Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Russell I'm sorry to say that she is in love with Coke and her dealer at the moment,nothing else matters to her. Or if it does it's a second priority. In my opinion, here's what you need to Consider doing. 1 Consult your lawyer with a view to see if you can get temp full custody it's a risk for them to be around scum like that. Getting full custody MAY shock her into stopping it. Please do not tell her you are doing this, just do it!! Actions loder than words 2. Call the police, inform them about this "dealer" anonymously. Only actions can stop her now, your words are as effective as a chocolate teapot. Ok, I have to do something, but with regards to dealers i know she has several sources! Also it's proof Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 REPEAT: DO NOT TELL HER! Rob is totally and consistently in the middle of the continuum with his advice. He is calm, cool, collected - and not opinionated. Russell, you're spinning. Listen to Rob carefully. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 I realize now that the chances of my marriage surviving this are very, very slim! It's half term this coming week that means she has the girls for 8 days and um hoping this will make her step up? I'm not going to be available for her! I hope this works b4 it gets all legal Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Ok what if one of your kids got hooked on drugs in the future? would you abandon them? With all due respect, it's not the kids that are hooked, and imo that's a completely different topic really. This woman is an adult, and needs to take control of her life, and i'd be very worried about having her anywhere near the kids - she supposed to be a role model!! I know you love her and you want her back, but maybe you should have the kids staying with you permanently until she can sort herself out, either with, or without your help. You are holding her out a branch, and she has to take it. Rob's advice, yet again is good to go, please listen to him if you want any chance of getting this back under control. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I hope this works b4 it gets all legal Russell, Reality Check. Do you know how many times you've declared it's gonna "get all legal" and you proclaim that you are going to do this or that? No offence meant, but you are spinning Russell. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Ok, I have to do something, but with regards to dealers i know she has several sources! Also it's proof Ohh yeah, also document everything, times, dates the lot e,g wife left dealers at 6pm Feb 14th You might need this for any legal stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Ohh yeah, also document everything, times, dates the lot e,g wife left dealers at 6pm Feb 14th You might need this for any legal stuff. Ok i have spoken to family members and it's agreed, if she can't cope with the kids this week, then i will contact social services and report her and then i fight for custody! Wow i can't belive this is happening! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Russell I'm sorry to say that she is in love with Coke and her dealer at the moment,nothing else matters to her. Or if it does it's a second priority. In my opinion, here's what you need to Consider doing. 1 Consult your lawyer with a view to see if you can get temp full custody it's a risk for them to be around scum like that. Getting full custody MAY shock her into stopping it. Please do not tell her you are doing this, just do it!! Actions loder than words 2. Call the police, inform them about this "dealer" anonymously. Only actions can stop her now, your words are as effective as a chocolate teapot. Russell, !!!!! WAKE-UP CALL ABOVE !!!!! I've implied it several times. Now Rob just put it straightforward to you. And I will add this. At the moment, you are in control of legal matters. You can be instrumental in busting the dealers supplying her, AND busting her if necessary to protect your kids and get them in a safe envirnment. If you do nothing, the next phase is fairly east to predict. The coke is going to get too expensive to satisfy her ever increasing habit. She may need to turn to something cheaper. Whatta think that substance might be? To get that cheaper stuff, she may have to go to really sleezy places and bargain with what I would imagine is the scum of the Earth. You know I could very easily rattle off 100 possible scenerios where your kids could be in danger. Again, you have control of legal matters at the moment. If she gets busted on her own, with the kids, what happens in the UK? Or suppose she wrecks the vehicle with the kids in it? How do you know if she has ever done a pick-up with the kids in the car? Suppose she got robbed, rapped, beat-up, mugged? Take the steps Rob says. By doing nothing you may unknowingly be contributing to a possible disaster with the kids that you will never forgive yourself for. This is an easy set up for the local police. It's for her own good, and the well being of your children. Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 I think you're doing the right thing Russell. But, yeah, keep records of everything. It's not on her being out of control with the kids. She needs a reality check i'm afraid, and i really hope she wants to change, with or without your help. Your main priority is to your children now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Russell, !!!!! WAKE-UP CALL ABOVE !!!!! I've implied it several times. Now Rob just put it straightforward to you. And I will add this. At the moment, you are in control of legal matters. You can be instrumental in busting the dealers supplying her, AND busting her if necessary to protect your kids and get them in a safe envirnment. If you do nothing, the next phase is fairly east to predict. The coke is going to get too expensive to satisfy her ever increasing habit. She may need to turn to something cheaper. Whatta think that substance might be? To get that cheaper stuff, she may have to go to really sleezy places and bargain with what I would imagine is the scum of the Earth. You know I could very easily rattle off 100 possible scenerios where your kids could be in danger. Again, you have control of legal matters at the moment. If she gets busted on her own, with the kids, what happens in the UK? Or suppose she wrecks the vehicle with the kids in it? How do you know if she has ever done a pick-up with the kids in the car? Suppose she got robbed, rapped, beat-up, mugged? Take the steps Rob says. By doing nothing you may unknowingly be contributing to a possible disaster with the kids that you will never forgive yourself for. This is an easy set up for the local police. It's for her own good, and the well being of your children. She has told me that she wants to stop and had enough! She has the kids the whole week day and night, if it gets to Wednesday or Thursday and she can't cope i will know why! Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 I think you're doing the right thing Russell. But, yeah, keep records of everything. It's not on her being out of control with the kids. She needs a reality check i'm afraid, and i really hope she wants to change, with or without your help. Your main priority is to your children now. it's true, i know this, she spoke to my daughter on the phone and then she spoke to me and even after all the crap and everything i said to her last night and what she said to me! she still had the cheek to ask me if i could come round and help dismantle the beds with her, i told her no and i didn't want to see or hear from her for a while and hung up! Link to post Share on other sites
