Always dump her while she has still high interest !

[stillafool]

 

Backing-off isn't a game if your partner take you for granted and you are doing everything right. We always value more something when we lose it or when we risk to lose it. Sometimes we have to teach it to the partner in the hard way.

 

 

Why not just walk away for good from a partner who takes you for granted and find another partner who doesn't take you for granted? Why continue to beat your head against a wall for someone who doesn't care and shows it? There are too many women and men in the world to put up for that kind of treatment.

[jlola]

You know East7, in my 20's I was in 2 relationships like this. The men initially showed very high interest. Telling me they have never felt this way about anyone. I am the woman they searched for all their lives.blah,blah,blah Both the relationships lasted less than a year, with me feeling confused and pining for years when they were over.

 

Your ego takes a dive because during the infatuation stage we love the way we look and feel in the eyes of our lover. Now our lover is no longer putting you on a pedestal. What I realize now is their infatuaton stage came to an end before mine. Ok , time to move on.

 

With what I understand about the stages of infatuation I now see it is pointless to deal with this person. You may prolong the stage of infatuation( I did with both men, since I did not contact them after break-up and BOTH came back years later, I guess they thought they made a mistake). What I see now is they were immature people who do not understand the stages of a relationship. Believe me, you will eventually have to leave the infatuaton or honeymoon stage with these folks.

 

That is when they will lose interest all over again. You see if you were a good and thoughtful partner and you still got dumped, it is because these women or MEN need an adreneline rush during relationships. They are the ones who believe passion,romance and drama are what relationships are all about. In other words their immaturity gives them unrealistic expectations.

 

So now that I am in my 30's I would run from a man who was attracted to me, one I treated with nothing but respect and kindness,but as soon as infatuation stage is over he wants to leave the relationship.

 

Reality is that all relationships go through mundane times. Especially if you are working,have a home, children etc. You cannot always keep it exciting.

 

So what happens then. This is the sort of personality you need to avoid. Because when the going gets tough and life together gets monotonous, then what? Then you become a slave to keeping her happy,playing games in order to make the relationship dramatic.

 

Emotionally mature adults understand relationships will go through many stages. It ebbs and flows. They make a comittment to their relationship and understand you visit romance at times. But it is not constant.They do not need games to make them interested.

 

I wish there was a dating website for emotionally mature adults. One that gives you a test:) Because I honestly feel too many people do not understand themselves let alone the person they are having a relationship with.

 

With a divorce rate of 50%. You wonder how many of that 50% that stay married are happy. With people staying together for the sake of their children,for financial reasons,from fear of being alone, for religious reasons etc, I fear there are very few people married and happy.

 

I think emotional immaturity has a lot to do with it. It is so rare two MATURE people actually end up together. Most others are expecting someone to come along and magically make them happy and keep them at the infatuation stage forever. When that doesn't happen, they blame their spouse.

[East7]

Good insight JLola.

 

Sometimes the very persons that chased you are the ones who end up dumping you, crazy isn't it ? They want challenge and passion and when it slows down either they cheat or they leave. Mature and experienced persons know that the honeymoon stage never goes further than 1-2 years. Then the R settles donw, there are no more butterflies in the stomach.

 

Now to come to my concept "leave before it hits the bottom", the thing is a relationship is never balanced in terms of feelings. There will always be one that loves more and is the "Giver" who doesn't need butterflies in the stomach to stay and on the other hand you have a "Taker", someone who expects evrything as due to him/her.

When the R is going south for whatever reason, the Giver will try to make it work, while the Taker will slip away and will not invest but rather will blame the Giver for the dysfunction.

The giver has two options : either to back off and take control or to try to make it work while it is going downhill. Oddly the harder the Giver will try fix the issues, the less the Taker will make efforts until the day the Taker either cheats or leaves.

 

I agree that maturity has to do a lot with the behavior in a R but in reality the interest level and feelings are not related to how much mature you are. Low interest has nothing to do with your maturity. When you don't give a damn, you sit there and watch it scrolling downhill, no matter you are 20, 30, 40 or 50 yrs old. Lots of intelligent, intellectual, brilliant status and position people have poor relationship skills or when they don't care, they just don't care, no matter how brilliant they are.

