Nela Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 So I have this friend with whom I share a house. He's absolutely lovely, funny, caring, crazy and generally a great person to live with and be friends with. He's always there when I need him. However, at times, I think he must be the greatest (insert random bad word here) I know. Sometimes he seems to have no regards for my feelings whatsoever and says mean things just to upset me (usually when I do something he doesn't like). When I then start crying he just goes like, good! When he is over his hissy fit, he always comes back and apologises, and he apologises properly - as in recognising what he did wrong, not some random lame 'sorry'. This is not unknown to me, sisters and brothers often do this to eachother as well (I remember when my sister and I were both teenagers and we used to say the most horrible things to eachother, while now I can't wish for a better sister). You know, everybody has thrown tantrums. I just sometimes think he's really too old to be throwing tantrums like that and then hurting one of his best friends while doing it. Apart from his childish tantrum throwing behaviour, he really is a lovely guy and one of my best friends. I he weren't, no way that I would still be friends with him! So when replying to my question, keep in mind he's a good guy! But I guess I'm just wondering whether other people have friends like that as well. And whether there are people who broke up friendships because of this sort of behaviour from their friends? Or whether this is 'acceptable' behaviour in a very close friendship. Basically, I value him too much as a friend to see this as a deal breaker, but sometimes I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing! Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 So I have this friend with whom I share a house. He's absolutely lovely, funny, caring, crazy and generally a great person to live with and be friends with. He's always there when I need him. However, at times, I think he must be the greatest (insert random bad word here) I know. Sometimes he seems to have no regards for my feelings whatsoever and says mean things just to upset me (usually when I do something he doesn't like). When I then start crying he just goes like, good! When he is over his hissy fit, he always comes back and apologises, and he apologises properly - as in recognising what he did wrong, not some random lame 'sorry'. You emphasize he is a good guy and even give the example of a proper apology. So, you've got something of a good people picker. Part of being a friend, is not doing things that the other person doesn't like. What do you do that triggers him going off on you? Considering the way you've described it, must be something that puts the friendship in a vulnerable position? Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I had a female friend like this. She was mentally unstable, and would always put me in an uncomfortable position. I finally ended the friendship. I don't mean to sound heartless, but she needed help, and I didn't need her to drag me down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nela Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 Part of being a friend, is not doing things that the other person doesn't like. What do you do that triggers him going off on you? Considering the way you've described it, must be something that puts the friendship in a vulnerable position? It's mostly part of the way I am and the way he is that we sort of clash when it comes to things like that. For example, I'm a bit clumsy, terrible at reading maps and not uber fast when doing things. He's the complete opposite. Like an efficiency machine! When we're in a car and I'm reading the map... well.... lets say things go wrong sometimes - personally, I don't really care, I'm quite laid back like that. However, me not being able to guide us in the right direction, and then being so relaxed about it kind of pisses him off. I mean, I get that he gets annoyed, we all get annoyed with other people sometimes, I just don't really understand his need to then start saying hurtful things. For example, yelling at me how he hates incompetent people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nela Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 I had a female friend like this. She was mentally unstable, and would always put me in an uncomfortable position. I finally ended the friendship. I don't mean to sound heartless, but she needed help, and I didn't need her to drag me down. Thats really quite sad. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 23, 2011 Share Posted January 23, 2011 If you can accept the negative parts of him and the good out weighs the bad, then keep the friendship. Though I do suggest you detach from him so when he goes into one of his moods, you remove yourself (away from him) and leave him alone to have space. You don't deserve to be crapped on by him and since he can be quite cruel, don't stick around to listen to what he has to say, since it'll just hurt your feelings. Boundries..Set them up and stick to them if you want this guy in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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