robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Really??? She texted me asking if i could have the girls tonight, i said sorry but i'm working late(Which is True!) and she wrote back! Ok thanks Alot i c how were playing it now Exactly!!! ignore the snipply little reply ok. Do not communicate with her, repeat, do not communicate with her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 This stuff is BS. She called this weekend and you came running and reacted to her BS = her not attracted to you You standing up to her BS, carrying on your plans = her attracted to you. the heart, my friend does not come into it one little bit. can't carry on everynight having my daughters i need a break! Just to catch my breath! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Exactly!!! ignore the snipply little reply ok. Do not communicate with her, repeat, do not communicate with her... She has sent me a message i need to go to college i'm going to wait for you at our house! I said don't as i may not be home until 8-8.30 her reply was yeah right! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 You are continuing to play her games and you seem to be impervious to the advice you are being given. Just ignore it for heaven sakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 You are continuing to play her games and you seem to be impervious to the advice you are being given. Just ignore it for heaven sakes. I don't want her to be in my house when I get in. I'm staying out! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 (edited) is it possible that the vasilating and apparent confusion regarding her feeling for Russell are simply a result of substance abuse? And why would she turn to substance? What precipitated this? Is there any chance she may have a psychological disorder and is attempting to self-medicate? From what I've read here, she is all over the place -- there is no pattern in her behavior to be found. Sometimes Russell is ambushed when he steps away, sometimes not. The fact that she desparately searches him out, although it is part of an irratic sequence of events, nonetheless gives me hope. I think this young lady is crying out for help. Obviously, the aformentioned issues compromise judgment/safety, and most likely her perceptions are skewed as well (therefore, Russell, that might be reason not to take what she says personally). Could you speak to her GENTLY about this? Ask why or what has made her choose the substance path. Try to listen and learn, and begin to gain her trust. IMO you really need to get her to a professional. The way this story reads, it's like she turned into a different person in a very short time (I don't find the original story convincing because what she has said and done since is a contradiction). Here is a list of sites where the MO is to save the marriage: Michelle Wiener Davis Marriage Builders Dr. Huizenga They all have a ton of free reading. After learning about UK court system regarding children, my thoughts about divorce in this case were and still remain challanged. I want you to make sure no stone is left unturned. I realize mine is not a popular position. And I certainly do not wish to hurt your feelings, or to cause you any addional stress. Also, if my POV is too provocitive or off-base, my apologies in advance to anyone that I offended. (I am beginner and don't wanna make a mistake). Edited February 15, 2011 by Yasuandio Wroing Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 is it possible that the vasilating and apparent confusion regarding her feeling for Russell are simply a result of substance abuse? And why would she turn to substance? What precipitated this? Is there any chance she may have a psychological disorder and is attempting to self-medicate? From what I've read here, she is all over the place -- there is no pattern in her behavior to be found. Sometimes Russell is ambushed when he steps away, sometimes not. The fact that she desparately searches him out, although it is part of an irratic sequence of events, nonetheless gives me hope. I think this young lady is crying out for help. Time to stop answering the cries. You were there for her but she isn't there for you. It isn't just drugs and drink. She is hiding an OM. She is WAY too needy to be doing this solo. Obviously, the aformentioned issues compromise judgment/safety, and most likely her perceptions are skewed as well (therefore, Russell, that might be reason not to take what she says personally). Could you speak to her GENTLY about this? Ask why or what has made her choose the substance path. Try to listen and learn, and begin to gain her trust. IMO you really need to get her to a professional. The way this story reads, it's like she turned into a different person in a very short time (I don't find the original story convincing because what she has said and done since is a contradiction). Time for talk is over! You gave her every opportunity. Let her actions speak for themselves and ask yourself this, "Self, why want someone that doesn't love you?" She has shown no respect for you and has been hot/cold. It's a sure sign there is someone else in the picture. Like I said in a previous post, the OM isn't there for her 100%, he is most likely married or attached. Her games must end NOW. Take control back, respect yourself, do your best to ignore the snipes, there will be plenty more and give yourself time alone (no kids) to get your head wrapped around the fact