 

When you back off, you rekindle the interest. I hate it too, but it works, it is human nature. It creates a void. And when you create a void to someone, his instinct will want it to be filled asap.

 

Also if you want to leave a deep mark in someone's mind, you have to leave while that person still has some feelings and respect. (I used the celebrity analogy in the page 2 - when famous artists disappear at the top of their success they always become a Legend, they mark their fans souls forever)

[jlola]

Good insight JLola.

 

I agree that maturity has to do a lot with the behavior in a R but in reality the interest level and feelings are not related to how much mature you are. Low interest has nothing to do with your maturity. When you don't give a damn, you sit there and watch it scrolling downhill, no matter you are 20, 30, 40 or 50 yrs old. Lots of intelligent, intellectual, brilliant status and position people have poor relationship skills or when they don't care, they just don't care, no matter how brilliant they are.

 

When you back off, you rekindle the interest. I hate it too, but it works, it is human nature. It creates a void. And when you create a void to someone, his instinct will want it to be filled asap.

 

forever)

 

 

E7, I like your analogy of a famous person dying young becoming a legend.

 

But I have to disagree interest level does not have much in how mature you are. If you have a person you chased,was sexually attracted to you. One who treated you with respect and kindness. Why would you lose interest?? what, no more butterflies and adreneline now that the relatonship is past infatuation???? It is the kind of person everyone strives for in their lives. How often is such a person going to show up?

 

I have seen people lose interest in a person who is the best thing that ever happened to them. just to go with a low value person who drives their adrenaline and gives them a rollercoaster ride. They enjoy this crazyness.

 

That is part of immaturity and I have yet to see a person, no matter how intelligent he is, that would dump a person who has character and integrity, who is attractive and kind be in any way emotionally mature. Sure they are the ones to moan and groan when they lose these good people. But when they do get them back, it does not take long to go with that cycle agin. People like that who are the takers are usually appreciative of what they do not have rather than what they do have. while givers see the glass half full and appreciate what they do have. Mature peple cling to the good because they understand the bad.

 

I'll give you my analogy of people. My middle sister always would complain about people being disrespectful. She would confront person. Get angry and tell them what they did to upset her. Then she would not speak with them for a long time. Eventually she would get a phone call during a birthday or Holiday and the friendship would start all over again.

 

I used to ask her why she would bother being friends with them again after they showed her their true colors. My thoughts were people do not change who they are. And is an adult does not know how to behave with someone who has shown them kindness and respect. Why should you be the one to try to teach them that lesson? Meanwhile it is the very people who disrespect those folks they show respect too. Ass-backwards.

 

Now my sister is far from a push-over. Probably why she will confront when she feels there is disrespect.

 

Thing is in a majority of the time, the person will revert to their former disrespectful behavior. We had a talk about this years ago and she agreed I was correct. When a person is willing to be disrespectful in the face of kindness and respect there is an immaturity in them. It is impossible to teach them a lesson as they may be sorry for awhile, but they eventually revert to being who they are.

 

Now you tell me, what mature person who is getting all they need from a relationship lets it go. But only wants it back after they lose it? This is why I understand now, no matter how much my heart hurts to lose such a fool I have to let go. There are actually mature men out there who will appreciate a healthy relationship.

[Hhhh]

I actually thought about doing this after she broke up with me though...

 

There was a point in the relationship where i almost broke up with her and she begged and cried for me not to do it, basically got suckered back in and set myself up for heart break. Thinking back maybe if i did break up with her then she would realize a love like this doesn't come around often

[dconway8484]

This thread is a moot point. Yeah, dumping her while she has high interest may help you in the short-term, but will it help you change your own issues if you caused the downfall of your relationship? Will it make her deserving of your love if it was her fault? No. If you have to do this, the relationship isn't going to work regardless of how much you say you love them or they love you. Time to move on and find someone who appreciates you for who you are or move on and work on your own issues.

