it safe, or could it be cut with something dangerous? How do you know how much it's been cut so you don't OD? Maybe there is a forum for this. Do you know what she's up to on a "Mad Night Out?" In your own words, it sounds like some serious partying. Is she driving on these nights? Since she just knocks back a bottle of white wine a night, and only smokes weed when she can get it, does that mean the situation is in check? Again, where does she get the weed? Who is her supplier? Where does she smoke it? Regarding the wine, do you really feel that is a normal serving per night? I mean, Ive done it before, but I got totally plowed! Perhaps your wife has built up a tolarance? Russell, I want to believe you are a pillar of strength, but that certainly is not reflected in your LS posts of late. As a previous poster stated, it appeared as if you were playing high school games, and I agree. I have no doubt that you could raise these children on your own. You want to make bloody sure you get a chance to do that. Russell, your wife is having an affair with a new but risky lifestyle. It is one that is literally ADDITIVE. She is chooseing this lifestyle over a normal married life with you. Her need for this lifestyle affair is an impediment to reconcilation IMO. You can't reason with a party animal. Now, I want you to ask yourself this: How do you think a Social Worker, CPS, or a Judge would react to the response you gave me, and I quoted above? I mean, read it over a few times, and tell me, does it sound like a logical response? IMO, Your priorities are all goofed up. That's why you need to see a doctor, and do what s/he says, so you can begin to think straight again, and be that pillar of strenght once again. The fact is that the children should not be any where near a person that is drinking and drugging, period (regardless of your need to reconcile). Again, not only is your wife putting herself at risk, innocent children are in an "at risk" environment when they are in her care. I'm going to let you chew on this awhile, I will propose a plan later on this evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Rightly or wrongly, I made my mind up today. I couldn’t continue any longer with this! Behaving like this is not who I am and I can’t act anymore! I sent a text asking her to sign the separation agreement as I don’t feel the same way about her anymore, she wrote back ‘fine” She then wrote I think we should sell the house and divorce! I wrote back ok! This is not something off the cuff; this has brewing for a long time! I was completely prepared for any consequence; living in purgatory is not a nice place to live. (I need to take control of my life!) I won’t have a drugged up silly little girl ruining my life any longer. I called her and said either she comes home or we divorce, she paused and said are you give me ultimatum, I said I’m not but I cannot continue like this anymore, it’s not who I am. She then said I thought you where happy working on yourself decorating the house and being friends, I said I’m not your friend I’m your husband and I want my family back, if you can’t see how much I love you then you don’t deserve me! I then told her to not to worry about her tenancy agreement as I would deal with it! I told her we would keep the other house running so if one of us needs space we can go there! She seemed happier with that as we would lose around 5k if we gave up the tenancy She then said how about the girls moving them back in, and then if it went wrong she would have to move them out, I said listen they basically they live here anyway and they are happy here as it’s there home!!! She then started talking about me not loving her, but loving the package IE her and the kids, I told her they will always be my girls and not even you can take this away from me! I told her she could still be independent and be married and how I wanted everything to be equal and us to build a future together, She said if I where to sign the separation agreement would we still be able to have days out and spend time! I said no this means I move on and start my life without you forever (I think that really hit home!) I then said I have to go! I sent a text saying no contact whatsoever for a few days, she then asked about picking up the girls on Friday I had already arranged for them to be picked up from a friends house. She said fine. What have I got to lose? She is the mother of my children, she is also a alcoholic and is behaving like a idiot, dressing like a cheap hooker and doing coke, this is not how she used to be. I’m also fed up with her not taking the right sort of care of my daughters, When she leaves them with me she doesn’t even leave a change of clothes, Last night when I put Trinity to bed she said she was hungry I asked if mummy had given her any dinner, she said no! For me this is unacceptable that a little 5 year old is not getting fed correctly! I can’t and won’t be anybody’s security blanket; I have lost so much sleep and weight. The buck stops here, this may be a bad move but im completely prepared for the consequences of my actions. Rob, I know you think this is a bad move but everyone has a limit and this is starting to affect my career and health, I need closure either way, as I’m ready to go in either direction. I'm going away this weekend , me and my car ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 this is tiring me out just reading this. these are like high school games, you need to stop playing along. I agree, it's down to self worth, it ends this week either way! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) marqueemoon4, I agree. She has you wrapped around her finger my friend. You are buying into this silliness hook line and sinker. It's hard to watch. You are right! It's wrong to let someone else control you like the way she has done to me, F**K it! let the cards fall where they may! I have nothing to lose and all im doing is losing respect from freinds and family for putting up with her **** behaviour I'm 42, nobody is worth this. i just want to get on with the rest of my life. One way or the other Edited February 9, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Good luck pal, you're probably right to start giving the hard word. Definitely get off for the w/end, N/C for the whole time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 (edited) Good luck pal, you're probably right to start giving the hard word. Definitely get off for the w/end, N/C for the whole time. Cheers Binster, honestly i'm fighting for a ghost of what someone used to be! I tried !but there comes a point where just have to say F**K OFF, If you don't want me i will find someone who does! I'm not in a rush to meet anyone but enough is enough Edited February 9, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Oh, she only powders her nose on "mad nights" as far as you're aware (Is it possible there may be numerous things you are not aware of?) Where does she get her coke? Does she have to drive to a particular location. Who is her supplier? Is this a safe person? Did she ever do a quick pick up with the kids in the car? As her habit increases, might she take more chances? And what about the product itself - is it safe, or could it be cut with something dangerous? How do you know how much it's been cut so you don't OD? Maybe there is a forum for this. Do you know what she's up to on a "Mad Night Out?" In your own words, it sounds like some serious partying. Is she driving on these nights? Since she just knocks back a bottle of white wine a night, and only smokes weed when she can get it, does that mean the situation is in check? Again, where does she get the weed? Who is her supplier? Where does she smoke it? Regarding the wine, do you really feel that is a normal serving per night? I mean, Ive done it before, but I got totally plowed! Perhaps your wife has built up a tolarance? Russell, I want to believe you are a pillar of strength, but that certainly is not reflected in your LS posts of late. As a previous poster stated, it appeared as if you were playing high school games, and I agree. I have no doubt that you could raise these children on your own. You want to make bloody sure you get a chance to do that. Russell, your wife is having an affair with a new but risky lifestyle. It is one that is literally ADDITIVE. She is chooseing this lifestyle over a normal married life with you. Her need for this lifestyle affair is an impediment to reconcilation IMO. You can't reason with a party animal. Now, I want you to ask yourself this: How do you think a Social Worker, CPS, or a Judge would react to the response you gave me, and I quoted above? I mean, read it over a few times, and tell me, does it sound like a logical response? IMO, Your priorities are all goofed up. That's why you need to see a doctor, and do what s/he says, so you can begin to think straight again, and be that pillar of strenght once again. The fact is that the children should not be any where near a person that is drinking and drugging, period (regardless of your need to reconcile). Again, not only is your wife putting herself at risk, innocent children are in an "at risk" environment when they are in her care. I'm going to let you chew on this awhile, I will propose a plan later on this evening. No you are right, why am i trying to justify her actions ! Iv'e had enough of her, she either gets her **** together or i will serve her with divorce documents next week. Iv'e had it! This is not who i am! No person is worth this! Link to post Share on other sites
UnsureinSeattle Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Russell, I think that, in the long run, you've made the correct decision. Call it an ultimatum or not- whatever- this is the correct decision. Either she's with you or she isn't- no inbetween, and no games. Best of luck- I think that you'll land on your feet either way. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 You've done the right thing. Enough of the madness. Either she acts like your wife and a mother or you need to put her OUT of your life and find someone who will. Trust me there are lots of women out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 You've done the right thing. Enough of the madness. Either she acts like your wife and a mother or you need to put her OUT of your life and find someone who will. Trust me there are lots of women out there. Thanks I mean it! I'm angry at myself for being such a baby Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Thanks I mean it! I'm angry at myself for being such a baby man, don't beat yourself up. i know exactly how you feel.. you still love her and you know you treated her badly. you want another chance to treat her the way you should've and make things right, and you want your family together. unfortunately, she's going through a party girl phase and doesn't know what she wants right now, and its driving you nuts. You two are on completely different pages right now. I know because this is exactly what I went through but I messed it up even worse by doing everything wrong. Ultimately, you want her to forgive you, love you, come home and be a good wife and mother to your kids so you can be a good husband to her. Doesn't sound like an unreasonable request, does it? Well she doesn't want it right now, and may never again. I know, its brutal to deal with, but you gotta move on and take care of yourself and your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
tobydog1 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 yeah, stop being a puppet on her strings! Good for you for getting tough! Dx Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 man, don't beat yourself up. i know exactly how you feel.. you still love her and you know you treated her badly. you want another chance to treat her the way you should've and make things right, and you want your family together. unfortunately, she's going through a party girl phase and doesn't know what she wants right now, and its driving you nuts. You two are on completely different pages right now. I know because this is exactly what I went through but I messed it up even worse by doing everything wrong. Ultimately, you want her to forgive you, love you, come home and be a good wife and mother to your kids so you can be a good husband to her. Doesn't sound like an unreasonable request, does it? Well she doesn't want it right now, and may never again. I know, its brutal to deal with, but you gotta move on and take care of yourself and your kids. Your right,i do love her! But if i'm honest with myself if she was the right person for me i would have never treated her the way i did! It's going to be hard as i'm 90% sure she will not come home, i new this before i gave her the ultimatum and i accept it either way, anything has got to be better than this personal hell i'm living in now! Is she worth me feeling like this (NO) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Your right,i do love her! But if i'm honest with myself if she was the right person for me i would have never treated her the way i did! It's going to be hard as i'm 90% sure she will not come home, i new this before i gave her the ultimatum and i accept it either way, anything has got to be better than this personal hell i'm living in now! Is she worth me feeling like this (NO) I understand why you did what you did but I think you c*cked up Words mean nothing Russell. You didn't and shouldn't have mentioned anything about divorce. Because, here's what will happen. At some point in the next week she will come over and seduce you, and you will fall for it. She knows the button to push on you, in fact I reckon this will happen before Sunday. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I'm going away this weekend , me and my car ! Finally!!!, Although, you could have done this without giving a weak ultimatum about divorcing her. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I sent a text asking her to sign the separation agreement as I don’t feel the same way about her anymore, she wrote back ‘fine” She then wrote I think we should sell the house and divorce! I wrote back ok! he mentioned a separation agreement, she mentioned divorce. He agreed. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 No you are right, why am i trying to justify her actions ! Iv'e had enough of her, she either gets her **** together or i will serve her with divorce documents next week. Iv'e had it! This is not who i am! No person is worth this! Dude, you think she's been on to you in the last few weeks. She's gonna be so far up you, you'll be spitting her out for breakfast after this. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 IMO, if you're going to have a 'divorce talk', it should be face to face. Texts are just electrons when it comes to accepting the reality of the emotional impact of the decision. Making such decisions is part of being an adult. It's really difficult to face someone you've loved and say it. BTDT. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Dude, you think she's been on to you in the last few weeks. She's gonna be so far up you, you'll be spitting her out for breakfast after this. :laugh: Too funny, I'm sorry! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Dude, you think she's been on to you in the last few weeks. She's gonna be so far up you, you'll be spitting her out for breakfast after this. I think she will back off! I;m serious i cant take it ,i will divorce her, i don't want this but it wasn't a empty threat Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Because, here's what will happen. At some point in the next week she will come over and seduce you, and you will fall for it. She knows the button to push on you, in fact I reckon this will happen before Sunday. Good God, I wish my wife would try to seduce me! p.s. yes yes, I realize under the circumstances this would be a terrible thing, considering a mountain of unresolved issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 IMO, if you're going to have a 'divorce talk', it should be face to face. Texts are just electrons when it comes to accepting the reality of the emotional impact of the decision. Making such decisions is part of being an adult. It's really difficult to face someone you've loved and say it. BTDT. Good luck We did speak on the phone! i was at work, i meant what i said enough is enough. I'm not prepaired to be anyones back up plan! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 You didn't f__k up, you said what you had to say. You let her know in plain bloody English that ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Her behavior has been completely unacceptable as far as I am concerned. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 You didn't f__k up, you said what you had to say. You let her know in plain bloody English that ENOUGH is ENOUGH. Her behavior has been completely unacceptable as far as I am concerned. Damm right!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 I understand why you did what you did but I think you c*cked up Words mean nothing Russell. You didn't and shouldn't have mentioned anything about divorce. Because, here's what will happen. At some point in the next week she will come over and seduce you, and you will fall for it. She knows the button to push on you, in fact I reckon this will happen before Sunday. Rob, it's too hard i coudn't take it anymore, i don't think she will back down, i don;t care anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts