Always dump her while she has still high interest !

[East7]

(I know I will be bashed by women but) According to my experience of dating and relationships, I learned that in order to have a chance to make her (GF) preserve feelings for you, or have a chance to get her back,

Always leave while she has still interest in you!

 

If she becomes distant, nagging, loses physical or verbal affection, criticizes, starts to look at other guys, and all kind of break-up Red flags, leave first !!!

 

I have noticed that if you do so, she will always have high interest even after break-up. She will suffer much more and she will be longing to get you back.

 

Unfortunately most of the time we guys let the things go downhills ignoring they red flags.

 

The girls/women never dump someone overnight. They built up gradually resentment and disrespect until they feel nothing more positive about their BF and dump him. And when they do so it is really over forever ! No chance to get her back because she killed everything that she felt for you, she had time to kill it slowly and definitely.

 

My advice, when you feel it is going south since a while and she is nagging tell her "Look, I think this relationship is not going well, I need some space right now" and go no contact. It works !

[TaraMaiden]

That's fine. This makes you either a "CommitmentPhobe" or a "Player".

 

Providing you admit to girls that you are one of these, then dumping will be easier, because they will either steer clear of you, or play with you at your own game.

Be honest with them from the outset, (honesty is always a point in your favour) and you eliminate the risk of using people and hurting them.

 

It's fine, it's how you operate.

 

Which one are you?

I'd say 'player', myself....

[TheThinker]

I can understand what you are saying in terms of trying to keep them for longer but this just seems to me that that you have never been in love with someone enough to care about them in such a way that you would never put them through something like that.

 

I suppose what you are really saying is "treat them mean, keep them keen" but in a loving relationship i wouldnt expect either partner to think or act that way

[East7]

That's fine. This makes you either a "CommitmentPhobe" or a "Player".

 

Providing you admit to girls that you are one of these, then dumping will be easier, because they will either steer clear of you, or play with you at your own game.

Be honest with them from the outset, (honesty is always a point in your favour) and you eliminate the risk of using people and hurting them.

 

It's fine, it's how you operate.

 

Which one are you?

I'd say 'player', myself....

 

I'm not a commitment-avoider or a player. Never have been !

 

I have been broken many times and this is my personal conclusion and that's how it has always worked in my experience.

 

Honesty and genuine love doesn't always work with girls, it is a reality check ! Either they take you for granted or will lose interest in you.

[marqueemoon4]

Pre emptively dumping someone because you know they care about you? Sounds pretty manipulative to me.

[Woggle]

Dumping a woman before the chemical high expires will get her hooked for life. Also if you take her back after making her earn it she will always respect you because you show that you are willing to leave her and won't put up with just anything.

 

It is really sad that men have to do this in order to make a relationship last but they didn't make the rules.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm not a commitment-avoider or a player.

 

No, no, no....Trust me... you may not see yourself as one, but you are.

Women will see you as one or the other.

Sod what you think you are. That's irrelevant.

 

It's what they see and hear that speaks volumes.

And to women you dump - you really are one or the other.

 

 

I have been broken many times and this is my personal conclusion and that's how it has always worked in my experience.

so tell me... on your workplan - how do you see yourself settling down with anyone?

 

Honesty and genuine love doesn't always work with girls, it is a reality check ! Either they take you for granted or will lose interest in you.

You do realise they think the same....right?

Maybe they lose interest because you're backing off....

[TaraMaiden]

Dumping a woman before the chemical high expires will get her hooked for life. Also if you take her back after making her earn it she will always respect you because you show that you are willing to leave her and won't put up with just anything.

 

It is really sad that men have to do this in order to make a relationship last but they didn't make the rules.

 

Woggle....?

You know you're regressing, don't you?

 

You didn't dump your wife, did you?

And has she come crawling back to you?

Did you make her earn your respect?

And when have you ever shown her that you've been "willing to leave her"....?

 

You're talking crap again, honey.