her immaturity and selfishness won. There is nothing to fight for. She's a loser and forgive yourself for choosing her in the first place and recognize the weak character traits she possesses so that when you are ready to embark on another romance, you don't end up with the same type of woman, or worse. Here is a list of sites where the MO is to save the marriage: Michelle Wiener Davis Marriage Builders Dr. Huizenga They all have a ton of free reading. After learning about UK court system regarding children, my thoughts about divorce in this case were and still remain challanged. I want you to make sure no stone is left unturned. I realize mine is not a popular position. And I certainly do not wish to hurt your feelings, or to cause you any addional stress. Also, if my POV is too provocitive or off-base, my apologies in advance to anyone that I offended. (I am beginner and don't wanna make a mistake). You need to toughen up and get strong. Don't listen to anymore of the BS of how it's all your fault. It takes 2 to make a relationship work and only 1 to break it. The one big regret I have in looking back on my breakup was being a spineless jellyfish. It took way too long for my brain to compute my M was over but once it did, I was free! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I don't want her to be in my house when I get in. I'm staying out! Don't cower. Get home whenever you get home. Don't let her dictate to you when the right time to go home is. If she is there, politely ask her to leave. Don't engage her in conversation, it will only end up in more misery. She ain't listening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 my life is a bad soap opera! I had 3 more texts from her please read 1.My daughter had said to my wife that she is going to have a new mummy, apparently i had said this to her= Simply untrue 5 year olds talk crazy all the time. 2I think she will have a new daddy before.....so **** you=charming 3.Not nice is it... I ignored all of it. When i got home she had clearly been round my house i nwe she would as she had mentioned in her earlier text with the empahasis being on (OUR House!) She has taken the signed copy of the seperation agreement, why she has done this i do not know.i was going to give her the 15k as soon as i got it top the solicitors, but now i don't now what she is doing! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 my life is a bad soap opera! I had 3 more texts from her please read 1.My daughter had said to my wife that she is going to have a new mummy, apparently i had said this to her= Simply untrue 5 year olds talk crazy all the time. 2I think she will have a new daddy before.....so **** you=charming 3.Not nice is it... I ignored all of it. When i got home she had clearly been round my house i nwe she would as she had mentioned in her earlier text with the empahasis being on (OUR House!) She has taken the signed copy of the seperation agreement, why she has done this i do not know.i was going to give her the 15k as soon as i got it top the solicitors, but now i don't now what she is doing! Being a mean, vindictive B. She's putting fear into you. She would quite happily go back to the ways things were. Her loss of control is making her very, very angry. Try not to think about what she is thinking about. Focus on you, your feelings and what is best for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Look Russ I'm real sorry for you with all this but for christ sake toughen up a bit. Your leting these things happen. Now she's taken that agreement your right back where you started on every single count. Cmon man get a grip. Stop sening and reacting to these texts like a bloody kid. Go N/C exept for the kids. Put another lock on the door (yeah it's ilegal so what. If it gets heavy give her another key). Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Look Russ I'm real sorry for you with all this but for christ sake toughen up a bit. Your leting these things happen. Now she's taken that agreement your right back where you started on every single count. Cmon man get a grip. Stop sening and reacting to these texts like a bloody kid. Go N/C exept for the kids. Put another lock on the door (yeah it's ilegal so what. If it gets heavy give her another key). I havent replied to her texts, the speration agreement is a mystery,i dont know why she would take it. My mate told me she was just sitting around my house this afternoon, what a bitch Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 my life is a bad soap opera! I had 3 more texts from her please read 1.My daughter had said to my wife that she is going to have a new mummy, apparently i had said this to her= Simply untrue 5 year olds talk crazy all the time. 2I think she will have a new daddy before.....so **** you=charming 3.Not nice is it... I ignored all of it. When i got home she had clearly been round my house i nwe she would as she had mentioned in her earlier text with the empahasis being on (OUR House!) She has taken the signed copy of the seperation agreement, why she has done this i do not know.i was going to give her the 15k as soon as i got it top the solicitors, but now i don't now what she is doing! She's addicted to the drama. None of these texts mean anything, none of these actions do either. Remember what I told you in an earlier post to expect anything. Well here it is!! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Put another lock on the door (yeah it's ilegal so what. If it gets heavy give her another key). Yeah " I locked myself out so had to change locks", sorry I forgot to give you a copy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 She's addicted to the drama. None of these texts mean anything, none of these actions do either. Remember what I told you in an earlier post to expect anything. Well here it is!! Why the hell did she snatch the seperation agreement? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 I havent replied to her texts, the speration agreement is a mystery,i dont know why she would take it. My mate told me she was just sitting around my house this afternoon, what a bitch lol seriously, she hasn't got anything better to do? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Why the hell did she snatch the seperation agreement? I told you to expect weird stuff. She wants a reaction. She wants you on the phone shouting at her, she needs to justify her actions to herself. Do not give her the satisfaction. She also doesn't believe you about the divorce and she's testing you to prove it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 I told you to expect weird stuff. She wants a reaction. She wants you on the phone shouting at her, she needs to justify her actions to herself. Do not give her the satisfaction. She also doesn't believe you about the divorce and she's testing you to prove it. What do i do then ? Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Irratic behavior. Sometimes unpopular positions can be viewed as double edged-swords. When is the last time you visited your solicitor? Like seriously? I would consider NOT giving her a dime, as it could go up her nose -- or worse, fund a re-location or disappearing act to spite you. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Russell, Firstly, do not change the locks on the house without taking legal advice. Secondly, the most liekly reason your wife is sending these text messages is because she feels she has lost control over you. I am inclined to agree with other posters, I think she may have a married OM, it appears she is trying to keep you on the hook in case it doesn't work out with him. Have you investigated this possibility at all? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 15, 2011 Share Posted February 15, 2011 Russell- Remember this quote from Scarface when dealing with her: "All I have in this world are my BALLS and my WORD and I'm not breakin'em for no one, you understand?" Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 15, 2011 Author Share Posted February 15, 2011 Russell, Firstly, do not change the locks on the house without taking legal advice. Secondly, the most liekly reason your wife is sending these text messages is because she feels she has lost control over you. I am inclined to agree with other posters, I think she may have a married OM, it appears she is trying to keep you on the hook in case it doesn't work out with him. Have you investigated this possibility at all? I can't say for sure but i don't think so, i have had a look at emails and facebook, cell phone! I coudn't find anything but i haven't ruled it out! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) Irratic behavior also smacks of either esculating substance abuse problem, and self-medicating (i.e., Depression, severe anxiety, paranoia, mania, etc.). That's not to dispute she is engaging in sex outside the marriage. However, if she is under the influence of substance, no matter what type, it's quite possible, if true, and is indeed ocurring (and let me remind some in the forum, there is NO evidence - only your cyber-speculation @ an addict), that it could possibly be nonconsensual, as she is (1) totally out of it on drugs and doesn't know what the heck she's doing; (2) she's absolutely desparate for money to support a evergrowing habit that no one seems to wanna focus on; and/or/or maybe not (3) she's emtionally or mentally ill. Again, it is also possible she's getting high and getting it on with OM and/or MM at the same time. I would explore conclusions from which you have evidence. Edited February 16, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Just like there can be a murder conviction without a body, there are people that fool around without getting caught, confessing or hard evidence. The 45 pages on this thread is enough, for me, to say, guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 (edited) Just like there can be a murder conviction without a body, there are people that fool around without getting caught, confessing or hard evidence. The 45 pages on this thread is enough, for me, to say, guilty. OK...NO BODY. THEN TELL US, WHAT IS THE MOTIVE? (I mean Russell seems like a really, totally kind-hearted, sensitive, wonderful husband. He is really trying, and his wife appears rececptive at times. I am actually freaked out when I read how deeply men can "feel" since" I have discovered this site! And Russell and his respondants feel deeply, motive please). WHAT IS THE WEAPON? I can't resist, I gotta ask ya, would you want to be on your own jury? Listen to yourself. You are saying essentially "I am willing to convict on 42 pages of testomony between Plantiff and an Internet Forum." It may be a better idea for Russell to follow the evidence, rather than envision speculation. Edited February 16, 2011 by Yasuandio Typos Link to post Share on other sites
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