hopesndreams Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hopes, Please don't bow out of my post, i value your opinion? One of the reasons that we are seperated is because how possessive and controlling i have been, we have maybe been out 2 nights in 5 years! I'm not critisizing her for going out as this would show that i'm still the same and haven't changed! I have been working on myself, i was a right miserable f=====r for years and i find myself smiling and laughing more than ever. You have recognized your past wrongs and have conveyed them to your W, yes? You take complete responsibility for being an overbearing, control freak taking her for granted. In one of your posts you stated that you gave her everything she wanted and can't see why she left you in the first place, coz you weren't that bad. So, which is it? Why exactly are you smiling and laughing now while I'm cringing? Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 Hopesndreams and I often differ in our opinions, but I 100% agree with her and I thought the exact same thing when I read your post. I have been trying to say the same things all along, but in a little less blunt of a tone. Sorry, but I think she is playng you. Good to hear there is someone out there, besides me, with enough common sense and experience to see where this is heading. I say, "Let's stop this train from derailing!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 You have recognized your past wrongs and have conveyed them to your W, yes? You take complete responsibility for being an overbearing, control freak taking her for granted. In one of your posts you stated that you gave her everything she wanted and can't see why she left you in the first place, coz you weren't that bad. So, which is it? This is where I get confused as I have always provided for her and she has never wanted for anything! I’m loyal , reliable and a good father1 I have only ever told a handful of times that I love her! I’ve hardly taken her out in years , I’m controlling and possessive. So I guess I was good at some things and bad at others. The reason I’m smiling is that I know I will be ok whatever the outcome of this, I was just a pedestrian in life and it was passing me by Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 In one of your posts you stated that you didn't think you were ready to have her back. Why? Are you, in some way, enjoying this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 4, 2011 Author Share Posted February 4, 2011 Not enjoying this! Confused yes! One day i want one thing, the next day the other! Link to post Share on other sites
hopesndreams Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 (edited) One day i want one thing, the next day the other! Sounds like she is running out of time on what she wants, only she doesn't know it yet. If she continues on as she has been, you will decide the best course of action for yourself and your daughters. Self-preservation, self-worth, self everything positive. A life without suffering is all anyone really wants. Edited February 4, 2011 by hopesndreams Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Not enjoying this! Confused yes! One day i want one thing, the next day the other! Make a decision and commit!! All this wavering isn't attractive to your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 She just came over again to show me how she looked in her new dress! (Cheeky cow!) Then another Kiss!! WTF is going on??????????? Women always do that, it doesn't mean anything Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 that my husband w0uld give up w0rk as we c0uldnt aff0rd the childcare and my wage was al0t higher. Here lays the root of the problem, I'm all for equality, but deep down a woman wants a man to be a provider, that's not really changed. IMO a woman loses respect for a man who isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 You may well be right! i hope i find out soon as i like to think of myself as being a good guy and don't want to be exploited! Only you can stop this. You don't need to act like a jerk but women don't want a nice pleaser. Last night for example, I went to a club with my wife and some friends, after a while she asked if I could take her coat to the check in. I told her, nope, you do it, she gave me the look "test passed". Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Make a decision and commit!! All this wavering isn't attractive to your wife. I am commited, no worries there! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Women always do that, it doesn't mean anything Yes, i guess, anyway i aint waititng around for her i'm off out witrh the girls! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Yes, i guess, anyway i aint waititng around for her i'm off out witrh the girls! Finally, the penny has dropped lol... Also do yourself a favour invite some friends around for beers after the kids have gone to bed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Finally, the penny has dropped lol... Also do yourself a favour invite some friends around for beers after the kids have gone to bed. The weekend with my girls was strange! My wife turned up at my house very hung over around 4 pm on Saturday. She spent a couple of hours with the girls and me and we put them to bed ! She stayed with me for a hour after they went to bed. We had a glass of wine and didn’t really talk about us, she then said she had to leave! She called me back two hours later and asked if I fancied something to eat she came over at 11.30pm we watched a bit of TV I then