Just thought I'd give you a heads-up on that, before you start reverting to type again....

[Woggle]

Woggle....?

You know you're regressing, don't you?

 

You didn't dump your wife, did you?

And has she come crawling back to you?

Did you make her earn your respect?

And when have you ever shown her that you've been "willing to leave her"....?

 

You're talking crap again, honey.

Just thought I'd give you a heads-up on that, before you start reverting to type again....

 

There are a good number of women like my wife and some others who know how to make a healthy relationship last but sadly in many cases a man has to play the game the OP talks about. Even my wife herself admits that many women are just headcases who put a good men through the ringer while handing it over on a platter to the jerks.

 

Do you think men want to have to do this in order to have a relationship? Don't you think most of them would rather have a healthy and normal relationship with minimal drama? The answer is yes but that is becoming harder and harder these days.

[East7]

Dumping a woman before the chemical high expires will get her hooked for life. Also if you take her back after making her earn it she will always respect you because you show that you are willing to leave her and won't put up with just anything.

 

It is really sad that men have to do this in order to make a relationship last but they didn't make the rules.

 

Thanks Woogle, eloquently said.

 

And yes it is sad that a guy has sometimes to be manipulative to keep her interested, but that's reality around me.

 

No, no, no....Trust me... you may not see yourself as one, but you are.

Women will see you as one or the other.

Sod what you think you are. That's irrelevant.

 

How did you come to know me so well ?

Just because I'm professing a life-experience advice, doesn't make me a serial dumper or a player. (What's ironic is that I'm someone with very traditional views)

Edited January 19, 2011 by East7

[TaraMaiden]

There are a good number of women like my wife and some others who know how to make a healthy relationship last but sadly in many cases a man has to play the game the OP talks about.

 

I agree with this.Sadly, this forum is full of threads form people who think playing Mind-games is a healthy way to proceed. they believe it's a form of self-preservatuion, but it inevitably backfires sooner or later.

 

This thread - and the OP - are a shining example.

 

Even my wife herself admits that many women are just headcases who put a good men through the ringer while handing it over on a platter to the jerks.

I agree with her, but as I say, unfortunately, it works both ways. There are as many men who do the same.

 

Do you think (WO)men want to have to do this in order to have a relationship? Don't you think most of them would rather have a healthy and normal relationship with minimal drama? The answer is yes but that is becoming harder and harder these days.

 

Altered in bold. Both for clarification, and for the benefit of the OP.

[TaraMaiden]

Thanks Woogle, eloquently said.

 

And yes it is sad that a guy has sometimes to be manipulative to keep her interested, but that's reality around me.

Mind games suck. They're puerile, present a false impression and ultimately, are counter-productive.

 

How did you come to know me so well ?

I don't know you so well. But I know women, and this is how women see you.

I'm talking from the receiver's PoV, not yours. Perception is everything. And you come across as a player or commitmentphobe.

To women.

What you are attempting to project, is not the point. What is being received, IS the point.

 

 

 

J(. . .) (What's ironic is that I'm someone with very traditional views)

"Traditional Views"? What are they?

Women not being allowed to vote?

Having to stay home and raise the children while dad goes to work?

 

What is a 'traditional view'...?

 

Like I said - what you intend to communicate, is not coming across as you believe it is, or even, should.

[ccnaboy2000]

Dumping a woman before the chemical high expires will get her hooked for life. Also if you take her back after making her earn it she will always respect you because you show that you are willing to leave her and won't put up with just anything.

 

It is really sad that men have to do this in order to make a relationship last but they didn't make the rules.

 

This is actually very true. At least in the case of my ex. I know she is still hung up on several of the guys she dated prior to me.

 

One guy just didnt even dump her, he just disappeared, never talking to her again, it's been 2 years, and it still hurts her and she still talks about him, and just about every other guy that's dumped her.

