Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) My wife called the solicitors and has requested to see the divorce proceedings. She told me if i go ahead with dovorce proceedings, she will start sleeping with other men, she doesnt want be with me but she doesnt want to let me go either! I'm a good guy! I'm only 42 and have a lot more living left in me. I can't be someones security plan All she sees me as is a security blanket, she just wants me in the background for when her drug habit hits rock bottom or she is bored. I’m worth more than that so I am heading towards divorce at terminal velocity! I have tried! Edited March 3, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 she's obviously grasping at straws.. threatening to sleep with other men, huh? either she commits to therapy and the marriage or you serve her divorce ppwk. Period. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 She keeps sending me sms's asking me if this is what I really want! Meaning divorce.. So bloody confused! Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 So bloody confused! Take a deep breath. Allow yourself at least 24 hours to respond. If you respond immediately, you are just wrapped around her finger again. By allowing yourself time to respond, you help to eliminate confusion for yourself. Clear your head first. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 . She told me if i go ahead with dovorce proceedings, she will start sleeping with other men, Words, just words, don't let it get to you. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 She keeps sending me sms's asking me if this is what I really want! ! Just ignore em. If she really doesn't want this she will walk over broken glass to stop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 So what do i do carry on with the divorce or just move on in other ways? Do i hope she sees sense and tries to stop the divorce? or do just stop the proceedings and move on anyway and save my money? Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 So what do i do carry on with the divorce or just move on in other ways? Do i hope she sees sense and tries to stop the divorce? or do just stop the proceedings and move on anyway and save my money? You have to stop and ask yourself: what is the tangible, concrete solution that YOU want? what will constitute a sign that trust is being reconstructed for YOU? I think you have to address these things first. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 For goodness sakes, stop playing games with each other, just tell her striaght, in person, not by b***** text that you want her to come home, seek drug rehab and go to MC. If she says no then tell her you are done and goodbye and file. Plenty of other women out there Russell, I should know I am one of them and I would never have treated you the way your stupid selfish wife is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 (edited) For goodness sakes, stop playing games with each other, just tell her striaght, in person, not by b***** text that you want her to come home, seek drug rehab and go to MC. If she says no then tell her you are done and goodbye and file. Plenty of other women out there Russell, I should know I am one of them and I would never have treated you the way your stupid selfish wife is. Hey Willow, I have told her this in person, i have also told her to come home!She doesn't give a **** There is a another factor involved legal fees You sound lovely by the way! Edited March 3, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 For goodness sakes, stop playing games with each other, just tell her striaght, in person, not by b***** text that you want her to come home, seek drug rehab and go to MC. If she says no then tell her you are done and goodbye and file. Plenty of other women out there Russell, I should know I am one of them and I would never have treated you the way your stupid selfish wife is. It's true Willow there are plent other women out there and if you saw how i looked you woudn't believe i was taking this kind of crap, but i'm loyal to the core and i'm a fighter Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 It's true Willow there are plent other women out there and if you saw how i looked you woudn't believe i was taking this kind of crap, but i'm loyal to the core and i'm a fighter Fair enough, I probably shouldn't have said that anyway, just having my own problems right now, seems men want and like being abused by manipulative women, I realise that is a generalisation. So Russell, what is so special about this wife of yours that you are willing to put up with bein threatened with her having sex with other men? Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 i can tell you, he like a lot of other men on here WANT to keep their family together. at least for me, divorce was never an option, I assumed we'd always work through our issues. of course, I married a manipulative, immature brat who rolled out the first opportunity she got. thats why he is hanging in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Fair enough, I probably shouldn't have said that anyway, just having my own problems right now, seems men want and like being abused by manipulative women, I realise that is a generalisation. So Russell, what is so special about this wife of yours that you are willing to put up with bein threatened with her having sex with other men? I'm not prepaired for that! I think for years i was so head strong and independent, i ignored her and she persisted with me to the point where she got me and then when she did THIS. She brainwashed me into beliving that i was lucky to have such a young hot wife and i wasn't worthy of her Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 So what do i do carry on with the divorce or just move on in other ways? Do i hope she sees sense and tries