said I needed to sleep. She kissed and hugged me. The following morning she texted me wanting helping moving the kids bunk beds , when we got there she said not to bother and invited her self downtown with us! We then argued about the girls! We went shopping than back to her house, by this time I had, had enough, I wanted to walk home! She wanted too drive us , I said look you can come over later if you want! I walked with one of my daughters she drove the other, I kind of hurried her out of the house. asked if she was coming back later, as I thought she might of wanted to bathe the girls , she said she probably would but she needed to tidy her house up. I did feel that I made her feel a bit unwelcome, so I texted her saying it would be nice to see her later, her reply was she was tidying up and all of her alcohol consumption had caught up with her! And she would text me, She never did! Typically disappointing I asked her today why she had been so down, she said she always puts a brave front t on but she never wanted to be separated,(I didn’t say a word!) Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 all of her alcohol consumption had caught up with her! And she would text me, She never did! No big deal, i bet she just fell asleep after a rough boozy weekend Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 she came over at 11.30pm we watched a bit of TV Next weekend you wil be out at this time as you won't have the kids Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 Rob, She texted me this morning, saying she had a terrible headache, I ignored it! She turned up early to pick up the girls, I asked her how she felt, she said terrible! I said I thought you where unwell as I didn’t here form you last night! She said I texted you I said you didn’t, she said sorry, I said no probs, she then asked me why I was grumpy, i said I wasn’t I’m just trying to get everyone ready. Her reply was I didn’t realize I had to come over! I said believe it or not you are no the centre of my universe, she didn’t respond to that! I don’t want to her to think that I was pissed off that she didn’t even let me know what was happening last night! How shall I play it this week? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) I didn't want her to think i was pissed off with her for not texting me last night, so i sent her a text asking if she felt any better? She didnt even reply! gone backwards i think? Edited February 7, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I didn't want her to think i was pissed off with her for not texting me last night, so i sent her a text asking if she felt any better? She didnt even reply! gone backwards i think? Ease off, wait for her to contact you, ohh I promise that will be soon lol. Don't mention the text. No point in making a mountain out of a molehill. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 (edited) Ease off, wait for her to contact you, ohh I promise that will be soon lol. Don't mention the text. No point in making a mountain out of a molehill. I just hate the fact that she thought i was angry at her for not coming over Also her ignoring my text i only sent it so she woudnt think i was' angry!,i feel i have lost momentum? Edited February 7, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I just hate the fact that she thought i was angry at her for not coming over Also her ignoring my text i only sent it so she woudnt think i was' angry!,i feel i have lost momentum? Forget it, don't torture yourself over something that really means nothing. Concentrate on important stuff like your kids and making money. You Should pop down the pub tonight for a drink tonight if you don't have the kids. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 She is being emotionally parasitic to you. You need to let her know that you're not a 'host'. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 She is being emotionally parasitic to you. You need to let her know that you're not a 'host'. Interesting point! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Interesting point! p.s. and to extend what I mean, in terms of my experience: The other day I dropped my kids back off at my wife's. Me and the kids arrived early (she was out shopping) so we hung out inside. When she showed up, I had locked the stormdoor to prevent kids from unlocking it and maybe letting the dog out. Anyway, wife looked a bit annoyed at me since she had to ring the bell to get me to unlock it. Point is: I could've EASILY gone down the rabbit hole of analyzing her annoyed look to death. Don't let someone live inside your head if they're not paying rent, as the saying goes. (This is one of my credos.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 p.s. and to extend what I mean, in terms of my experience: The other day I dropped my kids back off at my wife's. Me and the kids arrived early (she was out shopping) so we hung out inside. When she showed up, I had locked the stormdoor to prevent kids from unlocking it and maybe letting the dog out. Anyway, wife looked a bit annoyed at me since she had to ring the bell to get me to unlock it. Point is: I could've EASILY gone down the rabbit hole of analyzing her annoyed look to death. Don't let someone live inside your head if they're not paying rent, as the saying goes. (This is one of my credos.) I like that! it's just weird as we have gone from hardly talking to kissing withing two weeks! I'm starting to angry at myself now for wanting her back so much! Link to post Share on other sites
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