 

Oddly enough, I'm the only guy that she's ever dumped, maybe because I'm the only guy that stuck it long enough to put up with her crap. But I've reverse dumped her with NC and I know it's killin her inside.

[East7]

Mind games suck. They're puerile, present a false impression and ultimately, are counter-productive.

 

Well...it may sound puerile but it works, sorry if I have a reality perception different from yours.

 

I don't know you so well. But I know women, and this is how women see you.

I'm talking from the receiver's PoV, not yours. Perception is everything. And you come across as a player or commitmentphobe.

To women.

What you are attempting to project, is not the point. What is being received, IS the point.

This was directed to guys. I know most women won't like the concept but I don't see how it makes me look like a player..

As Woogle said it clearly 'leaving while she has still high chemicals' has 2 benefits :

1. Having a chance to get her back.

2. She will always have feelings left for you.

 

I admit I have to moderate the concept of "dumping". Sometimes backing-off may be enough, it depends on circumstances. I am not saying being mean and throw her like a used rag. I mean act manly, don't accept second-class behavior, show her your limits - women like and respect men who put boundaries and have strong personality. Some women act like testing men, they act childish, spoiled, etc...backing off is sometimes good to re-establish respect.

 

Besides, I have noticed that women ALWAYS have a gradual falling-out-of-love process. It never happens over-night. It starts with loosing attraction, getting bored, get the guy for granted, losing respect, getting distant, and building gradually resentment until the day of :

- I don't feel the same way.

- We are so different.

- It's not you, it's me, I don't know what I feel.

- We can't keep this but we can be friends.

Maybe because the guy has done something wrong, but (sadly) it happens even when the guy is doing everything right. And that is the No-return point. Most of the time it is over forever. The "skill" is not to let the things degrade and hit the bottom.

 

 

"Traditional Views"? What are they?

Women not being allowed to vote?

Having to stay home and raise the children while dad goes to work?

What is a 'traditional view'...?

(out of Topic) I prefer LTR, marriage, kids...I don't like flings, ONS etc, that's all.

[rajcs25]

I dont know if it works. I told my girlfriend who kept pushing me for marriage, i told her i need time, she felt nervous couple of days, but it looks like she is out of it. I keep sending her messages and went myself to see her, but i have a sense she is perfectly fine in her life. before few days she told me " i cant live without you" etc. .etc. and she felt very nervous, but now only 3-4 days after i told her we need to spend time, she knows that she has to get going in life and is fine and now she does not even remember all my help, good things etc. it didnt took much time for her, it was instant? or may be i am not seeing it right way. is it that she is just reacting like that?

Well...it may sound puerile but it works, sorry if I have a reality perception different from yours.

 

This was directed to guys. I know most women won't like the concept but I don't see how it makes me look like a player..

As Woogle said it clearly 'leaving while she has still high chemicals' has 2 benefits :

1. Having a chance to get her back.

2. She will always have feelings left for you.

 

I admit I have to moderate the concept of "dumping". Sometimes backing-off may be enough, it depends on circumstances. I am not saying being mean and throw her like a used rag. I mean act manly, don't accept second-class behavior, show her your limits - women like and respect men who put boundaries and have strong personality. Some women act like testing men, they act childish, spoiled, etc...backing off is sometimes good to re-establish respect.

 

Besides, I have noticed that women ALWAYS have a gradual falling-out-of-love process. It never happens over-night. It starts with loosing attraction, getting bored, get the guy for granted, losing respect, getting distant, and building gradually resentment until the day of :

- I don't feel the same way.

- We are so different.

- It's not you, it's me, I don't know what I feel.

- We can't keep this but we can be friends.

Maybe because the guy has done something wrong, but (sadly) it happens even when the guy is doing everything right. And that is the No-return point. Most of the time it is over forever. The "skill" is not to let the things degrade and hit the bottom.

 

 

(out of Topic) I prefer LTR, marriage, kids...I don't like flings, ONS etc, that's all.

