Always dump her while she has still high interest !

[Nothingtolose]

Would you say the same works for men though?

 

I would say your theory is probably spot on when it comes to women, but I don't think the same can be said for men. I think a lot of the times when the guy is dumped he starts hating the girl and thinking he can do better, so it's really risky to take that approach if you still wanna be with him.

 

Also, like you said, women dont fall out of love overnight, they start losing respect over time, i have a feeling men are more prone to impulse decisions, where they just suddenly decide they are not happy anymore and want to leave. They don't think it through too much, like women do. Dont know. Am I wrong?

 

In that case, being that a woman, what would be the best strategy to have with a guy, to make sure i dont get ****ed over in my next relationship?

 

and before i get criticized here, I HATE THE BLOODY GAMES TOO. But my refusal to play them has left me heartbroken having to pick up the pieces on more occasions than one, so i'm done.

[Weekender]

You know East7, in my 20's I was in 2 relationships like this. The men initially showed very high interest. Telling me they have never felt this way about anyone. I am the woman they searched for all their lives.blah,blah,blah Both the relationships lasted less than a year, with me feeling confused and pining for years when they were over.

 

Your ego takes a dive because during the infatuation stage we love the way we look and feel in the eyes of our lover. Now our lover is no longer putting you on a pedestal. What I realize now is their infatuaton stage came to an end before mine. Ok , time to move on.

 

With what I understand about the stages of infatuation I now see it is pointless to deal with this person. You may prolong the stage of infatuation( I did with both men, since I did not contact them after break-up and BOTH came back years later, I guess they thought they made a mistake). What I see now is they were immature people who do not understand the stages of a relationship. Believe me, you will eventually have to leave the infatuaton or honeymoon stage with these folks.

 

That is when they will lose interest all over again. You see if you were a good and thoughtful partner and you still got dumped, it is because these women or MEN need an adreneline rush during relationships. They are the ones who believe passion,romance and drama are what relationships are all about. In other words their immaturity gives them unrealistic expectations.

 

So now that I am in my 30's I would run from a man who was attracted to me, one I treated with nothing but respect and kindness,but as soon as infatuation stage is over he wants to leave the relationship.

 

Reality is that all relationships go through mundane times. Especially if you are working,have a home, children etc. You cannot always keep it exciting.

 

So what happens then. This is the sort of personality you need to avoid. Because when the going gets tough and life together gets monotonous, then what? Then you become a slave to keeping her happy,playing games in order to make the relationship dramatic.

 

Emotionally mature adults understand relationships will go through many stages. It ebbs and flows. They make a comittment to their relationship and understand you visit romance at times. But it is not constant.They do not need games to make them interested.

 

I wish there was a dating website for emotionally mature adults. One that gives you a test:) Because I honestly feel too many people do not understand themselves let alone the person they are having a relationship with.

 

With a divorce rate of 50%. You wonder how many of that 50% that stay married are happy. With people staying together for the sake of their children,for financial reasons,from fear of being alone, for religious reasons etc, I fear there are very few people married and happy.

 

I think emotional immaturity has a lot to do with it. It is so rare two MATURE people actually end up together. Most others are expecting someone to come along and magically make them happy and keep them at the infatuation stage forever. When that doesn't happen, they blame their spouse.

 

One of the best posts I've read in a long time! Kudos for great insight JLola!

[Woggle]

Would you say the same works for men though?

 

I would say your theory is probably spot on when it comes to women, but I don't think the same can be said for men. I think a lot of the times when the guy is dumped he starts hating the girl and thinking he can do better, so it's really risky to take that approach if you still wanna be with him.

 

Also, like you said, women dont fall out of love overnight, they start losing respect over time, i have a feeling men are more prone to impulse decisions, where they just suddenly decide they are not happy anymore and want to leave. They don't think it through too much, like women do. Dont know. Am I wrong?

 

In that case, being that a woman, what would be the best strategy to have with a guy, to make sure i dont get ****ed over in my next relationship?

 

and before i get criticized here, I HATE THE BLOODY GAMES TOO. But my refusal to play them has left me heartbroken having to pick up the pieces on more occasions than one, so i'm done.

 

The same does not work for men because we tend not to thrive off of drama and challenge like women do. What some women see as passion just drives men up the wall.

 

The best way not to get screwed over is to be better at picking a man and then you don't have to play games.

[jlola]

Most people on tyhis forum seem to have it on the ball.Thank you for the kind words.

 

Woggle,

 

I didn't know. But I think if you look at the "Second chance" board, there seem to be an awful lot of men pining for the woman who dumped them. Lots of men thrive on the chase. Probably why from the dawn of time mothers have advised their daughters to play hard to get.

 

 

 

Drama ,chase,foolishness ,games is not only a woman thing. Some people thrive on chaos and that makes them feel alive.

[OldSkool]

Oh, yeah. I get it.

 

So does everyone else who comes in contact with someone like you, I'm absolutely CERTAIN of it.

 

Let me tell you what everyone who comes into contact with you gets. You are a narcissistic control freak. You can't stand the thought that a man would actually have the self control to say "this isn't working out right now, better to end it while still on good terms and maybe have a chance later, than to wait till it has gotten to an irreparable point."

 

Either you haven't read my responses in full, or you cannot stand that someone actually sees through your bull****. This is not game playing (something you are obviously used to) but self preservation from a man's point of view.

 

Like I said, it's people who want to change others to make the world fit their ideal. because of personal negative experiences, drive me up the wall

 

I'm sticking to my guns, and yes I'm going to keep telling other men how to protect themselves in relationships.

 

Grow up.