to stop the divorce? or do just stop the proceedings and move on anyway and save my money? My view is that divorce is the Nuclear option that should only be used as a last resort. I think you used it way too early. You could have showed her you were moving on by your actions without saying a word let alone mentioning divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 i can tell you, he like a lot of other men on here WANT to keep their family together. at least for me, divorce was never an option, I assumed we'd always work through our issues. of course, I married a manipulative, immature brat who rolled out the first opportunity she got. thats why he is hanging in there. Yep, you just about summed it up, there is something about the mother of your children and keeping your family together, it makes you stomach so much more **** that you could imagine and just when you think you can't take anymore guess what you do!Sometimes i feel like stabbing myself in the eye with a fork, as i know i'm being walked all over,Not finacially but emotionally, which is worse! So here i am tonight (Im in the Uk!) thinking i have to make a choice and 100% stick to it Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 My view is that divorce is the Nuclear option that should only be used as a last resort. I think you used it way too early. You could have showed her you were moving on by your actions without saying a word let alone mentioning divorce. Well what do you think i should do now, she doesnt want a divorce Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 My view is that divorce is the Nuclear option that should only be used as a last resort. I think you used it way too early. You could have showed her you were moving on by your actions without saying a word let alone mentioning divorce. Rob, i guess you have a good grasp on the situation! Finacially it's going to kill me! How can i turn this around without losing face? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Well what do you think i should do now, she doesnt want a divorce I'm not saying you won't ever be divorced from her, but it's equally possible that you will reconcile. Stranger things have happened after all. I think you're a million miles from divorce right now. You also have to realise once you both get into marriage counselling you will discover that you BOTH share blame for the problems in your relationship. Forget her drug habit for now but I bet she has some justification for being pissed at you, after all there are 2 sides to every story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 I'm not saying you won't ever be divorced from her, but it's equally possible that you will reconcile. Stranger things have happened after all. I think you're a million miles from divorce right now. You also have to realise once you both get into marriage counselling you will discover that you BOTH share blame for the problems in your relationship. Forget her drug habit for now but I bet she has some justification for being pissed at you, after all there are 2 sides to every story. Ok, but she won't go to councilling now, i don't want to lose face, how can i get this back round as i could lose my house? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Rob, i guess you have a good grasp on the situation! Finacially it's going to kill me! How can i turn this around without losing face? A lot of what you are doing is causing her to react which in turn is causing you to react. In my situation once I stopped reacting, my wife did too, then all the stupid arguing stopped then suddenly she realised she wanted to work on us. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Ok, but she won't go to councilling now, i don't want to lose face, how can i get this back round as i could lose my house? Don't tell her anything, just ring your solicitor to put a hold on things first thing tomorrow morning. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Ok, but she won't go to councilling now My wife refused counselling, I begged her for ages. Last time I asked was at the beginning of October. Her reply was "it's a waste of time, we are done". I never mentioned it again. On Jan 15th she asked if we could start counselling. It took nearly 4 months!! Take heed, stop asking her, if she wants counselling she will ask you.. Link to post Share on other sites
willowthewisp Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 My wife refused counselling, I begged her for ages. Last time I asked was at the beginning of October. Her reply was "it's a waste of time, we are done". I never mentioned it again. On Jan 15th she asked if we could start counselling. It took nearly 4 months!! Take heed, stop asking her, if she wants counselling she will ask you.. No disrespect Rob, but your wife was never serious about leaving you, if she was she wouldn't have stayed 4 months. My ex left on the Saturday by the Wednesday I had a draft legal seperation agreement sent to my solicitor and an email from him telling me to sigh it and get out the house. The day before he left he was telling me how much he loved me, but then he always was full of s*** Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 No disrespect Rob, but your wife was never serious about leaving you, if she was she wouldn't have stayed 4 months. My ex left on the Saturday by the Wednesday I had a draft legal seperation agreement sent to my solicitor and an email from him telling me to sigh it and get out the house. The day before he left he was telling me how much he loved me, but then he always was full of s*** hmmm maybe? Maybe not? but you should have seen my first wife lol. She had my suitcases in the driveway. She wanted back after about 8 months but by that time I'd had it with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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