robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 No disrespect Rob, but your wife was never serious about leaving you, if she was she wouldn't have stayed 4 months. My ex left on the Saturday by the Wednesday I had a draft legal seperation agreement sent to my solicitor and an email from him telling me to sigh it and get out the house. The day before he left he was telling me how much he loved me, but then he always was full of s*** Anyway I'm really sorry to hear about your situation... but I think Russell is light years from Divorce right now. He still can win his wife back if he's cool and acts the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Anyway I'm really sorry to hear about your situation... but I think Russell is light years from Divorce right now. He still can win his wife back if he's cool and acts the right way. I totally agree, like I said if she was serious then she would have gone, non of this silly texting games, trying to get him to "win" her back. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 I totally agree, like I said if she was serious then she would have gone, non of this silly texting games, trying to get him to "win" her back. Actually, perhaps "win " is the wrong word but Russell loves his wife, and his kids, and his family. The best thing that could happen is him and his wife getting to a point where they can sit in front of a counsellor together and both try to work through their issues. Link to post Share on other sites
SefTriccletle Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 гоÑтиничный Ð±Ð¸Ð·Ð½ÐµÑ Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Your right i do love her, i do love my girls! She is completly rebelling against me, i have so many people telling me to divorce her, i think it;s there to be saved? if push came to shove i probably coudnt afford this divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 My view is that divorce is the Nuclear option that should only be used as a last resort. Wholeheartedly agree with this assessment, Rob. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Well I have stopped divorce proceedings, I honestly think I can’t afford to do this again as it will push her over the edge. I guess now I live the 180 as when it came to it I couldn’t afford to divorce her anyway. So Rob, I guess I just use all your advice and live it! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 i have so many people telling me to divorce her, Easy for them to say Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Easy for them to say This is my last chance Rob need to play it carefull Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I guess now I live the 180 as when it came to it Yep live the 180 but remember there is no need to be nasty to her or a jerk. At the same time you gotta stop bending over backwards to help her. It is a fine line.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 This is my last chance Rob need to play it carefull Actually, just enjoy your life act happy, if she contacts you be friendly. the image you need to give to her is that you are really busy. She rings you up wanting to shoot the breeze about your relationship? "wife I'd love to talk but I have another call coming through" I'll call you back. Then don't call her, She starts freaking out at you about you sleeping with other women? your reply "Wife I will always listen to you but until you speak to me in a friendly and civil manner this conversation is over" Trust me, women love it. My wife snapped at me the other day, I said the same thing calmly, 10 minutes later she came in the room and gave me a Massive hug and kiss and said sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Actually, just enjoy your life act happy, if she contacts you be friendly. the image you need to give to her is that you are really busy. She rings you up wanting to shoot the breeze about your relationship? "wife I'd love to talk but I have another call coming through" I'll call you back. Then don't call her, She starts freaking out at you about you sleeping with other women? your reply "Wife I will always listen to you but until you speak to me in a friendly and civil manner this conversation is over" Trust me, women love it. My wife snapped at me the other day, I said the same thing calmly, 10 minutes later she came in the room and gave me a Massive hug and kiss and said sorry. Rob, she just wants us to focus on our freindship, so i don't think there will be wanting to speak about our realtionship for a while! I'm lucky she even wants to speak to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Actually, just enjoy your life act happy, if she contacts you be friendly. the image you need to give to her is that you are really busy. She rings you up wanting to shoot the breeze about your relationship? "wife I'd love to talk but I have another call coming through" I'll call you back. Then don't call her, She starts freaking out at you about you sleeping with other women? your reply "Wife I will always listen to you but until you speak to me in a friendly and civil manner this conversation is over" Trust me, women love it. My wife snapped at me the other day, I said the same thing calmly, 10 minutes later she came in the room and gave me a Massive hug and kiss and said sorry. Rob, she still tells her family that she doesnt see us together in the future, and when they ask her why she doesnt want a divorce she doesnt really have a answer, WTF is that all about Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 I understand the money thing, but now she is going to see that you weren't serious in the first place. Only you know what you want, but IMHO you're giving your wife all the power, you are her pawn. Her drug addiction is running her life and you are enabling it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 I understand the money thing, but now she is going to see that you weren't serious in the first place. Only you know what you want, but IMHO you're giving your wife all the power, you are her pawn. Her drug addiction is running her life and you are enabling it. Good luck. It's true, but my focus is not her at the moment. It's my girls and me! I coudn't risk losing the house even though i probably woudn't have, but there is a risk, also the amount of money that would have taken in legal bills !! The way i see it is i get on with my life either way, if she get's her head straight and want's to work at it then why not? Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Yep, divorce is expensive, about £14,000 on average in legal costs. Legal aid for divorce has just been cut in the UK as well, now the government is going to make you attend marriage counselling before they will fund you and about b****y time to if you ask me! I've witnessed divorcing parties USE their children as pawns to score points of each other in family court, urgh. Edit - Just to add in defence of my fellow lawyers, we work really hard and a lot of those costs are court costs rather than our fees! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Yep, divorce is expensive, about £14,000 on average in legal costs. Legal aid for divorce has just been cut in the UK as well, now the government is going to make you attend marriage counselling before they will fund you and about b****y time to if you ask me! I've witnessed divorcing parties USE their children as pawns to score points of each other in family court, urgh. Edit - Just to add in defence of my fellow lawyers, we work really hard and a lot of those costs are court costs rather than our fees! LOL Wow!!!!!!!!!!! There is no way i'm paying that! Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Wow!!!!!!!!!!! There is no way i'm paying that! Well £14,000 is about right if one or other party is going to be difficult and cause friction, which I am sorry to say is probably what your wife would do. Just FYI, if you manage to get public funding it has to be paid back out of anything you recover in the divorce too. Kind of makes MC and talking to each other seem like the sensible option huh? Maybe you should point this out to your wife? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Well £14,000 is about right if one or other party is going to be difficult and cause friction, which I am sorry to say is probably what your wife would do. Just FYI, if you manage to get public funding it has to be paid back out of anything you recover in the divorce too. Kind of makes MC and talking to each other seem like the sensible option huh? Maybe you should point this out to your wife? Well, right now all in know is that she doesn't want a divorce. I need to try to get her straight and get her back, so if you have any advice there that would be most welcome Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 The only advice I can offer you Russell is to forget her. I know that isn't what you want to hear. You don't have any control over her actions you only have control over your own, Focus on yourself and your children, pretty much what the 180 tells you to do, which you seem to be following now. If she comes back, great but if not YOU WILL BE OK. Know this, because it is true, I know this even whilst I have been having a meltdown the last few days. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 The only advice I can offer you Russell is to forget her. I know that isn't what you want to hear. You don't have any control over her actions you only have control over your own, Focus on yourself and your children, pretty much what the 180 tells you to do, which you seem to be following now. If she comes back, great but if not YOU WILL BE OK. Know this, because it is true, I know this even whilst I have been having a meltdown the last few days. Hey Willow, take care of yourself! Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 4, 2011 Share Posted March 4, 2011 Hey Willow, take care of yourself! I will thanks Russell, Saturday night tomorrow, first lot of law exams over until June, party time, hitting the clubs and I intend on having a lot of fun for a change! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 I will thanks Russell, Saturday night tomorrow, first lot of law exams over until June, party time, hitting the clubs and I intend on having a lot of fun for a change! I think that is exactly what the Dr ordered. I had just had my wife drop my girls round! I was so busy telling jokes, she was confused, she said yesterday we where getting a divorce today I'm laughing Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Rob, she still tells her family that she doesnt see us together in the future, and when they ask her why she doesnt want a divorce she doesnt really have a answer, WTF is that all about your attitude on this needs to be "don't know, don't care" Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 , about £14,000 on average in legal costs. Legal aid for divorce has just been cut in the UK as well, My first divorce cost me £140,000, thats why I'm skint now!! Link to post Share on other sites
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