Yasuandio Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Russell, here's a way to uncloud your mind. Simply prioritize. 1. Your first priority is that you want your children safe. 2. Second, you want custody or the closest thing thereto. 3a. If your wife cleans up, of course you want your marriage. 3b. If your wife intends to continue on this road until she hits rock bottom, you may consider helping in a treatment program and try to restore her health and your relationship. 3c. She is going to live as a drug addict, period, with or without you. 4. The fact that you will lose all or most control over the children is literally a slam dunk via the UK divorce system. (I suppose she could relocate also). These are just the basics, of course there are others variables. I went through this trouble to demonstrate to you where divorce falls in the list of priorities. Divorce will get you nothing that you desire. So take it off the plate for now. What is it you desire most? (Let's say "Children's Safety"). If that's the case, then your mode of operation is: How can you keep the children safe? Rob's idea of discussing the situation with an understanding police officer is a great first start - but only a first start. You have to crawl all over this mother. It has to be a mission. What can you do covertly? Suppose you know she's really effed up and in posession - just leaving with the kids. Sometimes anonomous phone calls are made alerting authorities of the current 20 of a wreckless driver (not your phone). That's like only two ideas. This is thermal nucular war, as I think Mr. Gunny said one time. You gotta brainstorm big time. Once one mission is underway, you need to begin the next assault. I would say the second one is Mission Documentation, which will overlap the first mission. I would act terribly normal with your wife while carrying out any mission. Strike, strike, strike, strike, strike. HELP HER get her own self documented and/or in the slammer. If she accuses you of being involved in any of the mishaps, (or you get caught) deny, deny, deny. Mission Statement: "The more snow up her nose, the better Russell's mission goes. If she blunders, don't cha' know, give her money to buy more blow." Ok, I've just come up with a really devious methodology. I'm sorry about that, but your system doesn't seem like it is going to work for a nice fellow. God forgive me for encouraging the gaslighting of another human being. Sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do Russell. But it's all up to you. And I think your best advisor is Rob. Edited February 22, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Just got off the phone to my solicitor again, the only way I can safeguard my assets is to file for divorce which I have just done! I need just focus on my girls and myself it’s going to take around four months to get my divorce through! Absolutely devastated! In the space of three months my whole life has been turned upside down inside out! I spoke to her mother last night and she told me to divorce her!! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 You've done the right thing geting her parents on board leting them know your concerns and how bad her drug habit is means maybe some of the family can help keep an eye on your kids for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 You've done the right thing geting her parents on board leting them know your concerns and how bad her drug habit is means maybe some of the family can help keep an eye on your kids for you. Yes, exactly it was hard but if i didn't start divorce proceedings i could lose everything! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 How did you come to find her leaving the dealers house. Did her family have any idea about her drug use and the scale of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I didn't think to include assets as the first priority. You can't take care of children if you don't have a roof over your head. Retaing the family home sounds like a good move. Carrying out the other missions may really interfer with her comfort zone. Having the kids around could eventually be a pain (that is, if you stop relieving her of her maternal duties). I wouldn't be surprised at all if she signed the children over to you IF you stop carrying her share of responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 How did you come to find her leaving the dealers house. Did her family have any idea about her drug use and the scale of it. I ran out looking for her, Her family have no idear! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I didn't think to include assets as the first priority. You can't take care of children if you don't have a roof over your head. Retaing the family home sounds like a good move. Carrying out the other missions may really interfer with her comfort zone. Having the kids around could eventually be a pain (that is, if you stop relieving her of her maternal duties). I wouldn't be surprised at all if she signed the children over to you IF you stop carrying her share of responsibility. That"s my plan! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Just got off the phone to my solicitor again, the only way I can safeguard my assets is to file for divorce which I have just done! I need just focus on my girls and myself it’s going to take around four months to get my divorce through! Absolutely devastated! In the space of three months my whole life has been turned upside down inside out! I spoke to her mother last night and she told me to divorce her!! Wow, you did what you had to do. Expect lots more shenanigans from her.. just stay cool.. Do not get into any row or situation that can be used against you in a court. No more chasing cars, you are going to need to be calm but strong. Who knows this might be the kick up the arse she needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Wow, you did what you had to do. Expect lots more shenanigans from her.. just stay cool.. Do not get into any row or situation that can be used against you in a court. No more chasing cars, you are going to need to be calm but strong. Who knows this might be the kick up the arse she needs. Rob, I have really had my hand pushed! My solicitors are **** hot! What do you think i can expect? She told her mother- Sister yesterday that is was over between us but she didn't want it to be final! She doesn't belive i have the balls to do what i'm doing Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Wow, you did what you had to do. Expect lots more shenanigans from her.. just stay cool.. Do not get into any row or situation that can be used against you in a court. No more chasing cars, you are going to need to be calm but strong. Who knows this might be the kick up the arse she needs. Rob, I still love her! But she has taken the piss out of me one to many times! I told her on Saturday to leave me alone for a while and she has, also the cheeky cow sent a freind request on facebook and there;s a picture there of her lying all over another guy, i thought thats it i'm going for everything! Also her mum and family love me and they think she is a bit of a loser Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 What a read. I can't say I am surprised. Your STBX's drug addiction has taken control over her. I am disgusted to read how you are being treated by the justice system. It is a disgrace. Get a journal, get a camera, document and photograph EVERYTHING. Record all instances of neglect towards your children. Good that you have told her family, but DON'T TRUST THEM! They are her blood, you aren't. They might "say" things, but be careful. Facebook, bah. Drop that B/S. Get away from her in all senses of the word. Tell your friends etc NOT to tell you anything. She knows that she can get a reaction from you if she bring up other men, so that will come. She'll likely bring them around your kids as well. Be prepared. You've done what you could. Best of luck. Follow your lawyers advice, that is what you pay them for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 What a read. I can't say I am surprised. Your STBX's drug addiction has taken control over her. I am disgusted to read how you are being treated by the justice system. It is a disgrace. Get a journal, get a camera, document and photograph EVERYTHING. Record all instances of neglect towards your children. Good that you have told her family, but DON'T TRUST THEM! They are her blood, you aren't. They might "say" things, but be careful. Facebook, bah. Drop that B/S. Get away from her in all senses of the word. Tell your friends etc NOT to tell you anything. She knows that she can get a reaction from you if she bring up other men, so that will come. She'll likely bring them around your kids as well. Be prepared. You've done what you could. Best of luck. Follow your lawyers advice, that is what you pay them for. She won't get the letter of intent until Thursday morning, i'm just going to enjoy the peace and await the firework show! She doesn't think i have the balls to do this! She is wrong! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I would agree with what-next by all means try to keep your in laws on your side but dont trust them too much they'll always stick by her. Sounds like there's someone else on the scene as well, time to bail out I think. At least you tried your best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I would agree with what-next by all means try to keep your in laws on your side but dont trust them too much they'll always stick by her. Sounds like there's someone else on the scene as well, time to bail out I think. At least you tried your best. I think the reality of my situation has just kicked in! I feel devistated, I was just driving home and I just burst into tears, I've also just come home to a empty house. Wow I feel really sad, lonely let down! You name it! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 I think the reality of my situation has just kicked in! I feel devistated, I was just driving home and I just burst into tears, I've also just come home to a empty house. Wow I feel really sad, lonely let down! You name it! sorry to say.. expect to feel that way for awhile. divorce sucks.... especially if you still love your spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 sorry to say.. expect to feel that way for awhile. divorce sucks.... especially if you still love your spouse. Yes I am a ****ing idiot and still love her! But there are lines you just don't cross and she has! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Yes I am a ****ing idiot and still love her! But there are lines you just don't cross and she has! eh, don't feel bad. my wife has pretty much destroyed my life and I still have feelings for her. Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Wow, things have happened whilst i've not been looking! Well, done for having the strength Russell. I'm sute you've made the right choice for you. It's still a long way from over, but it's a start. Keep focused:) Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) Russell, this ain't over till it's over. You are only at the first step, Mission Assets. You never know know what might happen in the futures. I suspect Mission Documentation could assist priority one, as well as two and three. What could be better than for her to hand over an image such as you describe!!! Accept friendship offer on FB immediately! Collect data day by day. Participate infrequently - by stating your status or some BS. Print these photos and text as you go. Find some way to document permanently download this fluid system. It's pretty difficult to save. Forget how effing stupid FB is!! It prime evidence on a silver platter!! isn't it? Wonder where the children were at this time? Could you imagine the cross-examination! And you just wait, there will be a boat load more. Try printing one page and you'll see the problem I referring to. Get the tech stuff under control like now. There is some way to create a JPEG file from images in facebook, but it is best to get the actual images stored off site so you can never lose them. Also, I know it's difficult, try not to obsess over these images. These are just her drugging buds. They are all high and think they are doing something bloody hysterical. They are on their backs cackling, not thinking normally. It's all drug induced. It is not really your at all! Edited February 22, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 I just went out running and as i got half way down my street i npticed her car outsid her so called freinds house, so 31 mins latee i noticed it ws still there @ 7.30 pm so i quickly moved my car off my drive and turned all the lights off, she didn't leave until 8.10 pm , she looked at the house and noiced i was out. She then sent me a text asking if i could have the girls Thursday night as she was tired of having the girls, this makes no sense as they would only be with me for a hour before bed!She knows i will only respond to any message if it's regarding the girls she then phones me over 15 times on all my different numbers, i ignore all of the calls! I know she is still very jealous and thinks i'm seeing someone, but she may be after a big coke session or a date?? i can't have any contact until she gets the divorce letter Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Now that your forced to do a 180, look at what's happening. Just forget her sudden communications. She's desparate to go to a coke fest. Can you stay somewhere else? You almost have to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 22, 2011 Author Share Posted February 22, 2011 Now that your forced to do a 180, look at what's happening. Just forget her sudden communications. She's desparate to go to a coke fest. Can you stay somewhere else? You almost have to. Thats what i'm thinking Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 (edited) If your not suppose to see her, that's impossible. Your sudden Left Turn (everything changed) is going to cause her to hunt you down like a wild animal. I bet she shows up at your work. How long must you hide out? PS. Don't forget to look at my previous post re: FB Edited February 22, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 22, 2011 Share Posted February 22, 2011 Watching what she is up to is a good thing in so far as protecting your children and gathering evidence to be used in a Divorce, but this sounds a little over the top to me. Don't be dragged into these games; don't play them. It's fine if she "thinks" you are seeing someone, but don't play down to her level. Just go about your life, worry about you and your children. Link to post Share on other sites
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