robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Yep, she had over 6,5k inheritance and now she has just under 3 k as I opened her bank statement yesterday! Why this women won't sign the seperation agreement and let me move on is a mystery, there is no trust anymore How long has this taken to go down like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Sorry social services and police need to be involved. I think you need to ask both's advice. Have you proof from the bank statements how much money she is burning through? No as all i could read was cash withdraw at Tescos, but i think she has a account open in her maiden name! and all the cash transactions could be argued away Honestly, when i asked her this morning she seemed like her old self! She told me she did'nt even have a drink last night. she was at my house early as i had the kids ready to go and didnt want to engage in any kind of dialogue but i was upstairs i heard the door go and she was in! I did ask her have you stopped and she said yes! I did then ask her if she felt better in a couple of weeks would she consider going to councilling with me, she said just leave us be for now! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 How long has this taken to go down like this? 3 months i think. but she has been drinking a bottle of wine a day thats a fiver, plus a pack of fags thats about 6 quid, thats about 80 quid alone a week Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Sorry Russell but as far as I can see this just stoped being about you and her, as someone just posted you are now leaving your young children with someone who has a drug habit of 300 quid a week. To put it in perspective there are whole familys living on less than that. Do NOT shop the dealers to the police there will always be others and you dont want them on you or your familys case. No more messing go to the citizens advice, get legal advice, go for full custody and get social sevices involved. Inform her family, copy and keep the bank statements and do not give her the 15k for seperation yet. Do not believe anything she says you just cant trust someone with drug problems. Plus you have to wonder if it's only drugs she's been doing with her dealers. Just a tale about my brother inlaw to show how bad it can be he's doing drugs , theres a late night knock on the door his wife answers and theres too bruisers, he's called to the door and one guy says are we doing this the easy way or the hard way and pulled a machete out. This is with two young kids upstairs in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Sorry Russell but as far as I can see this just stoped being about you and her, as someone just posted you are now leaving your young children with someone who has a drug habit of 300 quid a week. To put it in perspective there are whole familys living on less than that. Do NOT shop the dealers to the police there will always be others and you dont want them on you or your familys case. No more messing go to the citizens advice, get legal advice, go for full custody and get social sevices involved. Inform her family, copy and keep the bank statements and do not give her the 15k for seperation yet. Do not believe anything she says you just cant trust someone with drug problems. Plus you have to wonder if it's only drugs she's been doing with her dealers. Just a tale about my brother inlaw to show how bad it can be he's doing drugs , theres a late night knock on the door his wife answers and theres too bruisers, he's called to the door and one guy says are we doing this the easy way or the hard way and pulled a machete out. This is with two young kids upstairs in bed. I'm in a real mess over this, I have never been in such a state in my life! I'm using the next few days to find out what i can or cannot do legally! Cheeky cow sent me a freind request on Facebook! I'm going to tell her family tonight! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Russell, you are spinning. I suspect it's possible you are somewhat in denial and may be self-savotaging the plan to get help. By asking questions about "whether she used or not" is showing your cards. When you're making regular inquiries, she knows her days are numbered. If you think she's acting normal again, that may not mean she's clean! Russell, if she goes cold turkey, she is probably going to feel and look like crap, if it's even a medically safe process for her to undergo alone. Her instant recovery may due to a (1) new, more potent substance, (2) much higher octain coke, or (3) a miracle. Wakey, wakey. This isn't just going to go away. You have a chance to help her, and save your marriage too. I see what makes you spin, it's normal - anger, fear of uncertanty, love for your family. Don't give up. There is a reason your wife turned to substance. And some people just have a built-in propensity to develop a problem just from trying it. Listen to Rob. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Russell, you are spinning. I suspect it's possible you are somewhat in denial and may be self-savotaging the plan to get help. By asking questions about "whether she used or not" is showing your cards. When you're making regular inquiries, she knows her days are numbered. If you think she's acting normal again, that may not mean she's clean! Russell, if she goes cold turkey, she is probably going to feel and look like crap, if it's even a medically safe process for her to undergo alone. Her instant recovery may due to a (1) new, more potent substance, (2) much higher octain coke, or (3) a miracle. Wakey, wakey. This isn't just going to go away. You have a chance to help her, and save your marriage too. I see what makes you spin, it's normal - anger, fear of uncertanty, love for your family. Don't give up. There is a reason your wife turned to substance. And some people just have a built-in propensity to develop a problem just from trying it. Listen to Rob. I'm waiting to hear back from my solicitor Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) Personally, if I thought my children were under 8 days of care of a parent who was using $450 of coke a week, I would never let the other parent take them. I would take a day off work, go to the courthouse, and get an emergency court order giving me full custody. But that's just me (and about 678,482,574 other parents in the world). Yes, Russell. It is (past) time to go file for divorce, and file for full custody. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why she is doing anything - do something about a situation you can do something about. If you were on the Titanic, would you have stood around with your thumb up your bum wondering why the captain didn't reverse engines sooner, or tried to get your kids into a lifeboat? This post a million times over. I've been following your story since the beginning Russel. While Rob's given you fantastic advice regarding your marriage, at this point the focus really needs to shift from saving that relationship to protecting your kids. This is not to imply at all that you've been neglecting your girls. I do believe however, that you've been far too lax on the issue of your wife having unsupervised time with them in her current state. I truly hope your wife gets clean but until she gets help - real help - you can't risk your kids safety on her word. I'm not an expert on substance abuse, but I'm pretty sure a $300+ a week coke habit isn't something you shake over a weekend. Edited February 21, 2011 by LexiB Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Ok, I have just got off the phone with my solicitor! These are my solicitors Words not mine! Regarding custody, temporary custody is very difficult to grant due to the fact that the court would need to see that even though the mother is taking recreational drugs we would need to prove that the children are in Danger, there would need to be hair strand test, which if she didn’t agree to the court would frown on this but would still be unlikely to grant temporary custody! My best option would be to file for divorce and custody of the children! And get as much evidence as I could, this would also require a hair strand test, I would also need to have substantial evidence that the children are being neglected for me to have any chance!Even then there is a good chance i may lose the family home I know it’s hard for people to understand but over here in the UK the courts hate granting custody to the father even in the most extreme circumstances! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I wonder how many post's your going to get from people in other parts of the world that can't unerstand our crazy f***ed up system either. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I wonder how many post's your going to get from people in other parts of the world that can't unerstand our crazy f***ed up system either. Binster, it's so true our system over here gives us dads nothing! I spoke to social services early and they told me unless there is any signs of neglect (Which there isn;t!) they cannot do anything at all! i can screem and shout and protest all i want but even if she is using recreational drugs and there are no signs of our kids being neglected the courts won't do a thing!! without the signed seperation agreement i stand a very strong chance of losing this house if i tried to divorce her! So as it stands i'm ****ed and can;t do a thing but try to gather evidence! she wins! I have complety lost faith in our legal and social system over here! So Rob, Binster, Sammy and all the other posters from the UK whats my next move, as i'm lost!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 I honestly feel battered and defeated, I have hardly had a drink in the last 2 years but now i just feel like getting hammered. Link to post Share on other sites
tobydog1 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Look Russell, If my stbexh was doing drugs like that, he would NEVER see my child. So why do you let her have them? Debx Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Look Russell, If my stbexh was doing drugs like that, he would NEVER see my child. So why do you let her have them? Debx Debs, all I have is a conversation between her and me, no concrete proof! Guys get **** all rights over there kids here! That's y we have to chain ourselves to govermeny building dressed like batman! I have offered to take the kids and she has basically told me to go **** myself!! I can't even change my locks Russ Link to post Share on other sites
