Do I pursue her or what?

[tommyboyy]

Okay here's the story... I am a 37year old man who met this 32year old woman at my gym. We talked often and eventually started working out together. She eventually joined me and my other work out partner and was quite fun to hang with. We ended up keeping in touch outside of the gym through email. It was first to send her an IQ test but there was obvious interest on her part as I could see in person and another female friend noticed right away. It was like she really wanted to get to know me. I invited her to my house with my other work out partner for dinner. I wanted her to feel comfortable and I wanted to let her know the kind of person I was and where I lived. She ended up being the last to leave that night and we were up for awhile. My female roommate came home with a guy friend and she had told me she could see it just as much as her guy friend, whom both just met her, that "something" was going on there.

 

After that night we made plans to hang out and she displayed interests in her emails through innocent flirtations and then we eventually discussed passed relationships. I was informed she was going to marry this guy but that she was emotionally out of the relationship before Christmas time, as he had issues. She had only been broken up from him about a month, but seemed very over him when I talked with her. They both go to the same church and she continues to see him there. Well, I thought nothing of it and am not sure what to think of it now but to move forward, I made her dinner at my house many times and eventually laid together on the couch and kissed after 3 weeks of hanging out and getting to know each other. Well, since the night of the kiss the following day I felt such a gut wrenching bad feeling about everything all of a sudden. I asked her to meet me the following Monday to discuss this feeling I had all of a sudden. She told me how did you know with out seeing me, and I just told her I could feel it. She at first said it was that she needed to get her priorities in order. It eventually came out that she didn't want to drag me into the ex-boy friend thing, where things seemed to be settling?

 

Well, I backed off and I sent her less than interested but congenial emails but just stepped back from her for the first time. By the end of the week, it was obvious that she wanted to talk after the gym. She and I walked outside and talked for an hour about really nothing and then I told her I didn't want to be a distraction in her life and get in the way of things with the ex-boy friend. Well, she said that her ex was the distraction not me, and she came to this conclusion on Wednesday (another church night she would have seen him). She said she doesn't want him in her life other than just to be friends, or if he needed anything or whatever. We went out that night and the next but things still haven't felt the same since we were first starting getting to know each other. It definitely feels like she has pulled back. Something I do need to mention as well is that she has an aunt that is dying of cancer and her mother and father who have been staying with her during the winter, went to see her aunt back east before she dies. This has been nothing new for the family last 6 years, other than her condition is now grave, and the family just went through something like this with her grandmother 5 years ago. I have tried to give you as much information as possible and would entertain any questions further.

 

I am in love with her, and really want to be her boy friend and maybe much more, but I am not sure where she is at and she is not opening up to me and I don’t want to force her to but she says I can ask her any questions and she will answer them.

 

Please let me know of your experiences or advice that might help understand what I should do. I have been praying often.

[priscilla]

It doesn't sound as if she is ready for a new realtionship yet. She does not appear to be over her ex. Especially since she still sees him at church. If he is a distraction then she should go to a different church or change the time of the service so she doesn't see him. It is very hard to get over someone who you were serious with when they are still in your life in some way. Plus it has only been a month and she was to marry this guy. She still has feelings for him. Stay friends with her and give her some time to get over him. You don't want to be a rebound. THe family issues may also be resolved in some time. But right now she has too much on her plate and is not ready, that is why she pulled back.

[stoupe]

Yo, if you really want her I think you have her. It sounds as though she is finished with her ex and is just afraid of being hurt again. Judging by the way you are talking, I get the feeling that you are a bit slavish and accommodating towards her. What you need to do is completely show no romantic interest towards her. Act as though the kiss never happened and you don't want her.

 

Right now, she feels that she has you on a string. And if she needs you, she knows you will be there. There is no doubt in her mind, she believes she can have you whenver she wants. You need to put doubt in her mind. Show her no attention, almost be apathetic. Make sure she sees you talking to other girls in the gym. Don't do favors for her. Don't thank her too much.

 

Find an attractive celebrity and fall in love with her. Go to a web site and download a lot of pictures of her. Masturbate to them. Think about this celebrity constantly. Create a new crush to lessen your feelings for the girl you like.

 

The more you want this girl the more you are going to push her away. You have to like her, but not that much.

[amerikajin]

Tommy,

 

It sounds like you've been moving a little too fast. Slow down. Don't fall in love with someone who may or may not be ready to fall in love with you. I think you should pursue her, but do so gradually. I don't think it's a good idea to be seeing her on consecutive nights unless you've established yourselves as a couple, and that means that her ex has to be completely out of the picture.

 

On that note, be careful about the ex as a friend situation. Lots of guys get burned by women who are seemingly genuine in their affection for their current man, only to bounced by a sentimental women who wants to try to work things out with her ex.