Can i save this?

[russell1968]

She clearly doesnt take me that seriously, as she just sent a text asking me if i was watching the England match!

 

I specifically asked her not to contact me until she had made up her mind!

 

WTF is wrong with her? and what do i do to make her take me serious?

[hopesndreams]

this may be a bad move

 

I commend you for making this decision seeing as she already came to hers, the day she moved out.

 

It's the 2 x 4 of reality hitting her smack on the head OR she could just see it as just another ploy of yours to take her fun away and have her move back home. If she did go back home? Guaranteed she would be a miserable B and make you pay for it, emotionally.

 

You have been put through enough suffering living in limbo land. There is no other h*ll quite like it.

 

She was quick to agree about separation and quick to mention divorce, selling the house, who gets the kids, how much money is there to gain or lose and all that other fun stuff and all over the telephone too! No face to face huh? Oh well, soon it will be, so don't make things easy for her. She will take no responsibility, put all the blame on you, make you doubt your decision and watch you squirm while she sits back, pours wine down her throat and makes plans to enjoy her life without you in it, knowing that it's ok, she did all she could, even offered her friendship and you turned it down!

 

While she is in the completely selfish and irresponsible mode, take advantage of it by going for full custody to protect your girls. She may even be agreeable to it as long as she gets her $.

[worldgonewrong]

She clearly doesnt take me that seriously, as she just sent a text asking me if i was watching the England match!

 

She could very well be drunk and/or high at moments like this; I'm serious.

 

Do NOT waste time trying to guess her state of mind or the rationales behind what she says or texts. She's effed up in the head, period.

 

It's all down to you to be the strong one now. I think you've got it in you.

[robf1971]

She clearly doesnt take me that seriously, as she just sent a text asking me if i was watching the England match!

 

What did I tell you?

[robf1971]

She's effed up in the head, period.

.

 

I respectfully disagree. She knows damn well whats she's doing and pushing his buttons

[hopesndreams]

She clearly doesnt take me that seriously, as she just sent a text asking me if i was watching the England match!

 

I specifically asked her not to contact me until she had made up her mind!

 

WTF is wrong with her? and what do i do to make her take me serious?

 

Don't reply.

 

You already told her NC, she doesn't need to be told again.

[worldgonewrong]

I respectfully disagree. She knows damn well whats she's doing and pushing his buttons

 

You can be effed in the head AND still be manipulative too, ya know.

[worldgonewrong]

Don't reply.

 

You already told her NC, she doesn't need to be told again.

 

BINGO. THIS.

Well put, hopesndreams.

[russell1968]

this may be a bad move

 

I commend you for making this decision seeing as she already came to hers, the day she moved out.

 

It's the 2 x 4 of reality hitting her smack on the head OR she could just see it as just another ploy of yours to take her fun away and have her move back home. If she did go back home? Guaranteed she would be a miserable B and make you pay for it, emotionally.

 

You have been put through enough suffering living in limbo land. There is no other h*ll quite like it.

 

She was quick to agree about separation and quick to mention divorce, selling the house, who gets the kids, how much money is there to gain or lose and all that other fun stuff and all over the telephone too! No face to face huh? Oh well, soon it will be, so don't make things easy for her. She will take no responsibility, put all the blame on you, make you doubt your decision and watch you squirm while she sits back, pours wine down her throat and makes plans to enjoy her life without you in it, knowing that it's ok, she did all she could, even offered her friendship and you turned it down!

 

While she is in the completely selfish and irresponsible mode, take advantage of it by going for full custody to protect your girls. She may even be agreeable to it as long as she gets her $.

 

 

Bring it on! There is nothing more she can do to me now.

The UK civil courts are so backed up and it's highly unlikely i would get custody.I had my daughter Trinity on the phone crying to me earlier as she didn't want to stay with mummy, just another gift from her!

 

It will be whatever it will be, she can have 15 grand as a pay off for her share of equity, but the deeds and the mortgage are in my name and this will take her years to get her hands on this, i also raised the 15 grand by selling % of the house to my brother

[robf1971]

WTF is wrong with her? and what do i do to make her take me serious?

 

Nothing is wrong with her...

 

If you'd have been acting as per our advice for the last few weeks, ie going out, getting your own life etc she might have been taking you seriously. You have used words but your actions have not been backing them up.

 

Hence she doesn't believe you...

[russell1968]

She could very well be drunk and/or high at moments like this; I'm serious.

 

Do NOT waste time trying to guess her state of mind or the rationales behind what she says or texts. She's effed up in the head, period.

 

It's all down to you to be the strong one now. I think you've got it in you.

 

Hey Jack,

 

She is so far up her own ass at the moment she doesnt care about anything but herself! however i also care about me and my girls, i don't want to drown in her destructive wake!

[russell1968]

Nothing is wrong with her...

 

If you'd have been acting as per our advice for the last few weeks, ie going out, getting your own life etc she might have been taking you seriously. You have used words but your actions have not been backing them up.

 

Hence she doesn't believe you...

 

fair enough. lets see now! As you said actions speak louder than words! i mean this now

[sammyd]

I'm with Rob on this one. The advice he gave you had been working. I remember you saying you couldn't believe the progress, and now you've just taken a backward couple of steps and she's got back on top (so to speak). Your behaviour needs to be consistent to get the results you want. And you WERE starting to get them Russell.

You need to make up you're mind once and for all what you really want. No good giving out mixed signals. Even if she does move back in, you STILL need to sort things out. Her behaviour isn't going to change just because she's back in the house with you. It still needs to be worked on, and working it was. You told her not to contact you the next few days. So don't contact her. Even if she texts. Take some control back.

[russell1968]

I'm with Rob on this one. The advice he gave you had been working. I remember you saying you couldn't believe the progress, and now you've just taken a backward couple of steps and she's got back on top (so to speak). Your behaviour needs to be consistent to get the results you want. And you WERE starting to get them Russell.

You need to make up you're mind once and for all what you really want. No good giving out mixed signals. Even if she does move back in, you STILL need to sort things out. Her behaviour isn't going to change just because she's back in the house with you. It still needs to be worked on, and working it was. You told her not to contact you the next few days. So don't contact her. Even if she texts. Take some control back.

 

Sammy, i completly agree Rob's advice has been outstanding.

 

i doubt that she will move back in, but as iv'e said i;m ready for either outcome.

[What_Next]

I'm sorry sammyd but I disagree. This silly game has went on long enough. Agonizing over ever single little scrap she leaves out for him like some starving dog. For heavens sakes. She is playing him like a fiddle and he was falling for it.

 

His wife is acting like a spoiled brat, she is also acting like a terrible mother (sorry if I offend here russell1968, not my intent). Look at what he has posted, his child coming home hungry etc etc. B/S! That needs to STOP!

 

She is either your wife and the mother of the children or she isn't. There is no middle ground here.

 

You had to lay it out for her, you did. The fact that she sent that ridiculous text shows that she has ZERO respect for you and ZERO respect for your decision. Ignore her, only speak to her about the children, nothing else. Or matters pertaining to a seperation. Show her you are serious. You already know what to do, you don't need to hear that from anonymous people on a forum though, it's in your heart.

[Yasuandio]

No you are right, why am i trying to justify her actions !

 

Iv'e had enough of her, she either gets her **** together or i will serve her with divorce documents next week.

 

Iv'e had it! This is not who i am! No person is worth this!

 

Russell, I am happy you are seeing this from a new perspective, and ready to be proactive. But slow down. I know my argument style was compelling, but you must be wise in how you proceed due to wife's aformentioned issues. Also, I want you to give the entire LS. Forum a chance to weigh in on this before you make any move.

 

I do not have children. But I have watched enough Judge Judy and Court TV to realize that evidence is needed in any proceeding. I think there are two ways to go about this, both ideas serve as documentation, which seems critical for you to ensure you gain custody of these precious children.

 

My first idea. I'd be half-assed nice right now, whilt gathering evidence. Of course, you need to first speak to your attorney about her conduct and your decision to divorce. I would think a good attoney would tell you to hire a private investgator, as this case could become contentious, and it would be your word against hers. You can tape record your convos, but photos of her in action make it a Slam-Dunk, and will save on legal fees later (i.e., like I said, this also serves to test the quality of your attorney. Once you have enough, your attoney can schedule an emergency hearing, look at evidence, and send the. Young lady for a drug test if she denies it. In such a situation, one would expect you to receive temporary custody, and wife to receive supervised visits.

 

My other idea is a lot less ugly. Do an intervention, involve every single person and family member she knows. Bring in professional theripist into the picture, and offer her treatment in a facility that she must go to immediately. Sort of like the TV show, Intervention. There, they will take her blood, assess her, and help her get back on track. Would she be receptive to this?

 

You could actually impliment both ideas. After collecting sufficient evidence, face her with (or not), and see if she's willing to go into a long term treatment program, as that's what it's going to take. If she refuses, serve her with cause.

 

Russell, you really opened your eyes today. In just a few hours time, you have gone from analyzing text messages like a sissy, that Pillar of Strength you posted about. I can feel it. But you also are angry and rightfully so. Russell, while what i have written thus far is not very positive, it is in my nature to search for hope. Now, I'm going to throw you a monkey wrench (not to mess with you, just to point out as many sides of this situation that have ocurred to me).

 

You have said many times how you love this women. Is it possible that the "mutiple fogs" she is experiencing coloring her verbal expressions? Almost like a cry for help? If so, perhaps she needed you to get tough like the Pillar of Salt she's accustomed to, so you could pull her out of this dark hole. However, you enabled her because she hurt you so deeply. While my ideas are strategic in nature for the sake of you gaining custody, it would be enntirely natural for a husband to offer an Intervention to the Wife he loves (and I am not being sarcastic).

 

DO NOT ACT YET. Please let the forum have a look see at your ideas, these ideas, and your growth today - and give their input. Don't make any rash decisions or movements, keep the status quo until the experts weigh in tonight. Remember, I am just a beginner, and I don't know anything about kids. Stay totally cool.

[Binster]

I dont think i'm the best guy to give advice but I would say get off for the w/end (do it).

And stay N/C it stops you blowing up at her and saying the wrong things and it lets her stew, also stops her pressing your buttons, In fact leave the bloody phone at home.

Also if it comes down to D at least your in better shape to deal with it now than you were when you first started posting.

 

Good luck mate.

 

Oh by the way you know what the courts in U.K are like to dads so dont expect any favoours, sorry but it has to be said,

[russell1968]

Russell, I am happy you are seeing this from a new perspective, and ready to be proactive. But slow down. I know my argument style was compelling, but you must be wise in how you proceed due to wife's aformentioned issues. Also, I want you to give the entire LS. Forum a chance to weigh in on this before you make any move.

 

I do not have children. But I have watched enough Judge Judy and Court TV to realize that evidence is needed in any proceeding. I think there are two ways to go about this, both ideas serve as documentation, which seems critical for you to ensure you gain custody of these precious children.

 

My first idea. I'd be half-assed nice right now, whilt gathering evidence. Of course, you need to first speak to your attorney about her conduct and your decision to divorce. I would think a good attoney would tell you to hire a private investgator, as this case could become contentious, and it would be your word against hers. You can tape record your convos, but photos of her in action make it a Slam-Dunk, and will save on legal fees later (i.e., like I said, this also serves to test the quality of your attorney. Once you have enough, your attoney can schedule an emergency hearing, look at evidence, and send the. Young lady for a drug test if she denies it. In such a situation, one would expect you to receive temporary custody, and wife to receive supervised visits.

 

My other idea is a lot less ugly. Do an intervention, involve every single person and family member she knows. Bring in professional theripist into the picture, and offer her treatment in a facility that she must go to immediately. Sort of like the TV show, Intervention. There, they will take her blood, assess her, and help her get back on track. Would she be receptive to this?

 

You could actually impliment both ideas. After collecting sufficient evidence, face her with (or not), and see if she's willing to go into a long term treatment program, as that's what it's going to take. If she refuses, serve her with cause.

 

Russell, you really opened your eyes today. In just a few hours time, you have gone from analyzing text messages like a sissy, that Pillar of Strength you posted about. I can feel it. But you also are angry and rightfully so. Russell, while what i have written thus far is not very positive, it is in my nature to search for hope. Now, I'm going to throw you a monkey wrench (not to mess with you, just to point out as many sides of this situation that have ocurred to me).

 

You have said many times how you love this women. Is it possible that the "mutiple fogs" she is experiencing coloring her verbal expressions? Almost like a cry for help? If so, perhaps she needed you to get tough like the Pillar of Salt she's accustomed to, so you could pull her out of this dark hole. However, you enabled her because she hurt you so deeply. While my ideas are strategic in nature for the sake of you gaining custody, it would be enntirely natural for a husband to offer an Intervention to the Wife he loves (and I am not being sarcastic).