Soxfaninfl Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 (edited) I must have told her a total of 5 times in 7 years that I love her! I have been selfish, inconsiderate, and insulting and I probably deserve to be exactly where I’m at right now. I realize that it didn't matter how much I told my stbxw of 10 years how much I loved her. I told her everyday after we got off the phone with each other, through emails, text and IM messages, I told her when we would go to bed, when we would go to work or when she would leave the house to go somewhere. I still got the "I'm not in love with you anymore" speech. Obviously it didn't matter how much I said it in my case. Edited February 21, 2011 by Soxfaninfl Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 There is more than one way to skin a cat. Re-consider some variants on previous proposals, with the solitor's advice in mind. Also, consider your solicitor's stake is in this (it's possible he/she may point you in a financially rewarding position for the firm. The law is not linear, get another opinion). Don't throw your hands up so easily. I don't care if you live across the street from Tiananmen Square, this ain't over yet. Wait for Rob to weigh in. If you need to knock a few back in the meantime, cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Sorry mate I dont have much advice cos I know how scr**ed the system is. Have a beer. Wait till she runs out of cash and needs the 15k, then you'll get the agreement. In the meantime be there for your kids as much as you can. Stay N/C where you can with the wife and dont believe a word she tells you. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I wonder how many post's your going to get from people in other parts of the world that can't unerstand our crazy f***ed up system either. Yep it's crazy. You should see what a friend of mine's wife did to him, she still got custody. Unbelievable!! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Binster, it's so true our system over here gives us dads nothing! I spoke to social services early and they told me unless there is any signs of neglect (Which there isn;t!) they cannot do anything at all! i can screem and shout and protest all i want but even if she is using recreational drugs and there are no signs of our kids being neglected the courts won't do a thing!! without the signed seperation agreement i stand a very strong chance of losing this house if i tried to divorce her! So as it stands i'm ****ed and can;t do a thing but try to gather evidence! she wins! I have complety lost faith in our legal and social system over here! So Rob, Binster, Sammy and all the other posters from the UK whats my next move, as i'm lost!!! Ok relax. It's a fair point, proof is needed, of course it is. It would work the same way if she accused you of taking drugs or neglecting the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I'm using the next few days to find out what i can or cannot do legally! ! Go to the police and ask what you can do from their point of view? It's a child safety issue!! Long shot but worth a try. Oh I personally would have no issues reporting a low life drug dealer either, but thats just me. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Have a beer. Wait till she runs out of cash and needs the 15k, then you'll get the agreement. In the meantime be there for your kids as much as you can. Stay N/C where you can with the wife and dont believe a word she tells you. Yep, if she really has a drug problem, she will NEED to sign that agreement to feed her habit, just wait it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Ok relax. It's a fair point, proof is needed, of course it is. It would work the same way if she accused you of taking drugs or neglecting the kids. Well, i'm at a loss as to what to do! Do i go N/C? Do i file for divorce? I tried a shot in the dark this morning is ais look if you feel better in a couple of weeks would you consider coming to councilling with me as i thought would could kill two birds with one stone! she said let's leave us be for a while! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Go to the police and ask what you can do from their point of view? It's a child safety issue!! Long shot but worth a try. Oh I personally would have no issues reporting a low life drug dealer either, but thats just me. I codnt care less either, but you know how the supply chain works, it would just be someone else i know she has several sources Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Well, i'm at a loss as to what to do! Do i go N/C? Do i file for divorce? I tried a shot in the dark this morning is ais look if you feel better in a couple of weeks would you consider coming to councilling with me as i thought would could kill two birds with one stone! she said let's leave us be for a while! Look on the bright side, with £300 a week going up her nose, I doubt she can afford a decent lawyer. Sounds like you might have the upper hand on this. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 I codnt care less either, but you know how the supply chain works, it would just be someone else i know she has several sources I mean tell the police that you fear for the safety of your children being with a drug user. Surely even the most hardened policeman must agree thats a bad thing that might at least need investigating. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts