betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 I must of asked her around 10 times, in fact she has signed it then stole it back. And yet the most recent time she asked you said nothing. She is extremely vindictive. Makes me wonder why you're prevaricating about getting her to sign. I have my daughters Tuesday and Thursday nights plus every other weekend, i think i may get them every weekend soon! That's great news - not least of all because you appear to be the more stable of the two parents and therefore they'll be out of harms way for more of the week. It's all your choice. You're where you are in large part down to your decisions and actions. Take responsibility. Take ownership. Be yourself. Get angry. Get sad. Get devious. Be nasty. Be confident. Be you. Get what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 There are very well cases where someone is a very good person and gives much of themselves; however, feels slighted at what they get in return, never good enough and filling unfulfilled....therefore, not totally accepting of the person they are giving too. Now that could be considered being untrue to themselves. If you give, give freely. Be true to yourself; honour your feelings; give only what you can afford. Link to post Share on other sites
tobydog1 Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 You seem to have your daughters much more than Tues/Thurs. Your ex is a druggie....could you let your kids be with her at all? Get real here please. Russ, stop all this nonsense tho I know it hard when you want them back. Stop it and tell her to take a hike until she is off the drugs..... She cannot be a mother nor wife...... You have had so much advice here and take no notice of any of it..... Why is that? I posted and took advice, why can't you? D Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Actually, I think women love it when a man stands up to their BS (not being a jerk of course). I've actually been told this by my wife in MC, and I'm starting to do this. It works wonders!! She's manipulating you. You just don't see it. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 She's manipulating you. You just don't see it. She's been doing this since day 1. Many of us have been telling him, he just doesn't want to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 (edited) I disagree. She is openly hostile with him and he refuses to confront it, express his anger, push back, stand up for himself, move on, be a grown up. There's nothing covert and deliberate about her. She is off the rails and he is enabling it. Edited March 8, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Share Posted March 8, 2011 I disagree. She is openly hostile with him and he refuses to confront it, express his anger, push back, stand up for himself, move on, be a grown up. There's nothing covert and deliberate about her. She is off the rails and he is enabling it. Well, when I got home tonight, she was there with my girls as the babysitter didn't show! She said are u talking to ne now I said no! I then asked her to leave! As she was walking out I encouraged the door to slam behind her! This got her mad and she came back in telling me it's her house too! She then asked if we are nit going to see each other on the weekends and I said yes we are not! She then accused me of being judgemental and told me I wasn't perfect ! I haven't heard a thing since ! I think she thinks I will back down! I can't she has a drug problem! I haven't asked or mentioned seperation agreement or divorce. Just not putting up with her lies anymore Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 How did it feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 When she picked up my daughter this morning, she asked if i wanted her to hand in the seperation agreement, i said i didn't want anything! I'm thinking if i have this signed, then we are legally seperated, she get's her money and it heads that one step closer to the end! She doesn't want this, but she is using it to control me? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 When she picked up my daughter this morning, she asked if i wanted her to hand in the seperation agreement, i said i didn't want anything! I'm thinking if i have this signed, then we are legally seperated, she get's her money and it heads that one step closer to the end! She doesn't want this, but she is using it to control me? What do you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 What do you want? well, i would like to reconsile our marriage, but if i had the signed agreement, my assets are protected, and she loses control! No sure, as i do still love her! Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) So you want control and you want the marriage to improve. What made the marriage break down and how much control do you want? Edited March 9, 2011 by betterdeal Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 So you want control and you want the marriage to improve. What made it the marriage break down and how much control do you want? That's a huge question, We are living apart we seperated around four months ago, we have two kids! she has a drug problem! She is 15 years younger than me! She thinks everytime she says jump i say how high? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I've read all that earlier in the thread, and understand it. Do you feel you know what you want, or are not sure just yet? We can explore that if you aren't sure. Knowing what you want is a good step forward to realising it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) I don’t want to lose her, but I have lost her to a drug habit, the sensible thing to do would be to get her to sign the agreement so I can protect all assets in case her habit gets worse! I don’t want this but I don’t think currently she wants me either, so it’s heart over head? Edited March 9, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Sorry, I can't help you. I recommend you step back a little from the immediate situation and consider what it is you want from life, what you will compromise on, and what you won't compromise on. Once you know that you will be in a better position to move forward. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 As everyone Know's i love my wife very much but she has a drug problem, I'm working on myself and trying to emotionally detach myself from the situation, i found this article on livestrong http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ I don't have any choice but to give her-her space Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) As everyone Know's i love my wife very much but she has a drug problem, I'm working on myself and trying to emotionally detach myself from the situation, i found this article on livestrong http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ I don't have any choice but to give her-her space Thoughts? Yes Russell that is correct. You cannot make anyone do or understand anything that they do not want to, even when that person needs help and you love them and want what is best for them. She has a drug problem, the help will have to come from within her. Unfortunately you will have to watch as she slowly destroys herself, until she reaches rock bottom, only when she reaches rock bottom will she ask for help and begin helping herself. That may be a long time coming and I hate to say it but she could even end up killing herself with the drugs before she reaches it. The only other option is to force her into rehab by getting her arrested and charged for possession. That is a hard choice to make, you would need to plan it with precision and do it anoymounsly using crime stoppers hotline. Once arrested, the court will deal with her and it is often a bail condition now that the defendant undergo drug rehabilitation. Edited March 11, 2011 by willowthewisp Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Yes Russell that is correct. You cannot make anyone do or understand anything that they do not want to, even when that person needs help and you love them and want what is best for them. She has a drug problem, the help will have to come from within her. Unfortunately you will have to watch as she slowly destroys herself, until she reaches rock bottom, only when she reaches rock bottom will she ask for help and begin helping herself. That may be a long time coming and I hate to say it but she could even end up killing herself with the drugs before she reaches it. The only other option is to force her into rehab by getting her arrested and charged for possession. That is a hard choice to make, you would need to plan it with precision and do it anoymounsly using crime stoppers hotline. Once arrested, the court will deal with her and it is often a bail condition now that the defendant undergo drug rehabilitation. It's true, however this is why i have to detach myself from her, she knows i love her!I have also made it clear that i will have the girls full time or when it's needed. The hardest thing with a drug problem is finding out how serious it is, or how much they are using! I can't right this wrong for her. i can't reall'y be there for her at the moment, It's up to her! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Russell, You have recieved top-drawer advice from Willowthewisp, and she a legal background. Her advice is not unlike what us amatures were proposing quite a while ago. The benefit of her methodology is it gets the situation on record, and hopefully gets the kids out of her hands. You are not dealing with the wife you once knew anymore. Carefully research and consider Willowthewisp's suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Russell, You have recieved top-drawer advice from Willowthewisp, and she a legal background. Her advice is not unlike what us amatures were proposing quite a while ago. The benefit of her methodology is it gets the situation on record, and hopefully gets the kids out of her hands. You are not dealing with the wife you once knew anymore. Carefully research and consider Willowthewisp's suggestion. Just to be clear the info I gave was in no way intended to be advice, just generally letting you have the info for you to research it yourself if you want to, but always take legal advice from someone qualified because all the research in the world cannot show you all the possible pitfalls. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Just to be clear the info I gave was in no way intended to be advice, just generally letting you have the info for you to research it yourself if you want to, but always take legal advice from someone qualified because all the research in the world cannot show you all the possible pitfalls. I agree! You made a intersting point which i believe to be 100% true, drug problems need to bottom out until then, all i can do is observe. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Is there anything you think you can improve about yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Is there anything you think you can improve about yourself? Sure, i'm a control freak. i need to become a better at listening,My list is huge! Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 I agree! You made a intersting point which i believe to be 100% true, drug problems need to bottom out until then, all i can do is observe. Whilst this is true, the other option of forcing her into rehab through getting her arrested may also work, it may force her to take responsibility for her life, the threat of a prison term, losing her children may just be enough to "wake her up". Having the added advantages of your children not being motherless, should she overdose on the coke a few months down the line or your children being removed from her care and put into yours so that they are not detrimentally effected by her addiction and lifestyle. The children are the most important here. More important than her and more important than you, as I am already sure you are aware, once you have children, they are for life and they come first, always, but you know this, I am sure you do not want your children around drug dealers or being fed their dinner by a mother who is off her face on coke? Link to post Share on other sites
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