 

DO NOT ACT YET. Please let the forum have a look see at your ideas, these ideas, and your growth today - and give their input. Don't make any rash decisions or movements, keep the status quo until the experts weigh in tonight. Remember, I am just a beginner, and I don't know anything about kids. Stay totally cool.

 

You have made some very interesting points, i don't stand a chance of getting custody, the UK courts don't do dads any favours!

[Yasuandio]

Even with hard cold evidence?

 

Any chance she'd sign the children over to you for convenience sake? I mean it's gotta be problematic when you want to party and you have kids to administer too. Perhaps you should be much less helpful in this regard till she cracks. Probably wouldn't take long.

 

Here is my last resort. Sometimes people drink and drive, which causes them to get pulled over. Occasionally, police find that the person also has illegal substance in their possession. Here in the US, the Police take you into lock up. What do they do in the UK?

[willowthewisp]

Even with hard cold evidence?

 

Any chance she'd sign the children over to you for convenience sake? I mean it's gotta be problematic when you want to party and you have kids to administer too. Perhaps you should be much less helpful in this regard till she cracks. Probably wouldn't take long.

 

Here is my last resort. Sometimes people drink and drive, which causes them to get pulled over. Occasionally, police find that the person also has illegal substance in their possession. Here in the US, the Police take you into lock up. What do they do in the UK?

 

Absolutely nothing if it's of an amount for personal use. The drink driving can get you in the police station and a summary conviction and ban though depending how far over the limit they are. WIth regards to leagl advice re custody I would strongly urge you Russell to see a good family solicitor.

[russell1968]

Finally slept! I feel like a new man, I did wake up feeling anxious, but that passed after a cup of coffee!I got a text from her early saying she is not sending Trinity to school due to her being unwell, the only way I can show her I mean business is to ignore all her texts! She needs to respect my space

[russell1968]

Absolutely nothing if it's of an amount for personal use. The drink driving can get you in the police station and a summary conviction and ban though depending how far over the limit they are. WIth regards to leagl advice re custody I would strongly urge you Russell to see a good family solicitor.

 

Hi Willow,

 

I'm just taking every day as it comes at the moment!

 

I'm just enjoying a day or so away from the madness, i have spoken to a solicitor, i stand little or no chance of getting full custody and i don't have the finacial resources at the moment.

[robf1971]

Hi Willow,

 

I'm just taking every day as it comes at the moment!

 

I'm just enjoying a day or so away from the madness, i have spoken to a solicitor, i stand little or no chance of getting full custody and i don't have the finacial resources at the moment.

 

Yep, UK courts love giving custody to the mother. However, you need to start documenting everythning with a time and date. Each time your wife appears high, drunk, drives with the smell of alcohol, each time you get bad report from the school about her... and so on. Write it all down with dates and times.

 

Above all you must not get into any arguments or fights with er, you must not give her any ammunition to use against you in court.

 

Get a good solicitor, not some dopey shmuck, I reckon you will get 50/50%.

[russell1968]

Yep, UK courts love giving custody to the mother. However, you need to start documenting everythning with a time and date. Each time your wife appears high, drunk, drives with the smell of alcohol, each time you get bad report from the school about her... and so on. Write it all down with dates and times.

 

Above all you must not get into any arguments or fights with er, you must not give her any ammunition to use against you in court.

 

Get a good solicitor, not some dopey shmuck, I reckon you will get 50/50%.

 

Rob,

 

I still want her back and I want to help her get herself straight, however the ultimatum I gave her was genuine!

 

She has sent 4 texts this morning I haven’t responded to any of them, she needs to know that if she where to sign the separation agreement that it would lead to divorce and I will never be there for her again! The only way she will understand this is if she sees I mean business

[robf1971]

The only way she will understand this is if she sees I mean business

 

I agree, but I think you could have brought her back without this ultimatum. The other thing is she will try everything to test you, I promise she will be around your place in the next 48 hours.

 

Be prepared to turn down all that kissing and probably sex. If you don't she will see that you are bluffing and any future ultimatum will mean nothing. A good poker player doesn't show his cards, you have revealed yours wayyyyy too early

 

Your actions, could have shown her you were moving on, without you even saying anything but you chose to sit at home. You could have spent that money on getting your own life instead of a bloody solicitor.