[donnamaybe]

I understand your point, it is about self-respect and gratitude. If love was a logical choice, the relationships would have been very easy. The mutual respect and love does exist in mature relationships where both partners work to keep it healthy and happy, but that is nowadays becoming an exception "lucky gal"

 

The thread is about those relationships where one of the partners is slipping away. It is easy to say good riddance but most of the people would want to make it work and even where there is nothing to work or be saved, at least save some dignity and leave before it is hitting the bottom. When you let it hit the bottom, the memory of the relationship and your partner will be the worst ever, you'd feel humiliated and wrecked.

As long as you are leaving for YOU and not leaving as some kind of mechanism to try to change the other person, then I completely agree with you. You should NOT have to endure a lot of awful experiences and have the relationship become absolutely horrendous before you leave. Leaving, though, should be for you - not to make the other person want you. Let 'em want you. They had their chance.

 

NEXT!

[Billy_Boy]

(I know I will be bashed by women but) According to my experience of dating and relationships, I learned that in order to have a chance to make her (GF) preserve feelings for you, or have a chance to get her back,

Always leave while she has still interest in you!

 

If she becomes distant, nagging, loses physical or verbal affection, criticizes, starts to look at other guys, and all kind of break-up Red flags, leave first !!!

 

I have noticed that if you do so, she will always have high interest even after break-up. She will suffer much more and she will be longing to get you back.

 

Unfortunately most of the time we guys let the things go downhills ignoring they red flags.

 

The girls/women never dump someone overnight. They built up gradually resentment and disrespect until they feel nothing more positive about their BF and dump him. And when they do so it is really over forever ! No chance to get her back because she killed everything that she felt for you, she had time to kill it slowly and definitely.

 

My advice, when you feel it is going south since a while and she is nagging tell her "Look, I think this relationship is not going well, I need some space right now" and go no contact. It works !

 

 

women typically smell agendas and games like that like dogpoop on your shoe. It wont end well... and while this kind of stuff DOES in fact work when you arent really looking for anything meaningful, it breaks down when you do want that.

 

At some point, you will have to let go of that illusion of control, and be judged by the woman you love as to if you are worthy of a LTR its scary I know, but the sooner you accept that and let go of that urge to control things will begin to flow organically and that fear you feel will ultimatly dissipate.

 

IMO

 

the best way to keep a woman interested is to remain the same person forever. A lot of guys think women cool to them in time be it 6 months or a year or whatever, but what you didnt realize is that all those sweet little romantic things you did when you were wooing her originally, well youre slacking playa... need to keep that up... also stay motivated and focused on your career. A woman wont leave you for chasing money, but you will lose your money chasing women. Just remember one important thing, balance in all aspects of your life.

[donnamaybe]

women typically smell agendas and games like that like dogpoop on your shoe. It wont end well... and while this kind of stuff DOES in fact work when you arent really looking for anything meaningful, it breaks down when you do want that.

 

At some point, you will have to let go of that illusion of control, and be judged by the woman you love as to if you are worthy of a LTR its scary I know, but the sooner you accept that and let go of that urge to control things will begin to flow organically and that fear you feel will ultimatly dissipate.

 

IMO

 

the best way to keep a woman interested is to remain the same person forever. A lot of guys think women cool to them in time be it 6 months or a year or whatever, but what you didnt realize is that all those sweet little romantic things you did when you were wooing her originally, well youre slacking playa... need to keep that up... also stay motivated and focused on your career. A woman wont leave you for chasing money, but you will lose your money chasing women. Just remember one important thing, balance in all aspects of your life.

OMG, I SO want to meet the people who raised you!!!

 

They done good.

[Billy_Boy]

Awww thanks /blush

 

Interestingly, that would be my folks and they are severely flawed individuals... on a level that you would have thought I would have turned out way worse then I did... luckily though there was no shortage of love and bad examples not to follow growing up lmao!

[sumdude]

 

I think emotional immaturity has a lot to do with it. It is so rare two MATURE people actually end up together. Most others are expecting someone to come along and magically make them happy and keep them at the infatuation stage forever. When that doesn't happen, they blame their spouse.

 

You have an awesome and realistic attitude about relationships. I hope someone comes along soon and realizes what a rare gem you are.

 

It does seem so rare. Reality is that most relationships fail. By the time most people get married they've already been through as few that ended. Then of those who marry 50% end up divorced. Of the 50% that are still married many aren't very satisfied with the relationship and just hang on because. Then there are the rare ones that realize the truth of everything in life. This too shall pass. Meaning there will be bad years or bad series of years. That you can't learn much about relationships from movies and TV.

