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russell1968

By russell1968,
in Separation and Divorce

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russell1968

russell1968

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I left to go away on Saturday Morning , just before I got to London I stopped off for something to eat ! That’s when texts started first one was asking me to go swimming with her and the kids , I ignored this and then they started to come thick and first each one getting more abusive than the lastFinally she wrote “That’s it you can have your divorce” I then called and told her I was away this weekend and why was she doing thisShe just gave me some crap! Anyway I ended up driving back she was waiting for me outside my house when I got there, she didn’t even believe that I had been away

 

We went swimming with the girls at this point I was pissed off and told her she has to make up her mind either she wants to give us another chance or we divorce as I have come to the end, I told her I need to know this weekend, she left my with my 5 year old and went home with my 18 month old, she said she wanted to come around this evening and talk, when she got there she started hammering the wine! She then started to me all the reason why she left our marriage, how I never told her loved her how I never made any effort, blah, blah, blah by this point I just felt so deflated I just wanted to give up! She then ran to the car and gave me the legal separation agreement which was signed, she then said I had forced her to do this! She then broke down in tears and so did i!!! She got in her I chased after her I tried to talk to her but she drove off with me hanging out the door (Scary) She stopped I told her she had signed our death warrant, then i went home and threw a pizza in the oven, she then turned up again shacking, she went crazy asking me why I was having a pizza at a time like this!! She then ran off again, by this time I was so drained, I went to bed

 

]I sent a text saying I’m filing for a divorce now as I have the signed separation agreement it’s down to you tstop itIt was meant to be my weekend but I ended up with my girls which was great, so up early Sunday morning got them dressed and went to the park![/10.55 she sent me a text saying sorry I’ve only just woken up, I told her not to worry as I will just have the girls and she could do whatever she wanted! She wrote back I can’t remember how we left it last night (She was hammered) At this point I had lost all my respect for her, I told her that I was filing for divorce and its down to her to stop it! I told her I would have the girlsGot a message at 5.00pm asking if she could come round and talk I said no unless she wants things to change get

 

To the point she came over around 8.30pm and told me that she wanted things to work out between us and wanted to work at it . she said for the first time in 3 months she is listening to me again! I asked her if she wanted to go to counseling she said she didn’t as she just wanted to forget about the past! I told I wanted to go slow and I didn’t want her to move back in yet, she said she could she I wanted to and got pissed off about it She then went for a kiss I was reluctant, but it was tender and not sordid she then said I can I can’t believe what I’ve done to us, I told her not to worry about it , she then gave me a huge hug and left !!!She came round this morning to pick up our youngest she hugged and kissed me, I was blown away! I asked her if she wanted to go out tonight she said yesI’m not there yet but things are improving! I don’t want to blow this so thoughts-opinions are welcome, I think I should play it cool

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robf1971

robf1971

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she was waiting for me outside my house when I got there,

 

Told you this would happen lol Maybe you should start actually listening to me

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russell1968

russell1968

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Told you this would happen lol Maybe you should start actually listening to me

 

I do listen!! Honest, We are so no there yet, but know she wants to work on us! So i need to be cool?

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robf1971

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Anyway I ended up driving back

 

IMO, bad move... Wife, I'd love to talk but I've made plans, see you on Sunday

 

Let her damn well sweat it out for a change!!!

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robf1971

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She got in her I chased after her I tried to talk to her but she drove off with me hanging out the door (Scary)

 

Should have let her drive off. Stop acting on your feelings, she'd have driven around the block a few times and come back anyway. It is not attractive to your wife.

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robf1971

robf1971

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It was meant to be my weekend but I ended up with my girls which was great, so up early Sunday morning got them dressed and went to the park

 

Great so she got you to take the Kids on your weekend, while she went out and got drunk. She doesn't respect you man!!! That is why you shouldn't have come running back to Sussex for her. I bet if you'd have stayed your course and stood up to her abusive call calmly and firmly. She wouls have been on your doorstep apologising anyway.

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robf1971

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told me that she wanted things to work out between us and wanted to work at it . I asked her if she wanted to go to counseling she said she didn’t as she just wanted to forget about the past!

 

Russell

 

The section in italics and the section in bold is a contradiction in terms

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robf1971

robf1971

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I think I should play it cool

 

Next weekend is her weekend right? At about 6pm on Friday turn up on her doorstep with the kids and say I want to go out and get drunk tonight, let me leave you with the kids. What do you think she would say to that?

 

She would tell you F right off I bet. She has the confidence to do that to you because she knows your threat of divorce is just bluster and her getting you into that little hug and kiss was all it took to get you back in line. Remember I told you about being tested? She tested the sh*t out of you all weekend and you failed this time.

 

This is why I told you not to use the Divorce threat.

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russell1968

russell1968

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Next weekend is her weekend right? At about 6pm on Friday turn up on her doorstep with the kids and say I want to go out and get drunk tonight, let me leave you with the kids. What do you think she would say to that?

 

She would tell you F right off I bet. She has the confidence to do that to you because she knows your threat of divorce is just bluster and her getting you into that little hug and kiss was all it took to get you back in line. Remember I told you about being tested? She tested the sh*t out of you all weekend and you failed this time.

 

This is why I told you not to use the Divorce threat.

 

Ok, We are off out tonight ! How do i play it?

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robf1971

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Ok, We are off out tonight ! How do i play it?

 

Well, no chasing moving cars....

 

If she gets abusive with you.

 

"I'm happy to talk with you but in a civil and friendly manner. Until you can do that, this conversation is over"

 

Otherwise just act as normal, keep it light.

 

But I'm sorry to say that her wanting to "work on it" and refusing marriage counselling does not tally.

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russell1968

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Well, no chasing moving cars....

 

If she gets abusive with you.

 

"I'm happy to talk with you but in a civil and friendly manner. Until you can do that, this conversation is over"

 

Otherwise just act as normal, keep it light.

 

But I'm sorry to say that her wanting to "work on it" and refusing marriage counselling does not tally.

 

Her biggest problem with me is the fact i was crap at the start of the realtionship, i never took her seriously or told her i loved her.She hates me for this! Thats her argument anyway! What bdo you think is going on??

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robf1971

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Her biggest problem with me is the fact i was crap at the start of the realtionship, i never took her seriously or told her i loved her.She hates me for this! Thats her argument anyway! What bdo you think is going on??

 

Well that is for marriage counselling IMO, something she doesn't want to do.

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robf1971

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What bdo you think is going on??

 

I told you, she's been testing you.. You need to stop being her doormat at her beck and call. You need to gain her respect back.

 

Next time she butts into your weekend alone, stand firm... that would be a good start.

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russell1968

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Well that is for marriage counselling IMO, something she doesn't want to do.

 

She would go if i pushed her! But right now i will just deal with tonight!

 

She has asked me a thousand times why i was so **** at the start of our relationship! I have told her !

 

This buisness is exhausting!

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russell1968

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So it is indeed. You are preaching to the converted here. Still exhausting for me too..

 

I know Rob, i wonder where all this is going, she did tell me she loved me last night, i was gobsmacked!!!!!!

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russell1968

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Great so she got you to take the Kids on your weekend, while she went out and got drunk. She doesn't respect you man!!! That is why you shouldn't have come running back to Sussex for her. I bet if you'd have stayed your course and stood up to her abusive call calmly and firmly. She wouls have been on your doorstep apologising anyway.

 

With regards to the kids it's tough as My 5 year old Trinity hates her at the moment, so they are better off with me!

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What_Next

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So she still has you completely wrapped around her finger and nothing has changed then. Sad.

 

Why the heck did you turn around and run home the second she snapped her fingers? All those texts, she was playing with you. She was still making sure she could say jump and you would say how high and how long should I stay in the air.

 

She "said" she loved you, cripes man. The end result of all of this is that she now 100% knows that your words mean little and she'll use that to continue to manipulate them.

 

You've accomplished nothing except to continually erode any respect she has for you.

 

I know this is harsh, but reading this silly back and forth game between you and Rob is so painful to watch, you're not 15 my boy, neither is she and your kids hang in the balance.

 

Good luck, it did seem like you had your head on straight there and had some conviction on Friday at least.

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russell1968

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So she still has you completely wrapped around her finger and nothing has changed then. Sad.

 

Why the heck did you turn around and run home the second she snapped her fingers? All those texts, she was playing with you. She was still making sure she could say jump and you would say how high and how long should I stay in the air.

 

She "said" she loved you, cripes man. The end result of all of this is that she now 100% knows that your words mean little and she'll use that to continue to manipulate them.

 

You've accomplished nothing except to continually erode any respect she has for you.

 

I know this is harsh, but reading this silly back and forth game between you and Rob is so painful to watch, you're not 15 my boy, neither is she and your kids hang in the balance.

 

Good luck, it did seem like you had your head on straight there and had some conviction on Friday at least.

 

I understand your frustration with my situation, however she told me she wants to work at things and i will get her into relate! But not now!

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cmh2002

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I hope you and her are able to work things out.. Just make sure you both go to counseling before letting her move back in. I wouldn't allow her to move back in without proving she is 100% serious about working things out and has stopped using drugs and drinking so much. Drinking some is fine but not to the extent you say she is in my opinion. I feel bad for you and the kids. You because you want your wife who you love back, and to be happy to the point i don't think she respects you like a wife should. I feel for the kids because they are innocent in all of this. I do agree that you did the right thing of coming back if your 5yr old doesn't get along with her mom right now to be there for her, there has got to come a point tho when you wife has to step up to the plate and take responsibility for her part in the relationship instead of blaming it all on you like she seems to be. I agree with Rob in she should be the one making contact but you have to know when to agree with what she says and how to say no and be your own person to help yourself heal that way no matter how it turns out you have your self respect..just my thoughts good luck!

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russell1968

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There are no words to explain how i feel right now!

She came around to go out for valentines day she sais she felt strange doing this i said what going out she said yes, i told she didnt have to if she didnt want to, she sais she wasnt sure, i told her to forget about it and she got out the car and that was that!

 

it's over !'m devastated!

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marqueemoon4

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There are no words to explain how i feel right now!

She came around to go out for valentines day she sais she felt strange doing this i said what going out she said yes, i told she didnt have to if she didnt want to, she sais she wasnt sure, i told her to forget about it and she got out the car and that was that!

 

it's over !'m devastated!

 

oh c'mon... until she pulls some other sh*te game tomorrow. Or she calls you tonite regretting her decision to get out of the car.

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hopesndreams

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oh c'mon... until she pulls some other sh*te game tomorrow. Or she calls you tonite regretting her decision to get out of the car.

 

Agreed.

 

It ain't over til the fat lady sings!!:o

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russell1968

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oh c'mon... until she pulls some other sh*te game tomorrow. Or she calls you tonite regretting her decision to get out of the car.

 

i told her that was it for me and as i have i signed copy of the seperation agreement i will change the locks and i'm just going to ignore her from now on

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