Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 I agree, but I think you could have brought her back without this ultimatum. The other thing is she will try everything to test you, I promise she will be around your place in the next 48 hours. Be prepared to turn down all that kissing and probably sex. If you don't she will see that you are bluffing and any future ultimatum will mean nothing. A good poker player doesn't show his cards, you have revealed yours wayyyyy too early Your actions, could have shown her you were moving on, without you even saying anything but you chose to sit at home. You could have spent that money on getting your own life instead of a bloody solicitor. Rob, I 100% agree with you! however i was going at it half cocked , now i do mean buisness and i slept the first time in months! I think she needs to respect my space, i also think there is a chance she may try to come over tonight after her college, but i have arranged for the neighbor to come over and babysit while i go to the cinema.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 but i have arranged for the neighbor to come over and babysit while i go to the cinema.. Now couldn't you have done that without this ultimatum?. Trust me she will do EVERYTHING in her power to show that you are not serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Now couldn't you have done that without this ultimatum?. Trust me she will do EVERYTHING in her power to show that you are not serious. Rob, why do you think that? What can i expect? how should i deal with it? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Rob, why do you think that? What can i expect? how should i deal with it? Because I've lived through this twice. In my first marriage I won my wife back but I didn't want her after what she put me through. It also appears that I've turned this one around and I still want her very much. Expect if you don't answer texts, to get calls, then visits. Expect extremes of behaviour eg "I'm gonna take the kids away and never let you see them" then the next day (or hour) her to come round and totally seduce you. She will be nice and nasty like you have never seen her before. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Do not let her bait you into an argument under any circumstances !! You must be calm but firm. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Because I've lived through this twice. In my first marriage I won my wife back but I didn't want her after what she put me through. It also appears that I've turned this one around and I still want her very much. Expect if you don't answer texts, to get calls, then visits. Expect extremes of behaviour eg "I'm gonna take the kids away and never let you see them" then the next day (or hour) her to come round and totally seduce you. She will be nice and nasty like you have never seen her before. Great! Im getting out of the way! i don't think i could handle that at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Great! Im getting out of the way! i don't think i could handle that at the moment Look, I could be wrong, but not only mine but most other situations have been like this. In my first marriage it was almost unbelievable how she reacted. I think it's possible she might just sign the agreement and say "yep" I want a divorce but I think her initial reaction was just calling your bluff ie her saying "ok, fine" What did the texts this morning say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Look, I could be wrong, but not only mine but most other situations have been like this. In my first marriage it was almost unbelievable how she reacted. I think it's possible she might just sign the agreement and say "yep" I want a divorce but I think her initial reaction was just calling your bluff ie her saying "ok, fine" What did the texts this morning say? One was saying she wasn't sending Trinity to school Two was to say happy birthday to my son Three was to say Trinity had been drawing on herself. Plus last night about the football Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 One was saying she wasn't sending Trinity to school Two was to say happy birthday to my son Three was to say Trinity had been drawing on herself. Plus last night about the football Anyway, sit back and see how she reacts in the next couple of days. If she throws any big questions at you. Your response is " I need a couple of days to think about it" Even if she says "I want to move back in" Your response " I need a little time to process this" Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Anyway, sit back and see how she reacts in the next couple of days. If she throws any big questions at you. Your response is " I need a couple of days to think about it" Even if she says "I want to move back in" Your response " I need a little time to process this" Definetly, she clearly doesnt respect my privacy and wishes by sending me these texts. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Definetly, she clearly doesnt respect my privacy and wishes by sending me these texts. Also tonight I wouldn't at all be surprised if she is waiting for you at home after the cinema. Just be prepared ok Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Also tonight I wouldn't at all be surprised if she is waiting for you at home after the cinema. Just be prepared ok I doubt it! But yep i will be aware, i did tell her i didnt want to talk to her until she had made a [FONT=Verdana]decision [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 Also tonight I wouldn't at all be surprised if she is waiting for you at home after the cinema. Just be prepared ok I doubt it! But yep i will be aware, i did tell her i didnt want to talk to her until she had made a [FONT=Verdana]decision [/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 I honestly don't think she will! She is too proud and what will stop her from coming round is the fact that should would feel that she is losing face! Who cares! I'm moving on either way Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I'm moving on either way That's the right attitude. She wants back in? You can handle it; whether it's the hard work of piecing a new marriage together or telling her to take a hike. She doesn't want back in? You can handle the divorce. You can handle whatever sh*t she slings your way. Mentally dust yourself off and say "if that's the best you got then I'll get through this just fine". Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 That's the right attitude. She wants back in? You can handle it; whether it's the hard work of piecing a new marriage together or telling her to take a hike. She doesn't want back in? You can handle the divorce. You can handle whatever sh*t she slings your way. Mentally dust yourself off and say "if that's the best you got then I'll get through this just fine". Awesome, thanks i think i'm gonna be ok! Living in limbo land is torture! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 GorillaTheater is right. That is precisely what she needs to realize. That if she continues this sort of behavior then you are moving on. Not because of her, but in spite of her. Rob, I respectfully disagree that he could have "gotten her back" by continuing to play the crazy game he was playing. It was childish and beneath him. He needed to stand up proudly and say "ENOUGH". You are either my wife and a mother to our children or I will divorce you and move on. Respect, respect, respect. It begins here, she has ZERO respect for you at the moment, this will help build that. Or it might push her away, if so, then so be it. Could you have continued to live like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 GorillaTheater is right. That is precisely what she needs to realize. That if she continues this sort of behavior then you are moving on. Not because of her, but in spite of her. Rob, I respectfully disagree that he could have "gotten her back" by continuing to play the crazy game he was playing. It was childish and beneath him. He needed to stand up proudly and say "ENOUGH". You are either my wife and a mother to our children or I will divorce you and move on. Respect, respect, respect. It begins here, she has ZERO respect for you at the moment, this will help build that. Or it might push her away, if so, then so be it. Could you have continued to live like this? NO i coudn't continue! That's why i did it. life is too short and i still love her but enough is enough! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 How long do you think I should give her to make up her mind? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 How long do you think I should give her to make up her mind? This is why she doesn't take you seriously. It's not about words , it's about actions. Ultimatums mean nothing unless backed with actions. It just makes you look weak. If you really meant it you'd not have said anything to her and just had her served. I personally think you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 10, 2011 Author Share Posted February 10, 2011 This is why she doesn't take you seriously. It's not about words , it's about actions. Ultimatums mean nothing unless backed with actions. It just makes you look weak. If you really meant it you'd not have said anything to her and just had her served. I personally think you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. What would you suggest Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 What would you suggest If you wanted to get divorced then I'd say go for it, serve her, but facts are you don't. Just really get your own life, don't respond to her BS, join a social group. go out, take weekends away, enjoy yourself. She comes round for a family day out? sorry I don't do that anymore now we are separated. Let her miss you, be too busy for her. Stuff we've told you a hundred times but you've ignored. In fact act as if you are divorced. She wants separated? well why should you be her friend? Don't mention divorce again, I don't give a flying f" what anyone else says on here. It's been 3 months, not even. Stop acting like a wimp! It may well happen that you will one day get divorced but that is the nuclear option. I am telling you that you need to stop getting all school kid like when she sayy that "she just wants to be friends". I heard that line from my wife more than 100 times. Y' know what, things changed.. Stop trying to find hidden meaning in every action and word she utters, get into your job, make money, have fun with kids blah blah blah Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Like I said earlier mate get off for the W/E pack tonight dont bother coming home from work just go till Sunday night, ignore the phone. Also those four mesages are B/S there was nothing in them you needed to know she's just p*****g you about go N/C. Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 If you wanted to get divorced then I'd say go for it, serve her, but facts are you don't. Just really get your own life, don't respond to her BS, join a social group. go out, take weekends away, enjoy yourself. She comes round for a family day out? sorry I don't do that anymore now we are separated. Let her miss you, be too busy for her. Stuff we've told you a hundred times but you've ignored. In fact act as if you are divorced. She wants separated? well why should you be her friend? Don't mention divorce again, I don't give a flying f" what anyone else says on here. It's been 3 months, not even. Stop acting like a wimp! It may well happen that you will one day get divorced but that is the nuclear option. I am telling you that you need to stop getting all school kid like when she sayy that "she just wants to be friends". I heard that line from my wife more than 100 times. Y' know what, things changed.. Stop trying to find hidden meaning in every action and word she utters, get into your job, make money, have fun with kids blah blah blah DITTO!! Especially the bit about you ignoring what you've been told! What Rob has suggested to you all along was clearly working - CLEARLY - You could see the progress. Nobody said this was going to be easy, and you have to keep backing up your new behaviour towards her, otherwise you're taking too many steps backwards. You were doing really well, but u have to keep at it. If you want her back, and i think you do, you need to take action again. Like Rob said, get your own life, go out, don't be available to her. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Russell, you may have already been told this, but now is an extremely good time to work on yourself. Not for her or anyone else, but for yourself. What kind of man do you want to be? What are the weaknesses and flaws, whether emotional, mental, character or physical, that you want to correct? Now is a good time to take stock and work on yourself. Me, I had a problem dealing with conflict without getting p*ssed off or butt-hurt. Problems in my marriage made me take a hard look at myself and realize how I approached several things in my life poorly. I did and am doing what it took to do better. This may be a great opportunity for you as well. If so, embrace it. Link to post Share on other sites
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