 

I'm divorced, 42 and have been pretty much single for four years since that happened. I've had a couple flings and one 5 month relationship. Seems like most of the really good ones in my age group are taken which isn't surprising. I see more and more of single friends my age pretty much giving into the idea of being single until the end. My sister is 47 and as far as I know hasn't dated in years.

 

So the choice is stay single, celibate and wait for the right person to come along. I've been following that path for a year now though it started subconsciously. But it's getting old.VERY OLD. So sometimes we find someone and try to make it work because it's better to try than just wait cause I'm not getting any younger.

 

Veered a bit off topic but as far as the walking away when you see it coming. It's worth it. Maybe it's a ploy, a game. But we're talking about emotions here. If we were rational emotionally all the great ideas of being able to talk it out and work it out would be great. But sometimes you do have to pull out the trump card. If someone has a load of pent up resentments that may be surface level BS it can take the reality and fear of losing something good to shake some sense into them.

[Ometeotl]

Ohhhh

AWWW

 

I like it.

 

I think we always realize, everything comes to and end. Relationship, marriage, life.

 

Why not end it on top? Especially if you really aren't sure what you want, need some space, get your priorities firmly well placed, and perhaps even to just see other people.

 

You have to take care of #1, nobody can do it better.

 

Unless you wanna throw God in the mix, now thats different, thats an entirely different conversation, but I figure I would broach it.

[East7]

women typically smell agendas and games like that like dogpoop on your shoe. It wont end well... and while this kind of stuff DOES in fact work when you arent really looking for anything meaningful, it breaks down when you do want that.

 

If you admit it works when not looking for a significant R, why should it not work for a meaningful one? The human reactions are the same.

 

At some point, you will have to let go of that illusion of control, and be judged by the woman you love as to if you are worthy of a LTR its scary I know, but the sooner you accept that and let go of that urge to control things will begin to flow organically and that fear you feel will ultimatly dissipate.

Like 50% of posters here who are in the it-is-a-game Camp, you believe that abandoning control will naturally bring you peace with your partner. The reality is not a fairytale, you need to be proactive in a relationship in order to keep it alive.

 

The bottom line factor is the one who controls the relationship is the one who makes the less concessions! He is the boss ! At the moment you let a partner become distant and you go after asking to fix it, give another chance, work on it, talk etc etc....you have no control anymore, you give the power and decision to the other partner, if you want to work it out, she should be willing to work it out too, if not, you need to back off which is the only way to be respected and make the other partner more flexible. If you are always the one who tries and make concessions, why would she do any effort?

 

It is not mind-games or manipulation like some here like to caricature it. It is being proactive!

 

 

IMO

the best way to keep a woman interested is to remain the same person forever.

Oh I agree, but not in the same perspective that you. Being the same person for you is being passive and undergoing, for me is giving a kick when it deserves so Edited January 22, 2011 by East7

[Billy_Boy]

If you admit it works when not looking for a significant R, why should it not work for a meaningful one? The human reactions are the same.

 

Oh you didnt understand? Because it works for getting laid, not for keeping a gf in the long run. If you want to keep your woman for the long run you need to understand that you are team members. You seem to want a lap dog... thats sad. Did your mommy love you enough?

 

Like 50% of posters here who are in the it-is-a-game Camp, you believe that abandoning control will naturally bring you peace with your partner. The reality is not a fairytale, you need to be proactive in a relationship in order to keep it alive.

 

I know I know, its SCARY! I admit that giving up control and letting things flow organically seems scary because you might get rejected... its ok little one. And when you say proactive you mean to say manipulation, don't you? I mean lets be honest, thats exactly what you meant to say. Proactive just sounds a lot nicer, like bringing flowers and sending cute txt messages = proactive. Dumping her at the height of her feelings for you and crushing her so she become dependent on you and a slave to her insecurities, = manipulation. Frankly its rather pathetic. The sort of things I used to do when I was in college and just wanted a harem of vaginas to play with. How old are you? I am guessing under 25.

