Can i save this?

[What_Next]

Well thats' FANTASTIC! Keep that up.

 

You have more energy than me; that's for sure.

 

Good luck.

[willowthewisp]

Going to state the obvious here, but when she asks why you haven't been replying to her you just say "Wife, you told me we are finished and that you have no desire to try and work things out between us, why would you expect me to carry on a conversation with someone who has decided that we will not be a part of each others lives anymore, unless it is regarding our children?"

 

If she gets p****y then you just say "you choose this I am just comlying with what you have asked for and you may as well get used to it because hard reality of your decision is that we are no longer anything to each other, other than co-parents".

 

There are only three possible reasons for her constant harrassment, she doesn't really want to split up but is angry and wants to see a change in you, she wnats to split up but she is angry and vindictive or she has an OM and is using you, hanging onto you emotionally to help her through this transition, making sure she has a soft place to land and is angry that you are not allowing her to do that.

Edited February 17, 2011 by willowthewisp

[russell1968]

Going to state the obvious here, but when she asks why you haven't been replying to her you just say "Wife, you told me we are finished and that you have no desire to try and work things out between us, why would you expect me to carry on a conversation with someone who has decided that we will not be a part of each others lives anymore, unless it is regarding our children?"

 

If she gets p****y then you just say "you choose this I am just comlying with what you have asked for and you may as well get used to it because hard reality of your decision is that we are no longer anything to each other, other than co-parents".

 

There are only three possible reasons for her constant harrassment, she doesn't really want to split up but is angry and wants to see a change in you, she wnats to split up but she is angry and vindictive or she has an OM and is using you, hanging onto you emotionally to help her through this transition, making sure she has a soft place to land and is angry that you are not allowing her to do that.

 

i honestly don't know why she is doing this either, if she signs the seperation agreement she gets 15k, but she won't do it, anyway i'm getting on with ny life focusing in my girls and me!

[russell1968]

i honestly don't know why she is doing this either, if she signs the seperation agreement she gets 15k, but she won't do it, anyway i'm getting on with my life focusing on my girls and me!

[Yasuandio]

Russell, your desire for your marriage to survive changes as often as I change my socks. You are blowing hot and cold as often as she does. By page 53, I bet you will be over analyzing text messages again. It does not appear that you have followed through on the majority of advices you have commited to, for lack of focus, ambush, or plain fear of uncertainity.

 

You are all over the place also. I think you need some professional help during this crisis, and that is what it is, a crisis. An IC, and/or an MD, any kind. Just do it. It doesn't mean antidepressant, maybe a benzodiazapine like xanex or a bit of adivan to calm you. Please, see the doctor and do what he/she recommends.

 

You are going to come out of this ok. You just gotta get a grip.

[russell1968]

Russell, your desire for your marriage to survive changes as often as I change my socks. You are blowing hot and cold as often as she does. By page 53, I bet you will be over analyzing text messages again. It does not appear that you have followed through on the majority of advices you have commited to, for lack of focus, ambush, or plain fear of uncertainity.

 

You are all over the place also. I think you need some professional help during this crisis, and that is what it is, a crisis. An IC, and/or an MD, any kind. Just do it. It doesn't mean antidepressant, maybe a benzodiazapine like xanex or a bit of adivan to calm you. Please, see the doctor and do what he/she recommends.

 

You are going to come out of this ok. You just gotta get a grip.

 

I'm sorry but i am focused now and i don't need anti-depressents!

I'm having no contact with my wife unless it;s about the kids and have been doing so for five days.

 

I have allways wanted to save my marriage! And sure i have felt like giving up and not bothering, but i'm still her now giving it a go!

 

BUt you are right either way i will be fine, i have a strategy and i'm sticking to it, i may ask for peoples opions about her toxic messages as i'm having trouble understanding her mindset!

[robf1971]

. You are blowing hot and cold as often as she does. .

 

your wife is totally unatracted to this. She wants a decisive man, you need consistant actions. Another piece of info my own wife told me at MC.

[robf1971]

BUt you are right either way i will be fine, i have a strategy and i'm sticking to it, i may ask for peoples opions about her toxic messages as i'm having trouble understanding her mindset!

 

Acting on your emotions is what got you here ie leaning on your wife emotionally, getting into financial trouble etc. I hate to say it. All that "for richer or poorer stuff" in "sickness and in health stuff" at weddings means nothing.

 

A woman wants a strong provider, who can take care of her. It goes back to the caves, we haven't really evolved that much since then.

 

My point is, you get yourself on track, stop being a wuss, you have the best chance of getting her back. And if you don't? well you've become a better person and role model for your kids. That can't be a bad thing can it?

[robf1971]

I'm sorry but i am focused now and i don't need anti-depressents!

 

Agreed, but you probably have hit rock bottom, the same happened to me back in October. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't sleep, I got scary underweight.

 

I thought I'd never get better, but the turnaround was like a switch being flipped, when it finally happened it took a day or two. No antidepressants needed!!

[russell1968]

I sent the text at 7.45, she went crazy and within 10 mins she was in my hall way calling me every under the son, I told her I have all the time in the world for her, but if she is going to be like this I’m not interested!! I then walked into the kitchen and she slammed the door on my so hard it knocked all the air out of my lungs! I asked her politely to take Dee and leave my house she said **** you it’s my house as well, then she did leave after shouting at me in the street and kicking my car! And telling me she was going to take the house the car and everything!

 

I got one of the most poisonous messages I have ever received and a toxic voicemail, at this point I was shaking a couldn’t believe that this was happening, but I help it together,

 

Out of the blue I got this message I need to know if that’s it for us then. I ignored it as I’m always doing

 

Then I have been asked out on a date next weekend so I need to know is there any hope for us anymore? WTF

 

Rob , do I respond she has been completely mental

Edited February 18, 2011 by russell1968

[russell1968]

Acting on your emotions is what got you here ie leaning on your wife emotionally, getting into financial trouble etc. I hate to say it. All that "for richer or poorer stuff" in "sickness and in health stuff" at weddings means nothing.

 

A woman wants a strong provider, who can take care of her. It goes back to the caves, we haven't really evolved that much since then.

 

My point is, you get yourself on track, stop being a wuss, you have the best chance of getting her back. And if you don't? well you've become a better person and role model for your kids. That can't be a bad thing can it?

 

Completly agree, i used to moan and complain about the tough hand that lif had delt me, but not anymore!

[sammyd]

How'd it go this morning? Hope you stood your ground:)

[russell1968]

How'd it go this morning? Hope you stood your ground:)

 

She went mental, read the above posts! I kept cool but some of the filth coming out of her mouth was shocking!

[sammyd]

Omg!! For some strange reason the new posts didn't come up on my computer first time around! I've read them now!

She's just testing about the date at the weekend. I think you have to ignore that one. Jeez she's riled eh!! BUT at least it means there's still feeling there! So that's gotta be a good sign.

Hope you're ok, keep up the good work. You can do this. Rob did tell you you hadn't seen anything yet!! This is it mate. Hold your ground:)

[russell1968]

Omg!! For some strange reason the new posts didn't come up on my computer first time around! I've read them now!

She's just testing about the date at the weekend. I think you have to ignore that one. Jeez she's riled eh!! BUT at least it means there's still feeling there! So that's gotta be a good sign.

Hope you're ok, keep up the good work. You can do this. Rob did tell you you hadn't seen anything yet!! This is it mate. Hold your ground:)

 

Sammy, she slammed the door so hard on my back it knocked all the air out of my lungs and i'm built like a brick ****house!

 

I have asked her to drop the gitrls at my house tonight with my babys pushchair, that is the only responce she has had from me

[optimisticgirl]

I knew she'd come over!!

 

My goodness.

 

Good job though Russ.

 

Now the KEY is to stick to ignoring her and don't flip flop back and forth.

 

Only talk to her once she has calmed down like you've said.

[russell1968]

I knew she'd come over!!

 

My goodness.

 

Good job though Russ.

 

Now the KEY is to stick to ignoring her and don't flip flop back and forth.

 

Only talk to her once she has calmed down like you've said.

 

When i was dropping my daughter to school she sentme a text it read!

I have missedd you recently and wanted to give it another go but you reminded me y i left!

 

 

20 mins later she asked is there any hope for us anymore?

 

I ignored all of them including the one about how she had been asked out on a date next week and she needed to know if there was any hope ?

 

I'm very confused, the only text i sent was askingher to drop the girls at my house 6.30pm with the pushchair and car seat

[sammyd]

Well done Russel, you're doing great.

I'd keep ignoring her for now. You'll see her later anyway.

Be prepared again! Whatever happens, you have to stay calm and focused. I feel you're getting close to being able to talk about this civily with her, but, don't ruin all the good work you've done in the last couple of days. I'm sure Rob will be back with more advice shortly.

With any luck, she'll start realising that she's crossed the line, but you have to keep this up to make it work.

[russell1968]

Well done Russel, you're doing great.

I'd keep ignoring her for now. You'll see her later anyway.

Be prepared again! Whatever happens, you have to stay calm and focused. I feel you're getting close to being able to talk about this civily with her, but, don't ruin all the good work you've done in the last couple of days. I'm sure Rob will be back with more advice shortly.

With any luck, she'll start realising that she's crossed the line, but you have to keep this up to make it work.

 

I think she may stop me from having the girls this weekend!!

[optimisticgirl]

I thought you were going to london this weekend? and seeing her on monday? were the girls coming with you?

 

dont worry too much about her saying that now she is doubting the decisions.

 

if she keeps pushing it all weekend.

 

tell her on monday - that you'd like to go on a proper date. talk about it then.

 

a conversation like that should be respected. not through text messages.

 

but ONLY TELL HER THAT YOU WILL TALK TO HER on MONDAY and ONLY IF SHE KEEPS PUSHING THAT SHE DOES WANT TO TALK TO YOU AND THAT THERE IS HOPE.

 

my guess is she'll probably flip flop and **** with you about it all weekend.

 

ignore her. all weekend.

[Binster]

Hey Russ your back on track here.

Tell you straight mate when you follow the N/C advice you get results so dont mess up.

The date thing and the where do we stand stuff = total B/S, dont react.

Major question, do you really want this woman back and why cos no disrespect intended she sounds as wacky as a fruit bat.

[russell1968]

I found out that my wife has £250-£300 per week cocaine habit!

I caught her running out of a dealers house last night, I confronted her and she came clean.

 

I can't tell you how let down I feel! All the lies the neglect of my children,

 

She told me she would go to marriage councilling

I can't see much point?

 

She told me she has had enough of drugs and wants to stop!

All I want to do is shield my children!

 

She told me she wanted future with me!

 

I told her that I should have the kids sleep at my house

she said there my girls, I said I know, she also said that she would end up doing more if they weren't there.

 

 

So all of this crap behaviour, treating me and my kids like ****.

 

Anyone who has been following this post, I would like your input on this

[russell1968]

I must be the biggest idiot in the world as I still love her!!

[Steadfast]

Life is never easy, but the path to a clear reconciliation and the restoration of your family is littered with issues that are out of your control. Please don't take this as criticism, but it hardly matters at all how you feel about her; that only affects your involvement. Until she comes clean and states that she WANTS to be married to you and that she WANTS to be free of drugs, no amount of love, NC, or any other mind game is going to help. Even then, her actions must back up her words, or they are useless. Only she can do this. Only she can fix her. How can you know what it is she really desires? She may not know herself.

 

It's probably time to inform family and friends, then move back to caring for yourself and your children. She is a mess.

[russell1968]

Life is never easy, but the path to a clear reconciliation and the restoration of your family is littered with issues that are out of your control. Please don't take this as criticism, but it hardly matters at all how you feel about her; that only affects your involvement. Until she comes clean and states that she WANTS to be married to you and that she WANTS to be free of drugs, no amount of love, NC, or any other mind game is going to help. Even then, her actions must back up her words, or they are useless. Only she can do this. Only she can fix her. How can you know what it is she really desires? She may not know herself.

 

It's probably time to inform family and friends, then move back to caring for yourself and your children. She is a mess.

 

Thanks that's solid advice