robf1971 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 When she left this morning, she could hardly be bothered to look at me or say goodbye. Is this normal? Dude, this is a rollercoaster, totally normal. Don't sweat it... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 I don’t want her to think I don’t care anymore! I'm sure she knows you do Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) She has been round my house since i was out and i found this letter she has written on my computer, I have been advised to write a letter stating that I reside at 355 Rd independently from Mr R , we are legally separated. I live there on my own with my two children Trinity Rose Boner aged 5 and Djakota Lilly Boner aged 17 months. There was me thinking that she wasn't signing the seperation agreement or taking the settlement due to her stilll caring! she hasnt signed the agreement and taken the money as the amount would put her above the freshold of housing benefit, once she gets the benefit she will sign the letter (what a sucker i am) Edited January 24, 2011 by russell1968 Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 She has been round my house since i was out and i found this letter she has written on my computer, Now you are separated what gives her the right to come to your house?, consult a lawyer to find out if it's legal to change the locks. Don't tell her you are doing it either. Failing that, donate your computer to the local school or sell it on Ebay, then buy a small notebook you can carry with you. Make sure you password protect it and take it with you evrywhere. You are enableing her crap behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 She has been round my house since i was out and i found this letter she has written on my computer She wants her freedom from you but is happy to use you when it's convenient for her. It's called cake eating and you are enabling it. It needs to be nipped in the bud for her to regain any respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 24, 2011 Share Posted January 24, 2011 she hasnt signed the agreement and taken the money as the amount would put her above the freshold of housing benefit, once she gets the benefit she will sign the letter (what a sucker i am) Hmm, I'd say as long as she's not living off your money then whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 Until she signs the seperation agreement i legally cannot change the locks! but will remove the computer Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 She just text me asking if i was ok looking after our youngest, while she sat a exam in the afternoon tomorrow, i told her this was finem this morning.she has now phoned me 5 times on the home phone, after only two day previously she denied having the number Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Share Posted January 24, 2011 OK, she rang about30 times in the end i picked up @11.15 she said i have been ringing and ringing all night, i said i have been out and only just got in! She then said am i ok to look after my daughter i said yes of coarse, she then asked if i had been down the pub, i said yes (I Lied!) she said which one i said one in another town, i then said i gotta go take care, all she said was **** you! UM does that sound right Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 OK, she rang about30 times in the end i picked up @11.15 she said i have been ringing and ringing all night, i said i have been out and only just got in! She then said am i ok to look after my daughter i said yes of coarse, she then asked if i had been down the pub, i said yes (I Lied!) she said which one i said one in another town, i then said i gotta go take care, all she said was **** you! UM does that sound right As long as you kept it friendly, you did great. She really has no business calling you at all. Can you imagine if you'd have been ringing her all Saturday night when she was out? The f*** you was all about trying to get you to call back and argue. She needs to keep justifying herself the reasons for her leaving, and doesn't yet trust your changes. Do not get baited. You did good.. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 She just text me asking if i was ok looking after our youngest, while she sat a exam in the afternoon tomorrow, i told her this was finem this morning.she has now phoned me 5 times on the home phone, after only two day previously she denied having the number Hi, You can't go back on this now but for future reference this is cake eating. It's her turn to be looking after the kids right? She knew about this exam? She can damn well get a baby sitter and pay out of her own money. Next time this happens? "Wife I made plans" or "Wife, I'd love to but I gotta go to London" or Wife " I gotta go into the office" . Get my drift... Sounds like she's got money to spend on the pixie dust but not on a baby sitter. Very responsible... Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 A huge step backwards. She turned up this morning and I was home due to being unwell and off work, She then came in asking if I was seeing someone she just kept asking and I said no.(which is true!) I then said like a idiot would you like to go out this week? She Said she wasn’t sure ! I didn’t push it. She started to be bitchy and I just said if we don’t do anything about this marriage we will drift apart! I said we have to work at it! Her response was she didn’t want to work at it, she wanted to see what happens, I said it doesn’t work like that as there’s two people in this marriage, she then got flustered. And she said she wasn’t sure whether she wanted it to be over or not, I just said whatever and asked her to leave! She said it’s still my house and I can move back when I want. Have I taken a huge step backwards if I have , how can I get it back? Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 A huge step backwards. She turned up this morning and I was home due to being unwell and off work, She then came in asking if I was seeing someone she just kept asking and I said no.(which is true!) I then said like a idiot would you like to go out this week? She Said she wasn’t sure ! I didn’t push it. She started to be bitchy and I just said if we don’t do anything about this marriage we will drift apart! I said we have to work at it! Her response was she didn’t want to work at it, she wanted to see what happens, I said it doesn’t work like that as there’s two people in this marriage, she then got flustered. And she said she wasn’t sure whether she wanted it to be over or not, I just said whatever and asked her to leave! She said it’s still my house and I can move back when I want. Have I taken a huge step backwards if I have , how can I get it back? Not a huge step, Here's the line, I keep telling you "Wife, I'd love to talk to you but I'm on my way out, " Maybe we could meet on Friday? Trick is to keep your car keys in pocket, and look at least prsentable Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 A huge step backwards. She turned up this morning and I was home due to being unwell and off work, She then came in asking if I was seeing someone she just kept asking and I said no.