 

The bottom line factor is the one who controls the relationship is the one who makes the less concessions! He is the boss ! At the moment you let a partner become distant and you go after asking to fix it, give another chance, work on it, talk etc etc....you have no control anymore, you give the power and decision to the other partner, if you want to work it out, she should be willing to work it out too, if not, you need to back off which is the only way to be respected and make the other partner more flexible. If you are always the one who tries and make concessions, why would she do any effort?

 

And here I was thinking that a relationship was about give and take, silly me! Your pathology suggests you have been hurt by some woman before, did she step all over your heart and take away your manhood? She cant hurt you anymore dude! But the sinister twist you are putting on relationships just might... its basically a way to waste time, if thats what you are after, a diversion and nothing serious, dude by all means apply your logic it works... but if you have the misconception that its going to make any relationships work for you in the long run, well... you are mistaken friend.

 

It is not mind-games or manipulation like some here like to caricature it. It is being proactive!

 

Its not murder your honor, it was proactive self defense! So what if I shot him in the back, he could have turned around, i couldn't be sure! Uhhhhhh...yeaaahhhhh...... no.

 

 

Oh I agree, but not in the same perspective that you. Being the same person for you is being passive and undergoing, for me is giving a kick when it deserves so :laugh

 

You remind me a lot of my cousin, hes mad rich, brilliant when it comes to making money. For that I cherish my time with him to learn... when it comes to his personal life though, he is one of the unhappiest people I know, his gf (mother of his 2 kids) is slowy being driven insane because of his infidelities.

 

Infidelity of course being his right because like you, he is in "control" and keeps her weak, wont marry her even though she has his kids, and catches him constantly... she sticks around because she has nowhere else to go, perfect situation if we follow your logic to its faulty conclusion. She cries constantly because of the hurt he puts on her, the lack of a real meaningful relationship they have... and he is so friggin jealous that every girlfriend I bring around seems to genuinely love me while he is merely a trophy... whenever realized all he had to do was be real.

 

Thats what lacking from your plan. "genuineness".

 

Its pretty sad, and I wish you the best in your endeavors, but I dont think your plan will work for you, unless you are a cold hearted douche, in which case, abuse and manipulate away! Dont be surprised if she cheats on you though.

 

One more thing... don't confuse kind and loving behavior with being passive and weak.

[East7]

Its pretty sad, and I wish you the best in your endeavors, but I dont think your plan will work for you, unless you are a cold hearted douche, in which case, abuse and manipulate away! Dont be surprised if she cheats on you though.

One more thing... don't confuse kind and loving behavior with being passive and weak.

 

Billiboy, I think I respected your PoV without making it very personal to you, nor I assumed that you are unsuccessful or how your mom has raised you...

 

And I don't have to prove you how old or mature I am, don't worry for me dude. If you don't like my ideas, skip the thread and move on, we are on this board to exchange ideas, not to assume each-other's personality or offending.

[Billy_Boy]

ok fair play, I apologize for getting heated and talking like a jerk, but there was a definite level of snark in your post, specifically calling me passive, which couldn't be further from the truth.

[Rose T]

Emotionally mature adults understand relationships will go through many stages. It ebbs and flows. They make a comittment to their relationship and understand you visit romance at times. But it is not constant.They do not need games to make them interested.

 

I wish there was a dating website for emotionally mature adults. One that gives you a test:) Because I honestly feel too many people do not understand themselves let alone the person they are having a relationship with.

 

I think emotional immaturity has a lot to do with it. It is so rare two MATURE people actually end up together. Most others are expecting someone to come along and magically make them happy and keep them at the infatuation stage forever. When that doesn't happen, they blame their spouse.

 

This is so true... but why is it that those of us who are emotionally mature end up with the emotionally immature? I don't understand this dynamic and I really hope I can change this aspect of my dating life. GREAT idea to have a test for the EM dating website, lol !

[East7]

The only issue I may disagree with you on is dumping her while she still has interest level in you.

 

I have to bring some correction as the Title of the thread is a unwillingly misleading : I didn't mean to dump her at high interest level. I meant when the interest is plummeting that's why there was the word "still". And the concept is not necessarily dumping but sometimes just backing off. 'Dumping' is when the relationship is going downhill with very few chances of fixing it.

