robf1971 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Update Told my wife that the disrict judge had rejected our divorce, she said she wanted to hug me and she thinks it's a sign. i told her i wasn't prepaired to throw any more at it, she just said i told you i didn;t want a divorce, then she just left. What a pile of bollocks Just wait the 15 months or whatever it is. Makes no difference anyway it's only a bit of paper. Link to post Share on other sites
Majkl Posted October 19, 2011 Share Posted October 19, 2011 Hi, today I read whole 102 pages of this thread. I must say it has somewhat prepared me to the possible aspects of my future, because I see a lot of traits of my ex wife in your wife. I spinned in circles for good 2 months, you've done that to yourself for good 6months, I must say I am glad you realized she wasnt worth it at the end, nevertheless the fact the guilt trip she wanted you to wear. Thank god for LS forums! Best wished to you and your daughters, but somehow I have a feeling you made up with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 Hi, today I read whole 102 pages of this thread. I must say it has somewhat prepared me to the possible aspects of my future, because I see a lot of traits of my ex wife in your wife. I spinned in circles for good 2 months, you've done that to yourself for good 6months, I must say I am glad you realized she wasnt worth it at the end, nevertheless the fact the guilt trip she wanted you to wear. Thank god for LS forums! Best wished to you and your daughters, but somehow I have a feeling you made up with your ex. Thanks for reading my post, I'm not back together with my Ex. I can now say i never would. I'm still single and just focusing on myself and daughters Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Hey russell, I hope you are doing well. Glad to hear your not taking her back after all that happened. I am in the UK too. My STBXW wants a quick divorce and so we are going down the adultery route which she has now signed and filed with the courts. Is there no way you can get your ex to do the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted October 20, 2011 Author Share Posted October 20, 2011 Hey russell, I hope you are doing well. Glad to hear your not taking her back after all that happened. I am in the UK too. My STBXW wants a quick divorce and so we are going down the adultery route which she has now signed and filed with the courts. Is there no way you can get your ex to do the same? Hey jamyz, She won't admit to adultery as she insists that we where seperated when she started seeing the OM, it's already cost me over 3k and i have got nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 I cant believe how expensive it has been. My solicitor told me it would be around £3k for a quick adultery based divorce. As my STBXW is on legal aid, she has sent me loads of really ****ty letters with outrageous demands and lies about me and my behavior, some of them were so far fetched is was untrue - my favorite being physical torture! God only knows where she though that one up from!!! Its now going to cost me £5k just to get to stage two, which is the mediation to agree everything before it goes back to court, so am hopeing no more than £6. It pisses me off that she is the one who has done all this but gets free legal aid whereas I have to pay for it all!!! I guess you cant prove adultery? The other option is unreasonable behavior? Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 That's just INSANITY! They're the ones that decide it's over, make the decision to leave and you're the ones that get to pay to get out of it legally. I suppose I'm "lucky" that my stbx agreed to go to mediation and we were able to come to a "fair" agreement for about $1000 (which we split). Of course, the payments just continue with child support. I gave her a check the other day for almost 1/2 my salary and then, last night, we were at my daughter's cheerleading event together and she's telling me all about this new exercise machine she just bought...she has NO concept. She's taking the kids to waterparks, going out to dinner with new boyfriends and I'm wearing my coat in the house and keeping the water heater off because I don't want to pay for heat or hot water. And, the kicker is that we have the kids almost the same number of days. I must admit though, since my son isn't in school yet, she takes care of him during the day for about 5 hours that I would have to pay for child support if we split time exactly 50/50 and it would cost me at least as much as I pay her in child care and I'd rather have her watching him, so, that's how I justify it to myself. Hopefully, when he goes to school next Sept. and we split time equally, she'll see the fairness in no child support...we'll see...just a matter of keeping things "pleasant" with her. Don't know what to tell you guys, other than this, maybe it will help to think of it as "buying" your freedom from the insanity of living with someone who can treat you as poorly as your Ws did...not sure what other sort of light to put on it... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Majkl Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 Compared to your mental strenght atm I feel like an ant. I feel like I am to blame for everything in my marriage and that with my crappy behaviour I pushed her too far and I know she did try to get through me but I dismissed it as her overreacting because she used to flip on every little crap. And now I just cant make peace with myself that its over. I keep hoping I can REC. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Simply get or order a full drug test kit online and have her take the drug test. Hint - you need to watch her while she pees in the cup - she may try to cheat the test if you don't watch her per and test the sample immediately after. It may cost you 40.-50. But it's worth the cost and your peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 That's just INSANITY! They're the ones that decide it's over, make the decision to leave and you're the ones that get to pay to get out of it legally. There's a law firm round the corner from me specialising in family law. The worst car in the car park is a 4 year old Porshe cabrio. I think that says it all. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I cant believe how expensive it has been. My solicitor told me it would be around £3k for a quick adultery based divorce. As my STBXW is on legal aid, she has sent me loads of really ****ty letters with outrageous demands and lies about me and my behavior, some of them were so far fetched is was untrue - my favorite being physical torture! God only knows where she though that one up from!!! Its now going to cost me £5k just to get to stage two, which is the mediation to agree everything before it goes back to court, so am hopeing no more than £6. It pisses me off that she is the one who has done all this but gets free legal aid whereas I have to pay for it all!!! I guess you cant prove adultery? The other option is unreasonable behavior? She has to pay back the legal aid from whatever she recovers in the divorce. So, if she gets say £5,000 out of the house when it sells, that goes striaght to legal aid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 Just heard back from my solicitor and we are re-petitioning for divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 I need every-one's opinion on this. As you all know my STBXW is a complete c**t but it's her birthday next week, my daughters are 2 and 5 and not in a position to get her a card or gift, shall i buy her something on there behalf, or blow it out? Not sure what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
