Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Shall i just leave it and see what happens? I don't want to look needy? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Shall i just leave it and see what happens? I don't want to look needy? Precisely, She doesn't turn up? you get a nice relaxing evening. She does turn up? you get to have fun with your wife? Win on both counts I'd say Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Precisely, She doesn't turn up? you get a nice relaxing evening. She does turn up? you get to have fun with your wife? Win on both counts I'd say Rob, she just called from my house I picked up. we spoke i was freindly , definate change in her attitude! I don;t know if it was right or wrong but i did asl her to come over and she said yes? Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Don't take this the wrong way, but are you like this in general; in terms of questioning all your decisions etc? Asking for advice is great, but to the point of where you question all your actions. For about the third time in this thread, I'll throw out advice, BREATHE!!! Your marriage wasn't broken in a day, it won't be fixed in a day. If you think it's right, then do it. If you don't, then don't. Just be aware of what your SO motivations might be and also be aware of what attracts the opposite sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 You are right, this whole seperation has turned me into a insecour wreck! I hope I'm not offending anyone by paying too much? I'm not like this in any over aspect of my life! Do you think ny motivation is just sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Don't take this the wrong way, but are you like this in general; in terms of questioning all your decisions etc? Asking for advice is great, but to the point of where you question all your actions. For about the third time in this thread, I'll throw out advice, BREATHE!!! Your marriage wasn't broken in a day, it won't be fixed in a day. If you think it's right, then do it. If you don't, then don't. Just be aware of what your SO motivations might be and also be aware of what attracts the opposite sex. Hi mate, Listen i'm not like this normally in any other aspect of my life! This whole seperation thing has turned my world upside down! I am questioning every i do in my relationship, as i have made progress recently and want to continue top do so! Rob has given me stacks of advice and it seems to be working. The only motivation i have is to get my family back together! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 There's no better motivation in the world my friend. I've been right where you've been and then some. I do understand the need to second guess your own actions, boy do I. Sometimes though just trust your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Sometimes though just trust your gut. Yep, totally. I also think you have an amazing chance to fix this, better than most on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Yep, totally. I also think you have an amazing chance to fix this, better than most on here. Thanks Rob, In the last week we have gone from strangers to being freinds I may be posting all the time but I feel I'm making such good progress, I don't want to slip up Rob, your help and advice has helped me pick up the pieces of my marriage I can't tell you how gratefull I am of your advice and help Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Thanks Rob, In the last week we have gone from strangers to being freinds I may be posting all the time but I feel I'm making such good progress, I don't want to slip up Rob, your help and advice has helped me pick up the pieces of my marriage I can't tell you how gratefull I am of your advice and help yea really.. where was Rob when my wife left in May? Oh yea i didn't find LS until December. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 yea really.. where was Rob when my wife left in May? Oh yea i didn't find LS until December. Hey Marquee, I'm know where near out if the woods yet!! I'm sorry about what happened with your wife! I did read your post! Link to post Share on other sites
Binster Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 Your doing good mate, your situation has come on leaps and bounds since the first post. Hope it works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 3, 2011 Author Share Posted February 3, 2011 Well, she did come over and i could see that she was stressed we chatted for a hour she had a glass of wine, i was friendly talkative and positive, she then said she had to go and i went for the kiss and was rejected twice. Like a idiot a said it was ok the other night! She said she was;t in the mood tonight and that i had made her feel bad now! I then walked to he car and apologized, she said let;s just forget about it! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 You need to re-read your whole thread. Pay close attention to the posts you dismissed. Hot/Cold Happens all the time with a WS. It's nothing new. You think you're making leeway and the next thing you know, you're being made fool of. You may not think you are being made a fool of because you are blinded by love, see her as being confused and want to give her more time. You will continue to twist yourself into a pretzel, change your whole personality just to suit her and live with anxiety day in, day out. Only to find it isn't enough because there is something within her that is preventing her from saying, "Yes, I will move back in tomorrow!" and there is nothing you can do or say (proven by your wishy washy words & actions) that will change that. That's why the one left must be firm, decisive and in control, whether they want them back or not. You start by putting yourself 1st! If she wants to join you? Great! The real work then begins. If not, you know you can live life without her, deal with your past hurts and have no more future hurts from her. Limited Contact. Confidence will return and your self-esteem will go up when you are in control. Your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 She said she was;t in the mood tonight and that i had made her feel bad now! Maybe she just wasn't "in the mood"... big f'ing deal Make plans for yourself tonight!