[Capital P]

This is absolutely spot on. And i think the girls are all complaining because they know you are on to them. They want to emotionally check out long before they break it off, and want to give it the "nothings wrong" statements and gradually disappear as it makes it easy for them.

 

I dumped my ex after 9 months and she stalked me for 1 year. She changed jobs to be near to me, harrassed me, wouldnt let it go. Soon as i got with her properly she wanted out.

 

If you leave someone wanting more and do it properly then they will always come back when you want them. And there are a LOT of partners in the world. Why get hung up on one? too many people date 2 people and think they have found the love of their life.

[Andymack]

When the R is going south for whatever reason, the Giver will try to make it work, while the Taker will slip away and will not invest but rather will blame the Giver for the dysfunction.

The giver has two options : either to back off and take control or to try to make it work while it is going downhill. Oddly the harder the Giver will try fix the issues, the less the Taker will make efforts until the day the Taker either cheats or leaves.

 

This was definitely the case for me. I was trying to make the relationship work and was going to organise trips away and stuff so we could reconnect. One time when I planned for us to go somewhere and then my car broke and had to pay to fix it so couldn't afford it that month. Within half an hour she was round her friends organising something to do with her instead. Looking back I think the relationship was lost already as we were always fighting but thought that we would just get through it. I'm not sure if this tactic would have helped but i doubt it would've have made things worse.

[jlola]

This is absolutely spot on. And i think the girls are all complaining because they know you are on to them. They want to emotionally check out long before they break it off, and want to give it the "nothings wrong" statements and gradually disappear as it makes it easy for them.

QUOTE]

 

 

Any woman worth her salt over the age of 30 will appreciate a good man unless he just thinks he is good, but really a jerk. I have met men like that. Completely unavailable emotionally, but believe because they do not do drugs,have a great job and no tattoos they are a great catch!

 

A woman of 30's has usually been in a few relationships. She understands there are many broken people out there. Immature,emotionally unavailable,committment phobes,cheaters,men who have weird fetishes,men who have addiction problems, men who are pervs,men who plain out do not take care of themselves, jailbirds,etc.

 

So with all of that, if a man is a good loyal,attractive and loving partner. If he can communicate with her,if he tries to make her happy and she is still losing interest the problem lays within her. Not him. Yes,she will most likely turn around and come back if he dumps her when she begins to lose interest. But the problem will arise again in a few years when kids,bills,home and everyday mundane life happens.

 

Someone said it perfectly. Giver and taker. The taker may stop and miss what is not theirs anymore(takers always want what they cannot have). But eventually it becomes a real relationship after marriage,kids,house the whole 9 yards. Eventually taker will know you are theirs(and we all know takers are notorious for not wanting what is theirs,but what someone else has) and begin to feel comfortable again and her true personality will take over. Unless she has really looked into herself and her issues.

 

Takers have a real talent in honing in on what they do not have. You can never make them happy for too long and believe me. You are expected to make her happy. In her eyes, that is your job. You are expected to keep her from being bored. Boring empty people are the ones who get bored the quickest in relationships.

 

So though someone may want an ego boost to make the person come back, that person is not a keeper. Why bother with this taker? A woman or man who is a giver will naturally understand relationships and they are not always interesting and exitng. They have the ability to see what a great partner you are instead of concentrating on the negative. If a man or woman is still "bored" when you have proven to them you are a kind,normal,reliable,loving,loyal fun person and they are over 30. Then fault lies deeeeeeeeeeeeppppp within their psyche.

 

 

Marriage vows say for better or for worse because it is understood there will be many times of trial and obstacles. So you make a committment to stand by your spouse during these times as well as the good times. Takers who are the emtionally immature,usually do not want to do that. This is why divorce rate is so high and those still married and happy are in the minority.

 

 

It takes two givers,two mature adults who are whole within themselves to understand the beauty of sharing your life together with another wonderful human being. Through thick and thin. Through mundane everyday life and fun times. This is real life.

 

Takers and immaturity= IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!! Sorry, been there and never again!!! Too much work.

