What_Next Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Russell, I don't have much to add, except to say I feel for you, I really do. The addiction has a stronge hold on her. She is not the person you fell in love with. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Russell, I don't have much to add, except to say I feel for you, I really do. The addiction has a stronge hold on her. She is not the person you fell in love with. Good luck. I hate all the lies and deceipt, I'm lucky though my girls basically life with me. I'm genuinelly sorry to all people who have been giving me great advice on saving my marriage, when it was all in vain as I have lost my wife to drugs Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I want to hear you tell us about anything and everything but your estranged wife. When you have a day that doesn't include her, tell us about it, please. Move. On. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I hate all the lies and deceipt, I'm lucky though my girls basically life with me. I'm genuinelly sorry to all people who have been giving me great advice on saving my marriage, when it was all in vain as I have lost my wife to drugs I'm really sorry to hear all this.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I thought that she had been sleeping with this guy! Did she for sure? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I want to hear you tell us about anything and everything but your estranged wife. When you have a day that doesn't include her, tell us about it, please. Move. On. Easier said than done. However this is a golden chance to redefine yourself. These are the sort of things that force real change. There is so much more to life than your wife. As much as you love her life is there to be enjoyed. I was out with my kids on Sunday in my local town, with a certain famous university in it, the sun was shining, just sitting in a cafe at lunch I got totally hit on by a young lady. Anyway not that I was in anyway interested but it goes to show that us 40ish dads seem pretty popular with the ladies. It does show that there is fun to be had even if you end up divorced. I never understand why so many men our age, get trashed and thrown away by our wives. Then they get upset if other women show an interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Did she for sure? I honestly don't think she did! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Easier said than done. However this is a golden chance to redefine yourself. These are the sort of things that force real change. There is so much more to life than your wife. As much as you love her life is there to be enjoyed. I was out with my kids on Sunday in my local town, with a certain famous university in it, the sun was shining, just sitting in a cafe at lunch I got totally hit on by a young lady. Anyway not that I was in anyway interested but it goes to show that us 40ish dads seem pretty popular with the ladies. It does show that there is fun to be had even if you end up divorced. I never understand why so many men our age, get trashed and thrown away by our wives. Then they get upset if other women show an interest. I agree, it's time for change, time to rediscover life and all the oppurtunities it may bring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 I tried to hand over my youngest daughter to my wife on our doorstep this morning, but she wasn’t having it and barged straight passed me. Demanding to know what was wrong, I told her I’m sick of her lies and deceit , she then became irate and started following me round the house, I was just trying to get my daughter ready for school. She then asked me if I wanted to divorce or her to sign the separation agreement, I just said to her I need some time alone can you please just give that, she then asked does that mean we are not going to spend time on the weekends with each other, I just asked her to leave. Eventually she did. I was then able to get my daughter ready for school. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 What confuses me is that she doesn’t want me to move on, I think in her confused drugged up head she sees me as the only stable thing she has I am stable and probably too predictable Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 You're keeping her hanging on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 You're keeping her hanging on. I don't know what else to do? Lie? I don't want anything to do with her at the moment! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 be cool. don't be available. enjoy your time with your daughters. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 be cool. don't be available. enjoy your time with your daughters. Exactly, this is aint going to fix itself over-night! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I don't know what else to do? Lie? How about make up your mind, cut your losses, make to a plan to separate properly and formerly and stick to it? I don't want anything to do with her at the moment! That's not possible. You have children and a marriage. You can disconnect the emotional tie you have to her, and the marriage, minimize contact to practical needs (i.e. to pick up the kids) and stop giving mixed messages of letting her into your house and then ignoring her when she offers to do the thing you said you wanted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 How about make up your mind, cut your losses, make to a plan to separate properly and formerly and stick to it? That's not possible. You have children and a marriage. You can disconnect the emotional tie you have to her, and the marriage, minimize contact to practical needs (i.e. to pick up the kids) and stop giving mixed messages of letting her into your house and then ignoring her when she offers to do the thing you said you wanted. I can't stop her coming in the house as it's the maritial home, also i have offered her a legal finacial settlement, all she needs to do is sign this, then i can stop her from coming in the house, but i physically can't force her to do this!I have asked her and she won't This is why my situation is so difficult Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Easier said than done. However this is a golden chance to redefine yourself. These are the sort of things that force real change. There is so much more to life than your wife. As much as you love her life is there to be enjoyed. I was out with my kids on Sunday in my local town, with a certain famous university in it, the sun was shining, just sitting in a cafe at lunch I got totally hit on by a young lady. Anyway not that I was in anyway interested but it goes to show that us 40ish dads seem pretty popular with the ladies. It does show that there is fun to be had even if you end up divorced. I never understand why so many men our age, get trashed and thrown away by our wives. Then they get upset if other women show an interest. I can tell you why I think, but you won't like it. I'm beginning to realise the truth of the matter is that men generally are choosing women who manipulate them, right from the get go of the relationship. I have often wondered how some women manage to get away with murder with their men, sadly, the women you married is not not the women you think she is, she never was, she has never been herself with you at all, it seems it is standard to manipulate men and that most women do this to get what they want. Only those of us who have never done this are the ones getting dumped. Unfortunately men are reinforcing women into being this way by only wanting women who appear to placate them, but in thruth they are twisting you around their little finger, you just can't see it. I realise this post won't be popular! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I can't stop her coming in the house as it's the maritial home, also i have offered her a legal finacial settlement, all she needs to do is sign this, then i can stop her from coming in the house, but i physically can't force her to do this!I have asked her and she won't This is why my situation is so difficult Hang on. She asked you if you wanted her to sign and you choose to not say yes. You choose to let her in. You've chosen to continue this state of mixed messages. The point is, you are part of this. This is partly your choice. You can choose to change the locks, call her and say "yes, I do want you to sign the paperwork", you can choose to change the way you behave and how you treat her. This is not going to get any better with you expecting her to do all the hard work. Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I agree.. I went for looks over substance on my wife. She professed her love to me over and over, said she wasn't like other women who used men, said she'd never keep me from my son, had me believing she was honest and would never cheat on me etc. Well, when it all comes down to it she is without question the most manipulative person I've ever had the displeasure of knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I can tell you why I think, but you won't like it. I'm beginning to realise the truth of the matter is that men generally are choosing women who manipulate them, right from the get go of the relationship. Unfortunately men are reinforcing women into being this way by only wanting women who appear to placate them, but in thruth they are twisting you around their little finger, you just can't see it. It all comes down to self-confidence and knowing who you are, and it's certainly not gender based. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is. What happens when two people with low self-confidence get together is they try to please each other because they like each other. This may be seen as manipulation by some, but it can also been seen as an attempt to be nice to someone. The trouble is that this unsustainable, and the more one or both tries to please the other at their own expense, the more they are untrue to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 Hang on. She asked you if you wanted her to sign and you choose to not say yes. You choose to let her in. You've chosen to continue this state of mixed messages. The point is, you are part of this. This is partly your choice. You can choose to change the locks, call her and say "yes, I do want you to sign the paperwork", you can choose to change the way you behave and how you treat her. This is not going to get any better with you expecting her to do all the hard work. I must of asked her around 10 times, in fact she has signed it then stole it back. She is extremely vindictive. I have my daughters Tuesday and Thursday nights plus every other weekend, i think i may get them every weekend soon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 I have often wondered how some women manage to get away with murder with their men, sadly, the women you married is not not the women you think she is, she never was, she has never been herself with you at all, it seems it is standard to manipulate men and that most women do this to get what they want. Only those of us who have never done this are the ones getting dumped. I agree with the above, completly Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I can tell you why I think, but you won't like it. I'm beginning to realise the truth of the matter is that men generally are choosing women who manipulate them, right from the get go of the relationship. I have often wondered how some women manage to get away with murder with their men, sadly, the women you married is not not the women you think she is, she never was, she has never been herself with you at all, it seems it is standard to manipulate men and that most women do this to get what they want. Only those of us who have never done this are the ones getting dumped. Unfortunately men are reinforcing women into being this way by only wanting women who appear to placate them, but in thruth they are twisting you around their little finger, you just can't see it. I realise this post won't be popular! LOL Actually, I think women love it when a man stands up to their BS (not being a jerk of course). I've actually been told this by my wife in MC, and I'm starting to do this. It works wonders!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) Actually, I think women love it when a man stands up to their BS (not being a jerk of course). I've actually been told this by my wife in MC, and I'm starting to do this. It works wonders!! Well Rob, do you think i was right not insisting upon a a divorce or forcing the issue, as i just asked for space Edited March 8, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 It all comes down to self-confidence and knowing who you are, and it's certainly not gender based. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is. What happens when two people with low self-confidence get together is they try to please each other because they like each other. This may be seen as manipulation by some, but it can also been seen as an attempt to be nice to someone. The trouble is that this unsustainable, and the more one or both tries to please the other at their own expense, the more they are untrue to themselves. Good assessment actually...I agree with that last statement; however, I think in some cases it becomes where two people work too hard at trying to please each other...not a case of being untrue to themselves because they could both very well be givers. There are very well cases where someone is a very good person and gives much of themselves; however, feels slighted at what they get in return, never good enough and filling unfulfilled....therefore, not totally accepting of the person they are giving too. Now that could be considered being untrue to themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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