debtman Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 russell, Tough call. I helped my kids draw cards for mother's day and my stbx's birthday. No gift. It was a minor effort on my part to get them to sit down and do cards and, yet, it was a small gesture to try to keep things amicable. However, from the beginning, I've been working hard to keep things as friendly as possible, which may be different in your situation. My advice would be to have the kids draw pictures/cards or something like that for her, so, it really is from them. I certainly wouldn't go out and spend any money on anything...you've invested too much into this already... Good luck and keep posting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 russell, Tough call. I helped my kids draw cards for mother's day and my stbx's birthday. No gift. It was a minor effort on my part to get them to sit down and do cards and, yet, it was a small gesture to try to keep things amicable. However, from the beginning, I've been working hard to keep things as friendly as possible, which may be different in your situation. My advice would be to have the kids draw pictures/cards or something like that for her, so, it really is from them. I certainly wouldn't go out and spend any money on anything...you've invested too much into this already... Good luck and keep posting... I was thinking the same! Good to hear from you Debtman! Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Its a great thing to do with the kids and shows how much of an adult you are. I wouldnt go too mad but make it fun, the kids will appreciate it loads. I'm planning on doing the same thing for xmas, motherday, birthday etc. Not going to buy anything for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 (edited) I need every-one's opinion on this. As you all know my STBXW is a complete c**t but it's her birthday next week, my daughters are 2 and 5 and not in a position to get her a card or gift, shall i buy her something on there behalf, or blow it out? Not sure what to do? Absolutely do not do anything. You don't owe her anything and the girls are too young. Your STBXW will know you prodded them to do make cards or drawings. I have been in a similar situation regarding birthdays and went back and forth in my mind as to what I should do. What settled it and made it crystal clear was when I asked myself what I expected to achieve or get by doing something, and also what did I think I would get. If I was moving on with my life and wanted the ex out of my life, there was no reason to do anything for their birthday and the decision to do nothing was clear, easy, and made sense. Also if I wanted something (like sex) to come out of me doing something for someone's birthday (an ex or love interest) but knew it wouldn't happen, again it was easy and clear to decide not only to do nothing, but the thought of doing something felt very wrong. Don't do anything. After all she put you through, she doesn't deserve sh*t. Edited October 26, 2011 by Frank13 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Don't do anything. After all she put you through, she doesn't deserve sh*t. True!! But I think it's no big deal and he should do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 True!! But I think it's no big deal and he should do it. Why? What would be the point? Just to be nice? Again, why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 Why? What would be the point? Just to be nice? Again, why? Well i'm still unsure as to what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Well do you usually make something with the kids for special occasions? If so and they expect to do it then I would. If you dont or the kids are not bothered then dont. This is about your relationship with your kids, not your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Steadfast Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Well i'm still unsure as to what to do. My kids are older, but I still face this issue from time to time. An old friend once told me "when in doubt, do what's best for the kids". Many times, that meant I wasn't willing to send them off to a family gathering or birthday party empty handed. Sometimes, instead of a card or something personal I'd send along something impersonal; flowers or a plate of brownies. The bottom line, when it came to their mother I'd always try to look through their eyes. Sure enough, the ex used it to deliver a jab. Once, after a birthday she said (somewhat mockingly...as if I was still trying to win back her affections) "Thanks for the DVD and cookies." but I didn't lose it. I simply explained I was trying to do what was best for them...and she should try it herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Frank, a 5 year old certainly understands birthdays, and understands that they are a time of celebration and of giving gifts. Russell, it truly does not harm anything for the girls to draw birthday cards for their mum. It may even help. Always, always, think of the children and of their having/continuing a healthy R with each parent. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Why? What would be the point? Just to be nice? Again, why? It's all about the kids not about his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 It was exactly a year ago today that my wife told me she didn't love anymore! She then ran out of the house, unknown to me at the time she ran 16 doors down my street into the arms of another man. So here we are a year later. I can tell you now that things do get better!! I'm doing great ( Still havn't met anyone yet!) but i'm happy... I have re-petioned for divorce and i'm having my daughters as much as i can.I'm fit and have a great job, iv'e kept the family home. Anyone new here reading my thread, please when you think your wife woudn't cheat on you in a million years, think again! I was like you and thought she would never cheat! The quicker you act the better!! My wife is an absolute sack of ****, she has spent around £20,000 on cocaine and is now out of money, she can't pay her rent, she can't insure her car, each evening i pick up my eldest daughter from the OM house, I coudn't care less about her Link to post Share on other sites
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