sammyd Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Yeah, use the time constructively, try and get your head straight. You're doing ok Russell, it must have all come as a bit of a shock. Use this as 'me' time! You may well need it! Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Russell, Are you back-peddling again? Hmmmmm. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and maybe Thursday. So you are now telling us that if she loses it by that point, "you will know why.". OK. BTW I'm sort of a dumb American, can you tell me how much is 200-300££ or whatever they're called, are equal to in US dollars? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Yeah, use the time constructively, try and get your head straight. You're doing ok Russell, it must have all come as a bit of a shock. Use this as 'me' time! You may well need it! Yep it's destroyed me! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 She has told me that she wants to stop and had enough! But you need to see action from her... it's not going to be easy Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 russell, are you back-peddling again? Hmmmmm. Monday, tuesday, wednesday, and maybe thursday. So you are now telling us that if she loses it by that point, "you will know why.". Ok. Btw i'm sort of a dumb american, can you tell me how much is 200-300££ or whatever they're called, are equal to in us dollars? £300 = 450$ ish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Russell, Are you back-peddling again? Hmmmmm. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and maybe Thursday. So you are now telling us that if she loses it by that point, "you will know why.". OK. BTW I'm sort of a dumb American, can you tell me how much is 200-300££ or whatever they're called, are equal to in US dollars? It's not a case of backpedaling, from a legal point of view all I have is word about the cocaine use! If I think that she is still using my first port of call will be social services! This complaint would be legally logged and will start to gather proof myself! That's as much as I can for this week Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 i told her no and i didn't want to see or hear from her for a while and hung up! Excellent............ Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Russell, Are you back-peddling again? Hmmmmm. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and maybe Thursday. So you are now telling us that if she loses it by that point, "you will know why.". OK. BTW I'm sort of a dumb American, can you tell me how much is 200-300££ or whatever they're called, are equal to in US dollars? £300 = 450$ ish. Oh my! That's a lot of dough going "up" per week. Here in Atlanta suburbs that would pay rent and utilities on a nice little place. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Oh my! That's a lot of dough going "up" per week. Here in Atlanta suburbs that would pay rent and utilities on a nice little place. Yep here too, in fact I rent a nice house in the English countryside for less than that. She's gonna burn through her cash quicker than a dot.com startup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Yep here too, in fact I rent a nice house in the English countryside for less than that. She's gonna burn through her cash quicker than a dot.com startup. Yep, she had over 6,5k inheritance and now she has just under 3 k as I opened her bank statement yesterday! Why this women won't sign the seperation agreement and let me move on is a mystery, there is no trust anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 20, 2011 Author Share Posted February 20, 2011 Excellent............ This is the hard part now ! The girls are safetly tucked up in bed, i have to see her in the morning and to be honest i;m dreading it ! I guess i have two choices. 1. Take this time out and really focus on myself and ignore every type of contact from her, i think for the first time she may respect my wishes, I have 9 days where i don;t have to see her. This is of coarse if she doesnt lose it before then.Then judge the situation then/ 2. File for divorce tomorrow morning and go for full custody of the children, even if i don't get them it should give her a huge wake up call? Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Personally, if I thought my children were under 8 days of care of a parent who was using $450 of coke a week, I would never let the other parent take them. I would take a day off work, go to the courthouse, and get an emergency court order giving me full custody. But that's just me (and about 678,482,574 other parents in the world). Yes, Russell. It is (past) time to go file for divorce, and file for full custody. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why she is doing anything - do something about a situation you can do something about. If you were on the Titanic, would you have stood around with your thumb up your bum wondering why the captain didn't reverse engines sooner, or tried to get your kids into a lifeboat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted February 21, 2011 Author Share Posted February 21, 2011 Personally, if I thought my children were under 8 days of care of a parent who was using $450 of coke a week, I would never let the other parent take them. I would take a day off work, go to the courthouse, and get an emergency court order giving me full custody. But that's just me (and about 678,482,574 other parents in the world). Yes, Russell. It is (past) time to go file for divorce, and file for full custody. Don't waste your time trying to figure out why she is doing anything - do something about a situation you can do something about. If you were on the Titanic, would you have stood around with your thumb up your bum wondering why the captain didn't reverse engines sooner, or tried to get your kids into a lifeboat? Ok, when i saw her this morning, i asked her if she had quit she sais yes! She said she had't even had a drink for two days and she did seem like her old self! All i have is her word about the cocaine use! There is no hard evidence, i have to gather this! If i think for one second that she is still using i will call social services and report this, this will be be my first step.All she would need to say to her solicitor is that i'm bitter and fabricating this story and without any legal proof i do not have a leg to stand on! Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Ok, when i saw her this morning, i asked her if she had quit she sais yes! She said she had't even had a drink for two days and she did seem like her old self! All i have is her word about the cocaine use! There is no hard evidence, i have to gather this! If i think for one second that she is still using i will call social services and report this, this will be be my first step.All she would need to say to her solicitor is that i'm bitter and fabricating this story and without any legal proof i do not have a leg to stand on! Sorry social services and police need to be involved. I think you need to ask both's advice. Have you proof from the bank statements how much money she is burning through? Link to post Share on other sites
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