[Duckduckgoose]

That approach to relationships may work for you East, but its going to get you a reputation quickly. You might even want this reputation, but no woman of worth will want you once she finds out how you are.

[rajcs25]

Yes i agree. Its not the right thing to do. I am very emotional person and cant even imagine myself ever doing that

That approach to relationships may work for you East, but its going to get you a reputation quickly. You might even want this reputation, but no woman of worth will want you once she finds out how you are.

[East7]

That approach to relationships may work for you East, but its going to get you a reputation quickly. You might even want this reputation, but no woman of worth will want you once she finds out how you are.

 

Thanks for being so concerned about my reputation. No worry

 

I am not professing treating women bad, I'm just pointing out something I have noticed in my own experience and that of other people around me.

 

Yes i agree. Its not the right thing to do. I am very emotional person and cant even imagine myself ever doing that

 

Dude I'm not teaching you to dump your fiancee (I think you didn't get it) My point is : Don't let things go downhill before it's too late. Maybe your fiancee got tired of waiting you to commit, that's another story, but believe me she didn't fell out of love overnight.

[rajcs25]

Hi East7,

It could be the case that she wanted to marry to get settled and was never sure about love. Or she really loved very much the person in her past relationship that she was prepared. What she is doing right now is preparing herself. Yes she wanted to marry me everything, but she didnt have trust. She thinks i will dump her later by asking extension. I dont have a history of dumping but she fears that. So what i see in her now in just matter of 3-4 days is she has started leading her own life. I am now getting nervous and am not happy as i she has started acting with me professionally, i am very happy at least she talks with me even though little, but she stays good in her own life. So if i dont talk with her at all, i strongly believe she will not contact me or she wont be worried about me or talking with me, she will simply move over.. or am i wrong? please advise

 

 

 

Dude I'm not teaching you to dump your fiancee (I think you didn't get it) My point is : Don't let things go downhill before it's too late. Maybe your fiancee got tired of waiting you to commit, that's another story, but believe me she didn't fell out of love overnight.

[East7]

Hi East7,

So if i dont talk with her at all, i strongly believe she will not contact me or she wont be worried about me or talking with me, she will simply move over.. or am i wrong? please advise

 

Rajcs, I am sorry but I can't take the responsibility to advice you about this relationship. I suggest that you open your own thread and expose clearly your story with your fiancee. I'm sure lots of people here will be glad to give you their advice.

[LifeIsGreat]

I think almost everyone here is taking the OP's comments incorrectly.

 

What he is saying makes perfect sense. If the r/l is going to end anyway, why wait for it to get crappy first? Am I right OP?

 

In my experience, waiting for it to 'hit the fan' before breaking up leads to way more heartache and bad feelings as opposed to ending it sooner.

 

I don't think the OP is condoning 'games' or hurting people on purpose.

[OldSkool]

I admit I have to moderate the concept of "dumping". Sometimes backing-off may be enough, it depends on circumstances. I am not saying being mean and throw her like a used rag. I mean act manly, don't accept second-class behavior, show her your limits - women like and respect men who put boundaries and have strong personality. Some women act like testing men, they act childish, spoiled, etc...backing off is sometimes good to re-establish respect.

 

Besides, I have noticed that women ALWAYS have a gradual falling-out-of-love process. It never happens over-night. It starts with loosing attraction, getting bored, get the guy for granted, losing respect, getting distant, and building gradually resentment until the day of :

- I don't feel the same way.

- We are so different.

- It's not you, it's me, I don't know what I feel.

- We can't keep this but we can be friends.

Maybe because the guy has done something wrong, but (sadly) it happens even when the guy is doing everything right. And that is the No-return point. Most of the time it is over forever. The "skill" is not to let the things degrade and hit the bottom.

 

This is it in a nutshell. I can completely see East's point but there are a few modifiers I would add;

 

This is if you want to maintain contact with the woman (even if it is only as platonic friends, yes it can happen). If you intend to go NC and completely cut them out of your life, the above does not apply.

