I'll talk to you when I'm ready...

[JrRos]

I'm a male. I've been together with my partner for two years. It has been a bumpy ride. Lately, we have been having a lot of arguments mainly my doing. In short I've been an idiot (pardon the french).

 

I got caught up and overwhelmed by all that I have going in my life and she became my emotional punching bag. I'm not the most mature person there is, and I once I'm in emotional over-drive I don't stop till I screw things badly.

 

This past months have been filled with lots of arguments. This past Sunday, after another point less argument she texted me to tell me that she felt it was better if we did not speak any more. She expressed she felt nothing she did made me happy and that she hasn't been happy as well. I obviously was reluctant to let go. However, she ask to not make this any harder on her and she feels no matter how many times we talked things went back to being the same.

 

The next day, I asked to have an opportunity to talk to her to which she replied that it will happen when she is "ready". I told her I am scared to lose her, and that this "we'll talk when I'm ready" is just going to be the occasion in which she lets me go. She replied "That's not what I'm saying"... "don't be scared all I need is time and when I'm ready we'll talk". Later I asked if this time meant no communication at all, to which she replied "it would be best not to".

 

It's been a week and one day today. As often noted we don't really know what we got until is gone and now I'm living it. None of what she said confirms nor denies that we are completely done (in my opinion). I feel my time is up, but I've really want to tell her how I feel before she makes a decision.

 

I understand how much I screwed up. I really do. I have taken action to amend myself is those fields first. I have read things here and there about anger management. Also I've read a little on how to try to repair a relationship. I realize now how important this person has been to me. We have really strong feelings for each other and I feel that, although that can hold "us" through this, is not going to be enough and my time is up.

 

She hasn't responded to any of my attempts to grasp her attention. I'm dying inside with all I have to tell her. I don't know what to do. I feel I'm in quick sand, if I move I sink and if I don't I still sink but slower.

[SDA]

If you say anything it will make this situation worse. Whatever you did be as sorry as you want but it happened and it's over with.

 

Leave her be. Give her the time and if she really loves you and forgives you she'll come back. Don't reach out to her let her reach out to you.

 

Be strong. Good luck.

[JrRos]

Thanks, I guess my perception is that if I tell her how I feel then everything will be alright. However, as I come to find out it will most likely not help. I am scared to lose her as she has been and is a great part of my life, but if her "love" isn't strong enough to allow us the opportunity to try again then that "love" wasn't really there after all.

 

I wrote on my phone, under her number, "DO NOT CALL. BE STRONG" haha

[pgaye]

You are stronger than I am my friend. I just lost the lady in my life. I kept chasing after her and things went from make some changes and we will see, to its over and I am moving on with my life.

[JrRos]

Sorry to hear that. I don't know the details of your situation, but in mine, I've realized that I'm only ripping what I seeded. At the end, I'll take what I can from this while hoping I can take the lesson and keep my partner. However that may be a little too much, a little too late, and highly unlikely.

[marqueemoon4]

sorry to hear, but you seem to have a good understanding of whats going on. Hopefully that'll aid you in moving forward.

 

Reaping what you sewed

[JrRos]

Haha thanks for the correction.

 

Well I thought rationally and saw the pieces didn't fit. I went to talk to her. I told her what I had to. She said to me that it was too late as she has already made it official with someone else.

 

During our conversation she admitted that she feels very hurt from the past month we spend together, and "very angry" about it. Later, she told me that she loved me, but it was not the same.

 

I was not really bothered by anything she said. I mentioned to her to reflect upon what she had just told me as in my opinion it makes no sense. I told her she made a radical decision over someone she practically just met.

 

I don't blame her for wanting to look at another person as I consider I messed up. However, I don't think she realizes that the "new toy" feeling can only last so long and she's still has strong emotions towards me, whether good or bad ones, it's a lot of luggage. Two years of history, with lots of great and not s great moments is not easy to let go.

 

At the end, I emphasized that she reflect upon how she just told me she felt about me. Very calmly I offered to try something new with me. She seemed to have given it some thought, the would reinforce that "things will never change". So I said my good-byes; I told her I loved her very much, and that wished things have been different. I wished her good luck and happiness, kissed her forehead and turned around and walked away.

 

Soon after I felt as if a switch was turned off inside me. I don't think she was very rational about her decision. In conclusion I feel I have grown up and learn a lot from this, and I'm definitely someone new.

[JrRos]

So I'm bringing this back up. I have been rather fine the past weeks. However, today I once again felt that desperation rush again. I just need to vent somewhere. I feel jealous of knowing she's with someone else. It's hard to keep that thought out of mind. It sucks to feel like this. Seeing a picture of her still makes me perspire and makes my heart race. Not to mention the anxiety and hopelessness of knowing I am not the person by her side. Then comes the regret of all the times I threw away. I imagine how things were before we parted. We would usually text and/or talk about this time. I would pass by her house later on and just spend time with her.

 

It just a harsh thought to imagine her with someone else. It sucks. I try hard to detach myself from the emotions, but I having a difficult time doing so right now.

[evil hank]

Dont look at pics, you did the right thing. Just remember we have good days and bad days, you are just having a bad day. Im often bothered how some of these girls try to move on so fast, you start doubting yourself. Maybe she was just looking for the excuse, either way keep it up and you will do fine.

[JrRos]

The worse is to deal with the emotional over-drive. I just needed to vent and let it out. I am okay now.

[evil hank]

I know, sometimes i too feel it, overwelmed (like now) but sometimes u just need to know, it will pass and all will be better sooner. I keep teling myself a phonecall will set back all progress.

[giveittofate]

Sorry to hear of your struggles...Obviously this guy is a rebound, but to move on sooo quickly mean that she's very broken up and lonely about it all , so she's prob looking for a quick fix...it'll get her in the end(i don't know her obviously, but that's what I'd assume)....I was in your shoes 2 months ago and I know the feeling of hopelessness that consumes you. I decided to go NC and just seriously go with the saying "what's meant to be will always be"...in a way its therapeutic for me because if it was true love then one day we'll be back, and if she didn't share the same love an commitment as me, well then it was a tough life lesson , but like you I was an immature dick at times, but now we know a little more on how to behave I guess you could say...anyways try and keep your chin up and you said what you needed, so now it's time for NC....if she is meant for you, you'll hear from her again....gl brother

[JrRos]

Hmm I don't know how much of a rebound her new guys is. I mean she technically dumped me, but did through a text since she couldn't face me. To fill in, I was the one with the commitment issues not her. She said she is happy now, and blah blah. We had a really bad month and this is the outcome.

 

In the end, I take this as a learning experience. At times is just a bit hard to keep feelings from surfacing. I have kept NC since we parted. I am also a believer of letting the pieces fall where they may.

 

Anyways, I got a raise so I'm happy. lol

[JrRos]

This experience has been a roller-coaster. It's difficult to keep someone that has meant so much to me out of mind. Although I have gone out a lot, met people, and gone out on dates, she still lingers in my mind. Trying to forget her brings back to the picture.

 

Today for some reason I woke a bit on the sad side. I have no idea why. I just wanted to put out my thoughts somewhere out of my head.

[pingu45s]

Nothing we can say is going to help any, but I feel your pain bro. Going through it myself. Chin Up!

[Chell]

mornings are the worst! i find myself feeling fine and normal until it's morning again and i think its because i wake up and again realize he's not here. it seems that everything im feeling resets when i go to sleep and it's an endless cycle that I have to deal with daily.

[darran]

JrRos

 

we sound very similar...

 

my ex did the same... she run off with a rebound. I am talking here a full 180 swing. The guy was the COMPLETE opposite of me. she went away with him too. he isnt on facebook but put pics of him on facebook. used to tell me how great he was bla bla....

 

....3 months later SHE dumped him.

 

Now she is saying to me "leave me alone for a while.... I will get in touch when I feel ready to. I am not going to be seeing anyone for a while. I need to be alone and work things out."

 

I get the occaisional MSN from her. I think and feel she will indeed be in touch with me again.