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Rob, You have a great way of putting things in perspective! She was clearly stressed; she was very nice this morning when she came over. I do feel like a twat going for a kiss and getting turned down! It bothered me when she told me that I had made her feel bad going for the kiss! I did apologize! Shall I just back way off? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 You need to re-read your whole thread. Pay close attention to the posts you dismissed. Hot/Cold Happens all the time with a WS. It's nothing new. You think you're making leeway and the next thing you know, you're being made fool of. You may not think you are being made a fool of because you are blinded by love, see her as being confused and want to give her more time. You will continue to twist yourself into a pretzel, change your whole personality just to suit her and live with anxiety day in, day out. Only to find it isn't enough because there is something within her that is preventing her from saying, "Yes, I will move back in tomorrow!" and there is nothing you can do or say (proven by your wishy washy words & actions) that will change that. That's why the one left must be firm, decisive and in control, whether they want them back or not. You start by putting yourself 1st! If she wants to join you? Great! The real work then begins. If not, you know you can live life without her, deal with your past hurts and have no more future hurts from her. Limited Contact. Confidence will return and your self-esteem will go up when you are in control. Your choice. When you say my Wishy washy words and actions, what do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 You need to re-read your whole thread. Pay close attention to the posts you dismissed. Hot/Cold Happens all the time with a WS. It's nothing new. You think you're making leeway and the next thing you know, you're being made fool of. You may not think you are being made a fool of because you are blinded by love, see her as being confused and want to give her more time. You will continue to twist yourself into a pretzel, change your whole personality just to suit her and live with anxiety day in, day out. Only to find it isn't enough because there is something within her that is preventing her from saying, "Yes, I will move back in tomorrow!" and there is nothing you can do or say (proven by your wishy washy words & actions) that will change that. That's why the one left must be firm, decisive and in control, whether they want them back or not. You start by putting yourself 1st! If she wants to join you? Great! The real work then begins. If not, you know you can live life without her, deal with your past hurts and have no more future hurts from her. Limited Contact. Confidence will return and your self-esteem will go up when you are in control. Your choice. Hopesanddreams, Do you think I should give her a ultimatum? Like, you either move back in and we start going to counseling, or we get a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Anyway, definitely feel like that was a huge step backwards last night with the whole kiss thing! Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hey Russell, I've been folllowing your posts and haven't wanted to comment because i feel too many cooks spoil the broth and all that:) Rob is doing a great job, and the advice is clearly working. Don't worry too much about last night. Move on. So, with that in mind, where you off to tonight?! I believe you have plans:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) Hey Russell, I've been folllowing your posts and haven't wanted to comment because i feel too many cooks spoil the broth and all that:) Rob is doing a great job, and the advice is clearly working. Don't worry too much about last night. Move on. So, with that in mind, where you off to tonight?! I believe you have plans:) Hey Sammy,i can't go anywhere Tonight as i have my two girls staying with me! Shame! Edited February 4, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Rob, I’m bricking it; I hope I haven’t gone backwards with this whole kiss thing? I have to go over her house and pick up the girls in a couple of hours time and I’m nervous! Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Don't panic! You'll be fine:) Just try and pick up the girls and leave, no drama's:) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Rob, I’m bricking it; I hope I haven’t gone backwards with this whole kiss thing? I have to go over her house and pick up the girls in a couple of hours time and I’m nervous! Russell, I truly believe that in the scheme of things it's not made a blind bit of difference. Forget it, be Switzerland when you go round there (neutral) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hey Sammy,i can't go anywhere Tonight as i have my two girls staying with me! Shame! Well there's always next weekend. Just take the kids somewhere really nice this w/e, I know the weather is gonna be sh*t and petrol is £1.30 per litre but take a nice drive with em somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
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