 

The bottom line is that if you feel the relationship is going downhill, it is better to end it while there are still SOME good feelings left. She will respect you and you will respect yourself.

 

I have found that a woman can not even be friends with a man she does not respect.

 

Self preservation is not being a player.

[East7]

I think almost everyone here is taking the OP's comments incorrectly.

 

What he is saying makes perfect sense. If the r/l is going to end anyway, why wait for it to get crappy first? Am I right OP?

 

In my experience, waiting for it to 'hit the fan' before breaking up leads to way more heartache and bad feelings as opposed to ending it sooner.

 

I don't think the OP is condoning 'games' or hurting people on purpose.

 

OMG thanks

 

I always believe in communication, being attentive at women's needs, but sometimes even if you are doing everything right, she is not into you anymore.

 

I think women "secretly" want a mixture of kindness and meanness, it is a question of dosage.

 

If you love her and want to repair the relationship, paradoxally it is better either to back off or literally dump her.

 

Thing is when you let things go downhill, she will remember the fights, the ending and the bitter part. For some odd reasons women will focus on the collapse of a relationship rather than the good times of it and end up saying "It would have never worked anyway, I don't regret him".

 

On the other side, if you walk while it is going south, she will keep the good memories, focus on them and probably wanting to get you back (even if she won't admit it).

 

I think it is psychological. Our memories, opinions and feelings crystallize at the last interaction with someone.

 

Take for instance a popular football player, a popular singer or whatever celebrity...When they brutally interrupt their career at the top of their success, they become a LEGEND. When they start to decline and become less successful, at the end they become just "has been-s".

 

This is it in a nutshell. I can completely see East's point but there are a few modifiers I would add;

 

This is if you want to maintain contact with the woman (even if it is only as platonic friends, yes it can happen). If you intend to go NC and completely cut them out of your life, the above does not apply.

 

Yes. If you walk away because you want it over, it is a choice, no need to "play games".

 

The bottom line is that if you feel the relationship is going downhill, it is better to end it while there are still SOME good feelings left. She will respect you and you will respect yourself.

Yes. see above.

 

I have found that a woman can not even be friends with a man she does not respect.

We agree! And she loses respect if you let her kill it slowly. Edited January 19, 2011 by East7

[fiat500]

(I know I will be bashed by women but) According to my experience of dating and relationships, I learned that in order to have a chance to make her (GF) preserve feelings for you, or have a chance to get her back,

Always leave while she has still interest in you!

 

If she becomes distant, nagging, loses physical or verbal affection, criticizes, starts to look at other guys, and all kind of break-up Red flags, leave first !!!

 

I have noticed that if you do so, she will always have high interest even after break-up. She will suffer much more and she will be longing to get you back.

 

Unfortunately most of the time we guys let the things go downhills ignoring they red flags.

 

The girls/women never dump someone overnight. They built up gradually resentment and disrespect until they feel nothing more positive about their BF and dump him. And when they do so it is really over forever ! No chance to get her back because she killed everything that she felt for you, she had time to kill it slowly and definitely.

 

My advice, when you feel it is going south since a while and she is nagging tell her "Look, I think this relationship is not going well, I need some space right now" and go no contact. It works !

 

 

your same theory can apply to guys as well.

[D78]

...I mean act manly, don't accept second-class behavior, show her your limits - women like and respect men who put boundaries and have strong personality. Some women act like testing men, they act childish, spoiled, etc...backing off is sometimes good to re-establish respect...

 

I read your original post to say basically dump women while everything is okay and make them earn being back with you... which is unnecessary game playing and will result in at best a semi-dysfunctional relationship.

 

Hey kids, how about using communication in a relationship?

 

But, I agree with the language I quoted above, and believe it applies equally to men and women. Men also act childish, spoiled, etc. and women should not accept second class behavior from men any more than men should accept it from women.