(which is true!) I then said like a idiot would you like to go out this week? She Said she wasn’t sure ! I didn’t push it. She started to be bitchy and I just said if we don’t do anything about this marriage we will drift apart! I said we have to work at it! Her response was she didn’t want to work at it, she wanted to see what happens, I said it doesn’t work like that as there’s two people in this marriage, she then got flustered. And she said she wasn’t sure whether she wanted it to be over or not, I just said whatever and asked her to leave! She said it’s still my house and I can move back when I want. Have I taken a huge step backwards if I have , how can I get it back? You'r being too reactive IMO. Just be nice have a line prepared. If she hits you with something big like, " I want to move back in" your reply.. " I need a few days to think about it" She gets bitchy? remember what I told you about testing you, "Wife I am happy to talk to you but only in a civil manner, until then this conversation is over" then walk away Bear in mind it's taken me five months to get to this point. I'm prepared for my wife to say anything at anytime, and give the appropriate reply with a smile on my face. Funny, after about a week of doing this she'd start apologising for her bitchiness, now she hardly ever does it. It's called gaining her respect back. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I then said like a idiot would you like to go out this week? Lol my wife's just asked me on a date (sort of) for the first time in 5 months. Patience, stop pushing this, STFU. You can win this one with a cool head. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I then said like a idiot would you like to go out this week? Lol my wife's just asked me on a date (sort of) for the first time in 5 months. Patience, stop pushing this, STFU. You can win this one with a cool head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I’ve blown it permanently! She was complaining about how I used to be in the relationship.[/FONT] I lost it and told her to **** off and get out of my house, I said I don’t want anything to do with you anymore and I want a divorce She said well remember you ended this. I said fine just get out, I asked her to sign the separation agreement.[/FONT] She said game on **** head. I guess when it came to it, it was to much for me, all the drugs and everything else,[/FONT] I feel devestated Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 so much for a cool head.... sorry to hear this. man, sounded like it could've gone either way too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I'm sorry as well! But it comes down to self worth.I coudn't the fact that she was smoking pot and drinking a bottle of wine everyday and sticking cocaine up her nose, dressing like a hooker!Staying out all night! Helped herself to a couple of grand of my money! She wasnt the person i fell in love with Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 I’ve blown it permanently! No you haven't,... Believe me. DO me a favour listen to my advice. LISTEN... Your job is to STFU until she contacts you. Shut up , Shut up. Alright.. Go to the pub, have a pint, thn get some sleep... Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 No you haven't,... Believe me. DO me a favour listen to my advice. LISTEN... Your job is to STFU until she contacts you. Shut up , Shut up. Alright.. Go to the pub, have a pint, thn get some sleep... Rob, I really did read her the riot act! i told her she didnt deserve me, i was better then her! I mean this has been brewing for 9 weeks, i let her have it, sorry but she had it coming! She is coming 8.30am to pick up my youngest i said no more cups of tea, I also told her to stop talking about these guys who are after.I told her i didnt like her either Rob, How do you come back from this? She did saynit ws my descion to permanetly end this. Advice please. I will stfu, i don't want it to end! Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 First advice, RELAX!!! Man relax!!!! You need to resign yourself that your marriage is likely over. Get used to that picture. Secondly, realize that because of your children you MUST go on. There's no choice. Then you will eventually realize you'll not only go on, but you will thrive. OK? Now, you blew up, so what. You let her have it, so what. You didn't exactly try and run her down right? IMHO she has been acting like a spoiled brat anyway, she IS married after all. Just relax. Think before you speak. Your mind is racing, you feel as though you are drowing and you keep clutching at any piece of wood floating by. Trust me, I know this. I was there. Your wife sees this and she is exploiting it. Only when true changes comes from WITHIN can you hope for any relationship with her. She's gone, let her go. If she wants to come back then she must come back on her own. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 Rob, I really did read her the riot act! i told her she didnt deserve me, i was better then her! I mean this has been brewing for 9 weeks, i let her have it, sorry but she had it coming! She is coming 8.30am to pick up my youngest i said no more cups of tea, I also told her to stop talking about these guys who are after.I told her i didnt like her either Rob, How do you come back from this? She did saynit ws my descion to permanetly end this. Advice please. I will stfu, i don't want it to end! Yep she is acting like a spoilt brat,,, The only way to come back from this is to drop her like a bad habit, I told you how you should be speaking and acting, look back through your posts. Otherwise, do not call, email, or Text. If I was a betting man I'd put a tenner on her ringing you by Friday and acting as if nothing had happened. As I said I've been the, done that and brought the T shirt . Link to post Share on other sites
Author russell1968 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Share Posted January 25, 2011 I told her she could to pick up my daughter in the morning and i didn't want to speak to her anymore. Shall i do that? Should i apologize? i do feel that she needed for me to tell her it was all over as otherwise she would havecontinued to walk all over me.She is also convinced that i am shagging someone else and this is why i'm being like this! As you all know this is not true. She told me i was a wuss of a man, that was mean! As she left she said game on **** head! Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted January 25, 2011 Share Posted January 25, 2011 spouses are usually pretty emotional and nasty during separations, especially when children are involved. CALM DOWN and be the bigger person. I know its hard as hell, but you gotta do it, whether you want her or not. Link to post Share on other sites
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