 

I think that we when hurt need to process our feelings, for some it can be done quickly for others it's too much to cope with. They rebound... which is just plain daft in my opinion. After a while they realise (when they are healing - just like my ex did) that there actually were good things about YOU (being me) and there are thing THEY (the rebounder) actually miss about us.

 

Its this what I truly believe breaks the rebound relationship as the realise "sh*t, I am not over that relationship in the slightest.... eh!?? wtf am I doing with this guy.... oh sh*t.... I have made a mistake by getting involved with someone" and then its over for new guy.

 

Whether they come back is probably determined on 2 things.

 

1) they can actually forgive and put the past in the past

2) they REALLY did love us and want to work things out

 

I think all we can do is move on.

[Chi townD]

okay, tough love here, she saying she'll contact you when she's ready. That is a full of crap line. She's not gonna call you when she's ready, and to be honest with you. That's not fair what she's doing to you. She goes out on dates with this guy; enjoying her time while you sit at home waiting to hear from her? That's just cruel. Dude, chalk this up to lessons learned and move on. Learn from your mistakes and don't let them happen in the future.

[JrRos]

Nothing we can say is going to help any, but I feel your pain bro. Going through it myself. Chin Up!

 

Yeah, I've read you story. Thanks and likewise keep you're head up.

 

Darran - Thanks for the reply. To be honest, I do not expect her to come back. I don't really think she would, who knows?. I hurt her a lot. After I lost her and realize that, I truly hope wherever life takes her that she be happy. I have no resentment other than with myself. I'm slowly letting go of things, knowing that I cannot change the past only learn and adjust for the present and future.

 

Chi town D - I have already talked to her, about 20 days ago. I'm not waiting on her to contact me, nor for her to re-surface in my life. I got the closure I needed. I just kept the thread alive so i don't unnecessarily open another one. I miss her, and some days much more than others. I post here from work when I'm having one of those moments.

[Chi townD]

Good job, bro! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!

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[JrRos]

^^^ What the.... can a mod delete that?

 

Good job, bro! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!

 

Thanks. Once you get past the emotional over-drive and use logic everything looks completely different.

[z00m25]

yup i know how you feel bro. i dated for two years as well and im sure my ex is goin out with all kinds of other guys she said she would if we ever broke up. dont really know blocked her on fb and havent talked to her really since the breakup. **** them both. i have no idea why chicks act the way they do and run from their problems so easily. their fault tho just like you i wanted to work on our issues and move on from them but they didnt want to so its their fault the breakups happened.

[JrRos]

Sucks to hear that. Like I said previously, in my particular case, I really pushed the envelope and she did try to fix the issues. I believe she just go tired of it, and convince herself that things weren't going to change. At the same time, there's always that guy that pops that famous line "I can't believe he does that. I wouldn't do that to someone I love.." blah blah blah... Whoever "charms" a girl in a vulnerable moment like this INTENTIONALLY it's not a great person begin with in my book.

 

Anyway enough with the rant. I felt temped to drop an "anonymous" valentine's card at her door today lol. Nothing crazy just best wishes. I guess running late to work and school kept me from doing so.

[JrRos]

So, I have a question. Maybe I'm over looking at the scenario, BUT something just doesn't add up.

 

Blah blah blah I was dumped about a month ago, If you want the filler read the previous post. A few weeks later I checked my ex's FB (yes, I know...) I noticed she took off the pictures of us. However, she did not update her status or anything at all.

 

So I wonder, from what I know about her, and how I was a bit surprised that she would jump from one relationship to another so quick, specially after how long we stuck together and all the things we went through, could she have lied about being with someone? I mean, I'm not oblivious to the fact that there's someone that banked on my mistakes. I just wonder if she really is "together" with this person, or just trying it out and see where it goes.

 

It comes a bit odd that she would make it official that she's not with me anymore, yet not announcing anything about the new person she's with. She wasn't very congruent when we last talk and it seemed she was very pissed and doing this to push me aside.

 

It's been a bit over a month since we last talk and something just doesn't add up. O_o

 

I thought I'd share.