[Nothingtolose]

Any woman worth her salt over the age of 30 will appreciate a good man unless he just thinks he is good, but really a jerk. I have met men like that. Completely unavailable emotionally, but believe because they do not do drugs,have a great job and no tattoos they are a great catch!

 

A woman of 30's has usually been in a few relationships. She understands there are many broken people out there. Immature,emotionally unavailable,committment phobes,cheaters,men who have weird fetishes,men who have addiction problems, men who are pervs,men who plain out do not take care of themselves, jailbirds,etc.

 

So with all of that, if a man is a good loyal,attractive and loving partner. If he can communicate with her,if he tries to make her happy and she is still losing interest the problem lays within her. Not him. Yes,she will most likely turn around and come back if he dumps her when she begins to lose interest. But the problem will arise again in a few years when kids,bills,home and everyday mundane life happens.

 

Someone said it perfectly. Giver and taker. The taker may stop and miss what is not theirs anymore(takers always want what they cannot have). But eventually it becomes a real relationship after marriage,kids,house the whole 9 yards. Eventually taker will know you are theirs(and we all know takers are notorious for not wanting what is theirs,but what someone else has) and begin to feel comfortable again and her true personality will take over. Unless she has really looked into herself and her issues.

 

Takers have a real talent in honing in on what they do not have. You can never make them happy for too long and believe me. You are expected to make her happy. In her eyes, that is your job. You are expected to keep her from being bored. Boring empty people are the ones who get bored the quickest in relationships.

 

So though someone may want an ego boost to make the person come back, that person is not a keeper. Why bother with this taker? A woman or man who is a giver will naturally understand relationships and they are not always interesting and exitng. They have the ability to see what a great partner you are instead of concentrating on the negative. If a man or woman is still "bored" when you have proven to them you are a kind,normal,reliable,loving,loyal fun person and they are over 30. Then fault lies deeeeeeeeeeeeppppp within their psyche.

 

This is by far one of the best posts i have ever had! totally hit the nail in the end. Takers will NEVER be happy for long, you can keep them happy for the short term but eventually they lose interest, because you're theirs and they want what's not theirs. they have the 'grass is greener' syndrome. they are empty, shallow and unhappy within themselves so no one is able to 'complete' them, they are always looking for a partner to fulfill them, to give meaning to their empty lives, and nothing you do is ever good enough.

 

However, I have to agree with the OP. And I'm a woman. I'm not saying that is the right attitude to have when the relationship is going well, but if she's been acting like a bitch for a long time and you can sense the break up might be coming from her end (lets be honest, we can feel it, although sometimes we dont wanna admit it), if you break up with her first you have much higher chances of her coming back. Whether she is 'hooked for life' or not, that's a different story, it may or may not happen. She may get bored again soon and leave. Some people are just ****ed and will never be satisfied.

[Woggle]

The key to getting her back is making her earn you back. Drag it out for a few months and see how dedicated to you she actually is.

[Nothingtolose]

and what lola said about some men thinking they are 'good men' just cause they have no addictions and a good job but dont realize how cold distant and emotionally unavailable they are, is SO TRUE.

 

Some men really need to get off their high horses. Women want a guy who likes to talk and communicate and listen to her feelings and not just 'tune out' whenever he pleases, they want a loving and caring guy, a guy that pays attention to her, gives her compliments, truly appreciates her. Just 'being there' is not good enough. A lot of men dont seem to realize that.

[East7]

Someone said it perfectly. Giver and taker.

It was me. Post #78 / page 6.

 

 

However, I have to agree with the OP. And I'm a woman. I'm not saying that is the right attitude to have when the relationship is going well, but if she's been acting like a bitch for a long time and you can sense the break up might be coming from her end (lets be honest, we can feel it, although sometimes we dont wanna admit it), if you break up with her first you have much higher chances of her coming back. Whether she is 'hooked for life' or not, that's a different story, it may or may not happen. She may get bored again soon and leave. Some people are just ****ed and will never be satisfied.

 

I'm glad there are posters who perfectly get the point.

 

I have to add something though : The backing-off attitude or breaking up, is a one-shot action. If the two get back together, the relationship is supposed to be stronger than before, if not, it is really unhealthy to be in a ON/OFF relationship every time it doesn't work (even if on/off relationships really exist).