Author russell1968 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I'm at a complete loss how someone can go from wanting to work on our future to agreeing to a divorce! Telling me she loves me! To telling me theres no future. Let's look on the bright side no more crazy posts from me Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I'm at a complete loss how someone can go from wanting to work on our future to agreeing to a divorce! Telling me she loves me! To telling me theres no future. Let's look on the bright side no more crazy posts from me Its difficult to accept but it does happen. How sad it is right? Unless she comes back to you telling you she has made a mistake and would like to fix/try again, then theres not much you can do to change her mind. My best advice to you is, DON'T EVEN TRY TO CHANGE HER MIND. She could end up dreading you and let me tell you: its not a swell feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 She could end up dreading you and let me tell you: its not a swell feeling. Sorry but what does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Russell, there has been nothing unusaul with what you have been posting, all of us who have been left have the sheer anxiety and desperation not to make a wrong move. An example for you, when my ex left and made me homeless in the process, I allowed him to have everything he wanted with regards the house furniture, pensions, finances, everything. My solicitor was screaming at me, we need financial disclosure, he got p*****d so I gave in. Know why? Because I was terrified of doing anything to jeapadise and remote chance that he would come to his senses and come home. He didn't. It's been two years and I've heard he has moved another women in and proposed to her. (Although i don't know for sure this is true, long story). My point is, I was friggin doormat, the guy made me HOMELESS, I had to reuturn to an abusive family environment where I am still living, back in school and desperatly trying to work my way out of this hell hole, all the while I have IC telling me that I am displaying sighs of having been subjected to domestic abuse and that is why I have not been able to accept that my ex is an absolute piece of s**t and keep thinking I deserved it somehow because I wasn't perfect enough for him, when in fact HE is the one with issues. Your wife is the one in the wrong here. What is all this rubblish about you not being good at the start of the relationship? If you were so rubbish in the begining then why did she marry you and have two children with you? That is completely illogical and utter nonsense. She is doing what all walk aways do, re-writing the marital history so she can justify her own bad behaviour. Meanwhile you are so in love with her you are clinging to hope and letting her use you. I KNOW it's hard, truely I do, I've been there and I wouldn't wish it on anyone (well maybe the ex, lol) you have to take back control, for your own well being. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 She could end up dreading you and let me tell you: its not a swell feeling. Sorry but what does that mean? Well it means pretty much this: If she has made up her mind on things just accept it even if it's painful that she didn't want to fix it. Don't stick around after though, she could end up not liking you for it. So, just if she said yes to the divorce, give it to her and completely cut contact with her after. I guess thats what I meant by my previous post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 Russell, there has been nothing unusaul with what you have been posting, all of us who have been left have the sheer anxiety and desperation not to make a wrong move. An example for you, when my ex left and made me homeless in the process, I allowed him to have everything he wanted with regards the house furniture, pensions, finances, everything. My solicitor was screaming at me, we need financial disclosure, he got p*****d so I gave in. Know why? Because I was terrified of doing anything to jeapadise and remote chance that he would come to his senses and come home. He didn't. It's been two years and I've heard he has moved another women in and proposed to her. (Although i don't know for sure this is true, long story). My point is, I was friggin doormat, the guy made me HOMELESS, I had to reuturn to an abusive family environment where I am still living, back in school and desperatly trying to work my way out of this hell hole, all the while I have IC telling me that I am displaying sighs of having been subjected to domestic abuse and that is why I have not been able to accept that my ex is an absolute piece of s**t and keep thinking I deserved it somehow because I wasn't perfect enough for him, when in fact HE is the one with issues. Your wife is the one in the wrong here. What is all this rubblish about you not being good at the start of the relationship? If you were so rubbish in the begining then why did she marry you and have two children with you? That is completely illogical and utter nonsense. She is doing what all walk aways do, re-writing the marital history so she can justify her own bad behaviour. Meanwhile you are so in love with her you are clinging to hope and letting her use you. I KNOW it's hard, truely I do, I've been there and I wouldn't wish it on anyone (well maybe the ex, lol) you have to take back control, for your own well being. Thanks i'm really dissapointed! Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 I know. The women has been playing with your emotions, you need to try and start looking at her behaviour and not her words, really think about what she has done to you and how she has abused your love for her. Also, try not to have any contact with her for a while, maybe a couple of weeks, I know you have children so best to call her when you are calm and prepared and let her know to have them ready for you to pick up etc. When you do go and get them, NO conversation with her re your marriage, if she starts one just tell her politely that she has hurt you enough and you don't wnat to discuss it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
BlindRage Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 (well obviously only for the kids keep contact but ONLY about them not her -at all-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 Well it means pretty much this: If she has made up her mind on things just accept it even if it's painful that she didn't want to fix it. Don't stick around after though, she could end up not liking you for it. So, just if she said yes to the divorce, give it to her and completely cut contact with her after. I guess thats what I meant by my previous post. Sure i understand! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I know. The women has been playing with your emotions, you need to try and start looking at her behaviour and not her words, really think about what she has done to you and how she has abused your love for her. Also, try not to have any contact with her for a while, maybe a couple of weeks, I know you have children so best to call her when you are calm and prepared and let her know to have them ready for you to pick up etc. When you do go and get them, NO conversation with her re your marriage, if she starts one just tell her politely that she has hurt you enough and you don't wnat to discuss it anymore. I have to file for divorce now ! as otherwise i will look toothless Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 14, 2011 Author Share Posted February 14, 2011 I know. The women has been playing with your emotions, you need to try and start looking at her behaviour and not her words, really think about what she has done to you and how she has abused your love for her. Also, try not to have any contact with her for a while, maybe a couple of weeks, I know you have children so best to call her when you are calm and prepared and let her know to have them ready for you to pick up etc. When you do go and get them, NO conversation with her re your marriage, if she starts one just tell her politely that she has hurt you enough and you don't wnat to discuss it anymore. I told her on the phone that this means that we are over now , she agreed and didnt seem care at all! so i have file now! I got a text a hour later sayin i'm sorry Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted February 14, 2011 Share Posted February 14, 2011 Don't do anything yet, you don't have to do anything just because you said it already, this whole texting thing between you reads like a game of chess. See she just texted saying sorry, a few posts back a couple of posters said it would all switch round again. The question you have to ask yourself is how much more of this you are willing to put up with? Rob has been saying for you to go NC with her for a while now, you go away this weekend and she texts and you rush back, you have an argument she goes of drunk driving! (NOT ON) and then says she will go out with you V day, then backs out. Why? I honestly don't know because I always valued my man and would never have treated him like this, I wouldn't treat any man like this, it's game playing and it's hurtful and also there are children involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Booze, weed, coke, driving while intoxicated, hooker get-ups, party animal, indecisive, lack of commitment, mood swings, not dependable. There's likely a whole bunch of shocking stuff you don't know about. Could that be possible Russell? If you had a friend you cared about, with these sort of issues, what would you do? Just stand by? Would you let this person take your kids? Of course not. But in this marriage, you have no alternative apparently in your country. That's why you really need the advice of a solicitor before you make threats. Keep a cool head, you're tipping your hand. She could turn the tables on you, and you'll be living the apartment life. Is there even a Child Protection Service? That, even here in the US can be risky, cause it gets kids into the system. And the system will not allow kids to live in such a condition (it's possible kids can get placed in a much worse arrangment). AFTER seeing your solictor, perhaps you might offer her help for her substance problems. Too, she must learn how to let go of the past and not hold some early blunders against for the rest of your life. That's probably BS anyway. This is really what bugs me about the UK system. They got Russell by the b---, if he speaks out or turns her in, or gets her problem documented he is still screwed. And I know his answer to my post already. Russell, I bet you do not wish to make waves about the substance abuse problem (even just kindly offering help) because you are afaid it will put a nail in you divorce coffin. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I told her on the phone that this means that we are over now , she agreed and didnt seem care at all! so i have file now! I got a text a hour later sayin i'm sorry Russell, if you'd not have driven back to London at her beck and call, If you'd not have asked her out for Valentines. None of this would have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I told her on the phone that this means that we are over now , she agreed and didnt seem care at all! so i have file now! I got a text a hour later sayin i'm sorry This is so predictable. By Wed Evening, she will be round your place, playing kiss n makeup. You will fall for it. Remember the testing? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 didnt seem care at all! Take a leaf out of her book Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 This is so predictable. By Wed Evening, she will be round your place, playing kiss n makeup. You will fall for it. Remember the testing? The I'm sorry was meant as she coudn't do it any longer! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 I had my daughter ready and handed her over in the street, she said is going to be like this from now on, I said dam right! Half an hour later I got a text from her it read I’m sorry I couldn’t feel how you wanted me to & I wanted to but I couldn’t put you and me through thinking it could be mended when my heart just isn’t in it.I’m sorry can’t control my heart I never wanted to hurt you Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Don't do anything yet, you don't have to do anything just because you said it already, this whole texting thing between you reads like a game of chess. See she just texted saying sorry, a few posts back a couple of posters said it would all switch round again. The question you have to ask yourself is how much more of this you are willing to put up with? Rob has been saying for you to go NC with her for a while now, you go away this weekend and she texts and you rush back, you have an argument she goes of drunk driving! (NOT ON) and then says she will go out with you V day, then backs out. Why? I honestly don't know because I always valued my man and would never have treated him like this, I wouldn't treat any man like this, it's game playing and it's hurtful and also there are children involved. I'm sorry text was meant as i can't do this anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Sorry mate maybe it's time to wrap it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Sorry mate maybe it's time to wrap it up. It certainly looks that way Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 I’m just waiting to get a few more opinions on what to do and then I will act! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Half an hour later I got a text from her it read I’m sorry I couldn’t feel how you wanted me to & I wanted to but I couldn’t put you and me through thinking it could be mended when my heart just isn’t in it.I’m sorry can’t control my heart I never wanted to hurt you They all say that lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 They all say that lol Really??? She texted me asking if i could have the girls tonight, i said sorry but i'm working late(Which is True!) and she wrote back! Ok thanks Alot i c how were playing it now Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I’m sorry can’t control my heart This stuff is BS. She called this weekend and you came running and reacted to her BS = her not attracted to you You standing up to her BS, carrying on your plans = her attracted to you. the heart, my friend does not come into it one little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
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